Lily Hicary: Hi! Miss me much? I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is the authoress is CANCELING her sonic series "Emerald Chronicles" due to technical difficulties (aka it's been taken off the site so much I'm sick to death of re-writing chapters). The good news is that she's still gonna use me and the other stars of "Emerald Chronicles" in this new 'story' "Who's Line is it Anyway? Emerald edition"! Hope you enjoy! (Beware the double humor sign)
SOUND EFFECTS
"Hello my adoring fans!" Kiyuly cried "Welcome to "Who's Line is it Anyway?" where points are like collage, useless!" She flew down to her desk. "Let's meet the players! 2+2fish, it's Matty Python!" The camera zoomed over to Matty, who was listening to his Ipod. "I hate Canadian Tire commercials, it's Lily Hicary!" Lily is seen looking at someone in the audience and waving. "Holy weed farms of heaven, it's Sky Sakuri!" Sky is seen bugging Matty for his Ipod. "All your Sonics are belong to Sega, it's Kibara! Wait…what's HE doing here?"
"Shut up you stupid hero chao! I'm not going to do any damage in my chao form." Instend of his usually dragon like appearance, he was a pure black infant chao.
"Fine then, on with the show! First up, scenes from a hat." Kiyuly pulled out a ridiculously large cowboy hat. "What does Eggman do in his spare time?"
Matty walked up. He started typing on an invisible computer. "Slim Fast, no, Akins, no…WHY CAN'T I FIND A DECINT WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM?" Matty walked back to is seat.
Lily got onstage and pretended to do push ups. "One…well that's enough for today I'm going to Burger King." The audience howled with laughter.
Sky entered and started…DANCING! "I am the master of man and furrie! I am the master of man and furrie! Everybody sing!" He flew back to his seat.
"So long world domination, hello shuffle board."BUZZ
"Why is the water in the dark garden red?" The cat like creature asked.
Sky walked up and looked at an imaginary person. "I told you that you shouldn't swim during your period but no." He scolded in an extremely girly voice.
"I know dark chao are violent, but this is too much." Matty said, half-fake crying.
"I thought red food coloring would make it taste like cherries." Kibara pondered.
"Who would have thought one nose bleed could cause this?"BUZZ Lily questioned, holding her nose. The audience laughed quite loudly.
"What Sonic characters don't know about other Sonic characters."
"Hi, I'm Knuckles and I'm the spokesperson for Barbie." Without question, Matty got a quick beating from Knuckles. "Can't you take a joke?" He left as quickly as he came. "Ow, my spleen."
"Rouge is so lucky," Sky did a good impersonation of Eggman "why can't I be anorexic?"BUZZ
"Where do small animals go after you use them?"
"Now that we've been drained of our powers, let's form an underground society and take over Chao World." Matty laughed evilly. BUZZ
"What are chao really thing during races?"
"Why can't just fly the whole way?" Kibara walked off.
"That chao in front's kinda cute, maybe I'll just stay in second." BUZZ
"What on Mobius was that? Great job everybody! A bazillion points to Matty for mentioning Slim Fast and negative bazillion points to Lily for doing that horrid me imitation. Next, let's make a date! Lily, you ask the questions, everyone else has a personality or quirk on a piece of paper you have to act out. Let's begin!"
"Ok, contestant #1, what's your favorite sport?" Matty looked at his cue card. It read 'lemon fangirl'.
"Tackle football's my kind of sport. There are so many muscular guys and hot cheerleaders. There's bound to be bad stuff going on."
"…right then. Contestant #2 same question." Kibara read his card; it showed the word 'druggie'. He started to light an unseen joint.
"Yaa, my favorite sport is the Olympics." His took a long drag. "ya that's good weed. I like 'um cause dere's so many steroids." The chao fell off his stool. "That's mighty fine weed, yes sir."
"Contestant #3, what was your most embarrassing moment?" Sky's personality was 'Star Wars addict'.
"Well my most embarrassing momentwould have to be when I flew down to Hollywood to see Episode 2, but I was in the wrong line! I spent a year and a half in that line up and all my life savings on light sabers and plane tickets! The guys in my mom's basement…I mean, at the convention center laughed like they just saw Chewy shaved."
