Managing the Schnee Dust Company across six galaxies was quite a challenging job, what with the backstabbing, shootouts, and occasional attempted coups, but president Jack Schnee managed admirably, if he could say so about himself. It also involved a lot of paperwork and supervision for the bumbling idiots that worked under him, but most of those duties Winter took under her own care, leaving him only with a modest stack of papers on the desk requiring his personal attention and signature. T-bone Junction could live another month without medical supplies, however, which was why Jack spent the time with his favorite game of "whack-a-Faunus" on his ECHO scroll, instead.
That was, before a sudden urgent message ruined his streak and beeped incessantly until he looked at the pictures within. The familiar purple glow instantly banished all aggravation from his mind - this was the day he was waiting for. A speed dial later and Winter's face appeared on his terminal.
"Talk to me, angel, I need information, and I need it yesterday." His fingers fluttered over the virtual keyboard, transferring money and personnel, sending alerts and mobilizing the company's finest.
"It may take a while to fully process the data, but the preliminary orbital scan confirmed non-human ruins on the recently discovered planet tentatively designated "Pandora". The markings on visible surfaces are reminiscent of those found on Eridian artifacts." His daughter appeared distracted, no doubt outpacing countless AIs in her work to quietly and efficiently help him with that brilliant mind of hers.
"Their homeworld?" Even the scraps of Eridian technology found elsewhere possessed immense power and boosted innovative design for mankind. The kind of things that may be found at the point of origin...
"Hard to tell at this point, but they inhabited it for some time for sure."
"And the Grimm population on the planet?" There was always a catch, and soulless monsters hell-bent on destroying humanity would definitely qualify.
"Unknown. Space surveillance failed to notice any large examples, so it's not easy to make a prognosis."
"What did it find?"
Instead of an answer, Winter directed a drone log onto his terminal. 18:07 Remnant Vale time, Tuesday, the scouting drone stumbled upon energy and mass readings of a potentially habitable planet. 18:11, the fast-travel unit was deployed and connected to the network. 18:42, a basic space station digistructed around the drone and it's beacon lit up. 18:43, the ruins were detected by on-board equipment. Jack glanced at his own clock, reading 18:49.
"Tell me we're not wasting time, angel." He paged through the images, instantly recognizing that unmistakable violet hue. His blood boiled at the mere thought of it at his fingertips.
"Already dispatched Wilhelm and the assortment of Loaders to secure the station for SDC. We should be careful when choosing the Hunter team to make planetfall, though. Not everyone is trustworthy enough to use there."
"You're a miracle worker, angel. I'll handle it from here."
He closed the call, moving quickly through the list of his current assets. His daughter was right, as usual; he and SDC personnel under him used all kinds of scum for their dirty work and encouraged backstabbing and treason within the company ranks. It kept Jack's own opposition on the board disorganized and powerless to meddle in his more... delicate affairs. As his eyes slid down the list, however, he couldn't suppress a growl of annoyance. Even his new girlfriend would sell him out at a drop of a hat (a stylish, beautiful cowboy hat). Wilhelm was already in, with his prototype Paladin mech and a whole compliment of supporting Loaders fully engaged. He closed the list with disgust as it ended and no more names caught his eye.
A brief check revealed that all status updates from the Pandoran space station appeared lost for the last ten minutes - his baby girl hard at work, Jack thought with pride. Still, it only marginally delayed the other companies from finding out and taking action; he needed someone on the ground and digging up ancient alien artifacts right the hell now. And for the engineers to work safely from Grimm attacks he needed a team of Hunters or equally skilled personnel to protect them.
Hiring from the government network would bring a plethora of its own issues - namely, any artifacts he'd find would be confiscated by the councilmen to gather dust in their offices, instead of Jack's. He needed someone loyal to him, personally, for this kind of a job.
...That didn't leave him with much of a choice. With a sigh, he dialed his other daughter.
"...and I present to you my team," the red girl next to Weiss coughed, and she amended, "our team, RWBY".
Jack looked critically over the famous students of the renowned Beacon academy. For someone who foiled and dismantled a huge terrorist organization, they didn't look like much. Sure, the red girl had enough orange SDUs on her waist to outfit an elite strike force, and the yellow one appeared more buff than Wilhelm, but they still were teenage girls, for God's sake. He could feel his dignity slowly peeling off as he imagined other mega-corps finding out about the "best of Schnee" and promptly made plans for some outrageous diversion. A living diamond horse moved up his list of priorities; let those dumbasses wreck their tiny brains looking for a hidden meaning of that.
Still, RWBY somehow managed to take on a teleporting Siren and come out of it alive and victorious. Anything he would find on Pandora, they could handle.
