Absence makes the heart grow fonder
'No, I really can't come home for Christmas Iris.' Barry's voice was calm and apologetic while Iris's hectic answers flew over the phone.
'I'm sorry, but the snow comes up to my waist and even if I could somehow make my car resurface from underneath this heavy white layer of frozen water, there is no way I could dig my way out of this town and onto a solid road.' He listened to another wave of rapid fire sentences before sighing heavily.
'Iris, tell Joe I'm sorry. Merry Christmas to you both.' After a forcefully cheerful goodbye he hung up the phone and ran his hand through his hair.
When he stepped to the window and looked outside, the brown and dark surroundings accusingly stared back at him. Bare skeleton like trees were lining the streets, cars were rushing back and forth and people were hurrying on the wet asphalt, their heavy boots splashing in the puddles of muddy water. No sign of a single snowflake anywhere. Barry had lied to Iris about this particular detail, just like he had lied about where this work trip had actually taken him.
It hadn't exactly been his plan not to go home for the holidays. However, the increasing distance between here and home and the constant loneliness made any thought of his childhood friend, his first love, and his lost chance unbearable. The idea of going home to witness Iris be happy with Eddie was too much. Absence did indeed make the heart grow fonder. It also ripped old wounds open and nurtured the pain with new waves of nostalgia and regret.
'Barry, you there?' Cisco's voice cracked over the walkie-talkie he had in his room. He almost leapt at the transponder, grateful for the distraction it would grant him. Any break from his increasingly moody thoughts was welcome.
'Yeah, what's up?'
'We found new traces of my gun. Captain Cold couldn't hide from us forever.' He could hear his friend chuckle on the other end of the line and smiled.
'I'll be over there in a sec.' He switched the receiver off, deliberately slowly. Then got dressed, slowly as well. As much as he was looking forward to catching Leonard Snart again, there was one downside of him leaving this room. It would mean talking to Cisco and to Caitlin. Both of them had an uncanny ability to see when he was troubled. Even worse, Caitlin had the unfortunate habit of trying to dole out wisdom. Wisdom, Barry wasn't really interested in at the moment. He simply needed time to think and to heal. He believed that if he stayed away for long enough, the pain might grow dull. A tactic, which, Caitlin had pointed out oh so many times, was him trying to avoid said pain. Barry sighed.
When he had put on his shoes, his coat and his gloves he had no choice but to flash over to the temporary lab where his friends would be waiting for him.
'Hi guys.' He greeted, trying to look and act normal.
One glance at the two scientists told him he had failed miserably.
'Did you call Iris?' Cisco asked sympathetically.
'I don't wanna talk about it.'
'Barry it would be good if you…' Caitlin started but he interrupted her.
'Stop. Both of you. I know you mean well but I just can't today… I simply can't. So can we please just get to work?' He implored them with his eyes and they finally gave in. Soon the three of them had left the everyday talk behind to dive head first into the deep end of scientific talk about genetic mutation and radiation poisoning. It was a soothing balm on Barry's soul, preventing the full scope of his misery from hitting him just yet. But when he would go home that night, one glance outside the window, and the complete lack of snow outside would raise to the forefront of his mind what he had been trying to subdue the entire day. That every lie he told Iris was making the rift between them grow deeper. He would soon have to realize that the distance between them was not just a physical fact. And by the time he understood that, it would probably be too late.