Steve was going to get Bucky to Disney World today, even if he had to haul his ass there by his metal arm.
There was so much he needed to catch up on, so many things Steve wanted to show him so he'd realise that the modern world wasn't so bad, even if everything he remembered - which still wasn't a lot - existed lifetimes ago.
He didn't know how much Bucky could remember of their youth together. Even without the mask, he was almost unreadable to Steve now, which hurt a lot more than he ever thought it could. If there was one constant in Steve's ever-changing world, it was his certainty in the belief that he'd found his soul mate in James Barnes, but now he'd lost even that. Now, Bucky needed his help to find himself again, to remember the man he'd been before the Winter Soldier became his only identity, and Steve had a few ideas on how he might jog his clouded memory and they had a lot to do with the infamous Coney Island incident.
XXxXX
It was June, 1938. The year before Steve and Bucky's lives were irrevocably changed. Steve was slumped on his bed, wracked by waves of nausea as he fought another bout of pneumonia; his sketchbook lying crumpled on the floor where he'd dropped it. That was, until Buck came barging in, snatched up the sketch book along with Steve and physically dragged him out the door to embark on yet another one of his spontaneous and, more often than not, hazardous adventures.
"Bucky, I feel like I'm gonna barf. Where the hell are you taking me? We can't afford another doctor's visit."
"You need some sunshine, kid. And to get out of that god damn bed."
"Bucky, stop for a sec. Where are we going?"
He turned his head, loosening his grip on Steve's arm with that impish grin that meant they were either going to get arrested or come to some kind of grievous bodily harm.
"I'm taking you to Coney Island, Rogers."
Even though Steve complained about his stomach the entire walk there, if you could call it a walk with Bucky dragging Steve so forcefully he had to jog to keep up, he was secretly touched by Bucky's determination to lift his spirits. They walked out onto the pier and while Steve stared out at the twinkling lights of the Ferris wheel reflected on the ocean, Bucky slipped away to buy two sticks of cotton candy.
"Bucky, you didn't have to do all this. Where'd you even get the money for these?"
"Would you just shut your yap for five seconds and enjoy the moment. I picked up a few extra shifts at the diner, it's not a big deal."
Steve decided to take the advice, if only to keep that dopey smile on Buck's face for a little while longer, and picked at his cotton candy despite his nausea. He looked back out at the ocean as the fluffy wisps of sugar turned to nothing on his tongue, but turned back when he noticed that Bucky had stopped talking about whatever girl he's dating this week.
He soon saw why. Bucky was grinning like the devil himself as he stared up at the biggest roller coaster Steve had ever seen.
"Bucky, no."
"C'mon, Steve. Where's your sense of adventure?"
"James Buchanan Barnes, if you think you're getting me on that thing, you're even dumber than I thought."
"Good thing I've got my good looks to fall back on!" Bucky shouted as he grabbed Steve by the shoulders and steered him forcibly towards the monstrous ride.
"Two tickets, my good man" Bucky announced to the vendor, his voice dripping mischief.
"Bucky…" Steve droned in a warning tone.
"Steve…" mimicked Bucky with a dramatic furrow in his brow.
"This is not happening!"
"Oh, but it is." Bucky shouted as he picked Steve up by the armpits and placed him in an empty seat, locking the protective bar over the both of them before Steve could get another complaint out of his mouth (now set in an indignant pout).
"Quit complaining, it's gonna be fun, I promise!"
And that was the thought running through Steve's mind as he hurled up the contents of his stomach all over the woman sitting in front of them.
"Don't make promises you can't keep…" Steve muttered as he wiped his acrid-tasting mouth and vowed to never set foot on another roller coaster, not even if Bucky dragged him.
XXxXX
"C'mon, Bucky. You need to get out of this room, or at least open the freaking curtains. Do you even remember what the sky looks like?" Steve jokes as he turns to search for Bucky's half-smile that means he's amused but doesn't want to give Steve the satisfaction of laughing, his heart dropping into his stomach when he sees his friend's stony expression.
He'd been wearing that same expression since his dramatic return to Steve's life when he'd practically appeared on his doorstep. Steve had opened the door just in time to see a dark figure disappear around the corner, moments after the doorbell had chimed. Confusion was replaced by a desperate longing when Steve realised who his fleeing visitor must be. He sprinted out the door and clutched at the man's shoulder, turning his body so that he was looking into Bucky's eyes, so lost and unsure, as if he had no idea how or why he'd ended up there.
That was two weeks ago. Three-hundred-and-thirty-six hours of Bucky sitting silently in Steve's tiny guest room, staring at the wall or flipping confusedly through the books and magazines Steve brought to him each day. Sometimes Steve would walk by to see him curled up in the corner, eyes glazed over with fear, legs and arms twitching as he tried desperately to defend against the invisible enemies who inhabited his mind. Even his sleep was troubled, with Steve waking to Bucky's screams as night terrors rolled in like storm clouds. The first time, he'd rushed into Bucky's room and grabbed his hand, only to have it ripped away as he felt the cold metal of a dagger at his throat as Bucky reacted the only way he knew how - with violence and, underneath that, fear. After that, Steve had learned to just sit at the foot of the bed until Bucky awoke by himself. Just to be there for him in the hopes that his presence alone would help him through it. He never knew if it worked or not.
