Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the DC Universe. This is simply a fan-made story that came to mind at one in the morning
Time Period: I'm kind of leaning towards after TDKR with a few revisions to suit my fancy
Summary: Jonathan Crane has been released from Arkham Asylum. However it's not by sanity. It's by his "wife" Pamela and his best friend Edward. They have orders from their employers to use Crane for an upcoming scheme that is on a need to know basis. However, though the information is limited, his reward is plentiful: he can continue his work and also work at Gotham University as a professor, despite his last experience as a teacher. Post TDKR. Relationship of convenience not of love/lust/attraction, so don't expect a pamelaXjonathan pairing. It's purely professional
Author note: Before anyone asks; I'm basing J. Crane after Cillian Murphy's role, and I'm imagining E. Nashton being David Tennant. Might not make much sense to you, but it works for me. No one in mind for P. Isley, still debating in my head.
What plant becomes the name of a star by removing the first letter, becomes a number without the last letter and becomes a bird if the first and last letters are taken away?
―Riddle 7231
Jonathan Crane was mildly irritated. However, contrary to what the guard would think, it is not because he is in Arkham Asylum. It wasn't because he was once again foiled by Batman, nor was it because his research has once again been abruptly stopped and his gas has been disposed of. No, it was much simpler than that.
There was a stain on his cell wall.
It's not much of a stain, about the size of a hotdog bun; smeared and off in a dark corner. It really isn't that noticeable.
But it's still there. And the guard refuses to do anything about it.
"Crane, a mark on the wall ain't gonna hurt you or anybody else. Get over it and read your little book. It's probably from the last guy who lived in here."
His irritation transformed into disgust. That just made it so much worse. Not only is it a stain, Crane observed. It's a urine stain. Someone blemished his wall with their bodily fluids and no one was going to do a thing about it.
"Why don't you piss over it? That way it's your wall again." Blue eyes narrowed, Crane's face sneering at the thought.
"Yes…I'd imagine marking territory like a common dog would make the most sense to you, wouldn't it Michael?" The guard shrugged.
"It's basic instinct Doc." Crane's eye gave away to an involuntary twitch at the informal use of his title. "You should know more than any of us that we all fall back to that animal drive. It's just nature." After a thought, he added. "But if you don't want to be a common dog, you can be a little fancy pedigree one. You could be one of those Italian greyhounds. Little, skittish, and a little awkward to look at…yeah, I'd imagine you'd make a fine little skinny dog." Crane stared at Michael.
"…Did you just compare me to a scrawny long-legged rat that's tail is always between its legs?" The guard grinned at the image.
"Yep…they shake a lot too. Looks like they always gotta take a piss and are too afraid to go." The inmate stood, moving to the other side of the cell, having decided that the conversation was pointless and a waste of his time. "Aww, did I hurt your feelings Doc? You want me to piss over it for you?" Before Michael could act, another Arkham employee arrived.
"Crane? You're free to go." The former psychologist raised a brow at the statement.
"Free to go? Arkham doesn't release their patients; especially ones that haven't responded to treatment." The staff member shrugged.
"Yeah, but we've also never had some argue that the asylum was unnecessary and paid the fines for a patient to be removed."
"Someone paid for me to be released?" The man stood in the cell for a moment, before leaning against the bed. "If it's some aspiring author or a crazed fan I'd prefer to stay here. Or at least…" Glancing at the stain, "into a cleaner cell." The guard shook his head.
"Nope, none of those, but you'd probably prefer those; I'd think the real reason is scarier to you."
"Oh?"
"Your wife paid the fines. And boy she looks pissed that you're in here."
The guard escorted Crane to the conference room.
"Why didn't you tell us you were married? I mean, at first we thought it was some crazy fan trying to get you out. But she has all the paperwork, wedding certificate, pictures from the honeymoon, even some mail with your names on it! How come you never talk about her?" The former psychologist shrugged, staying vague with his responses. He saw no point in trying to argue with the recent events. Worst case scenario, the woman was a fan and after distracting her, he'll get away and hide underground for a while.
"Never saw reason to bring her up." They arrived to the door and walked in. Inside, an average sized woman in a deep blue blouse, black skirt, and a white laboratory coat sat at the table, conversing with Aaron Cash. The two looked up and stood when Crane and the guard came into the room. "Hello dear." The woman glared at her 'husband.'
"Oh, am I dear now? I should have let you stay in this place for a while. Maybe then you'd learn your lesson. I thought you were through being Scarecrow?" She stared at him for a moment, before turning to the guard. "Hello, I'm Dr. Pamela Crane, biochemist at Gotham University and Labs." The guard shook her hand, and then gestured to Crane.
