Disconnected

by KatieTaylor

Beth’s lack of thoughts during the bathtub and my version of what happens after! Some hot fluff

Title:

Title: Disconnected
Author: Cprav
Characters: MickBeth, Josef, Josh, oc
Rating: NC17
Notes: This is my first Moonlight fic (yes, I have posted something else, but it was a by-product of this fic, so I still class this my first ML fic:)). I write for myself generally so a). I don't use betas (so please excuse the typos) & b). I generally write pieces that are either partly or wholly dark or angsty. My previous fic fandoms – X-Files & Buffy fit this perfectly – there was no end to how dark I could go & still be in character. Moonlight is just too happy a 'verse! :) So I hope you find everyone still in character.

Spoilers: Fever

Summary: Beth's (lack of) thoughts during the bathtub and my version of what happens after!

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. Don't sue!

Nails digging into her arm as he pulls it towards his mouth.

Ice blue boring holes into her soul for the briefest of moments.

Twin needles of pain shooting up her arm. She collapses against him. It takes only a split second to reach her brain but it's as if she can follow its path in her mind's eye as it makes its way there. It registers as pain but before she has time to cry out, it constricts her throat for the quickly before filling her chest and traveling south. Some part of her brain that still functions is trying to ask why but the thought doesn't make it to her consciousness.

Heaven as his lips close around the wound. A lover's arm around a sleeping form.

She feels the blood. A spring shooting up and spilling onto her skin. An invisible red stain she will remember for the rest of her life.

The individual water droplets that escape his hands dilute the red ambrosia.

Floating…as he draws the first mouthful of the liquid into his mouth.

Then there's nothing.

The world disappears for her.

Only disconnected sensations that together will forever define ecstasy for her.

Heart pounding in her chest. Echoing, like a canon in her ears. Each slam against her rib cage in perfect time with the pulling at her wrist. Each pound and pull of her heart and wrist sending shock waves through her entire system that, with the pain, create a feeling in her center that is beyond anything she's ever felt before.

Her breathing, heavy, a tornado in her ears.

All perfectly synchronized. A crescendo that she thinks could only be perfected after years of practice.

A symphony that seems to continue for eternity.

Cheek against wet shoulder. The cold against her hot skin the only thing anchoring her soul – a weak thread. Every drop of blood that leaves her body weakens the thread, it won't hold out much longer. She doesn't have the brainpower to decide if that is a good thing or not, but she longs for it to happen.

Strong hands trying to pull her wrist impossibly closer. Yes! Closer!

One more pull at her wrist, one more explosion that rocks her core. And then she can almost picture the strands of the weak filament coming apart. Each strand slowly snapping, unraveling, another following… Her shout of triumph is cut off…

NO! As loud as thunder in her head. Beyond speech, it escapes her lips as a mere whimper.

The pulling at her wrist has stopped. Needles withdraw.

She's never experienced such loss.

Crushed, suffocated by the emptiness she feels. As if everything she's ever cared about and ever would is bring ripped away in a heartbeat.

Pleasure that shot through her body instantly changes to pain.

Clawing at the wet shirt beneath her free hand.

Fighting to follow the retreating needles…

Not succeeding.

She wonders briefly what she did wrong to deserve such punishment.

Wet hair on her skin as he rests his forehead on the wrist he still holds close. Long fingers slowly release her arm and a thought surfaces in her mind.

Leni…

It is an impossible sound – the voice of her Guardian Angel. She wonders if the thought is her own or the whispers of ghosts.

Still mourning her loss, she finally lifts her head. Tears of grief silently run down her face. He releases her and as her breathing returns to normal she nods once, somehow knowing the voice had actually been Micks.

She stands slowly, steadying herself on the edge of the bathtub before finally finding something to wrap around her wrist. The red still flows freely. Splashing, wasted on the grimy floor.

Staggering into the hotel room and closing the door behind her, her mind is foggy. She looks down at the towel, already red with her blood. The she remembers –

Leni…Check on Leni…

Then there are arms around her throat and this time she does cry out, but her assailant has his hand over her mouth. The pain and her panic help fully clear her mind, and she tries to scream louder.

Then Mick is there and she and a dead body are on the floor and Leni is in his arms. She looks at him for the first time since his fangs penetrated her skin. Her face conveys so many conflicting things. Exhaustion. Disbelief. Longing. Joy. Anger.

But above all, one thing mattered. He is standing there. Alive. She hadn't been too late and he is alive.

After establishing that everyone was alright, Mick had left in search of a first aid kit. Beth had called Josh and he sent a team to take control of the scene. Although he said he had fixed the leak, he was still coming to personally oversee the operation.

After hanging up, she went back in to the bathroom to wash the blood off her arm. Leni tagged along silently behind her. She never asked how Beth had received the cut, or what had happened to have Mick recover so quickly. Something told Beth that Leni had already figured that impossible fact out for herself – she seemed like a smart girl.

Mick returned shortly after with a small first aid kit. It wasn't much, he had said, but it would do until she could get the wound property looked after. Leni slipped out of the bathroom to wait for the police, leaving the two of them alone. When he carefully took her wrist to expertly wrapped the twin punctures, it sent a shot of electricity up her arm. He looked at her, and she could see the pain & regret in his eyes.

"Mick…"

"Beth," he interrupted. He dropped her wrist and took a step back to lean against the rusty sink. "I never wanted that to happen, not like that. I'm so sorry." He looked to the ceiling as if to gather strength from the water stains. When he looked back at her there were unshed tears in his eyes. "I can't believe you did that…but thank you." He flashed a brief, lop sided smile.

