It had been several months since the last round of Pony vs Machine, and due to the, passing, of the RED Soldier, they needed a replacement.
This is why Doctor Wolf in his Engineer outfit and Commander Firebrand in his Medic outfit were behind a desk with a clipboard in front of them.
"So, you want to be on the team, huh?" asked Firebrand, somewhat rhetorically, looking at the potential candidate, as if assessing him with his eyes.
"Well, you know, I just thought that there might be a chance and I really want to be on the team!" said candidate, Filmsparks, was talking very rapidly and grinning nervously.
Firebrand looked surprised, mind trying to comprehend the words that had come out of Filmsparks' mouth.
Doctor Wolf seemed pensive "Hm, I would hesitate to have you be part of this team unless you were able to show great mental fortitude in a hectic situation-" Before he could go on however,
"I hate your mane. Rejected." Said Firebrand, and used his Krtizkrieg to push a lever which opened a trap door beneath the poor white stallion which he proceeded to fall down with a Wilhelm Scream.
The lupine engineer did not look happy "Well, that was petty of you."
Firebrand just rolled his eyes.
"Hey, I heard a Wilhelm Scream, what's going on?" asked GoldenFox, the orange Pegasus walking over to the duo.
"We're holding auditions for the recently opened Soldier position on our team." explained Doctor Wolf.
"Recently opened? What happened to Phantom Horn?" asked the phoenix cutie marked pony.
"Well, we felt it was his time to be let go, that his life's going in a different direction, that his body's part of a permanent outplacement program-"
"He died." interrupted Firebrand, not in the mood for referencing the Emperor's New Groove.
"You have no sense of tact." said Doctor Wolf bluntly.
"Cry some more." was Firebrand's clever retort. "So, birdbutt, you think you want in?" he asked the currently facehoofing pony.
"Yeah, no, I can't imagine anyone who would want to be a Soldier after hearing that." he said.
Keyframe walked in, clearly not exactly sober. "Hey, are you guys still holding auditions?" she asked.
"Whoa, you're not auditioning for the Soldier role, are you?" he asked her worriedly.
"No, I'm auditioning for Sentry number three," she said sarcastically. Firebrand and the Doctor backed up; they could see where this was going. "Yes I'm auditioning for the Soldier!" yelled Keyframe, startling GoldenFox.
"No sarcasm, dear." said GoldenFox dryly.
"Why are you so against this? I fit the role like a velvet glove! Violent, angry, fiery, joking…"
"Wha, hey!" protested Firebrand.
"Honestly, this was MEANT for me!" yelled Keyframe, starting to redden.
"Because I think it's masochistic to play this role." said GoldenFox, his own temper starting to rise.
"Oh, so NOW it's bad to be masochistic?!" asked Keyframe
Firebrand's eyes shot open 'OK, TMI.'
"Could we talk about this elsewhere?" interrupted the Doctor, as GoldenFox moved to stand beside his towering marefriend. "Like, my office tomorrow?" he suggested.
"Yeah, this has been happening more frequently." admitted the pegasus. "We'll set up an appointment ASAP." he assured him.
"Huh? But, but, wait, hon, we can talk about this! Hon!" protested Keyframe, following her coltfriend out.
"Pft, lovers, am I right?" asked Firebrand rhetorically.
'This coming from Mister 'Love Is An Open Door'.' thought Doctor Wolf, but settled for saying "Not dignifying that."
On the other side of the audition room, a certain Scottish pony was talking to a certain ditzy pink alicorn over the phone "Ma-Mary Sue, Mary Sue, listen, you really need to work on that teleportation spell of yours, you've overshot it AGAIN!" she yelled, walking in the general direction of Firebrand and the Doctor.
"You put me in the middle of, what looks like a set for some sort of lame Joel Schumacher movie." she told her friend. "Yeah, well you were supposed to teleport me to the Universal Studios!"
"Excuse me, are you here for the audition?" asked the Doctor.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE THE SAME THING?!" snapped Mad Munchkin, clearly not listening to either the unicorn Medic or the lupine Engineer.
A door opened and a very familiar hippogriph in top hat and suit walked in. "Hello, hello!" he said cheerfully. "My name is Argent Featherpen. I hear you are seeking a Soldier for your lovely team, and I would like the play the part."
Neither the Medic nor the Engineer had anything clever to say to this, until Firebrand said "Seriously Silver? C'mon, we know that's you. Besides, being the Heavy isn't that bad."
What they didn't expect was a SECOND hippogriph to walk in through the door dressed in the Soldier's uniform. "Attention, maggots!" he yelled "I am here to be your new Soldier! Which is a good deal better than being that meatshield of a Heavy, and I…" he trailed off seeing Argent Featherpen. "Oh my non-descript deities!" he said with stars in his eyes "You are the smexiest thing I have ever beheld."
"Ooh, back at ya, big boy." said the pleased top hat wearer.
"Nope. I don't ship it." said Firebrand simply.
"More importantly, why are there two of them?" asked Doctor Wolf. "Is this another mirror pool incident or one of them a Changeling? Either way it might be dangerous."
"Either way, we should shoot 'em both and sort it out later." He said, pulling out his Needle Gun as the Doctor pulled out his Rescue Ranger with a smirk.
"Oh my, I never agreed to any violence, I just thought I'd look fabulous in that helmet!" said Featherpen nervously.
"You call that a firearm? I call that cold outside!" Soldier Quill seemed rather pleased with himself for that one. "Hehe, innuendo." However, in his amusement, he had made a critical mistake. He bumped into Maddie.
"Ow, what the bloody-?" she then realized her hat had fallen off her head, and in slow motion, dived to try to get it. However, it was too late. It fell to the floor and into a small pit of moment.
And then, it was in that moment that Soldier Quill knew he'd done goofed, big time.
Even the ever unflappable Doctor Wolf looked scared.
Maddie slowly walked over to the two hippogriphs, growling like a wild predator.
"Oh snap…" said Argent, visibly sweating.
"Great idea!" snarled Maddie, and with that, began the single most brutal beat down ever laid down by a Scottish Earth Pony. Neck snaps, punches, kicks, bites, throwing, even throwing around poor Vector Brony.
During this, neither of the RED team members could do anything more than stare in shock, horror, and amazement.
"Oh man, look, now see what that stupid pink alicorn made me do!" hissed Maddie.
"You're hired!" they told her in unison once she'd calmed down.
Maddie being Maddie meant that she, of course, had an eloquent reply at hoof: "Wait, what? Are you joking with this, after all this mess I made?"
"If by mess, you mean masterpiece, then abso-posi-lutely!" said the brightly colored stallion. "Wait that's not a word." he realized, then realized he didn't care.
"Plus you've shown great capability for destruction while leaving the people who insured your completely untouched." said Doctor Wolf admiringly.
Maddie blushed.
"That shows either a subliminal sense or control, or an unprecedented amount of luck." either way, Doctor Wolf wasn't about to complain. "Both of which would be a valuable asset to the team."
"Also, you destroyed the entire audition room." pointed out Firebrand, he wasn't kidding, some parts were on fire, some were in pieces and even one of the larger wooden beams fell down. "We kinda have no choice by to go with you." said Firebrand.
Maddie grinned apologetically.
"Hey guys, what are you do…" Silver Quill walked in, saw the damage, saw Maddie, and did the math. "OK, right, see you tomorrow. Running away very fast!" he said, proceeding to just that.
"Well, if it means I get the chance to introduce a little anarchy causing indiscriminate chaos and destruction while feeling absolutely no remorse whatsoever…" she trailed off mumbling then finished with a "Happy to be of service!" putting the Soldier's helmet on her head.