"Gods… Sumia…"

"Mm..."

"Haaah… You were right… this eye cover thing is pretty-"

"Kinky?"

"Y-Yeah… but… more than that, it does make everything feel like it's more… sensitive."

"Hehe, glad you're liking it. Now keep it on for me."

"Ngh… I-I really don't know how long I can last like this… gods… you were always great at oral, but that liquid you're using…"

"Liquid, you say?"

"Yeah, what is it? It's like oil... but it's not quite oil at the same time."

"Well, a girl has to keep her secrets, doesn't she?"

"Secrets? Haah. I'm the Exalt, I don't have to-"

"Wait, Chrom, sto-"

"DEAR GODS! What in the- Sumia, what the hell is wrong with your hand?"

"You were supposed to keep the blindfold on!"

"Sumia, your hand!"

"You said you wouldn't look, and you did!"

"Sumia, shut up and tell me what is going on right now!"

"Why would you do this to me? I loved you! I trusted you!"

"Sumia-"

"I thought you loved me!"

"Sumia, listen to-"

"Waaaahhhh!"

Slam.

She had been-

Chrom shook his head, correcting himself.

It had been crying in the bathroom for the last fifteen minutes. Not just sniffles. Weeping. It would have been a minor annoyance, save for the fact that it sounded just like Sumia.

He rubbed his temples. That wasn't Sumia, he reminded himself again. A human hand wasn't comprised of a writhing mass of thick fibers. And they were green. Green was clearly not human. Maybe sick, decaying green flesh, yes, but not normal flesh.

And they were wrapped around his dick as she sucked it. Like a hand, except not.

He took a deep breath. He then took another after realizing that the first one didn't help him at all. In the silence that ensued, his mind raced at what had transpired. Under common sense, he should be running for his Falchion. And yet that sobbing from the bathroom seemed to indicate some sort of remorse, some sense of loss. Like she was sentient, and had feelings, and could fall in love, and-

Stop. Just stop it.

And yet he couldn't. Not when it looked, walked, talked, and fucking stumbled like Sumia did.

It took him another breath before he realized that the crying had ceased. Looking towards the bathroom door, it gently creaked open to reveal Sumia, still naked, eyes puffy and red, and with her left hand still dangling in its odd, dangling form.

"You're still here," it admitted.

"Well, this is… the bedroom," he almost said 'our bedroom', and his gut twisted. "It's also well past bedtime. Nowhere else to go." And he was naked. He had been too busy in thought to put on clothes.

Sumia's face looked horrid, and if it wasn't for the fact that this thing obviously not what he thought it was he was pretty sure he would have been right beside her.

"Sorry if I'm being blunt, but… what the hell are you?"

"I…" it sighed. "I guess there's no point in hiding it now, huh?"

Moving to stand in front of Chrom, there was a flash of fear across her face before she bit her lip. Where he would normally have been aroused by such an image, he watched, awestruck as the skin below her chin turned into a light, powdery green. Then, the features, the bones, her breasts, everything, all seemed to lose any prominence and became that pale color. And finally, one by one, they began to separate into individual tentacles, perhaps fifteen in all, before shortening to about the span of his hands.

"You're just a floating head? This is your… natural form?"

"Sorta." In spite of the lack of vocal cords and everything else that made up a human body, its voice was distinctly Sumia's. "I kept the head to leave some sort of visual connection you can relate to." It spun itself in the air once, the hair and tentacles flailing out a little before collapsing back to the center, her stringy limbs undulating as if pushing against a downward current.

"Have you… always been like this?"

"Well, obviously," she sniffed. "I mean, I wasn't born a human."

"No, I mean…" Chrom bit his lip. "Were you always… Sumia?"

It shook its head before casting a downward glance. "The real Sumia died young when she went off on her own to explore a forest. She encountered a baby bear and started to play with the cub. The mother bear wasn't too happy."

Frederick's cautions screamed in his head, and yet Chrom couldn't bring himself to challenge the story.

"A missing persons report was generated, and I figured I would do the world some good - I would look like the girl and be what she was to be. The parents wouldn't know, life would go on, good things."

"And so you did it."

"Yup."

"For more than a decade."

"Yup. Oh, and… um, can you still call me Sumia? I like the name, and it's probably going to give you an easier time anyway."

This was getting crazier and crazier by the second. "Alright then… Sumia, how were you able to emulate the body of a human so well?"

It took a deep breath. "We're a pretty advanced species, and so I can emulate a lot of things. Growth, body systems, boobs, anything." She gave a small, joyless smile at no one in particular, "Learning to move in the body was kind of hard - I tripped a lot and in general screwed up a lot of things, but eventually I was able to adapt to human life."

He carefully thought before slowly asking, "And what if you hadn't taken place of Sumia? What would you have been doing?"

"Oh… well," she floated over to the far corner of the bed before landing, her tentacles seemingly padding around her landing spot before she lowered herself onto the sheets. "I guess I would have probably done what my kind does."

"... Which is?" Were these creatures dangerous? And how many more of them were around?