Beth stepped closer to him, to put her arms around him and tell him she would do anything for him, but then he titled his head, as if he heard something. He stepped past her towards the door.

"The cops are coming, we should probably get ready to go." He quickly left Beth alone with her thoughts. She stayed there, standing in the center of the room, eyes drifting occasionally to the bathtub, until Leni poked her head in and quietly told her Josh had arrived.

She had barely made it out of the room before she was accosted by Josh, pulling her into a hug. She flinched, but he just held her tighter and whispered in her ear – I'm here now, it's OK.

He led her outside to a waiting EMT who changed her bandage and suggested she ride back blood tests, but she refused. She looked over to see Mick giving his statement. When Josh started asking her questions, DA having replaced concerned boyfriend, Beth turned to look at him. When she tried to spot Mick again, he was gone.

Mick strolled into Josef's office and made himself at home on the couch in the middle of the room. Josef was on the phone as per usual. This time he was threatening to eat someone's children. Mick wondered what would happen if any of these people actually called his bluff. Josef was a softie, but Mick would never say that to his face!

With an overly cordial "Excellent! It's a pleasure doing business with you as always." He disconnected and turned to Mick.

"Mick! Can I interest you in a drink?" Josef held out his hand and Veronika, a dark haired beauty and his favoured 'freshie' glided into his arms.

"Not A, unfortunately, but I assure you, she is delectable." He emphasized his point with a light graze of blunt teeth across her shoulder. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. He had been asking the same question every time Mick came by for the last 22 years. The answer was always the same, but yet Josef always asked. He knew it pissed Mick off and he had to get his fun somehow!

But today, Mick surprised him. He closed his eyes and when he opened them there was a flicker of ice blue and a flash of fang. He leaned forward slightly and licked his suddenly dry lips.

Veronika, no stranger to the signs of vampire desire, left Josef's arms and stepped slowly toward Mick. None of Josef's girls were old enough to have been around when Mick had last indulged, but stories had been passed down through the ranks. She was wet at just the thought of finding out if those stories had been exaggerated through their numerous retellings. Veronika walked behind the couch. She leaned forward and snaked her arm across the front of his jacket. He had perfect access to both her neck and wrist. Mick turned into her neck. Veronika licked her lips in anticipation as he opened his mouth. But all to quickly, he snapped it shut and sprang up off the couch, shoving a hand through his hair.

Josef snorted at Veronika as she slapped the back of the couch and cursed under her breath. "Veronika, why don't we put our Mick here out of his misery? Can you have Christian bring us some refreshments?" She nodded once and uttered another curse of her way out of the room. Mick sat back down on the couch.

"So, Mick, anything you want to talk about?" Josef leaned back against his desk. He returned Mick's glare with a boyish grin. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the edible Beth Turner, would it?" Mick let out something between a heavy sigh and a growl. Then he began to tell his story.

Josef was silent for a moment after Mick finished. "You should have ripped her throat out."

"What?!"

"Well, then she's either be dead or she'd be scared off. Either way, you'd not have to torture youself over the fact that you're not worthy, because you wouldn't be able to have her." Josef walked toward the couch.

"I know that you could have been too far gone or else this Leni chick would be dead, or Beth would have been as soon as she got close enough to you. And I know you, my friend. Despite your starvation, you would have tried to make it at least half as good for her as it was for you.

"Now, I know you're young and a bit out of practice," Josef started, as he made his way to sit behind his desk, "but certainly you remember why the freshies stay."

Mick closed his eyes as the memory of holding a beautiful woman in his arms, being able to taste her arousal as he drank in her blood. The last time he had tasted anything other than fear in his victims blood was 22 years ago…and last night.

"Now, I'm happy to loan you some of my finest, but that won't sate your hunger. I happen to…have been told that all those chemicals that are coursing through one's body when face with the love of one's life sweetens the blood so much more than fear or lust." There was a look in Josef's eye. Mick made a mental note to ask him about that sometime…when he wasn't being lectured to like an errant school boy.

"I'll get over it Josef, and so will Beth. I mean, obviously they get over it, or you'd have 80 years old freshies handing out around here."

"So young," Josef sighed. "Several differences here. All of my girls are told what to expect and are monitored after they leave here to ensure they make the transition smoothly. Both things I'm guessing you neglected to do with Beth. Second, as far as I know, none of my freshies and I are in love with each other." He looked to Veronika, who had slipped back into the room, for confirmation.

She smiled and answered. "Don't worry, we're just in love with your fangs."

"Beth and I…"

"Save it Mick." Josef was beginning to get frustrated with his friend. "I'm a bit older than you. I know shit you don't and I've had a few years to home my skills of observation. Bite her, kill her, turn her, whatever, but much like Coraline, you need to either succumb to your desires or let her go.

"As for Beth, I'm guessing you didn't sit her down and talk to her about your little love bit before gracing me with your presence. You're just going to let her flounder."

"Since when do you condone human/vamp relationships"

"Since you're unique and stubborn and my friend and I don't want you to destroy yourself. Being a vampire sucks, but you could at least try to make the best of it. Or we can arrange to have you put out of your misery. I haven't seen you this happy in decades. I'm not sure you've ever been truly happy. You have the chance now, if you'd just give yourself permission."

Beth sat cross legged on her bed, watching her own, cold account of the day's events. It was Monday night. After a long, silent drive in her car from the Victorville motel, Josh had dropped her off at her apartment and headed straight to the office. She had stayed busy preparing and delivering the report. This was the first time she'd had to stop and think since getting back. And she wouldn't be able to do much of that as Josh had decided to stay the night. He had arrived home not long after she & hadn't stopped talking – excitement over the case, making sure she was really okay, commending her on her bravery. Now he was taking care of his nightly rituals and all she wanted was to have the night to herself.