"Well here's your husband ma'am. Are you sure you want to remove him from Arkham?" The woman nodded, pushing her dark brown hair from her face.
"Yes. Clearly he's not being responsive to any treatment. He was fine while we were on the honeymoon. I'm imagining he had a trigger when we returned last week. However now I know what to look out for and he should be just fine." Pamela turned to Cash. "May I also get possession of his mask? Not meaning to sound rude, but Arkham hasn't shown any promise of keeping it out of his possession. And also any other belongings that you may have of his that you retrieved when he was arrested?" Cash nodded.
"Yes ma'am, we'll go ahead and grab that out of our armory. If you two just wait a moment or two, we'll be right back." The Cranes nodded, sitting down, allowing the Arkham staff member to leave to retrieve the items. Pamela glanced at her 'husband.'
"I'll be brief while they're gone. My employer has found your work interesting and wants to know if you mind providing a couple of services for him. The pay will be exceptional, you will be able to leave Arkham, continue your research, and return back to your former position in the world. Are you interested?" Crane considered the offer.
"And what is your purpose of this agreement?"
"I'm not to tell you all of the details at the moment. But I can say that I'm to help you with leaving the asylum and with building up your reputation. I will also maintain your alibi for any repercussions that might come along." Crane thought for a moment, before nodding.
"I will accept the terms for the moment. I will give my full cooperation once I'm informed all of the details." Pamela smiled, holding out her hand, a silver diamond ring glistening in the light.
"Then shall we prepare to leave? I will give you the information regarding our marriage and tell you about our informant in the car on the way to the house."
"The house?"
"Well yes, though I guess it would be more of a condominium than a house. Don't worry; all of your belongings have already been transferred over. It should be to your liking."
"That sounds acceptable."
"What is acceptable?" Cash and the guard walked in, carrying a briefcase. Pamela smiled at the two men.
"I was warning him that I was attempting a new recipe that an old coworker had shared with me for dinner. I figured I ought to give him a warning that he was going to be my culinary guinea pig for the evening." Cash smiled.
"Yeah, I remember when my wife did that to me. Best advice is to go exactly by the recipe and keep a cabinet full of medicine for any mistakes." Pamela giggled, while taking the briefcase from the guard.
"I'll keep that in mind. What are the items in the briefcase?"
"His mask, watch, clothes although I believe the shirt is a little stained; and his books from his cell." The woman beamed.
"That sounds like we have everything. Thank you for everything." The group began to walk to the exit. "Is he required to check in for reviews with anyone?"
"No ma'am. As long as he doesn't break any laws he's free to your custody. He isn't allowed a passport or a driver's license at the time. He'll be allowed to drive in about three or so months, depending on his behavior. Passport will be returned in two years unless deemed by the judge and the commissioner."
"That sounds fair, doesn't it love?" Crane nodded.
"Yes dear; however, I was wondering if I will be allowed to pursue a working job now that I have been released?" Cash shrugged.
"That I'm not sure of. Commissioner Gordon will stop by tomorrow to check on how you're doing. He'd probably be able to tell you about all that; though I doubt that you'd get your job back at Arkham." Crane nodded.
"Agreed. Not that I'd want it back. I don't think I have an interest to see the inside of the asylum for anytime soon." They by now have arrived to the gate, where a car was waiting. Cash shook the two's hands.
"It was nice to meet you Mrs. Crane; I hope everything goes well for you two. Crane, I hope this is the last time I'll have to see you on these grounds again. I'll be sure to tell Michael about your wife; he'll probably be upset that you never told him that you are married. And also that he won't get to tease you about your habits anymore." Crane raised his brow.
"Well if he gets beside himself, you can always by him an Italian greyhound. He has declared a likeness between one and myself. I'd imagine that would keep him plenty entertained." With that being said, the couple got into the car and left the grounds. As the asylum disappeared in the rearview mirror and the car got onto the highway, Crane leaned back on to the seat and looked at his 'wife.' "What are you allowed to tell me?" Pamela glanced at him, before looking back at the road.
"You are to continue working as a psychologist. Our employer is pulling some strings to have you hired as a professor at the university. As of the moment that's all I can explain. However our informant is waiting at home and he will be able to give a much better explanation for your instructions." Crane nodded.
"And what of the informant?" Pamela gave a wiry grin.
"Well as a cover, he was your best man for the wedding. He also teaches Sociology at the university that you will be teaching at. That way if anything changes or you'll be able to be informed almost immediately."
