You have no idea how hard it is for Jade West to love,
To open herself up,
And allow another person inside her inner sanctum.
After a lifetime of hurt,
A lifetime of being told she was a failure by her father,
Being told she was a mistake from her mother,
How could she dare love?
But now she knows,
There's a balm for that intense pain and heartache,
Where you think you will double over
and drown in your own tears
where you think you can absolutely go insane from this pain
where you will die from your shattered heart
where you think you must faint from that deep ache of loneliness,
but that little thing that fixed her right up…
Love.
Yes, she wanted to throw up from that herself.
The mushy sound of it all.
She had never wanted love.
Silly love.
Stupid love.
Letting someone in just to hurt you.
But somehow…
He had snuck into her life,
And blossomed,
Until he was the best part of her day.
And when she realized it,
She railed against him.
Wanted him to leave
Swore she hated him.
But he was patient,
He was kind,
He was damn stubborn.
He pushed and pushed until she thought she would break
She was so scared
But he was so steady and unfailing in his love
Not embarrassed in the least of his affection
And so he stayed.
And Jade allowed herself to fall
Into this thing called love.
She didn't want to.
Resisted.
But eventually,
It was so much easier to collapse into his open arms
Than keep her distance from him.
He caught her.
And he knew it.
He used it to his advantage.
He made her a better person,
Brought out her happiness
Brought out her silly, loving side.
It was so unintentional to allow him these powers,
He kept her in check with such a steady hand,
All completely out of love.
He adored her.
He laughed at her dark side,
He wasn't the least bit scared of her glower,
He helped her discover herself,
He took her art seriously,
He encouraged everything in her,
He gave great feedback in a way that didn't make her feel attacked.
He held her when she cried for hours over something she couldn't name.
He acknowledged her crazy protectiveness of him easily,
Took it as the affection it was so hard for her to show.
She tried,
She tried to show him.
He knew,
He always caught the things she couldn't quite say.
Her getting him a coffee in the mornings,
Perfectly made to his taste.
Her jealousy over other girls liking him.
Her head tilted on his chest,
Her hand in his,
The little lean into him
Whenever his arms were around her shoulders in the hall.
All of it shown,
That she just couldn't say.
He could count on his hands the times she had said she loved him.
But he knew.
She made it so clear to him.
With that look in her eye,
With her admission to his will,
Going along with his friends,
Trying so hard to fit in with them
And hold her tongue as much as possible.
Jade West did not have a filter between what she thought and what she said
Instead,
She always just said
Whether it was offensive or not.
But she tried.
She tried not to.
For him.
Beck knew how much Jade loved him.
And Jade nearly swooned at Beck's endless, unconditional sea of love.
He took her for what she was,
And he worked with it.
And he loved her.
Which made her love him.
The only person to not disappoint and hurt her.
So when the war in her mind said to run,
She had stayed.
When her self-defense mechanism shouted to shut down,
She instead tried hard to open up.
Tried to change for him.
To deserve all the love he offered her,
No strings attached.