A/N: Disclaimer: To the crowd under age 21 and/or whatever legal age your country adheres to—this is not an adult beverage ad. Nor am I saying you should all go out and drink to excess. In fact, if this offends you, don't read it.
The running joke between these two characters and their shared interest keeps on running lol. Situational comedies, these.
/disclaimer
For those of you old enough to appreciate adult beverages, and those of you college age or older… I guess this one's for you.
Warning: RANDOM.
Moonclaw, here is the beasty we discussed…since you seem to be the only person reading these bonkers stories XP
Middle Management
The pub in Kaipo was comfortably occupied—not too empty, and not too full. Perfect for three acquaintances to spend an evening in each other's company and dish out their troubles over drinks.
Harley sat with her feet propped up on the trestle beneath the table, a handled mug in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other.
"Set that down, before you drop it," Izayoi suggested, too tired to reach over and grab it herself.
"I don't think I've had enough liquor to make me forget this week. Might need to crack this open," Harley protested drunkenly.
"Let me know when you do," Izayoi told her, brows raised. "Because I'll gladly have a glass."
"Red or white?" Kain asked from across the table.
Harley squinted at the bottle. "White," she concluded.
Izayoi and Kain both made faces. "Ech," they chorused.
Harley crooked a brow. "What?" she asked.
"Weak," Kain grumbled.
"White wine is for cooking," Izayoi complained.
"Fine, just means there's more for me," Harley announced, lazily glancing at the bottle still clutched in her hand.
"Speaking of this week," Izayoi mentioned after a sip of scotch, "Oh, that's smooth," she interrupted herself, making a satisfied sound.
"Hell?" Kain said, completing her thought.
"Hell," Izayoi and Harley agreed.
"Did you ever figure out what was behind that swarm of antlions?" Izayoi asked.
"Yeah," Harley sighed, taking a drink from her mug. "That was months ago."
"Oh," Izayoi said, leaning forward with a puzzled expression as she plucked something from Harley's cloak. "Kinoko," she mused with a smile, holding up the small mushroom between two fingers.
"Eh?" Harley asked, glaring at the mushroom and quickly inspecting the rest of her clothing .
"I've never understood your obsession with mushrooms," Kain scoffed, downing another mouthful of beer.
"First my office and now—" Harley fussed, completely ignoring the other two, as she scoured her belongings for stray cling-ons.
"They happen to go well in—you know what?" Izayoi snapped, noticing that Kain was chuckling at her. "Stop laughing, it's the only rice dish I like."
"What?" Harley inquired, returning to the conversation.
"Risotto," Kain answered on Izayoi's behalf.
"Don't finish my sentences unless you want me to finish your pint," Izayoi threatened.
"They come in pints?" Harley asked suddenly, swiveling to look at the bar.
"I'd like to see you try," Kain answered Izayoi, clutching his pint defensively.
Izayoi sighed and leaned back in her chair, looking to change the subject. "I can't believe Cecil won't just sell us an airship," she complained. "It would make my life so much easier."
"If we gave you one, we'd have to give everyone one," Kain objected.
"Edge still lays claim to the Falcon, you know."
Kain rolled his eyes. "Half a lifetime later…"
"He holds grudges," Izayoi admitted with a shrug.
"I've noticed."
"So the Elder's hundredth birthday," Harley interjected. "That's coming up."
"He's still alive?" Kain asked, perplexed.
Izayoi smacked him, and he shrugged. "It's hard to keep track," he said apologetically.
"Calendar," Izayoi mumbled under her breath.
"If I have to listen to another rendition of the Mysidian Balad for the event, I may cut off my own ears," Harley announced.
"That sounds messy, if not extreme," Izzy said dryly.
"My ears," Harley over enunciated. "Off."
"Who do you think will start a fire this time?" Izayoi asked her companions, glancing between them.
"I think it's Ursula's turn," Kain said, staring deeply into his beer.
"But she's so well disciplined," Harley said.
"It's always the well-disciplined ones…" Kain answered dourly.
Izayoi laughed. "You're one to complain. Edge is never where he's supposed to be—ever."
"Two words—Ceodore."
Harley and Izayoi both looked at him and took a drink.
"I'll let that one slide," Izayoi said with narrowed eyes.
"I can't stand international gatherings," Harley said with a long-suffering sigh. "Nothing good comes of them."
