Title: You Jump, I Jump
Summary: It's about Zoro and Sanji and a ship called The Giganic. No, it's not an AU.
Disclaimer: If they're ours the must've doing it since long ago.
Pairing: ZoSan
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,538
Author: pseudo-shigure and bl4ckm4lice
Pseudo-shigure's note: Blackmalice blackmail me to do this! It's all her fault! Buhuhuhuhu….
Blackmalice's note: inspired by a crack fic. I was just helping pseudo-shigure to type right.
Pseudo-shigure's note: LIE! Blackmalice sat beside me and makes sure I wrote what she likes! Evil woman she is. Now I wanna get my ass away from her house. See you on Sunday anyway.
Blackmalice's note: rolls eyes ignore her, she's psychotic. oh, and please ignore all the grammar mistakes. The fic will start now.
"Hmm, yeah that would be really good couple," said Robin, smiling.
"What would be good, ladies?" asked Sanji who was just presenting the afternoon snack to the two ladies.
"No, it's just Usopp just told us about this thing. Oh just forget it, you won't be interested," answered Nami while, trying to just shrugging off the issues.
"No, no please tell me. Who'd be a really good couple?"
"Oh, just you and Swordsman-san," said Robin.
Sanji gaped, jaw hanging for a split second before he found his words back, "And why would I and that-I'm really sorry for the words I'm about to say, ladies, but- that barbarian cave-man become a really good couple?" the cook asked, with a vein popping on his forehead and a high self-management to not kicking the long nosed man right on his face. It was really improper to do that before the ladies' eyes, of course.
"Well, because all the good girls always fall for the bad boy," said Nami like it was something Sanji should've known before.
"And who's the good girl again? Because the last time I check we were both guys. I don't really about him, but me, I'm obviously straight. So who do you refer to 'girl' again?"
"Cook-san, it's really nothing important. We should just forget it."
"No, please I really curious."
"You're the one who asked it. Usopp, tell him."
"Well, you are the girl."
"Why? Why? JUST WHY AM I SHOULD BE THE GIRL!"
"Well, at least you're a good girl."
"Maybe, because you cook."
"And wearing the whole suit thingy and being dandy."
"Yeah, that too."
"And you cook."
"Yeah, you cook. And beside, there'sjustnowaywethinkZoroasthegirl," said the sharpshooter.
"And Usopp has created such a sweet story about the two of you. Oh isn't it sweet, Robin?"
"And tragic." And the three of them suddenly seemed to have their own image about Sanji and Zoro in that sweet, tragic story.
"And what is that about?" asked the marimo-haired swordsman, who was supposed to be having his nap the last time the other crews spotted him.
"And why do you even want to know!" growled the irate cook.
"Because they said it's tragic. Maybe you died in that story. That would be entertaining."
"Aww. Lovers quarrel… so swee—," Usopp left the rest of the word hanging in the air since he had the other two men staring at him, menacingly.
"So, do you want to know the story or not?" asked Nami.
"Yes."
"No!"
"Oh, but Sanji, I really want to tell you how does it goes," Nami charmed.
"Oh well, if you really have to my princess, I think I can't say anything anymore," Sanji melted.
"Usopp, tell them the story!" screamed Nami, eagerly.
"Okay. So, once upon a time—,"
"Why does every story has to begin with 'once upon a time'?"
"Okay, I change it then. In the era where the men wear beret and the women still wear corset."
"Che! Shitty-love cook in a corset."
"I'M NOT THE GIRL!"
"Could we just please continue the story."
"Really sorry for the interruption, Nami-swaan."
"So, in the era where the men wear beret and the women still wear corset, there's one big, luxurious, new ship that said to won't ever sink."
"What was the name of the ship?"
"That's not important, idiot!"
"I'll just give it a name, okay. So the ship is called the Giganic." Usopp continued his story, "And there are varieties of passenger in that ship. There are the rich ones like, you, Sanji, and there are also the poor ones—,"
"Why do I have to be the poor one!" asked Zoro who already had one of his sword pointed at the sharpshooter.
"Oh, I don't know!" said Sanji sarcastically, "Maybe it's because, unlike normal people, you only have a brain cell. Singular!"
"It's just a story, you guys!"
"And beside, though you're really poor, you're such a talented artist. You can draw beautiful sketches. And very physically attractive."
"That's better," he put his sword back to its place, "At least, I'm not a useless, lazy-ass rich girls who only knows how to spend money," he gazed at Sanji accusingly.
"Hey, I'm not like that!" yelled Sanji. "No! Wait, I'm not even a girl!" Now he shrieked.
"Che," Zoro rolled his eyes as if saying 'yeah, like anyone would believe that'.
"The story, Usopp! The story!"
