Now Im writing this because I need to tell someone without everyone finding out. Does that make sense? And please no flames im making this as true as I can without giving to much info away. So here goes….
At age ten…
"How would you feel if cousin Jacob came to live with us?" my mom asked me .
I shrugged "I think id be cool. I like to hang out with him." Jacobs mom went to jail when he was little and his dad died a few weeks before and he saw living with a friend of his dads before he came to live with us.
My dad looks at me "Are you sure you'd be okay with having some one younger than you live with us?" Jacob was eight but he has always been big for big age.
I nodded excitedly "Yeah I'm sure. He's like my brother anyway." I smiled at my parents not knowing what I had just singed up for. If I could go back I wouldn't have thought twice about saying no.
A few weeks later…
Jacobs room wasn't done yet so he was sleeping in the living room, I had gotten my sleeping bag and stayed with him every night because he thought it was creepy having to sleep alone in there. I guess if I was smart this never would have happened but I remember being half asleep and something brushing my lips. I opened my eyes to see Jacob lay down real fast. I ignored it thinking I was just being paranoid.
About a month after…
Jacobs room was ready, painted, a bed and dresser, everything. Jacobs room was really cool with his bed having a slidde and a fort under it, well every night we'd get our stuffed animals and play house.
He was dad, I was mom and all the stuffed animals our kids. One night he said "if were gonna be married we have to act like it." and said if we were gong to play house this late I should sleep in the fort with him, I agreed. That was the night he first put his hands on me when he thought I was asleep, the first night I pretended to be asleep and did nothing about it, the first night I cried.
That was the last night I slept in his room. Other than that I acted as if nothing was wrong.
When I was twelve…
Things were the same as they had been since Jacob had moved in… I would start to fall asleep he would put is lips and hands all over me… take my hand and put it around him.
On night every one was watching a movie and my mom and dad had fallen asleep, I was starting to doze when I felt Jacobs hand slip into the waist of my jeans. My mom woke up when I said "no. please" and she asked Jacob why he was so close to me. I covered for him, I don't remember what I told her but she believed me.
Once I realized what I had done I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I ended up being sick and crying in the bathroom all night.
Im not sure why I did what I did… I just didn't want him to get into trouble.
I know this isn't much but it is very hard to write and I don't have time to write any more, I have to get to work.