"Uh…" a soft blush crept onto its face, and two of its front tentacles began to rub together - a nervous habit similar to what his wife had. Or it had. Whatever it was.

Damn it, stop looking like Sumia.

"We uh… reproduce."

The particular response was not very helpful to him. Still, he found it impossible to shy away from. "How... How do you…" his curiosity got the better of him. "How do you normally reproduce?"

"Well, after you've uh… initiated the moment-"

"Initiated?"

"Yeah," she lamely stated. "Initiated."

Chrom did not buy it at all. "And how exactly does this... initiation start?"

"Well… kinda like with you, you feed them pies and-"

"Sumia."

An indignant glare stared back at him "Fine, fine. After we string them up and restrain their limbs, we take tentacles A, B, C, and D and-"

That was enough. More than enough, in fact. "Alright, alright!" he raised his hands up, trying to get her to stop.

"Then, after that, with all eight of them, mind you-"

"Okay, gods! I… ugh, I get the picture."

"And with that last one we impregnate them."

Closing his eyes, he willed the image to go away. That… it… that was just-

It wasn't working. When he opened his eyelids and looked back to the bed, Sumia was still looking at him, standing on her tippytoes (tippytentacles? whatever it was).

It's harsh look still hadn't gone away.

"You wanted to know, perv," it chirped.

"Hey! You're not any better than I am."

"Oh, don't pull that on me," it raised one of its tentacles and angled it at him. He instinctively backed away - he had no idea what was really behind those weird limbs if they were used to restrain people. "If I really wanted to, I could technically just do all that to you right now, minus the last bit."

As much as he felt threatened and angered, Chrom knew that it was right. The Falchion wasn't with him, and he had seen how much those tentacles had changed mere minutes ago from soft flesh he had suckled upon to dangerous limbs. As much as he hated it there was truth in what it said.

Taking what seemed to be the thousandth gulp of air of the night, he exhaled and closed his eyes. "Fine. Sorry I said that. I'm just… shocked, I suppose."

It released a soft breath and he looked to see it had shrunk down to a smaller height. Its visage was replaced with one that looked lost. Inching closer to him, it gently traced a tentacle across the back of his palm.

He visibly flinched - the feeling was so foreign now. It must have noticed too, because it sniffed and suddenly began to cry. Pulling that one tentacle back, it began to use it along with another one to wipe away the tears that were now staining the sheets.

"I thought I found true love," it sobbed, "but I guess all you loved was this image I borrowed."

"Sumia," he unconsciously slipped, "I don't think that's what true love really is, especially if you have to hide a part of yourself like this."

"I mean, all I've wanted to do after reading those books she owned was find true love." It drew a particularly sharp breath, trying to keep the lower lip from trembling. "I thought I found it here, but… I guess all I did was set myself up for failure."

"... To be fair, you did a whole lot of things during the campaigns. Despite being Queen, you certainly earned yourself a lot of medals." He looked away and out the window, "There's a whole scope of things outside of love in life."

Chrom turned back to it, "I even owe my life to you on more than one occasion. Saving lives is a pretty good thing, isn't it?"

"Yeah… I guess it's pretty nice." It seemed to have eventually calmed itself down, and a strange silence befell the two.

"What am I going to do?" it said.

"I could ask myself the same question," Chrom replied. "I obviously can't tell the court that the royal line has been… gods, I don't even know what to say."

"We could always try to just… continue on."

"That would be really awkward."

"Better than nothing. The court wouldn't know, no one would know, it would just be our secret."

"That I'm married to some weird creature that could emulate a human woman?"

No, don't do it.

This discombobulated head that he somehow was having feelings of empathy for was screaming everything but a smart decision. And yet, despite that screaming feeling, it felt wrong to just suddenly part ways here. It was sentient, it had made mistakes in its life, but it was looking to change itself.

Sumia looked up at him, and he sighed.

"I suppose there are bigger state secrets out there."

"So… we're going to stick together?"

"For now, I suppose."

The creature began to fiddle with its front tentacles again. "And… will we… you know… still…"

"Still what?"

"Still have sex and make love?"

Chrom buried his head into his heads for a moment before pulling back and giving an uncomfortable scoff. "You really have a one-track mind, don't you?"

"Oh, don't be such a prude," she gently teased.

"Prude? Your species captures and rapes, and you're calling me prude?"

"Well, just thirty minutes ago, you were totally okay with me-"

He squared his shoulders against her, "That was before I found out that your fingers could turn into phalluses."

"Phalli."

"What?"

"It's the plural term of phallus. Phalli."

His hand went through his hair again, resting against his scalp before letting the blue locks tumble back down. "I need a drink."

"Oh, come on," it walked over closer to him and cautiously brushed one of her tentacles against his hand, testing the waters. Chrom felt himself tense, but he didn't flinch away this time. Taking this as a sign of good faith, she began to use her tentacles to slither up his arm before resting on his left shoulder.

He shuddered involuntarily - this sensation was really fucking weird.

"It'll be fun," he felt a small peck at his check, "What do you say?"

"Sumia," there was that name again, "this is not a fairy tale. We can't just bang and make all this… stuff that I'm suddenly aware of go away. Not that fast, at least."

