Starting with Goodbye, a twilight fanfic

I own nothing, SM and CU do! Enjoy! This takes place after the big battle in Eclipse, about 2 or 3 days. Edward is out hunting and Bella is in her room.

Bella's POV

I traced patterns in the ceiling with my eyes. I had been staring at the ceiling for about an hour now. I couldn't get Jacob off of my mind. I know I have to stop seeing him. It's not fair for me to always be around when we want different things. I knew there would be a day when I had to say goodbye, but I just can't even bring myself to think the words.

In order for my life with Edward to progress and grow, Jacob needs to be let go. But I can't bring myself to cause him so much pain, to break his heart.

I decided that there was nothing more I could do tonight. I need sleep so Edward won't say anything about dark circles under my eyes. He doesn't like it when I torment myself over the pain I inflict on the people I love.

I reached over and grabbed my headphones off the side table. I left the player on the last song it was on and pushed play. I wasn't in the mood to flip through songs…..

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

Whoa! Was this song supposed to be exactly my life? I feel like I've just been nailed in the chest by a bolder! I do have to say goodbye, and he won't understand. I am at a crossroad…..

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

My life is definitely bitter sweet. I gain Edward lose Jacob. I gain immortality with Edward, I lose Renee and Charlie…Somewhere, there is a life where everything is easy. Where I don't have to worry and fret….Where is that place?...

Saying goodbye is going to tear me to pieces, but it will hurt Jacob even more. I can't keep dragging him along though. I felt a few stray tears slide down my cheek and overmy chin…

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

Hopefully Jacob will be better with time. He has to move on…doesn't he?

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,

I was silently sobbing now. My life won't start until I say goodbye. I have to end things with Jacob tomorrow. He has to know that we can't be friends anymore. He has to understand. I was crying with a little more volume now.

Alice must have seen me because the next thing I knew, Edward was sliding in through my window. He lay down next to me and held me close. He never said a word. He just kissed me on the forehead and let me cry.

I was glad too. I needed to get all of the tears out before I saw Jacob. I couldn't let Jacob see me cry.

I bent my head up the kiss Edward. He kissed me back and started to hum my lullaby. I snuggled closer and closed my eyes. I was asleep within two minutes.