"Coffee! Need coffee now! If I don't get my coffee now, I think I'll go Freddy Krueger on you," she said to me. This woman had the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen, which, at the moment, were crazed-looking. I couldn't help but wonder who she was, but I had a customer on my hands.
"You're gonna have to wait your turn. Take a table, I'll be with you in a minute," I said, sounding a bit more grouchy than I ought to have.
"No. See, if I don't get my coffee now there's going to be a problem. I'll turn into the Hulk and you definitely don't want to see that! I mean, no offense to him, but I don't think green skin is the in thing at the moment. And, anyways, the pot's right in your hand! Oh! And here's a cup! Just pour that heavenly liquid right there," she begged me. Is she ever going to leave?! I thought. It was annoying, having her tramp after me in front of all of my customers.
"You really shouldn't be drinking coffee you know. You'll take five- no, make that ten- years off your life! Nope, I'm not serving it!" I said, trying to make her leave. Maybe if I denied that "heavenly liquid" of hers, she'd find somewhere else to go. No such luck.
"Well, it said in my horoscope today that I'm gonna live forever! So it won't matter much if I drink coffee anyways! Gee, I wonder what Grouch Diner Guy's horoscope for today is. When's your birthday?" she asked me. I'm telling you, she was insane!
"C'mon lady! It's busy in here; either wait your turn or go find somewhere else to get your coffee!" I barked.
"Not until you tell me when your birthday is!" she demanded. I'm not sure why, but she was starting to grow on me.
"No!" I said, stubbornly. Part of me wanted her to stay and part of her wanted me to leave. I was curious to see which part of me would be satisfied with my answer.
"Look Backwards-Baseball-Cap Man, you can put me off as long as you want, or you could tell me your birthday and just get me out of your hair already," she remarked.
I was taken aback; I definitely wasn't expecting that kind of answer. "Fine, December 30," I gave in at last.
"Ah, a Capricorn. Well," she said, triumphantly, as she ripped out a section of the newspaper sitting on my counter and scribbled something on it, "here is your horoscope for today."
"'You will meet an annoying woman. Give her coffee, and she'll go away,'" I read aloud. She sat down on a stool at the counter, and as I reached down to grab a coffee cup, she smiled at me. She'd gotten what she wanted and she knew it.
"Here's your Drink of Death. Enjoy it while you can, Annoying Woman," I quipped.
"Oh, believe me, I will," she laughed as she took a sip of the coffee. "Wow! Ok, now that is better than Heaven in a Cup. That's just. . .wow. Sorry Mister Coffee Provider, but I think your horoscope was wrong."
And that's when I knew. I knew I'd never get rid of her. I knew my life was about to get interesting. I knew we'd be friends and I knew I was in for many more wacky conversations. Bust, most of all, I knew I'd fallen in love.