Summary: Chekov worries that the crew doesn't know as much as they should about safe sex, so he volunteers to teach them. In other words, how Chekov ruined his innocent reputation in only thirty minutes.
Rated: T because teenagers should know this stuff anyways
I couldn't resist :) Because, let's just be honest, he can't honestly be as innocent as he seems.
Chekov was a boy of curiosity, one who always wished to know more about life. Therefore, he spent most of his life simply watching people. He found that he learned the most from the interactions he witnessed between those he knew, and the Enterprise possessed many opportunities for him to learn.
For example, Chekov learned that the Captain flirted with just about everyone (including himself) not because he was some sex-aholic super slut, but because it was the only way he knew how to make himself vulnerable enough for people to get to know him. Most people misinterpreted his actions, but he really was just trying to be friendly and open.
That didn't mean he didn't have his fair share of sexual partners, of course. He was still a man, after all. He had his needs.
Chekov also learned that Spock avoided skin contact more than any other Vulcan. Most Vulcans didn't mind the occasional accidental touch, but Spock went out of his way to avoid ever touching anyone's skin. It made Chekov think that his first officer might be...lacking knowledge in that area, so to speak.
The thing that most interested Chekov (and frightened him a bit) was the small snippets of conversation he caught on the bridge. Chekov was surprised that anyone would talk about such personal business in a bridge full of people, but he realized that they only did it when they were around him. And why not? They were all under the impression that Chekov was too young to know what they were talking about.
"Dude, I thought you said you pulled out."
"I did! I don't know what happened...I don't want to be a dad!"
Chekov was surprised that a grown man didn't know the details of his own anatomy. It was slightly unsettling, but he pushed it off. The next time it happened, he was even more worried.
"Just tell Karen that she can't get STD's from oral sex."
Well then. Chekov twitched in his seat, so badly wanting to correct the young woman sitting next to him. But it wasn't his conversation. He had no business interrupting.
After the last time, Chekov knew he had to speak up to somebody. The men talking right behind his head pushed him to his limit.
"We don't need protection. We're both guys."
Chekov jumped up from his seat at that moment and left the bridge, a very confused Kirk calling out from behind him. He headed down to Medbay and asked to speak with Doctor McCoy, but the good doctor was off in engineering tending to an injury that someone received just minutes ago. Instead, he went to Counselor Davis.
"What can I do for you, Pavel?" He asked as the teen sat rigidly in a chair.
"Zhey know nozhing! I keep hearing all zhis stuff, and vhat am I supposed to do?"
"Um...Pardon me, but who doesn't know anything about what?"
"Zhe crew! Sex! I have to teach them, Counselor." The counselor eyed him for a minute, no doubt wondering what on earth the seventeen-year-old could possibly teach grown men and women about this matter. But, nevertheless, he could let Chekov try, at the very least.
"Fine. I'm ordering a mandatory, 30-minute class for all Bridge workers. Also, I'll send Doctor McCoy down to...Well, just in case."
"You mean just in case I don't know vhat I'm talking about?" Chekov asked, raising an eyebrow. The counselor blushed slightly.
"Well, you are-"
"Don't worry, Davis. I know more zhen you may think." With that, he got up and left the office. Counselor Davis stared at his vacant seat in confusion.
The following day, their shift was to end at exactly 2000 hours, at which point Counselor Davis had scheduled all of them to have a thirty minute dinner and report back to the bridge for their class. Chekov didn't think one class was enough to teach the crew that severely lacked basic knowledge, things Chekov had learned years ago, but he would proposition Davis for more classes if they needed them. So far, nobody on the bridge knew what the class was about. He hadn't even told Sulu, though Sulu was one of the few who didn't actually need it.
After dinner the crew slowly began trickling back onto the bridge. Chekov stood by the door tapping his toes. He heard many complaints about "taking up their precious free time" but didn't mind; after all, the sooner they showed up, the sooner this would be over.
"Okay, now that we're all here, I'd like to offer the floor to Ensign Chekov," McCoy said. He tried to hide his smile and Chekov knew that Davis told him what this was about.
"Zhank you, Doctor. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and zhank you for showing up. I asked Counselor Davis to set zhis class up, because I vanted to have a talk vith all of you. I have been hearing things around zhe bridge zhat concern me."
"What things?" Kirk asked. He had his "I'm the captain, this is important for me to know" worried looks on.
"Zhings about sex, Captain. Misinformation."
"Wait, hold the hell up!" One officer said. "You, you of all people, want to talk to us about sex?" A small group of people in the corner laughed, but Chekov wasn't discouraged. Their words were fuel for him to continue.
"Yes, lieutenant. Problem?"
"Hell yeah there's a problem! What do you know about sex?" He sneered at the young ensign. Chekov squared his shoulders and approached the officer slowly.
"More zhen you, apparently, since you seem to zhink a woman can't get pregnant if you pull out." The man hid his face as laughter erupted around him.
"Now zhat I have your attention, I vant to start vith questions. Anybody? Don't be shy." Sulu slowly raised his hand, so Chekov's surprise, but he nodded toward his friend.
"Um, this is...well, I was actually wondering...What is the age of consent in Starfleet?" Chekov felt his eyebrows attempt to jump right off his forward.
"Any particular reason you're asking, Sulu?" Kirk nudged Sulu and winked at him. The man blushed but remained silent.
"Eighteen, Sulu. Anybody else?"
"I have a question! Is it true that you can't get STD's from oral sex?" A woman in the back asked.
"Nyet. Zhey can. Condoms, Lynette. Zhey can save lives. Anybody else?"
"Wait a sec," the big dumb officer said, having recovered from his earlier embarrassment. "What does it matter? The Doc can cure like, all STD's. So why bother?"
"Think I'm bailing your sorry ass out that easy?" McCoy muttered.
"It matters, Officer," Chekov said. "Every time you get an STD it damages a part of your body. Medicine, even cures, can't repair all parts fully. A woman's chance of being able to get pregnant decreases every time she gets an STD. A man's reproductive system vill start to shut down over time, and zhe possibility of urinary tract infections or Kidney stones increases. Still vant to take that chance?" Chekov stared the officer down, and McCoy nodded his approval.
Throughout the entire conversation Kirk had been wearing a large smile. He always knew Chekov wasn't as innocent as he came off seeming.
"I have a question." Spock said. "Actually it is a topic I overheard on the bridge yesterday, and I wish to know if it is true."
Chekov nodded for him to continue, and he did, in his overly-analytical way, of course.
"The men in question wished to partake in sexual behavior with each other, and one said that it is not necessary for two men to use protection with each other. Is that true?"
"No. It is necessary. Zhe men were working under zhe assumption that pregnancy is zhe worst zhing that can happen, but it isn't. At least pregnancy is a part of nature. Zhese men can still get Std's if one of zem have it." Spock nodded and filed the information away for future use.
"Now, are zhere any ozher questions? Ve are almost out of time."
"Yeah, how the hell do you know all this?" Officer Dumbass asked.
"Experience. Dismissed." Chekov walked off the bridge, followed by gasps. Everyone thought Chekov was so innocent. Well, everyone except Kirk.
So there be it. I may add on to this, add a few more classes, but if I do it'll turn into a Chulu fic. Let me know if you're interested in that. Reviews, please!