Disclaimer: Ishinomori's, not mine.

Author's notes: Okay, Cyborg 009 fandom, let's be perfectly honest with ourselves. The majority of the Joe/Francoise fics suck. Big time. Yes, I am including my own Frannie/Joe fics. They turn Francoise into a helpless idiot, turn Joe into her one-dimensional savior, abuse the poor thesaurus on a regular basis, and make fans of decently written fan fiction tear their hair out. And, well, this fangirl could only take so much before breaking down and snarking. So here's my passive-aggressive response. This fic contains weak and stupid!Francoise, purple prose, wangst, thinly veiled misogyny, fandom!Francoise/canon!Joe.

Also, this is not a Francoise bashing fic. I cannot stress that enough. I love 003. That's one of the reasons why I'm writing this parody fic in the first place.

And if you think I'm making fun of your fic, too… yeah, that was intentional. Sorry.

Francoise Arnoul sighed daintily as she pushed a lock of gleaming gold blonde hair out of her aquamarine orbs, her heart heavy and her thoughts in turmoil. She finally gave into her weakness, and allowed a single crystalline tear to roll down her porcelain cheek. And why not? For who cared if she wept?

Once upon a time, there had been a man who would have wiped away her tears with a gentle touch and even gentler smile. That man had been her love and sole reason for existence: the brave, handsome, and all around nice young man Joe Shimamura. And that man was now gone. Forever.

"Oh, Joe!" Francoise fell to her slender knees, sobs racking her petite body. What was she now that he had left her, all alone? How could she live without him beside her every step of the way? What would happen to her without him to protect her like the weak, helpless damsel she was? Her pure love for him was the only thing about her that really mattered. Without that, she was nothing, as was every woman without the love of a man.

It never occurred to her to look for him with her radar powers. She was that upset. And the author was more concerned with making her look like a spineless idiot. Because that's how all women act like when they're in love. Really.

Oh, and Jet and the other cyborgs were doing something somewhere, but nobody wants to read about them. They would distract from Francoise's untainted, wonderful, wholesome, tragic love for Joe.

She was so lost in her own sorrow that she almost didn't notice the door clicking open. She turned her golden white-blonde head gracefully and yet sadly, and saw a miracle standing in the doorway.

He had returned to her! Joy, rapture, ecstasy! All was right with the world again. She could cling to and cower behind him forevermore. And she would, too.

"Oh, Joe!" Francoise rushed up to her mahogany-haired, cinnamon-eyed one true love, wrapping her elegant alabaster arms around his masculine body.

Joe gave a long-suffering sigh. "Francoise, are you always going to act like this when I go grocery shopping?"