The bed dipped as he sat next to her. He prattled on about something to which she guessed she answered appropriately. Then he held her arm and placed a kiss above her wound. She looked away in disgust, stopping just short of pulling her arm away. While his touch seemed to feel the same as normal, there just seemed to be something vile and wrong about it tonight. What was wrong with her?

Soon they laid down and Josh quickly fell asleep. Sleep would not find Beth, however. Josh unconsciously moved toward her and Beth would carefully move away. Finally she slipped out of bed, got dressed and quietly left the apartment.

As she drove, her mind went from a mass of jumbled thoughts that she couldn't piece together to simply numb. Some rational part of her mind told her she was probably exhausted. When she stopped to get out and get some fresh air before heading back to her apartment, she looked up to see she was in front of Mick's building. Fate always brings us together, she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car and headed up to his floor.

She knocked on his door, but he never answered. She imagined him coming to the door, but stopping short of opening it. She leaned her forehead against the cold, heavy door and then her mind was filled with memories from the desert. Her utter joy at finding him alive, if a bit disoriented, the feeling of his fangs piercing her skin, the sensation of blood leaving her body.

Reluctantly, she lifted her head from the door and made her way back to her apartment. Dawn was starting to break as she slipped through the door. Realizing just how tired she was, she curled up on her couch, dragging a throw over her just as she fell asleep.

Mick sat on the couch in his apartment, where he had been since returning from Josef's. Thinking about the desert and Beth and all that Josef had said. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and he couldn't find any sense in them.

Suddenly he looked up. Even before her quiet knock on his door he knew she was there. The ding of the elevator, the click of her shoes on the floor, the way his heart rate always picked up whenever she was near.

He got up to let her in but as he watched her in the monitor, his mind was assaulted with the images and feelings from the desert. Her look of relief when she realized he was still 'alive', the feel of her skin, the taste of her coppery blood, flavoured with her arousal and something else he had never tasted before.

Mick leaned his head against the door and knew she was doing the same. There was no way he could try and explain anything to her when he didn't have a clue himself. He stayed like that until he felt her slowly retreat down the hall.

Beth woke to the smell of coffee assaulting her nose, and a firm but gentle hand on her shoulder. She instinctively shied from the touch as she opened her eyes. Josh was crouched on the floor, a mug of coffee on the table behind him. She smiled gratefully and sat up as he handed the steaming mug to her.

"Thanks."

"Hey, no problem. I'm just about the head out, but wanted to make sure you were all right." Beth took in her surroundings and his concerned face.

"Yeah, sorry. I couldn't sleep last night so I went for a drive. When I got back I didn't want to wake you so I thought I'd just crash here."

"Oh, OK, well you know you never have to worry about that." Smiling, he gave her a quick peck before standing. "If you need anything, just call." She nodded once and he got up and gathered his jacket, keys and briefcase.

Hand on the doorknob he turned back to her. "I love you." A forced smile was the only way she could respond.

Beth stared at the closed door for a few minutes before finally looking away. She put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. She needed to sort all these feelings out but right now all she wanted to do was sleep for a week – these past few days had taken a toll on her emotionally and physically. She laid back down on the couch, but before drifting off to sleep, she reached into her purse, sitting on the floor beside her and pulled out her phone.

She hit his speed dial number and was greeted by his very professional voice mail greeting. "Mick, I know you're probably sleeping right now. I hope I didn't wake you. I just…I really need to talk to you. Please call me tonight."

Beth bolted upright and looked around the room to orient herself. She was still on the couch, it was dark out and her cell phone was trilling at her from its place on the coffee table. She shook off the dream she had been in the middle of – a certain vampire and a certain grungy motel bathroom and the most incredible experience of her life… Was it Mick returning her call? She glanced at the phone before answering, but it was Josh's name on the call display.

"Hi Josh."

"Beth! There you are! I've been calling you all day. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was just sleeping. These past couple of days seem to have really taken it out of me!"

"Oh, well, I've just picked up some movies for our movie night and wondered if you wanted me to bring home pizza or Chinese."

Movie night. Right. "Oh, Josh, I feel really bad about this, but can I take a rain check? I'm still really tired."

She could almost hear the smile leave his face. "Oh, sure. I understand." A pause… "Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to invite Mick to our little get together next week."

Get together? Beth's eyes drifted to the calendar on the wall. Right. A large red heart circled one of the days. Their one-year anniversary. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No, I don't' think we should. Let's just keep it to our friends who have known us this whole year. Don't you think?"

"You're right. I didn't think of that. Well, I'll let you go and rest. Call me in the morning."

"Yeah, sure." Beth ended the call and looked back at the calendar. Next week they had planned a small get together to celebrate one year together. Josh was going to cook a chicken – his specialty – and they would spend the evening touching, talking, reminiscing, just being in love. Eyes only for each other. Their friends would leave and they would do all those things again, on a much more private, intimate…and less clothed…scale. A wonderful night to share their deep love & commitment with each other and their friends.

That was the plan…

Now, however, less than a week before this wonderful, perfect plan was to happen, she couldn't even imagine it. Where once her thoughts were full of Josh and their future together and all the little things she loved about him, now they zeroed in on one brief moment in time.

Every time she closed her eyes she relived the intense feelings of those few moments as she knelt on the foul bathroom floor, blood being drawn from her body. Every throb of pain from her wrist was a reminder of his fangs puncturing the skin. She hoped the pain in her wrist would last forever so she would never forget that feeling.

