A recruitment letter from the centaur Foaly technical consultant to the lower elements police. Trusted ally if you have decoded this gnomish message then you are a deputy officer in the lower elements police. You will not be aware of this fact because it is the practice in the lep to mindwipe our human allies. We do this so they cannot remember being recruited. If you cannot remember the fairy people or our underground city then you cannot betray our existence to the greedy humans. Of course not all humans are greedy. You deputy are a noble member of your species. And clever too. We only recruit the best. Our intelligence department studied your file and concluded that you were suitable for lep member ship. At the moment you are only deputy officer. To become a fully-fledged officer you must complete four tasks. Number one decode this message. Something you are well on your way to completing. Number two save the life of a member of another species. You can complete this task in any number of ways. Open a window the release a trapped fly. Build a bird bath in your garden. Release a mouse from a trap. Number three achieve a perfect score on a school test or homework assignment. In this job you need to be smart as well as fit. Number four wash yourself every day for a week this is a difficult assignment especially for human boys who do not like contact with water. If you are going to work underground often in cramped tunnels you will appreciate a partner who does not smell like a hermit dwarf. Once you have completed these tasks you must summon your recruiting officer in the ancient fashion. Make sure you are not being watched. Find a soft spot of ground and burrow a six-inch hole with a broom handle or short stick. When your hole is ready tap out the letters l e p in horse code. The code for l e p is as follows l tap tap wiggle tap e wiggle wiggle tap p tap wiggle drill. Do this at least a hundred times and our underground sensors will pick up the vibration and send an lep officer with your uniform and orders. Good luck deputy.
Foaly