"And where will you be?"
"I'm usually in the university's horticulture wing, in the greenhouse lab. If not then I'm at the marketplace for supplies."
"Always?" Green eyes met blue.
"There isn't time to waste. My assignment is not to fool around for my own entertainment; it is to get information for our employer and to assist you."
"I understand. It's refreshing to at least be married to a woman who has her priorities straight." Pamela rolled her eyes.
"Glad to hear you say that, which brings me to another point. Your priorities; at no time should you be arrested, we will let you know when that needs to happen."
"There's a time which I am required to be arrested?"
"Yes, but there isn't a need to be worried about it. If plans stay in order you'll be released before you even have the chance to go inside the first holding cell." Crane nodded. The two were silent for the rest of the drive.
The car pulled into the condominium's drive way. The structure was by Gotham Lake, about ten miles away from the rest of the apartments and city life. Only one other building was close by, a house that was further down the water, a person on a jet ski pulling into the house's water garage.
"Are you coming Crane?" The former inmate blinked, turning to find the woman standing in the condo's doorway. "The entire building is ours, so you will not have to run into anyone that would be a nuisance." She paused, before adding, "Well, Eddie is very much a nuisance, however you'll still have to deal with him."
"Eddie?" Pamela nodded.
"The man that was on the water. He is our informant. He'll probably be here shortly. Why don't I show you around until he arrives?" The tour was quick and efficient. She revealed the locations for the bedroom, their studies, the library, kitchen, utility closet, the spare bedroom, dining room, and the bathroom. Crane noted that each room had at least three plants, giving a slightly homey and welcoming feeling. They stopped at the living room, which had one wall made of windows, showing the stairs that led to the rooftop pool. "Was there any questions about the accommodations?"
"Just one, are we expected to share the bedroom?" Pamela looked mildly irritated.
"Sharing a king sized bed and a spacious bathroom should be manageable for you, Crane. We don't know if the Batman will be stopping by to make sure that you're acting accordingly. Because of that, we do have to keep the appearance of married life. But if you'd like, you are more than welcome to spend the first couple of nights on the couch."
"No…that will not be necessary. I imagine my first couple of nights will be in my study. Thank you for arranging all of my things in there, it looks appropriately organized." Green eyes remained firm as she gave a quick nod.
"You're welcome."
Knock knock rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap
Pamela sighed.
"It sounds like Eddie is here, shall we?" Crane nodded and followed her downstairs into the entrance way. At the door, a tall, thin man with messy brown hair and expressive eyes stood, examining Crane before breaking into a dazzling smile.
"Johnny Boy! How are you, I hope everything was smooth on getting out of the loony bin. Pam, I'm assuming everything was in order?" Pamela rolled her eyes, moving out of the way as the man bounded the house.
"Yes Eddie, everything was fine." The words were lost as the man had already flown up the stairs and was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets. "I'm assuming you're looking for the bananas?"
"Yep, where did you put them?"
"Above the refrigerator." Seeing the fruit, he began peeling while making a beeline for the couch. Plopping down, he took a big bite and grinned at Crane, who looked both irritated and uncomfortable at the sight of someone using his home. Pamela sat on the other couch, motioning for the psychologist to sit beside her. "Crane, this is Edward Nashton. He is our informant for our employer and he will be briefing you regarding our instructions." Crane nodded, extending his hand to shake with the other man.
"Hello Nashton." Eddie looked appalled.
"No! Our cover is both best friends and coworkers. There is a strict policy against friends addressing each other by last names. You can call me either Ed or Eddie. Just like I will refer to you as Johnny or John-John."
"You may call me Jonathan."
"But there isn't any friendship in that!"
"You will call me Jonathan and I will call you Edward." Eddie frowned and looked at the woman.
"Pam! Tell him to give me a nickname!" Pamela smiled.
"You should be happy he is calling you by your first name. According to the research we received from his former jobs and schools, he usually calls them by their surname." Eddie frowned.
"Then at least call me Eddie. It sounds appropriate for the level of friendship and familiarity that we have to maintain and it is also what your wife calls me." Crane considered it before nodding.
"I will accept that. However I maintain on my stance of being called Jonathan. I strongly dislike the other forms of my name."
"Then what will your wife call you? You need a nickname for her that isn't the usual 'sweetie' 'dear' and 'love'." Crane was silent for a moment, before turning to Pamela.
"What is your middle name?" She blinked.
"Lillian."