Josh's touch once sent tingles of pleasure and love through her body. Now it only brought feelings of disgust next to the perfection of Mick's teeth deep in her flesh, his hands possessively holding her arm.

How had her life gotten so screwed up so fast?

Beth shook her head and stood up. "Come on Beth," she scolded herself, "you're a reporter. Act like one." She had one week until the anniversary and she refused to be feeling like this for that. She either had to sort all of this out so she could concentrate solely on Josh, or break up with him.

With that thought in mind, Beth's brain finally started functioning like normal, and she was not fully awake. Then she realized she had slept all day. She wasn't supposed to be sleeping; she was supposed to be at work. Grabbing her phone, she went through the list of missed calls. Lots of worried messages from Josh; several from Maureen; nothing from Mick. She quickly called Maureen and left a message explaining her absence and promised to drop by tomorrow to chat.

She needed to speak to Mick. All of these feelings, uncertainties and mixed signals revolved around him and were really screwing with her mind. She was going to make him talk to her whether he liked it or not. It would help if she could at least figure out what the hell had happened in that bathroom…

Beth had been pounding on his door for five minutes and he still hadn't answered. Finally she gave up and sunk to the floor. She was going to wait right here until he got back - she wasn't leaving this time until she saw him. Beth put her head in her hands as a horrible thought suddenly occurred to her. She hadn't heard from him since he disappeared into the desert and he hadn't really said much to her before that. What if he'd gotten lost on his way back to the car? What if he hadn't taken enough blood and something had happened? What if he was still out there? What if—

"Beth."

Mick had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the ping of the elevator. He knew it was Beth even as he walked down the stairs. He closed his eyes as he breathed in her scent, heard the beating of her heart and even from the bottom of the stairs, her blood called to him.

She pounded on the door, but he didn't trust himself to open it. He sat on the couch as she continued to pound on the door and leaned back. Again he closed his eyes, this time to try and block her out. But the thump thump of her hand at the door reminded him of a heartbeat and brought him back to the desert. Had it really only been a couple of days ago? It seemed like he had been reliving those few wonderful, horrific moments for eternity.

He hadn't wanted to do it, God, he hadn't wanted to. He wanted Beth to take Leni and get the hell out of there before he really was too far-gone to stop himself. His life for their. But the sound of her heart beating, the trust in her eyes… And when he was finally drinking her in, it was the most incredible thing he had ever tasted. AS he drank the thumping of her heart was loud in his ears, drowning out everything else. Perfection.

Then the sound stopped – NO! He had taken too much!

Then Mick came back to the present, blinking the images away. No, it was the door. Beth had given up. Then he heard her heart rate increase, smell her fear, and his eyes went wide. What was wrong? Surely he hadn't been so lost in thought that he missed the presence of someone else?

Mick wasted no more time in opening the door, but he saw no threat. Only Beth on the floor of the hallway, obviously distressed.

"Beth."

Beth quickly brought her head up and looked behind her, eyes going wide. She stood and threw her arms around him. He felt her calm down in his arms.

"Beth, what's wrong?"

"Oh it just seems silly now." She pulled back and something caught Mick's eye. He looked over and saw her bandaged wrist. A brief flash – memory of his fangs breaking the skin, the first splash of blood against his tongue… he shook his head and broke contact.

"I really needed to see you," Beth continued. "I figured you were avoiding me, so I thought this time I just wouldn't leave until you spoke to me." He smiled sheepishly. "But then I just had this awful thought – what if something went wrong, what if you were still out there?"

"I'm sorry I avoided you. I should have done that, but…well…why don't you come in."

They took their usual spots in the living room, neither speaking. Finally it was Mick who broke the silence.

"I should have stayed to talk to you, or come to see you. I'm sorry about that. OK…" Beth could tell he was uncomfortable talking about this. "A vampire's bite can be blindingly painful, or incredible pleasurable. I never really looked into the how's and why's, just knew it was all about technique and chemistry."

"Why would a vampire – and not brooding PI vampires – have needed to develop this technique?" Beth asked, her inner reporter kicking back in.

"Well, not all vampires are just out for the kill, and I'm not the only one who relies solely on blood banks. Most of us just like fresh blood but aren't interested in the killing unless it's required, although it probably all started because of a need for subtlety. It's hard to hide from a torch-bearing mob when you leave a trail of bodies. My friend Josef wouldn't hesitate to take you out if you crossed him, but he's a decent guy. He also enjoys his harem of 'freshies'."

Being this close to him, in addition to their current topic of conversation was wreaking havoc on Beth's system. She had come to his place to talk, but now she just wanted him to shut up and bite her already.

"Do these 'freshies' always feel like this?" Mick closed his eyes for a moment and she could tell he was getting uncomfortable with the topic. But she came here for answers and she wasn't going to leave until she was satisfied.

"Yeah, it's kinda the point. Means they'll stick around. But it's not necessarily a good thing… it works both ways." He looked right into her eyes. "I know you want me to bite you right now. I know that because the same thing that is giving you that feeling is broadcasting it to any vamp you come across. And most of them will be only too happy to oblige, although it probable won't feel nearly as good." Beth held his gaze for a moment before looking away.

"These girls, are they forced into it? Did they know about vampires and what would happen to them before they were bitten for the first time? And are they protected from these other vampires?"

"No! They all know, or at least all the ones I've met have known. When Josef, um, retires a girl, they are monitored until the effects wear off to make sure nothing happens to them. I'm so sorry I did this to you, but the way you're feeling will wear off, Beth. You were only bitten once so it won't last long. You should be back to normal by tomorrow."

