Without You
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
XXX
She felt the pain well up again. The pain that felt as if something was tearing her heart to pieces.
There had been many moments like these, ever since she met her for the first time, but lately they'd grown worse. She knew that there was no way that her feelings were returned, and so she'd tried to ignore them, but it still hurt.
The time had come for Patricia to return back to her own country, and, even though they'd both promised to keep in touch, the mere thought of not being able to see her again was enough for the tears to continue to burn their way down her cheeks.
Hiyori wasn't sure when she'd realized that she was actually in love with the cheerful girl, it'd been a long time ago, and she'd gotten used to hiding her true feelings from her. But that didn't mean that they weren't there, and so she still felt the pain as her heart continued to break.
A part of her had wished for her to stay, so that they'd be able to continue this charade Another part of her was actually happy to see her leave, hoping that the distance would be enough to destroy these feelings. The third part had wanted to beg Patricia to take her with her.
She ignored them all, and she had smiled that practiced, fake smile that she'd learnt over the years to show her that it really was alright, and that she didn't feel as if someone was twisting a knife in her heart.
Hiyori sent her off with that smile, and as some of those around her broke out in tears at seeing their friend leave, she'd continued to smile. She even managed to crack a joke, but she couldn't tell what it was about, because there was nothing in her but the pain.
She couldn't remember the trip back home, only the scream and tears that her pillow had soaked up when she'd returned.
XXX
Five years had passed since then, and Hiyori had learned to live with it. The pain was still there, no less than what it'd been back then, but since she wasn't losing any blood, she knew that she'd survive, even if a part of her didn't wish for it.
It still hurt to smile and act like everything was okay, but she'd gotten even better at it in the time that'd passed. She would probably have made an excellent actor, but she'd decided against it. Because if they knew that she could act, they might watch her more carefully, and someday they might even realize why she felt that ever-present pain.
So, she continued with what she did, smiling that practiced, fake smile all the while.
She sighed to herself as she looked out through the window, there was nobody around to notice it, so she allowed her mask to falter, to fade away until the tears began to fall once more. She cried quietly now, not wanting to accidentally disturb the neighbors, neighbors that might express concern.
There'd been times where she'd almost been revealed, but she'd somehow managed to escape. Talking about it not only wouldn't help her, but it was also dangerous since there was still the possibility that it might someday reach Patricia's ears.
They'd kept in contact for a long time, but gradually they'd both stopped calling, she supposed that Patricia had other friends to talk to, and her own act was so painful to keep up when she talked to her that she'd gradually stopped calling as well.
The doorbell snapped her out of her reminiscing, and she carefully wiped away her tears as she got to her feet to answer.
She'd never been one to check and see who it was that wanted to talk to her, because, like most of the things in her life since then, it didn't matter. And so, she simply opened the door.
"Ah, long time no see," there was an embarrassed giggle, "I suppose you look kind of older Hiyorin…"
"Patty-chan…?" she could feel her chest tightening as she continued to stare in disbelief at the girl in front of her.
The blond-haired girl's embarrassed smile faded away, replaced by an oddly serious expression.
"There's actually something that I need to tell you," Hiyori blinked, there was something surprising about Patricia being serious, and she was still reeling from the shock of seeing her again.
"It might sound selfish of me to come all of this way for something like this, but… it was the only way I could think of. There's something that I need closure on, even if it means that you'll hate me for saying it," she seemed to flinch a little when she mentioned being hated, "You see, I thought that it'd stop if there was just enough distance… okay, maybe that's not true, but I was hoping. But it didn't stop, no matter what I did, it refused to stop. So, I became a little desperate, and then I thought that if there was simply closure, it might stop. Kind of like how you've got to remove a bullet before the wound can begin to heal, you know?"
Hiyori stared at her in confusion, she'd never heard her ramble before, and it was making her a little dizzy.
"Hiyorin," she paused, looking uncertain about what to say next, but then she continued, "I'm in love with you."
Hiyori blinked. Then she stared at the girl in front of her, blinking once again as she realized that there were tears on the girl's cheeks.
Somewhere deep inside of her, a thought formed in Hiyori's head – it went vaguely along the lines of, Oh, so she felt the same – and then her brain shut down, grinding to a halt as the pain reemerged, but it felt different this time.
There was warmth. A warmth that seemed to flow into her every fiber.
She didn't realize where it came from until Patricia returned her hug. Hiyori blinked, confused for a moment by how blurry the girl in front of her seemed, until she realized that she was crying.
But it still wasn't enough, there needed to be more, and so she forced her mouth to open, forced her cracking voice to speak, to speak the words she'd never said.
Her response was a smile, a smile so brilliant that it seemed like it could rival the sun. And then, finally, a kiss that caused the world around her to melt away.
XXX
A/n: I'd actually had this idea running in my head for a while, but I didn't know which characters would fit. Hopefully it was enjoyable, and hopefully, I'll never start making sad endings.