Two-Face's Random Choices

by Windrises

Two-Face is letting his coin make his choices, but Batman wants him to cut it out.

Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane.

Two-Face had been made fun of in recent weeks for his mediocre attempts at getting rid of Batman. He often flipped his coin to decide which type of device he would use on Batman. He was trying to prove to his fellow criminals that he was a intimidating foe so he and his goons beat up Batman and had him tied to the train tracks.

Batman tried to reach for his rope cutter while asking, "Isn't this old fashioned?"

Two-Face replied, "Perhaps, but that makes things more fitting. You're an old threat and it's time have you destroyed."

Batman responded, "What a bold plan. Did your silly coin tell you to do this?"

Two-Face stubbornly said, "Don't judge me Batman."

Batman replied, "You used to be someone morally responsible and helpful. You've become a desperate fool. You're so lacking in the confidence department that you let a coin boss you around."

Two-Face responded, "My coin lets me know if I should do something good or evil."

Batman wasn't buying Two-Face's nonsense so he said, "You always have both options be something evil. You're not a conflicted person. You're a true villain."

Two-Face wanted to make Batman look bad so he replied, "I assure you that I still have a good side. I'll let the coin decide your fate. If it lands on heads I'll rip off the ropes, but if it lands on tails I'll let the train end you." He flipped the coin. It landed on tails. He said, "I like it when the coin plays favorites. You're going to be fighting the train." He did an evil laugh and walked away. Batman kept reaching for his rope cutter.

Two-Face walked around the streets of Gotham while thinking about what Batman had told him. If he had both a good option and a bad option for every choice he made, he would truly live up to his gimmick of being a conflicted person.

Two-Face went into a grocery store. He planned on robbing the place if the coin landed on tails, but he planned on just shopping if the coin landed on heads. He flipped the coin. It landed on tails again. He was excited about that. He started punching the employees. The employees put up a fight, but Two-Face managed to knock them to the ground. He stole the cash register and two thousand dollars worth of groceries.

Two-Face walked out of the grocery store and bumped into Catwoman. Catwoman said, "You have two faces, but hardly any direction. Watch where you walk. I'm very busy with my saving the cats from the pound project."

Two-Face flipped his coin. The coin landed on heads which made him feel like he had to do something nice. He sighed and said, "I'll help you with your cat project."

Catwoman replied, "You've finally come up with a suggestion worthy of your two-sided brain. Lets go to the pound. I'll scratch open the cages and you'll grab the cats."

Two-Face looked annoyed while saying, "Lets hurry up with this garbage."

Catwoman jokingly said, "You have two faces, but both of sides of you are grumpy." Two-Face whined while Catwoman giggled.

Two-Face and Catwoman broke into Black Mask's pound and started freeing the cats. Catwoman took her job of saving the cats seriously, but Two-Face was having a lousy time. Catwoman used her costume's claw weapons to break the cages. She and Two-Face started saving the cats from Black Mask's miserable pound.

Black Mask heard tons of meowing so he started walking to the room of cats. He had a grumpy look on his face while saying, "Those dang cats are making more noise than usual. If they keep up this stuff, I'll feed them to Killer Croc." He went into the room and was upset to see Catwoman there. Catwoman often stood in the way of his illegal schemes so he hated her more than anybody, not counting Batman. He asked, "What is going on in this moderately legal building of mine?"

Catwoman proudly said, "I freed those cats that you were gonna get rid of you monster."

Black Mask tried to look offended while replying, "Those are strongly harsh words to say to someone of my reputation." He faced Two-Face and said, "Forget about this jerk. Help me get the cats back." Two-Face flipped the coin. He decided that he would betray Catwoman if the coin landed on tails. It did so he and Black Mask started running after the cats.

Meanwhile, Batman used the rope cutter from his utility belt to get the ropes off. He jumped off the train tracks and landed on the ground. He said, "I have to find out what Two-Face is up to. I think that my coin loving friend is up to another one of his sneaky schemes."

Two-Face and Black Mask spent several minutes rounding up the cats and putting them back into the cages. Catwoman grabbed Black Mask and threw him across the room. She looked at Two-Face and said, "You showed me no loyalty."

Two-Face replied, "I don't care about you. My loyalty is for my coin's decisions."