"Maybe I don't want to be." Mick's eyes never left her as she got up from the couch and moved to kneel down in front of him where he sat in his chair, putting her hands on the chair either side of his legs.

"You don't feed off humans now." A statement, not a question.

"No!"

"But you did."

A pause. "Yes, at one time I lived off a combination of 'retail' blood and Josef's girls. I haven't done that in over 20 years."

"You know, it seems to me, that you should go back to feeding from humans."

"What??" She smiled mischievously.

"Well, think about it. You take blood from the blood bank. The people who donated that blood didn't, I assume, consent to it being vamp food. So in a sense, you're stealing it. Also, think of all those people who might have been able to use that blood." Mick frowned at her. "Us freshies – "

"You're not a 'freshie'!" Mick insisted, like it was a vile thing, but she ignored it.

"We willingly gave you our blood. No blood is coming out of the blood bank. You enjoy it. We enjoy it. That really seems the way to go if you ask me." His brow furrowed even more, and his mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he finally raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I guess I never thought about – " She cut him off, her smile disappearing.

"But that's not the reason you do it, is it? Something happened twenty years ago to make you think you don't deserve anything better than bagged blood. I know it felt pretty damn good to me and it had to have felt just as good if not better for you. But you think you don't deserve to feel like that." Beth's eyes were locked on his. She could see the conflict in his eyes.

"I DON'T deserve it, Beth." She sighed.

"Before the bagged blood and freshies, what did you do?"

Mick paused for a few moments. Beth knew that this was painful for him, but something told her that this line of questioning was needed by both of them.

"I lived how I was taught to live." She nodded.

"Did you enjoy it? Why did you stop?"

"Of course I didn't enjoy it! When I finally broke away from her, Josef kind of took me under his wing."

"I think I would like to meet this Josef." Smiling, she sat back on her heels. "So let me get this straight: You're turned without your consent, had a crappy teacher who you finally broke away from, and have spent the last few decades making up for everything that you did wrong 50 years ago.

"Mick, that doesn't make you a monster. Completely the opposite. We all make mistakes, do things we regret. We do the best we can with what we've been given. A monster would have enjoyed the pain and death he caused, and never would have changed his ways. You have not only broken away from that, but actively tried to help people. Your 'curse' enables you to help people in ways you never would have been able to do if you were human. Yes, there are sacrifices you have to make, but happiness doesn't have to be one of them. You don't have to be alone." She reached out to draw him down to her when a thought drifted into her mind.

"Not like this," she whispered.

"What?" Mick asked, confused.

"'Not like this.' You said that to me twice in the desert. What did you mean?" Mick didn't answer; then it dawned on her. She rose from the flood and sat on the arm of the chair, placed a hand on his cheek, and gave a sly smile. "How long have you been having these fantasies about me, Mick St. John?" Heart racing, she moved in to kiss him.

"Beth, stop." He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away, although want he really wanted to do was pull her closer and never let her go. "It's still just the side effect." A lie – he knew this had gone way past a freshie needing a bite, but maybe he could convince her otherwise, and get her to leave before they did something they'd both regret.

Beth stood, furious. "No Mick. If it was, I'm smart enough to know it would be faster to find the closest vamp to bite me then to convince you to do it. Yeah it's hard to concentrate on the conversation because all I can think about is how good it felt, but I think we're way past that now!"

"What about Josh?" Sighing, Beth Sat back on the couch.

"I've been pulling away from him for a while now, even before we met, although that was definitely when everything seemed to be noticeable to everyone, including Josh. I've been blaming it on the new job. Sure, finally being in front of the camera has had something to do with it, but it's really not the new and stressful experience I've led him to believe. But my first live newscast was when I met you, so the timing worked. And I've felt drawn to you since that first moment; I instantly felt as if I'd known you all my life.

"Up until recently I always just considered us good friends, even though we'd only known each for such a short while. But that was until Josh told me you and Leni had died on that road out of Victorville. It was as if by saying that, Josh had taken a sledgehammer & smashed my entire world. My heart felt like it was torn out of my chest and it took all of my effort not to collapse right there in the middle of his office. I've lost several people that were important to me, but I've never felt grief like I did in that moment.

"If it wasn't for those few hours when I thought you were dead, maybe I would be able to just blame the whole thing – including how I felt when you fed off me – to basic bodily responses to intense stimuli; physical attraction to an incredibly hot, dark and mysterious guy who just so happened to also have that tortured, bad boy vamp appeal." She winked at him through her tears. "I mean, who can resist that? But it's those moments that made me realize something very important." She stood and walked back to him. "I am hopelessly in love with you."

Beth pulled him down for a kiss and he could feel her surprise when he responded, if only for a brief moment before pulling away. He wanted so much more, but this would have to do for now – maybe forever. Mick knew he had to be completely honest with her. He couldn't let them go any farther and have her find out some other way. It would be too hard on both of them. Once she found out, she wouldn't be back, but at least she would know the truth and try and salvage things with Josh before things got too far out of hand.

"Wait here a moment," he told her.

"Mick?" Beth saw the defeat in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Just…I'll be right back." She watched him disappear into the office for several minutes and then return with a large envelope.

"I need you to do something for me. You won't like it, but I need you to do it. Promise me."

"I promise. I'll do whatever you want." Beth smiled. "Except wait in the car." She hoped that would lighten the mood, but it didn't work.

"I need you to leave, go home."

"What? No. Mick…I …would you please just talk to me?"