"Introductions are in order, I think," Jack struck a heroic pose. "I am the leader of the Schnee corporation, the most brilliant, educated, virtuous, upstanding and striking man in six galaxies. Handsome Jack, at your service!" He half-bowed with hands spread wide.
Judging by the blank looks on their faces, no one appreciated the effort he put into that intro. He would have to talk with Weiss again about the abhorrent company she keeps after they're done on Pandora. Seriously, what could possibly attract someone of her station into the lair of brutes and degenerates that is a Hunter academy?
"I am talking to you now, because I, Handsome Jack, wanted you, personally, overseeing one of my projects of great importance. Ozpin agreed to help me out on this, so off with you." He ended the briefing by sending a fast-travel location to their ECHO scrolls and terminated the call.
Next was a note to headmaster Ozpin that he borrowed Weiss and her team for a while; it wouldn't do for them to ask around and find out he lied about that part. Covered on Beacon front, Jack texted Patricia Tannis next - his slightly unhinged, but insanely knowledgeable xenomorph expert - that she was about to get four bodyguards and a new assignment shortly. Loose ends tidied up, he directed his attention back to Pandora.
Wilhelm had finished his task and busied himself with overseeing the arrival of Jack's turbo-mansion into Pandoran orbit. An awesome space station in the form of a giant "S" would make an excellent base of operations and punctuate his claim over the new world at the same time. Come to think of it, he should open the local fast-travel station to Tannis, Weiss, and... damn, he forgot to ask those others their names.
A quick ECHOnet search solved that problem for him. Team RWBY had it's own moment of glory and got their names etched into the annals of history.
The red kid was named Ruby Rose and had been earnestly gushing about storybook heroes in her interview (totally fake, she completely failed to admire him when he talked to Weiss); she loved seeding the area with Longbow teleporters and zipping around the battlefield with a wicked-looking sniper-scythe.
Next was Weiss, and he skipped that part; the annual nine-digit bills for esoteric Schnee Dust munitions have told him more then enough about his stray child.
Blake Beladonna was interviewed after that, a silent type with a printed book fetish. Considering her Faunus heritage, with an overwhelming majority of the creatures illiterate, she was a walking miracle. Blake mixed corporeal clones with holographic decoys and an invisibility suite to great effect, confounding her opponents and then backstabbing them with a custom-made blade when they were distracted. A girl after his own heart, if her parents weren't savage beasts rolling in their own filth in his Dust mines on Grimm-infested planets.
The last one had a fancy name of Yang Xiao Long, and strived for a very alluring lifestyle of kicking pendejo's in the nuts across all inhabited galaxies. She put her knees where her mouth was and had an impressive list of men and women with acute perineum pains left behind her. Overabundance of muscle on her hot lithe figure had made sure that few seeked retribution after, and those who did were never heard from again.
Yes, those Huntresses will do, he thought as he quickly typed the names into the system, time to get to work.
"THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BY TORGUE CORPORATION. THIS IS MISTER TORGUE, AND I AM CURRENTLY CASTING FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON ELPIS OF THE PLANET PANDORA. I HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT PANDORA HAS ERIDIAN RUINS ON IT, AND WE HERE AT THE TORGUE CORPORATION SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT IT'S F*CKING AWESOME! ALSO, I AM REALLY HUNGRY AND SOMEBODY SHOULD BRING ME A SANDWICH. END OF THE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT."
The unmistakable glow of the digistruct technology heralded the arrival of a new group of miners, scientists and guards into his mansion. The fast-travel station was working overtime to bring in everyone and everything involved in the expedition. The expedition that currently did a whole lot of nothing, because the damn planetfall was just not happening. Jack grit his teeth and pushed his way out of another area full of slackers and imbeciles, trying to find a quiet place to make a call.
"This is all so frustrating," he growled. "Why it doesn't work, angel?"
"I'm not sure. The readings from the planet surface are scrambled by unknown..."
"Who cares about the goddamn readings, just stuff those troglodytes into supply crates and shoot them down!"
There was a 'clang!' and a series of 'thoom!'s, as a ship-grade rapid-fire accelerator cannon loaded and shot a number of unwieldy projectiles in the general direction of Pandora.
"See? That wasn't so hard. Why am I supposed to do everything around here?"
"Because out of every human gathered here only you have your Aura unlocked and could survive the landing?"
"No, because out of everyone gathered here I'm the only one who knows how to use his head for something other than stuffing food in and spewing bullshit out."
There was a pause.
"The Loaders have arrived mostly undamaged, Jack. Scanning... possible location for base camp found. Deploying." Another 'thoom' rang through the turbo-mansion. "You should prepare for planetfall, yourself."
"Everything, I tell you," he grumbled on principle alone, but obediently moved back to the fast-travel unit. "Love you anyway, baby."
"You still need an escort. The Hunters you were bringing in?"
"Should arrive any moment now."