"Then I'll call you Lily. Or if the situation requires me to be particularly affection, 'my lily flower.' Does that sound acceptable to you?"
"Yes. I'll think of a name for you later."
"Please, just call me Jonathan." Pamela gave a cheeky grin, clearly enjoying the man's growing irritation.
"I'll consider it. Now Eddie, did the boss fix the issue with Gotham University?" Eddie blinked, before leaning back on the couch, taking another bite of his snack.
"It's about fixed; they're just dealing with a couple of legal matters. Apparently," The man glanced at Crane, "attempting to prove a point by shooting a gun in a classroom full of students is a big negative with the majority of the university council." Crane shrugged.
"We were going over behaviorism and how it affects the flight or fight stimulants. I simply included a stimulant that they would all recognize."
"Regardless of that; it should take about a week for the boss to get everyone on the same page. That's all you need to work on at the moment. It's been decided that you'll get the information as you progress. That way if something happens and we are compromised, you will be in less trouble. But now, look what I brought!" The man pulled out a few DVDs from his pocket. Crane looked at him, apprehensively curious.
"I'm hoping those are not an attempt in bonding." Nashton chuckled.
"Nope; these are your cover." He handed them over to the psychologist, who turned them over and read the titles. Proposal, dress rehearsal, bachelor party (don't let Pam see), wedding, reception, leaving for honeymoon, and pictures. "This is the history behind you and Pam's relationship. The first six are videos; the last one is various pictures from before your engagement to pictures from your honeymoon."
"How am I in the videos if I have never seen Pamela before today?" Eddie snorted.
"You're honestly asking? I'm a technologic genius. All I needed was a couple of videos of you, which I easily got from your court videos and graduations. After that it's all green-screen magic. And before you ask, yes, its Batman proof. If not then you would have never been allowed to leave Arkham." Crane nodded.
"What else do I need to know?"
"Nothing else at the moment. Just study those videos; until you can go out in public with Pam and look like a believable husband, you're required to stay here." The man gestured around the house. "Clearly it's significantly better than the asylum; however you do need to stay focused. Something that I believe you'll do fine in maintaining?"
"Of course." Eddie nodded once, before standing.
"Then it is time for me to take my leave. Work on those videos and then, when you think you're ready, go out and take Pam on a date. Make sure its public and that you're noticed. I want to hear people talk about you two." It was silent for a moment from the change in mood, before the man grinned. "Alright then, thanks for the banana Pam, it was great. See you around Jonathan." The woman smiled, and followed him down the stairs to let him out. When she came back in, Crane was crouched in front of the television stand, putting the first disc in.
"Have you already seen these?" She nodded.
"I had to act out my half. It made sense for it to have some realistic components to it."
"True." The two were silent, as Crane looked around for the remote and Pamela watched the water from the window. A few moments passed until the man found the device and sat down. "Would you like to watch this with me?" She considered it.
"As tempting as it is, I probably should go water and care for the plants. As I'm sure you noticed the house is filled with them. Perhaps after I'm done I'll join you." Crane nodded, before turning to the screen, allowing the woman to walk away to preform her usual duties. A few hours passed before she came back down from her chores to join her husband in watching their false memories.
Eh, not sure where this is going. Literally just posted my first draft. However it's been in my brain for a couple of days and figured, what the hell? Might as well post it and see how it does. If you haven't picked up:
Jonathan Crane: Scarecrow
Edward Nashton: The Riddler
Pamela L. Isley-Crane: Poison Ivy
Before you ask, yes, I'm aware that Poison Ivy is a red head, however I wanted to go into a different approach. Her hair will be Auburn with noticeable red strands in the sunlight. See it like this: she's a brunette who when in the light, she photosynthesizes, which in turn slightly alters her hair color.
Also, *spoilers for TDKR* yes, I'm aware that according to Nolanverse, Batman left Gotham with Selina. However I'm disregarding that fact (hence the revisions in my Time Period disclaimer) because simply put, I have a difficulty imagining Batman, the man who is determined to change Gotham without killing and willing to pay his life for it, will leave for a woman. I don't care how much he "likes" her, the only person I can imagine Bruce Wayne is someone who he has known for a significant amount of time and got to know as a friend before as a relationship. Why? Simply because Bruce Wayne is emotionally constipated who has emotional walls more forticated than most government agencies. So Selina Kyle? No. Perhaps Rachel Dawes in the Nolanverse. But she's dead. So no. She's now with batshit crazy Harvey Dent lol
Any who, let me know what you think. As always anonymous, constructive criticism, and flames are welcomed and embraced.
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