"Please Beth! Take this and go home. Tomorrow when the effects of the feeding have worn off, and you've seen what's in there, come back. If you can still say the same thing then…then we'll see…"

"But – "

"Beth," he pleaded. "Just do this one thing I ask. It's important to me." Seeing the unshed tears in his eyes, she nodded once and took the envelope from him with shaking hands.

"Sure, but you're not going to disappear or make me camp out in your hallway again, are you?" Finally, a smile.

"If you do this for me, I promise in return that I'll be here. If you come back."

She nodded again and turned to leave. As she opened the door he grabbed her wrist and turned her back to face him. Before she could say anything, he kissed her passionately, pouring all his feelings for her into the kiss because he still could bring himself to say the words. She responded eagerly. But as her free hand snaked up around his neck, he pulled away and opened the door fully for her.

"Goodbye Beth."

Beth pulled into her parking space & turned her car off but made no move to leave. She had left Mick's in a daze, concentrating just enough on the road to avoid getting into an accident. She thought of those last few moment at Mick's place. She had been shocked when he took the initiative for that last kiss and thought he was going to change his mind and admit his feelings to her. She felt certain that he felt the same way, but either couldn't or wouldn't let himself say the words. She remembered the look on his face as he held the door for her. The emotion in his voice… 'if you come back…Goodbye Beth'. Defeat, regret, eyes roaming over her as if committing her to memory. He didn't expect her to return.

Her eyes drifted to the envelope he had given her. Unable to wait any longer, she dumped the contents onto the passenger seat. A few pieces of paper and several photographs tumbled onto the upholstery. She picked up the papers and scanned them. It was a case file…

Hired by Ms. Turner…daughter Elizabeth, age 4, disappeared…police have no leads… Hand shaking, she read through his entire report, how he had tracked her down, who had had her, what had happened. Watered down of course to leave out the vampy parts, but she could fill in the blanks. Next, Beth turned to the photographs. They were all of her – and not ones that her mother would have given Mick to aid in his search. These were all taken much later. She recognized one picture as being only about a year old. He had been following her, watching out for her. Knowing what she did about him, there could be no other explanation. He felt guilty for her being taken, not that he had any reason to be.

She sighed and put the papers back into the envelope and put everything in her purse. She WOULD see Mick tomorrow. Now, at least, some of what had transpired in the last few moments at his place made sense. Finally she got out of her car and headed to her apartment.

She dumped her purse on the floor under the coat rack and turned to close the door. Turning back, she flipped on a light and screamed at the figure standing in the room.

"Bloody hell! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She yelled at him, when her eyes adjusted to the light and saw who it was. "What are you doing here, Josh?"

"Well, I came to check in on you before going home. Wanted to make sure you were alright. Where have you been?"

Beth crossed her arms over her chest. "I got a headache. I went to the pharmacy to get some drugs." Josh matched her stance and raised her a glare.

"For a reporter, you make a really bad liar. The pharmacy is five minutes away. I've been waiting for you for over an hour. You were with him, weren't you?"

Beth closed her eyes as she slumped into a chair. She hadn't wanted to get into this now, but Josh was here and after her little epiphany at Mick's place, she knew she should break it off sooner rather than later. Even if Mick didn't want to be with her, she did love him. Josh was a good guy and he didn't deserve to be strung along any more.

"Josh, I didn't want to do this tonight, but seeing as you're here, waiting for me… You'd better sit down." Josh decided to continue standing. "Suit yourself." She decided the best course of action would be to just get it out. "Josh, I can't go on like this anymore."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I can't be with you anymore." Josh took a step toward her and she got out of her chair to meet his advance.

"This is about St. John, isn't it? You're leaving me for him."

"Josh we were having problems before I ever met Mick."

"Yeah, but couples are supposed to work those problems out, not break up and go to the next guy in line a week before their anniversary."

"There's nothing we can do to fix this! We want different things. You deserve someone who can make you happy, who can totally be there for you. That's not me." Josh did his best imitation of a fish before finally being able to speak.

"You can't do this Beth! We've been together for a year!"

"And it was a great year, but we've drifted apart. Please don't make this harder than it already is. Obviously I'm not committed to this relationship anymore. You deserve someone who is. And I deserve to not have to pretend to be that person."

Josh's glare still hadn't left his face. Suddenly, he spun and walked toward the door. Why was he making this so hard? She wasn't sure what he was going to do after this, but she didn't want to have to worry about him being here next time she got home.

"Josh? Um, I need the key, please." He tore his keys out of his pocket and, after working the key loose from the ring, slammed it on the coffee table.

"This isn't over."

"Yes, it is, Josh." One last glare as he left the apartment. She released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Okay, that so didn't go well."

She looked at her watch. It was only just after one o'clock in the morning, but she knew she wouldn't get any sleep in tonight and needed something to distract herself from Mick. Now that Josh was gone, her thoughts were drifting back to her vampire. She wanted to race back over to his place, but she understood his reasons. Alone again, she could almost feel her blood willing her back there. She picked up Josh's key and grabbed her purse, heading for Buzzwire. If she wasn't going to get any sleep, she may as well get some work done!

Beth stole a glance out the window. Finally it was getting dark. She had managed to keep working all day. When she first got into the office, she had research, written and filed a follow up to the Leni's testimony. By the time that was completed, Maureen had arrived and Beth apologized for missing the day of work and Maureen surprisingly understood. However, later in the day she'd had Beth cover a celebrity sighting downtown. They were even now.

Through the day, she could feel the side effects of Mick's bite wear off. It was as if a part of her was missing now, which was just silly… But as she watched the sun dip behind the buildings, she realized that it didn't matter now. It was time to see Mick. She grabbed her keys, turned off her desk lamp and headed to her car.