Izayoi laughed. "Babysit my kids?" she mimed.
"Harley, could you be sure to pack all of my harps?" Harley whined in an unnaturally high voice. "Do you know how many harps he has?"
"Keep your apprentice in line," Kain muttered, shaking his head. "Keep your son away from my apprentice."
"And smile more—why?" Harley complained, waving her mug around.
"Your life is hard," Izayoi intoned, staring blandly at the other woman.
"Do you ever feel that they're going to ask for one more favor, and you're just going to say no and walk out?" Harley went on, ignoring the barb.
"The day I walk out, is the day I'm not walking back," Izayoi vowed.
"You won't be flying either," Kain reminded her.
Izayoi smirked at the comment. "If Ceodore keeps crashing airships, neither will you."
Harley held up a long black feather, plucked from the pocket of her coat. "Chocobo," she said simply.
"Plan C?" Kain asked.
Izayoi snorted on her scotch. "Plan C…"
"Is she okay?"
Kain tried to steal her shot glass, but Izayoi swatted his hand away.
"Drink you beer," she snapped.
"Stout," Kain muttered. "It's a stout."
"Weak," Izayoi said with a roll of the eyes, pouring herself another shot.
Kain took a gulp, giving her a dark look over the rim of his pint.
Izayoi hissed, satisfied, and nodded at Kain. "So how many weeks of training do you have left?"
"Too many," Kain scoffed.
"Kain, what exactly do you do?" Harley asked.
"Everything."
"Like…" Harley fished, making a face.
Kain took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Chaperone; fly airships; keep Cid in line; not kill my apprentice; conduct negotiations; tell Cecil what to do. You know—everything."
Harley nodded, duly impressed.
"We pretty much run our kingdoms, don't we," Harley mused.
"Yes," Izayoi agreed. "We're pretty spectacular."
"I never thought that my life would take this turn," Harley said. "That I'd escape Troia only to end up with this mess."
Izayoi slammed her shot glass back on the wooden table. "Troia?" she sputtered. "You lived in Troia?"
Harley was taken aback. "I was schooled there."
"No," Izayoi scoffed.
"Yes."
"No," Izayoi repeated, sounding more enthusiastic than appalled. "You went to school…in Troia?"
"School?" Harley laughed. "Please. Purgatory."
Izayoi chuckled gleefully.
Harley looked pleased. "'Thou shalt not bend a twig or crush a blade of grass without attending the Earth Chapel'," she recited.
"How long did it take you to weave all the willow branches together and make a crown?" Izayoi joked.
"An hour," Harley replied.
Izayoi laughed. "I once subjected all the flowers in the main hall to my pruning knife. I whittled them down to stems and blossoms and arranged them all at different angles. Mistress Penelope told me I had missed the object of the lesson."
Harley stared at her. "I remember that. It looked like all the flowers were trying to escape their baskets," she recalled.
"I was told that Troia didn't believe in altering nature to the designs of humans."
"What did you say back?"
"That they should have considered that when they killed the flowers in the first place."
Harley snorted and then coughed, splashing her ale. "How did I never know we were both there at the same time?" she insisted.
Izayoi shrugged. "I have no idea, but it's a damn shame we're only finding this out now."
"Izayoi," Harley said, squinting at her from across the table.
"Harley," Izayoi said back.
"We need to do this more often."
Izayoi grinned. "That sounds like something I can agree to."
Kain suddenly cleared his throat and Izayoi glanced at him, and then to the bartender who was standing behind Harley's shoulder.
"I know you're all enjoying yourselves," he said. "But it's closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
Harley groaned. "I suppose this means we have to find the chocobos we flew here."
Izayoi made a contemptuous face, standing unsteadily up from the table. "Troia misses us."
"Troia does no such thing," Kain grumbled, stumbling after her.
"Well," Harley muttered, teetering toward the pub door. "Someone has to solve all the world's problems."
"Mmm," Izayoi and Kain both hummed in unison; looked at each other, and then laughed.
"And that'll be me," Harley chuckled, just before tripping over the doorstep.
~Fin~
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A/N: More pointless fluff ;)
I also couldn't help but slip in a line from an old tune in here, because clearly, I am full of 90's references.
I had this idea a little while ago and wondered…what WOULD these three talk about if they ever got together over some drinks? And then…a strange threesome developed…no, not THAT kind of threesome.
Thanks for reading ;)
~Myth