But he was determined to change all that. Bucky had been Steve's hero once, and now it was his turn. Now Bucky was the one in need of saving.
"I do not want to leave the room today." Bucky answered in a robotic drone that sent chills down Steve's spine.
"Well, you never want to leave the room, so I suppose you're not really getting a choice in the matter, pal. We're going out."
Bucky's eyes shifted to Steve's, laden with suspicion at the chirpy tone of voice. "What are you talking about?"
"Good news, Buck. I'm taking you to Disneyland!" Steve cheered as he waltzed out the door, praying that Bucky would follow.
XXxXX
Steve tries to make up for Bucky's seeming disinterest in the whole escapade with a ridiculous, and frankly comical, amount of enthusiasm. He googles a list of rides and relays it to Bucky in excruciating detail for the entire cab ride to the park, while Bucky stares out the window without even so much as a nod to show he's listening.
"Two tickets please, ma'am!" Steve says to the woman at the counter, ever the old-fashioned gentleman.
"Of course, sir, and may I just say that you two are a lovely couple. You enjoy your day now!" She chimes, handing over their tickets as Steve blushes crimson and glances at a seemingly unaffected Bucky.
The first ride they encounter is Splash Mountain, looming overhead with a constant stream of screams emanating from its depths.
"Would you look at this thing, Buck! Hard to imagine one of those crummy theme park rides we saw when we were kids next to this thing, huh?" Steve marvels to Bucky as they wait in line, earning a very stiff, forced smile from his companion. That fake smile is worth than no response at all, reminding Steve that Bucky remembers next to nothing of their youth, the very memories that Steve considers his most treasured possessions.
The rest of the day continues in much the same way. Steve drags Bucky on to ride after ride, even making himself sick to his stomach on the spinning teacups because he remembers Bucky's affinity for them, back when they were just two city kids without enough money to even dream of spending it on frivolous things like theme park rides. He stops at almost every vendor they come across to wolf down churros, hot dogs and even two sticks of pink cotton candy. By the time the afternoon rolls around, Steve is so desperate for Bucky to crack a genuine smile that he dons a ridiculous Mickey Mouse hat, ears and all. Nothing, Bucky just looks anxious and uncomfortable as he's jostled by the crowd of people that seem to be constantly surging along the footpath like blood rushing through the park's veins.
Steve had almost given up hope entirely when he spots by far the biggest roller coaster he's ever encountered in the distance, the 'California Screamin''. He grabs a reluctant Bucky by the arm, only to look up in shock as his hand encounters cold metal and he realises his mistake. Bucky jumps back and out of Steve's grasp as if he's been electrocuted and Steve glances away to hide his pained expression. Sometimes, Steve loses himself, no matter how hard he tries to stay in the present. It's like they're sixteen again, running around New York getting into trouble as Bucky always had a tendency to do. But they're not in New York anymore and the kind of trouble Bucky is in cannot be fixed by jumping a fence or charming the local law enforcement.
Steve tries to shake it off as he walks toward the gargantuan roller coaster, sighing with relief as he hears Bucky fall into step beside him.
The first time the harnesses are lowered into their laps, Steve can't help but feel a wave of panic as he looks at the ridiculous, gravity-defying tracks ahead of him. He reaches for Bucky's hand out of habit, catching himself just centimeters away and clenching his fist in frustration. The wind plasters his golden hair to his forehead as he's hurled around corners and a scream of panic even escapes the ever-courageous Captain America's lips when the ride takes him upside down in a series of tight loops. By the end of his first trip, his stomach in his knots, but he cannot deny the adrenaline sweeping through his body.
"Again?" he gasps, turning to Bucky who replies only with a stiff nod.
Neither of them utter a word as they ride the coaster again and again, the only sound piercing their silence is Steve's exhilarated laughter as he becomes accustomed to being thrown this way and that by the ride. It's their fourth time around when Steve could swear he sees Bucky glance at him. He turns his head to see Bucky's eyes staring directly into his, with those telltale crinkles at the corners of his eyes that Steve would have once thought meant he was trying not to laugh…
"What are you smiling about?" Steve gently inquires, very careful not to scare away the first sign of emotion that Bucky has shown outside of pain since his return.
"This is payback isn't it?"
"Payback for what?"
"Coney Island." Bucky whispers, looking as surprised as Steve at his sudden recollection.
Steve can't, and honestly doesn't eve try, to choke back the half-laugh, half-sob that tears out of his throat at that.
"I would never." he grins, tears running down his cheeks as he looks into the eyes of his best friend and sees, for the first time in 70 years, his best friend staring right back.