"But that doesn't mean we can't try, right?"

Maybe he should get two drinks.

"It's probably can't be what you're hoping it to be yet. There's… there's a lot of stuff we'd have to work out first, if it even gets there in the first place."

"I could start with a blowjob, like always. Get you nice and relaxed, make you cum nice and hard, and then I can show you a really good time."

"... Like?"

"Hehe, well, let's just say that the human pussy, as nice as it might seem, certainly has its limitations." One of her tentacles behind her smiling head began to wag back and forth, like an excited puppy.

But she wasn't a puppy, Chrom reminded himself. He tilted his head to the side just a little bit. "What's with your tail?"

"Tail? What ta-" For a moment, she looked puzzled before snapping into action, retracting the tentacle retracting into the back of… wherever it went and she donned a sheepish look. "Oh gods, that was so embarrassing. I'm sorry-"

"Sumia, what was wrong with that tentacle?"

She gave an awkward chuckle, a red blush rising to her cheeks. "Hold on, hold on. Trying to think of clean things." She took several deep breaths and let them out slowly. Her eyes closed momentarily, and finally her breathing resumed to normalcy.

She opened her eyes. "Okay, sorry about that. What were you asking about?"

"What was wrong with that tentacle?"

"Oh, that. It's just a natural reaction. Normally I have a lot better control over it, but I just think that tonight I had gotten overly excited after all this stuff. But if I let it go on, then the ninth tentacle would have gone crazy. Kinda like premature ejaculation. Really embarrassing."

Ninth? "Sumia, you clearly have more than nine of them right now."

"Well, that might be true, but only nine of these tentacles I have are actually used for um… copulation purposes." She slowly raised an octet of them into the air.

"That's only eight, though. Where's the last one?"

Her cheeks burned even brighter, and she opened her mouth, her tongue stretching out to an inhuman length.

Chrom had to use an arm to steady himself on the bed. "That's the ninth one?" he choked out.

"Yeah," she quickly retracted it to her mouth. "It's also the most important one because that's the one that delivers the… well, the most direct comparison is uh… the jizz, so to speak."

"You've put that in my mouth."

"Yeah."

"And… you... you came in my-my-" he couldn't say it.

"Uh… yeah."

"But I would have known!"

"No, it runs clear and has no taste and scent. You would have thought it was just saliva."

"But if that's the case, if you're delivering sperm into my body, am I-" he suddenly panicked, and looked down at his stomach. "Am I going to get pregnant?"

"Chrom, don't be silly," she admonished a little, a tentacle gently rapping against his head. "I've been cumming in your throat for years now, and you didn't get pregnant. You don't have the organs for it. Why do you think I gave birth to the kids and not you?"

Time stopped.

"Uh… Chrom, are you okay?"

Oh gods. Lucina and Cynthia.

His legacy was all sorts of weird now.

A/N: Somewhere back in the reviews for Censored, wanted more perverted Sumia. A couple days ago, I somehow thought about this great-in-a-dumb-way story and essentially laughed myself to sleep that night. And while initially it was planned to be fRobinxChrom, I decided to switch it to Sumia because the whole tripping and kind of being an overall socially inept person made a bit more sense than an amnesiac at the time of conception. Sure, fRobin had the long robes that could hide anything, but Sumia just seemed better.

And so, everyone, please say hello to Cthumia. That was the other reason. Cthobin didn't sound as cool.

Originally, this piece was supposed to be very lighthearted. But as I began to give shape to this fic and write, somehow the only things that came out were thoughts regarding identity discourses and true love - topics that can only be moody at best. I also gave myself a time limit of sorts. I was going to plan out what I could, but my goal was to try and complete this in one sitting, from start to finish. With that in mind, I think it turned out great for what it was. Whatever the hell this is, really. One of these days, I'm going to sit down and wonder where these weird ideas all come from.

Anyway, here you go. This is probably not what you were thinking of when you first clicked on this title. I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. But I don't think I've ever been sorry about something I've written before. I am, after all, the destroyer of all things good, and I like having a good time, no matter how silly it is or at what expense.

Also, when I think about it, I probably have some of if not the most varied content in the FE portion of fanfiction. Maybe not in total amount of fics, but definitely at least in subject matters covered or explored. We've got dark fics, the usual romance, and all sorts of humor.

Anyway, now that I think about it, I did mark this as RobinxLucina. Where did I leave that little thing...

"You know, Lucina, did anyone ever tell you that you have a rather long tongue?"

"Ha, don't worry about it, Robin. I probably get it from my mother."

"Goodness. Exalted blood and sexy genetics to boot. I'm jealous. I mean, if I could eat your pussy half as well as you eat mine, mmm! Makes me wet every time I think about it."

"Even now? After all screaming and writhing I just put you through?"

"Well… I do like it when you wag your ass like that. I mean, it makes no sense at all on why you do it, but it makes you look cute."

"Heh, sounds like someone wants to get licked."

"... Get down there already."

Impregnation complete. Enjoy your tentacle!Morgan.