"Good. I'll arrange for scouting and intel." Winter hung up on him. Another series of 'thoom's echoed throughout the station as more and more robotic Loaders were fired down.
The chamber lit up again as a quintet of people were digistructed into the room.
"...while I thank you for your inquisitiveness - a mental state unbeknown to the majority of the human population around my office on Eden Five - the dry-heaving was entirely caused by our unwanted social interaction and shall pass as soon as you remove yourself, and the rest of your group, from the vicinity of my own person," a petite woman in her thirties with a couple of chairs tucked to her sides declared to the rest of the newcomers. The left chair had one of it's legs broken. "Also, as you've undoubtedly noticed, we have arrived. If you didn't, you have much more pressing concerns to address right now. Either way, it would be an excellent time for you to depart, and for me to settle in with my ceiling chairs."
Jack made his way over.
"Actually, Patty, I want you down there, to be one of the first to reach the Eridian ruins. So those four girls? Are your company for the foreseeable future. I advise finding me my artifacts very quickly if you wish to get rid of team RWBY anytime soon."
"Absolutely unacceptable! My beloved Clork had a recent injury and would need time to heal in peace." She shoved the broken chair under his nose. "And if you have a problem with my non-standard living arrangements, you can take it up with Phillipe!" She swung the other chair at him, but Jack was faster. He grabbed it by the leg and wrestled it from her hands.
"I have a rotary saw and I'm not afraid to use it." He menaced and loomed over Tannis until she shot a trickle of blood from her nose and passed out. Jack thought for a moment to wreck the chair anyway, but no one present and conscious would notice or care. Also, he was a hero, and heroes show mercy. So he dropped the chair on top of the prone woman and turned to his other guests with a wide grin on his face.
"Welcome to Pandora, kiddos!"
So, you want to hear a story, huh?
"Clang!"
As the supply crate rose towards the accelerator, team RWBY had some time to reevaluate their life choices.
"Clink!"
Not that they did. When the fast-travel failed again to deliver them towards the surface, Jack grew impatient, and did the thinking for them.
"Bam!"
The president of the Schnee corporation ordered a few robots out of a supply crate and welcomed the girls in.
"Clank!"
They happily agreed, because it was not every Tuesday that they managed to drop onto a planet from high orbit.
"Thoom. Thoom! THOOM! THOOM!"
Ha, I've got just the story for you!
Little did RWBY know, as the crate accelerated at the bone-breaking speed, unimaginable forces gathered and mobilized all over the inhabited galaxies.
Little did they know, that Salvador Xiao Long grew concerned over the lack of pendejos complaining over perineum pains and his daughter, not necessarily in that order. A quick check found a complete absence of Yang's New-U resurrection updates for the last half-hour. His concern spiking, he called his old family friend, Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington.
Little did Salvador know, that Mister Torgue was bored to tears, because ninety-seven percent of living things around him were not exploding at that moment. So he decided to check on Yang's last travel vector himself in his space-truck.
Little did Torgue know, that his PSA, meant to bring him a sandwich, would instead urge all the major and minor corporations in six galaxies to gather their elite strike forces in a desperate rush towards Pandora.
Little did they know, that general Ironwood from Atlas corporation was already prepared to deploy his Crimson Lance, because someone had stolen his prototype Paladin mech.
Little did James know, that a soldier of the Crimson Lance would find someone he swore to kill in his new unit and desert the Crimson Lance soon after the murder.
Little did Roland know, that his future girlfriend was itching to repay RWBY for her defeat and was already on her way to Pandora.
Little did Raven know, that a thief she left for dead survived and vowed revenge on her.
Little did Roman know, that the pilot he hired was in truth a pirate, anxious about the goddaughter she gifted the decoy module to on her seventh birthday.
Little did Scarlett know, that a Dahl corporation military vessel would digistruct in the middle of her planet approach vector.
Little did Axton know, that his day would become much more hectic as soon as a pirated yacht would smash into the barracks side of the military cruiser.
Little did Tungsteena Zarpedon know, that the explosion on her cruiser would attract the attention of Wilhelm and his little band of murderous psychopaths.
Little did Wilhelm know, that their combat to the death with Tungsteena in their battlesuits would be recorded and ECHOcasted to all relevant and irrelevant parties across Pandoran orbit.
Little did professor Polendina know, that his daughters Penny and Gaige would be inspired by the cyborg warfare footage and will go AWOL to improve and upgrade their bodies on Pandora.
Little did they know, that the Grimm on the planet were much smarter than your average breed and had already set an ambush around the landing site.
Little did the Grimm Destroyer know, that the Eridians it thought eradicated yet lived on Pandora.
Little did the Eridian Warrior know, that his eternal life was coming to an end, courtesy of four excited kids barreling in a supply crate towards the surface.
Let me tell you of team RWBY.