XXX

Mick woke to the sound of insistent knocking on his apartment door. Swinging the lid to his freezer open, he jumped out and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt that he didn't bother to button. As he neared the door, her scent drifted to him. A small smile of amazement that she had come back, but it quickly disappeared. He hadn't yet heard what she had to say. He also felt the loss of the connection they had shared as a result of the feeding. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

With what he swore was vampiric speed, Beth had her arms around his neck, mouth on his. Hot. Wet. Tongue instantly demanding entrance. Returning the kiss with equal ferocity, Mick put his arms around her, pulled her inside and closed the door. One last hard kiss and he pulled back with a growl. He still held her close, but he needed to stay coherent for at least a few more minutes. A difficult task with Beth trailing wet kisses and light nips along his jaw, neck, collarbone.

"Beth." Almost a groan.

"Mmm hmm."

"Beth, say it. I need to hear you say it again." Beth pulled back just far enough to look him in the eyes.

"I am hopelessly in love with you Mick St. John. My vampire. My guardian angel."

He attacked her mouth with a passion she had never felt before. "Beth, I love you. You are my reason for living."

One of Beth's hands slid down to grab a fistful of his shirt. She pulled him back for another kiss. It started out slow, full of love and promise, but it soon wasn't enough for either of them, quickly progressing into something much more. About want and need. Mick walked them backwards, until Beth let out a muffled 'oof' as her back slammed against the door. Hands roaming under her shirt, leaning his forehead against hers. Beth left a trail of licks and kisses along his collarbone. Trying to gather enough words, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Beth, we still need to talk."

"Mmm…yes…talk…later…bed…now…" The trail continued across the other collarbone as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

Mick smiled. "Darlin' I don't have a bed." She looked at him for a moment, gauging whether or not he was joking. This certainly wasn't the time for such a joke.

"We…need…to…work…on…that…" Lips to his, quick kisses and nips between words, hands flying to release him from his jeans. He broke their kisses; scraped blunt teeth across her neck, drawing a moan from her. His hand flew to her pants, quickly undoing the fasteners and letting them and her panties pool on the floor as Beth worked his jeans past his hips.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. Mick's hand went to the door next to her shoulder while the other wrapped around her waist helping to hoist her up. She locked her legs around his waist and when he finally entered her, she threw her head back, banging it on the door.

"Mick!" One hand stayed around his neck, nails digging into his back drawing blood and the other flew to the door handle as they found their rhythm. Beth's nails clawing his back; the smell, thick in the air, of his own blood mingling with her arousal and he couldn't stop the flash of ice blue and the lengthening of fangs. His growl caught Beth's attention; she titled her head to provide him better access. He kissed her, short and rough, nicking her lip with a fang. She licked the blood away as he moved to her neck, licking an area briefly before sinking his fangs into her flesh.

The feeling of his bite was even more intense than in the desert. Nails dug harder into his back, her other hang flying up to hold his head in place against her neck as she fell over the cliff's edge; higher than any she had experienced before. She opened her mouth to call out his name but she was beyond speech.

The taste of Beth's release in her blood and he was following her. He pulled his fangs out of her and set her on the ground, both groaning at the loss. A few lingering laps to clean the wound and his mouth was on hers. She washed away the blood from his lips as he refastened his jeans.

Finally, Beth pulled back, holding his smoldering gaze. "Holy shit."

"Yeah," was all he could manage in reply. They kissed again; a slow kiss, affirming their love, tongues dancing, exploring. Not breaking the kiss, Mick picked her up and carried her to the couch. They lay there – her head resting on his bare chest, his strong arms around her. He stroked lazy lines along her arm as he listened to her drift off to sleep.

Mick had been holding Beth in his arms for several hours. Listening to her breathing, the beating of her heart. He felt her blood running through his own veins and reveled in their renewed connection. He still couldn't believe that she was here in his arms. It just seemed unbelievable that she wouldn't have been scared off – between the whole vampire thing, the desert, the truth of her kidnapping and his stalking, and his loss of control tonight; although he wasn't complaining. He still couldn't bring himself to really feel worthy of her trust.

He turned his head quickly to the side, furrowing his brow. Someone was working the lock to his office door. He heard the door slip shut behind the intruder…footsteps toward the desk and files…pull of drawers…rustle of paper. Mick covered Beth's mouth with his hand and whispered her name in her ear. He felt as well as heard her pulse quicken until she fully woke and become aware of whose arms were around her.

"There's someone in the office," he whispered, removing his hand. "I'm gonna go check it out. Stay quiet, OK?" He saw her nod of acknowledgement in the dark and he quickly & quietly extricated himself from the couch and sped stealthily to the door connecting the office and the apartment.

Vamped out, he quickly located the intruder at the filing cabinet. He grabbed the figure and threw him against the wall. Mick was there an instant later, holding the guy against the wall with an arm to his throat. He caught the scent of fear on the air and he instantly released him.

"Josh?" Shaking off the fangs, Mick flipped the light on.

XXX

When she heard Mick crash into the office, she got up and quietly searched for the rest of her clothes. If the fight made its way into the living area, or she had to make an escape, she didn't want to be caught with her pants down – literally. She was still clad in only the short shirt she had worn when she arrived earlier in the evening. She heard Mick's exclamation as she finished fastening her pants. Josh?? She flipped the collar of her wrinkled shirt up to hide Mick's bite and walked to the office.