"What the fu…I mean…contestant #1, if you took me on a date where would it be?"
"I'd take you back to my place and…" Knuckles ran from the audience and started beating the poop out of Matty, AGAIN. "KNOCK IT OFF! I WAS KIDDING!" Knuckles shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the audience. Everyone was howling with laughter.
"Same question contestant 2."
"I'd take you to an alley with some chums of mine to get real high." Kibara took a long drag off is invisible joint.
"I'd take you to my room…I mean…the Death Star and train you to join the dark side. The other guys say that being a Jedi's cooler, but the dark side ROX MY SOX!"
"Contestant #1, what ticks you off the most?"
"G rated stuff. Not all life's rated G, in fact the biological purpose of humans and furries alike is rated R."
"Same question contestants 2 and 3."
"Non-smokers cause they don't know the pleasure of a good joint." He took another long drag. "Want some?"
"No thanks. What ticks me off more then anything is Space Balls. I mean, why ruin a perfectly good series of sci-fi movies and turn it into a comedy? It makes no sense!" BUZZ
"Alright, who are they?"
"Well Matty's being himself."
"Close enough, the right answer was 'lemon fangirl'."
"Kibara's a heroine addict, and Sky is obsessed with Star Wars."
"What's wrong with that? The authoress has seen EVERY Star Wars movie except Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith."
"Correct! A googolplex points to Sky for mentioning Space Balls and negative googolplex points to Kibara for smoking weed on TV."
"You all will perish!"
"Next up…two liners, my favorite! This is for Sky, Lily and Kibara. For this game, Lily and Sky can only say two lines each while Kibara can say whatever he likes. Lily, your lines are 'WTF?' and 'Want fries with that?'. Sky's lines are 'Hold the mayo' and 'The Ming Dynasty sucks'. Can anyone think of a weird place for someone from China to eat...McDonalds? Ok, Kibara's a Chinese man at McDonalds and Lily and Sky are employees. Let's go!"
"Hello, I am from China and I was wondering if I could get some service." Kibara said in an over exaggerated Chinese sounding voice.
"WTF?"
"What wild turkey farm? I don't see a wild turkey farm."
"The Ming Dynasty sucks."
"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY FAMILY?" He pretended to hold out a sword.
"Hold the mayo."
"If that's how you American's say relax, then fine; I'll hold the mayo. I'll order a Big Mac and Coke."
"Want fries with that?"
"Of course not! Fries are bad for you!"
"Hold the mayo."
"Sorry, my chi is out of balance today, must be my yin overpowering my yang again."
"WTF?"
"Wooly torn fiberglass? You all Americans are creatures of nonsense."
"The Ming Dynasty sucks."
"I have held the mayo for to long! YOU SHALL PERISH EVIL PHENIX!" Kibara started chasing Sky around the stage, then they ran into the audience and did a few laps around Kiyuly's desk with Sky screaming "HOLD THE MAYO!" the whole time.
"WTF?" Kiyuly buzzed them out. Sky and Kibara went back on stage.
"Good job everyone! An infinity points for Sky for using a line from one of the many great works of TheViciousOne. A negative 99999 points to Kibara for trying to kill someone on TV."
"This mortal game show sucks."
"Just like the Ming Dynasty." The audience hollered with laughter.
"The next event, weird news casters! Each of you get personalities and a news job. Kibara's the anchor man. Lily is a desperate sales woman trying to sell junk no body wants. Matty's the zoom zoom kid and Sky's a serotype Canadian. Start the insanity!"
"Welcome to Channel 16 News! I'm your host, Kernel Stacey; some of my close friends call me Teresa." Half the audience yelled "Hi Teresa!" "Now for this breaking news update! Two bicycles collided in East India yesterday killing thousands. Joining me now is news correspondent, Amanda Huginkiss. Amanda?"
"Hello, can I interest you in some 'Plague-b-gone'?"
"Not now Amanda, tell us what you see here today."