Catwoman smiled while saying, "Then flip the coin to decide if Black Mask deserves to get away." Two-Face flipped the coin. It landed on heads, the nice side, so he signaled to Black Mask that he wouldn't hurt him.

Black Mask took advantage of the situation by sneaking out of the room and calling the police. He said, "Get your batty ally down here. Two of his enemies are down here and they're causing trouble for my completely legal operation." Black Mask assumed that Batman and the police would investigate his illegal operations so he left.

Catwoman was mad at Two-Face so she tried to hurt him. She said, "You betrayed me."

Two-Face pointed to his coin and said, "This guy is the one who deserves the blame for my decisions. The coin is the one who seals your fate."

Catwoman replied, "You're blaming a lifeless object for your crimes. You're a scoundrel who lets his coins take punishment for your actions."

Two-Face stubbornly responded, "That's not true."

Catwoman said, "Then prove it by dumping the coin."

Two-Face replied, "I have to let the coin decide if I should do that." Catwoman facepalmed. He flipped the coin. It landed on heads so he decided to keep using the coin.

Batman and the police arrived at the building. Batman told the police to wait outside. Gotham's police force was very untalented and untrained so they listened to Batman. Catwoman ran up to Batman and said, "I'm glad to see you."

Batman sternly replied, "You won't be as happy when I have you sent back to Arkham Asylum."

Catwoman had a mischievous look on her face while asking, "Don't you want to forget about all the strict rules of society and start living a fun life?"

Batman said, "Saving Gotham is the thing in life that makes me most happy. Even you couldn't tempt me into giving that up."

Catwoman replied, "Come on Bruce. All I was doing was freeing the poor cats from Black Mask's illegal pound."

Batman thought about it and said, "That's actually not much of a crime. I'll make sure the cats find safe homes."

Catwoman kissed Batman on the cheek and replied, "You're the best."

Batman ran around the room to find Two-Face. Two-Face went out of the shadows and said, "Greetings Batman. Are you ready to face my wrath?"

Batman replied, "I'll have to check in with Clock King about my schedule."

Two-Face said, "Don't mess with me. I'm tired of using old tricks to get rid of you. This building's going to blow up with both of us inside."

Batman folded his arms and replied, "I'll stop you before you set up the bombs."

Two-Face responded, "Don't be so gullible Batman. I set up the bombs while you were looking around the room for me."

Batman said, "You're the one who's being foolish. Are you willing to risk my life in another pathetic scheme to get rid of me?"

Two-Face replied, "I sure am, but that's because this isn't like those other schemes. This isn't some goofy gimmick robbery or some petty trap. This is simple destruction. I'll be remembered as the criminal that defeated Batman. The inmates of Arkham Asylum will think of me fondly."

Batman asked, "Is winning the respect of those scum more important than getting respect from people that matter?"

Two-Face answered, "Nobody matters. You should know that since you deal with criminals all the time."

Batman said, "Actually, it's the Justice League that make me question whether or not people matter. However, my cynical hatred of Super Lame and Wonder Brat aren't relevant right now. What matters is that you change your ways."

Two-Face grabbed Batman and asked, "Do you think that I would give up on crime for you?"

Batman said, "Not for me. What about Gilda?"

Two-Face replied, "Gilda was Harvey's wife. I'm just Two-Face."

Batman asked, "Don't you realize that you're still Harvey? You lost your morality and your good looks, but you're still the same person. Your face and your coin don't change that. You could let us both blow up or you could disable the bombs and change your life."

Two-Face replied, "Only the coin will let me make that type of choice."

Batman threw the coin at a wall and said, "Luck doesn't decide fate. People's actions decide that. You can decide to be evil or good. You've chosen to be bad and it's not the coin's fault. It's your fault."

Two-Face thought about what Batman said and disabled the bombs. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs out of Batman's utility belt and put them on himself. Batman asked, "What are you doing?"

Two-Face said, "I'm making my own choices from now on. Take me back to Arkham Asylum."

Batman replied, "Very well." He gently put Two-Face into a police car and whispered, "Best of luck my former friend."

Commissioner Gordon walked up to Batman and asked, "How did you defeat him this time?"

Batman said, "He made that choice. However, I don't know how long his good side will last. I don't know if a criminal can really change their ways." Catwoman put her hand on Batman's shoulder. She had changed a lot in recent years which made Batman hope that Two-Face would do the same.