Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis... :(
Warning: shonen-ai, angst
A/N: I often write fics and finally I dare upload one XD It's about my favourite characters, Yukimura and Sanada, I really admire them. Enjoy and tell me what you think!
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Waiting
You must never lose sight of your goals; otherwise, you will never be able to attain them.
It was one of his devices, one of his principles, accompanying his severe discipline. You have to fight for your goal - if you don't focus, you won't be worth succeeding. That's what he thought. That's what he believed in.
Even years later Yukimura still didn't know why he had not followed his own rule.
He lost his opportunity. It could have worked out the way he wanted, maybe. But it didn't. His time was up... He waited too long.
Maybe it was because he had been in love. He still was.
Things are different when you're overwhelmed by your feelings; things are much more complicated, things are without influence and things are quick out of control. Though, he thought it wouldn't be too difficult.
He first realized that he was in love when he was hospitalized. Months that he spent alone nearly the entire day, plenty of time to reflect.
They became close, closer than before; everytime he believed he couldn't stand it anymore - his dependence, his illness, his weakness - somebody was by his side. Silent, strong and calm, always relieving and supporting. Unusually loyal, even for their deep friendship.
Yukimura couldn't help but smiling, whenever he saw his friend entering.
Someday he simply knew that he loved him. It wasn't surprising nor strange; it were feelings he'd ever had, after all.
Now that he knew that he had been falling for him, he was sure things would work out if he waited patiently. It was too early to confess his feelings; he couldn't exclude all possibility of doubt. Did Sanada return his feelings at all? Did he consider him more than a friend?
Among this doubts, Yukimura was happy. It felt nice, being in love, especially with somebody he trusted completely. It made him strong, somehow, strong enough to endure the whole time he didn't know if he would die or ever be able to play tennis again.
He never gave him any hint to his feelings. The time had never been right, actually; perhaps he was afraid of the possible answer. But he knew that something was between them. He just waited.
On his fifteenth birthday, it happened.
It could have happenend.
Maybe, if he had done something at least...
Sanada leaned over him, with a slight smile on his lips; first it seemed that he wanted to hug Yukimura. Then he came closer, touching softly his cheek. They both closed their eyes... but after a moment, Sanada receded. He apologized immediately and Yukimura said that it was okay.
Actually, it was okay. Yukimura knew now that his friend felt the same way he did.
It could have been the beginning.
If he had fought, if he had acted a different way... If he hadn't lost sight of his goal.
He even laughed a little when he remembered this time; he laughed, bitterly and angrily, laughing and crying at the same time.
He waited too long.
Perhaps Sanada had been in love with him, once. His love ended because Yukimura never did something about it, although he knew. Sanada himself didn't wait a long time...
He fell for somebody else.
Yukimura noticed the glances, smiled his usual smile and pretended that he was clueless about the feelings of his vice. He acted kindly and was always by his side, like Sanada did when he was hospitalized. At this point, he still waited.
"I can't walk you home today" his friend said one day after class. "Akaya needs some help with practice."
Yukimura nodded, realizing that he couldn't smile. He didn't have enough discipline. That's why he lost, after all...
"You and Akaya, you're a couple now, right?" Yukimura asked seriously. Sanada looked surprised but confirmed after a few seconds. He even smiled. It hurt, seeing his friend this pleased... he couldn't be happy for him. He couldn't wait any longer.
"Sanada... I want to talk to you for a moment... can you...?"
"Akaya is waiting for me."
The vice captain apologized and suggested talking the next day. Yukimura shook his head, affirming that it was all right.
When Sanada left, he closed his eyes.
He hadn't stuck to his own principles and that was the result, given by his own fault.
His time was up.
And now, years after he left junior high, he still waited.
He waited for his heart to be healed.
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A/N: I'm German and this is my first fic in English - please tell me if you have found mistakes in it! I'm not sure if I used the comma right, it's very difficult to me and there's no one to tell me :( Anyway, I hope you liked it!