"Well I see some survivors, rescue attempts and even the two bicycles that caused the accident…which reminds me…" Lily walked to the back of the room and came back looking like she was holding something. "I have here two very cool looking mountain bikes, only $999.99! They come complete with baskets, headlights, mirrors, water bottles and a bloody arm hanging from one of the pedals. Wait a second…GROSS…get this off my merchandise so I sell it to pay for more junk…I mean, goods." She started running around like a lunatic waving her arms and screaming.
"Any final words Amanda?"
"Yes Teresa, all I have to say is come down to 'The Bargain Bargain Bargain Bargain Shop'. We have all you needs, like solar powered hammers, bowling ball vacuums, spray paint for dogs and home open heart surgery kits. So come on down and…and…BUY SOMETHING, ANYTHING!" Lily fell to the ground and started to beg. "I CAN'T PAY MY BILLS; I HAD TO SELL MY BUGGIE TO PAY FOR A PLASMA TV, WHEN I GO TO KFC I HAVE TO KICK SOMEONE ELSES FINGERS! Please buy something anything!"
"Next up, sports! In today's basketball game, the Raptors beat the Celtics by a score of 100 to 1. We go know to sports wiz, Seymour Jugs. Seymour, what can you tell us about the game?"
"Zoom zoom."
"You mean it was over fast?"
"Zoom."
"I'll take that as a yes. Late in the fourth quarter, the star point guard of the Raptors broke his ankle after fouled by a Celtics defense men. What was the pressure like down on the court?"
"Zoom zoom."
"They got over it quick, good then. The Celtics nearly came from behind in the first quarter, must have been mayhem."
"Zoom…zoom."
"The crowd went to the food court? Odd thing to do in that point of a game. A final word on the game Seymour?"
"Zoom zoom."
"Can you do anything but say "zoom zoom"?" Matty walked over to Kibara with a can of silly string and sprayed it in his face. Matty calmly walked back to his seat. "Finally, there have been reports of large flocks of bald eagles spotted near Vancouver Island. With his report is local lumber jack, Ivana Tinkle. Are you there Ivana?"
"How's it goin' eh?"
"Can you tell us how this all started?"
"Well sure eh, I was sittin' down to my lunch at Tim Horten's when these huge eagles came by and started attacking the Mounties eh."
"Has the situation gotten better or worse?"
"Worse eh, the Mounties started chuckin' maple syrup at the birds, which made them really ticked off eh. Then they did the worse possible thing you could imagine."
"Which was…?"
"THEY STARTED THROWING POUTINE AND BACON AT 'UM! How could those guys waste the greatest thing that was ever in this country; next to the Montréal Canadians?" Suddenly the authoress came down from the audience and started beating Sky with a hockey stick.
"HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING? HABS SUCK; LEAFS 4EVER!" She continued beating him until security came and started dragging her away. "The Leafs will win the Stanly cup! You'll see!"
"That was weird…a final word Ivana."
"Sure thing eh, I got one last word that sums up this story…BACON!" BUZZ
"Excellent, 13 points to Matty for spraying Kibara and negative 13 points to Sky for saying that the Habs are better then the Leafs. Final game for the night, Film, Theater and TV styles! This is for Kibara, Sky and Lily. You guys will act out a scene and when I buzz, change the style of the scene. Now I need some ideas from the audience…Spy, Soap Opera, Musical, Infomercial, Horror…ok that's enough. What's a job a kid would have…babysitting? Ok, you two are babysitting Kibara; start the chaos!"
"This sucks, why are we stuck with this brat when our friends are at a party?"
"No idea." Kibara starts crying. "Great, now the kid's crying, now what?"
"I guess it wants a drink." BUZZ
"Spy movie!" Lily starts sneaking around the stage with Sky on her tail.
"We have to get the baby bottle back from Dr. Wickedness before the baby's hyper sonic screams shatter our ears." They slink around an invisible corner.
"Oh no! It's a trap! Quick, get out your gun!" Sky and Lily pretend to hold out their guns and start making sound effects like shooting and gagging. "Good job, let's go." They ran to a corner and picked up something. "Mission accomplished, time to head back to base." Both of them rushed back to Kibara. BUZZ
"Musical!"