"Well, as you all guess, despite the difference social background, the two of you met on one bright, starry night. Sanji was standing on the edge of the railing of the ship, judging whether he would jump off of the ship or not—"
"Am I trying to commit a suicide? Why would I kill myself?"
"Oh, I don't know!" said Zoro in the exact same tone like Sanji used, "Maybe you are sick of your own wicked, curly eyebrow!"
"It's not the eyebrow!" cried Nami desperately. "It's because the fake, shallow high-class society he had to live with. Beside, he had a fiancé his mom chose for him. And he didn't want to marry that guy."
"Oh I have a fiancé? Who is he? How does he look like?" asked Sanji, excited.
"Shitty-cook, your fiancé is a he."
"Oh, shuddup!"
"Rich. Handsome."
"Let's say he's Ace," Nami giggled.
"…I'm fine with that."
"So much for a taste, shitty cook."
"Usopp, continue!"
"Well, Zoro tried to stop Sanji from doing so. He said," Usopp took a deep breathe for an extra dramatization and imitated Zoro's deep, rough voice, "you jump, I jump'."
"Why would I stop this shitty-cook from doing so! If he really wanted to do so, just go ahead and make my day then. More over, why would I also jump with him?"
"Because, you can't let him die, Zoro! Because, somehow you feel the attraction with him, " cried the reindeer doctor, who only God knows since when joined the crowd.
"ICEBERG!" screamed their captain from the front of the ship.
"Uh oh it's so great! It's like in the story!" screamed the sharpshooter excitedly, "OH NO WAIT! WE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT THE ICEBERG! ICEBERG!"
"Is now the time I should push dartboard-brow off the ship?"
"No, it's the time you save me and throw yourself instead."
"You need me to save you. How girly." Swords drew, leg raised.
"ICEBERG!"
"We're in the tropical area! It's just Luffy and him all talking in his sleep thing, " yelled Nami. "And stop fighting. Because actually it's the time the two of you showing your love to each other!"
"I think they are doing it," the reindeer suggested.
SPLASH!
"Luffy fell off the ship!"
"Zoro! Sanji! Save him!" ordered Nami.
"You jump," said Zoro menacingly.
"What are you scared of the water? Why don't you jump?"
"Why don't you jump, and I jump."
"You jump, I jump."
" Hey, that's my line, shitty-cook," smirked Zoro, teasing.
"AND YOUR CAPTAIN IS OUT IN THE SEA! YOU MORRONIC LOVERS!"
"I beg your pardon my lovely princess, but we're not lovers. I mean, me and this sea-weed hair over here are definitely not lovers. But if you want us—,"
"HELLO, THE CAPTAIN! SANJI! YOU BETTER TAKE HIM OUT OF THE SEA OR I'LL—,"
"Oh, I'm really sorry for what happened. It's all this baka marimo's fault," and the cook jumped off the ship to rescue their drowning captain.
"ZORO! Y-you let your girl jumping off the ship! You should save her!" the reindeer doctor shook his head, "Him!"
"And which one do I have to save here? Luffy or shitty-cook?" asked the swordsman, "Actually the shitty-cook is out of the question."
"But you didn't do anything instead and just stood there like an idiot," said the drenched Sanji while climbing bsack to their ship, "Oh I forgot! You are an idiot!"
"Zoro, S-Sanji is soaking."
"And I'm suppose to care?"
"He's your lover."
"I'm really sorry my fair lady but I'm not—,"
"Oh just shut up and admit it !"
"B-but— Oh okay, then if you think so," said Sanji, seeing the flame in Nami's eyes.
"See, Zoro! He's your lover. Now comfort him."
"Huh?"
"Comfort him," said Usopp.
"Give him a blanket," Chopper added.
"Kiss him!" Nami urged.
"Yeah, kiss him!" Luffy simply joined.
"Kissing. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing," cheered the whole crew. Except Robin who just smiled knowingly. And, no, Luffy didn't understand what he was cheering for, but he did cheer anyway.
"Nami—,"
"You're his lover now! Kiss!"
"B-but—,"
"Kissing. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing."
"I'm not gonna—,"
"Are you afraid?" challenged Zoro.
"Not of the kiss! But of your stink, unbrushed-since-only-God-knows mouth!"
"I just brushed it this morning."
"But your hair is green!"
"I didn't protest your dartboard brow. You're just scared."
"Kissing. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing—." It was dead silent and everyone just jaw-dropped.
"Tsk. I need my sleep now." And Zoro went back to his favourite spot. Fell asleep like nothing happened.
Sanji still stood where he was.
"I'm glad it doesn't end tragically like in the story," said Robin.
"Not as tragic as in the story you mean." And everyone just back to whatever theyy were doing.
Sanji still stood where he was.