I Run to You
Part 1 – I run from pain
Knock, knock, knock.
"What?" Alexa stretches, glaring at the door, where an incessant pounding has awoken her. "Mike? For God's sakes, it's 4am."
The knocking ceases abruptly, but Alexa moves to open the door anyway. Her inner worry-wart has kicked in and she won't be able to sleep unless she finds out what is wrong with her boyfriend. After all, Mike is the only person she can think of that would drop by for a visit this late at night. He is probably drunk after staying out with the boys too late tonight and wants a good night kiss, or something equally ridiculous. But she has to know for sure, because she has this niggling feeling that something is wrong.
Pulling open the door, she notices no one standing there. So she goes into the hall just in time to see the stairway door close. Sighing heavily and mentally cursing herself for not being able to let him leave, Alexa rushes to follow.
"Mike," she says, tentatively. No answer is given so she tries being louder. "Mike, what is going on?"
After a few more attempts and two flights of stairs, she finally allows herself to give up. –Whatever the problem is – she thinks - obviously it can wait until morning. –
"I'm not Mike," a familiar voice murmurs sulkily, from the shadows of the stairwell door.
"Jason?" Alexa questions, surprise and concern etched onto her face. "What are you doing in here?"
Jay steps out into the light to receive a gasp from Lex. He smiles ruefully and says "Oh, come on now Lex. I can't look that bad."
"Jay-…son" she almost slips, her concern for his current state overriding her sense of self-preservation. Her resolve holds, however barely. She needs to keep her distance from him; she can't be drawn back into his life. It would ruin both of them. As ridiculous as it sounds, just saying his full name instead of the shortened version helps Alexa maintain that sense of distance.
"Jason, your face is covered in scrapes and you have a black eye, at the least," she puts herself back into responsible friend mode. Clearly he needs some help and she'll give it to him.
"Are you trying to tell me I'm not pretty any more, Lex?" he asks, with a sexy pout that she's trying her best to ignore, and a sadness in his blue eyes that she knows she put there.
"Oh, Jason, are you drunk?" she asks him, although the answer is clear to both of them.
"A bit, yeah," he admits, unashamed of himself. "Not enough for my face to be pain free, unfortunately. The fight interrupted my drinking."
"Not drunk enough then?" she nods her head in understanding, sighs, and offers him the help that he obviously came to her seeking. "Come on, then. Let's get you cleaned up."
They don't speak during the walk back to her room. The awkward feeling that surrounds the pair for the entire trip surrounds them, palpable in every breath of air. It isn't until she is actually cleaning his cuts that she cannot take the awkward silence any longer. So she asks the most logical question.
"What happened tonight?"
Jay sighs, knowing that it would only be so long before she would ask him. "Nothing really. I just went out to the bar and got into a fight with a local idiot. That's all." He only hoped she believed him. The truth is definitely not a story he wants to tell, particularly not to her.
"I'm not an idiot, Jason," Lex replies to his obvious lie. "All of the guys went out tonight and they wouldn't have let you get into a fight with a local. Besides, you'd be in jail right now if you did that. Tell me what really happened."
Her imploring eyes almost force him into submission (he always did have trouble ignoring a request from her), but this time the situation is just too bad for him to give in. So instead, he deflects.
"Oh, wow," he says, glancing at the clock quickly and hopping up off the chair. "It's almost 5 and I know you've got a photo shoot in a few hours, so I'd better let you get back to sleep. Thanks for the help and look, I'm sorry for bothering you so early," he says the last, even though he knows he doesn't look sorry at all. In fact, he probably looks thrilled that she showed so much concern for him. – Jeez, I really am a pathetic asshole. – He tries to escape, but a petite hand on his shoulder stops him, turning him back around to face the small woman who's had him wrapped around her finger for years.
"I know you, Jason," she says while analyzing his face. "You're trying to hide something from me. What really happened? Did you get into a fight with Mike?"
"No, no, I didn't fight with 'Mr. Awesome,'" he answers, with mocking emphasis on the nickname. "I just don't want to talk about it okay? I did something stupid and I got into a fight and I just really don't want to talk about it," the words flow from his mouth in a harsh, angry whisper and Alexa is taken aback by them.
Her voice is small, bordering on frightened, when she responds with a simple, "Okay, I understand."
All Jay can think about now is how much he hates it when she is scared of him and she should never be scared of him because he loves her and would never hurt her. That's the only reasoning he has for the next words that explode from his mouth in an apologetic rush.
"I'm sorry, princess, I'm just messed up. You know how I get when Adam and I fight, and it's even worse when I fight with Callie too, so I'm just…I'm sorry," he states, as calmly as he can, not even realizing the words that are coming out of his mouth until Alexa looks at him in shock.
"Adam did this to you?" she nearly screams the question, thinking this idea impossible. These two men are like brothers, they've known each other their entire lives and no matter how much they argue, they've always worked things out in the end. They have never been violent towards each other and it doesn't make sense that they would start now.
Jay closes his eyes in acknowledge of his mistake, mentally berating himself for getting caught up by Alexa's sweetness and losing his control. He always does that around her and he really needs to learn how to keep it together better. Otherwise, he'll be blurting out professions of love for the girl (which was embarrassing enough the first time he did it. Considering they broke up a couple of months ago, it would be beyond ridiculous now).
"Why would Adam do this to you?" she asks. "You guys are best friends; that doesn't make any sense."
"Look, I did something stupid okay?" he replies, not capable of telling her how horrible his actions were. "Please, just let it go. I deserved what I got. So don't worry about it."
He heads towards the door one more time, but Alexa can't seem to let it go. She steps in front of him again, and now her eyes hold a lot of anger.
"I thought we were friends, Jay," she accuses, "friends can tell each other anything. So just tell me what's going on. I hate not knowing what is happening between my friends, especially if it's going to be something that affects the whole group."
"No, Lex!" Jay finally releases all of his frustrations on her. "No, we're not friends! You broke my heart and left me in complete misery, while you're off having the time of your life with the world's baddest baddie. It's crazy that you think that we can be friends after that! I lo-ugh!"
He breaks off his sentence because the last thing that he needs right now is to tell her that he still loves her. So instead, he manages his escape, "Look, I can't have this conversation with you right now. I'm not in a good place. I gotta go."
She is in complete shock at his outburst and doesn't know how to respond to it. So instead, she lets him go and collapses onto the bed with a sigh. She cries silently to herself, never managing enough peace to get back to sleep.
Outside of the door, Jay falls against it with a barely controlled fury. He can't believe the things that he just said to the love of life. He knows she is probably crying in there because he knows how sensitive she can be about friendships. But he can't bring himself to lie to her anymore. He really can't be her friend because all he wants to do is kiss her passionately and bring her back into his loving arms.
"I'm sorry, Lex," he whispers pointlessly, "I shouldn't have ran to you with my troubles. You're the only one who can actually solve them…but you won't."
Then, with all the strength he can muster in his pain-filled, half-drunk, lovesick state, he pushes himself off of her door and drags himself up the stairs to his room. Alexa isn't the only one who can't sleep that night due to crying.