"How much longer do we have to suffer? I can't take it, anymore." Lily sang.
"For as long as it takes to pay off, that stuff we robbed from the corner store."
"Why can't they just, throw us in jail? What could be worse then this?"
"Try playing strip darts, when you almost always miss." BUZZ
"Soap opera!" Kiyuly managed to utter between laughs.
"Sky, I have something to tell you."
"What is it?"
"My evil sister Angel is trying to kill Yume so that she could be with Shadow so they asked Shade to stop her but then she found out that Angel's really Yume's third cousin twice removed on her dad's side so that means that I'm related to Coco which means that you two can't be together."
"Why not?"
"Because…Sky…I am your…third cousin's sister's husband's son's grandmother's wife in law's nephew's brother's mother's second cousin thrice removed's sister."
"…could you repeat that? I was in a coma." BUZZ
"Horror!"
"Something's wrong here."
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know Sky, but something bad is about to happen, I can feel it." Kibara starts sneaking up on Lily. He looks like he's about to pounce. Sky looks frightened. "Like there's a ghost right behind me isn't there?"
"What ever you do, don't turn around or the ghost of the baby who lived here will eat your face." Lily turns around.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" BUZZ
"Infomercial!"
"Ghost babies eating your face? Wonder how to prevent this from happening? Stop wondering and buy this new product… "TITWSGBFEYF" otherwise known as "The Item That Will Stop Ghost Babies From Eating Your Face"." Sky pretends to hold a spray can. "Just spray some on your face and it repels those nasty infant ghouls. Let's see if it works." He walks over to Lily who's screaming her lungs out and has Kibara on her face. Sky sprays Lily's face (the very small part not covered by Kibara) and he falls off her face and starts fake gagging. Lily gets up.
"Thanks, I needed that. By the way…why does that spray smell like gym shorts that have been in a school locker since September?"
"That's the only smell that repels ghost babies. Get this handy item at your local Canadian Tire for the low price of $9,876,543.21, or call 1-800-GHOST and get your "TITWSGBFEYF" today!" BUZZ The audience laughs and cheers wildly as all 4 performers bow.
"We'll be back with a winner in just a moment!"
COMMERICAL BREAK
END COMERICAL BREAK
"We're back with "Who's Line Is It Anyway?" where the points are non-insistent; just like the authoresses chances of passing grade 7! Tonight's winner is…MATTY PYTHON!" Matty started doing every dance on the face of the earth; including the moonwalk and the Egyptian. "Now everyone has to suffer with…THE HOWEDOWN! We need a strange type of music."
"NEWFOUNDLAND MUSIC!" The authoress yelled.
"Since I don't wish to perish in her next fic, the Newfoundland music hoedown it is. Start the music, Tikal!" Tikal played the theme for the hoedown.
"The authoress drives me completely insane. Newfoundland music is quite a pain. She plays that junk all night and day, the song stuck in my head is "Heave away"." Lily sang.
"No matter how hard I try, I can't stop the music, I wish I would die. The one sole band that bothers me, a band from Newfoundland called "Great Big Sea"." Sky sang.
"Who invented this kind of tune? If I find 'um they'll face their doom. Newfies never shut up about boats and fish. To murder all Acadians is my wish." The authoress threw a salmon at Matty.
"Acadians are from Nova Scotia you idiot!"
"Newfoundland music is the best. It's just plain better then all the rest. It'd be the only kind if I had my way. My favorite song is "Ordinary Day". Wait a sec…I hate Newfoundland music. Why'd I say that?" Kiyuly pondered.
"Because my authoress powers made you! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She ran out the building yelling "NEWFIES RULE!".
"…That was creepy. Join us next time for more randomness! Later and don't forget…THE MING DYNASTY SUCKS!"
Lily:That was beyond weird. This was the authoresses' longest chapter yet; it took up 14 pages on Microsoft Word! She'll be mega busy studying and updating her other 3 stories. C ya!