Mick raised an eyebrow, but was able to hide a smirk as she strode into the office – he should know by know not the try and make her stay 'in the car'. The look of jealousy on Josh's face when he saw her did cause a slight twitch of the corners of Mick's mouth.

"Beth, what are you doing here?" She crossed her arms and moved closer to Mick.

"No, I think the person breaking & entering get to do the explaining."

Josh narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't move from where Mick had left him. Probably intimidated by Mick's posture – cool, silent, but obviously ready to strike at the slightest provocation. "I knew you were leaving me for him."

"I explained this to you, Josh. I never denied anything having to do with Mick, but our problems are deeper than that. I didn't want to make this messy, but you're sure not helping with that."

Josh turned to her to fully face her, ignoring the slight shift of Mick's body, addressing Beth as if he wasn't even there. "Beth, don't you see? He's manipulating you! He's dangerous! Look at everything you've been through in the short time you've known him. He's nothing but trouble and I don't want you to get hurt."

"You trusted him enough just a few days ago to find Leni."

"Just because I think he's a good PI, doesn't mean I trust him with you."

"Josh, why are you here?"

"I wanted to find some evidence that I'm right."

"And do what? You've broken in here and started going through stuff and I'm assuming you don't have a warrant…"

"It's not about that, I just want to show you the truth. How much do you really know about him?" Beth paused for a moment.

"The truth. The truth is that I love Mick. I know that he loves, me, cares about my happiness more than his own. He was willing to step back if I had wanted to stay with you, to the point of pushing me away, trying to convince me that there was nothing between us. He's fiercely loyal and protective of those he cares about. Even in the most dangerous situations I've been in I've felt safe because I was with him. He would give his life for me, and I would do the same for him." Beth's eyes stay on Josh, but she was acutely aware of Mick and his changing demeanor. His focus was shifting from Josh to Beth and the trust and love in her voice, her words affecting him more than he thought possible.

Josh saw the look on Mick's face as he shifted his attention. It was unlike the guarded glances he had seen Mick give her in the past and had made him so jealous. Now the man in front of him was holding nothing back. Mick's thoughts and emotions were an open book as he gazed on her. Maybe he was wrong. He nodded to Beth. She gave him a small, tentative smile and he slipped out of the office closing the door behind him.

"God, I love you Beth." Mick took her hand and led her to the red sofa along the wall opposite his desk. He sat her down on it and knelt on the floor in front of her. He turned down the collar of her shirt, fingers lightly playing over his mark.

She sighs and closes her eyes and he can hear her heart rate increase. "I still can't believe that you're here with me."

Slivers of electricity course through her body at his touch. The need she feels for him so much stronger than it had been after the first time he'd fed off her. She realized that in the desert, as incredible as the experience had been, it had been about his need to feed – survival. Last night, though, had been about claiming her. "I belong with you…to you. Forever… as long you want me." They both know what that means, but that is not a discussion to be had now.

His mouth is on hers, slow and sensual. Tongue tracing lip, seeking entrance, she grants it. Slowly they kiss and explore each other with lips and tongue and the occasional set of blunt teeth. Mick unbuttons her blouse, tortuously slow and Beth memorizes him with her hands, roaming across neck and arms and chest. Finally her blouse is undone and he lets it and her bra flutter off her and onto the couch. Their breathing is ragged and heartbeats quick. Beth leans back as his kisses trail across her jaw, puncture wounds, collarbone and then he's mimicking her, exploring the newly exposed skin briefly with his hands before they continue on to the next obstacle, replaced with the more thorough examination with his mouth, wet trails marking the path of his exploration. When he shifts his attention to a breast, nipping with his teeth and soothing with his tongue, her hands tangle into his hair.

He is successful in undoing her pants and she lifts her hips so he can fully remove them. He turns his attention to her other breast and her hands make their way to his jeans. He stills her advances as he looks into her confused eyes.

"No, Beth." Voice raspy with his own need. "This is just for you." Although he does not plan to take her blood in this encounter, their connection still heightens the experience for them both. His hand travels lower and she breathes his name. They keep their eye contact, difficult with her begging, as he slowly, expertly brings her release. Mick cleans his fingers, closing his eyes to control himself as she comes in for kiss. He pulls her closer, deepening the kiss for just a moment before tearing himself away. Letting her recover and giving himself a chance to control himself.

Finally, he stands and carries her to the apartment's couch. Having provided her with perfect access, she licks and bites along his neck, eliciting a low growl. "Damn, Beth, the things you do to me…" But she doesn't stop until he sets her on the couch and releases her, a muttered "Vixen" under his breath. He leaves to clean up the messes they made through the night, quickly downs a glass of blood and returns to cover her with a blanket. He sits next to her, one arm on the back of the couch, the other stroking her face, love shining in his eyes. Beth reaches up to place a hand on his cheek, wiping away a drop of his dinner from the corner of his mouth with her thumb.

"Messy eater." Eyes twinkling with laughter. He lets out an embarrassed chuckled.

"What can I say, I had things I was in a hurry to get back to."

"Oh, really?" He nods. Then she turns serious. "Mick, there are a couple of things I need from you if we want to make this work."

"What is it, Beth? You know I'll do anything for you." Apprehension and doubt cloud his eyes.

"Well," the laughter returns to her eyes, not being able to stand that look for very long. "You need to keep some human food around this place. And I need a bed. WE don't have to use it, but you can't expect me to keep sleeping on the couch whenever I come over. A girl needs her beauty sleep." He smiles that bright, wonderful smile and winks at her.

"I think I might be able to arrange something." He runs his fingers through her hair. "Goodnight, Beth."

He leans down for one warm, languid kiss, before heading to his freezer.

End.