This story is set after the events of the anime, in the age the fandom calls the "New World". There are many unknowns about the New World at the time this story is uploaded so I have taken liberties in some aspects. These modifications were kept at a minimum. Also, this is a holiday-themed story.
The Dream She Saw
Summary: It was the wish of a person you have long forgotten, the prayer of a valiant dreamer who had forsaken the ability to hope. "A happy dream," your soul once uttered, "I want to see a happy dream." Semi-AU. Oneshot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica or any of its characters.
Once again, thank you to Athyra for beta-reading this one-shot!
It's that time of the year again, huh?
Carols filled the cold night air and lights glimmered like flickering hope in the darkness. Red, white, green, and even blue floated in seemingly incorporeal threads, tethered in nothingness as if to prove that faith was something real, not just an idea conceptualized by those in despair. You once believed in that notion, a conviction that there was always a silver lining in even the blackest of clouds, and that there was a loving deity that would comfort you in your hardships and embrace you when you were at your lowest. You once believed that even in your lonely existence there was someone there who would always love you.
Once, you repeated to yourself, but as you gazed at the sparkling and merry lights of ornaments and lanterns, you knew that you still believed it deep down in your heart and soul.
Or, more accurately, your Soul Gem, which ironically seemed to mimic that red bulb of light in the middle of the Christmas tree's star.
It glowed brightly, untainted and hopeful in its brilliance that it moved something inside you almost to the point where you felt your knees weaken. However, as soon as this vulnerability appeared, your instinct immediately suppressed it with the keen wariness that you usually wore. It was your defense mechanism and it was because of it that you managed to survive this long living on the edge. Truly, your existence was like a clock that ticked doubly fast or an hourglass that spilled your hopes and dreams into the ether of the void. There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to expect from this life aside from that sliver of anticipation that you would see the sun rise the next morning.
And even that was not something you were excited about because a new day brought a new danger, a different way to perish. To some extent, you feared the circle of events but more often than not you also treated it as a privilege. After all, you were the hunter atop the supernatural eldritch food chain, and because of that, you had the right to continue on living to the next day.
Only to fight again and hope that you would end up on top once more because failing to do so meant to cease existing.
Oh what a wonderful life.
Regardless of your daily woes, you couldn't help but appreciate how the air seemed to smell differently during the holidays and how people just seemed to lift their spirits up in these special months when family, friends, and community relationships were treasured and celebrated. Even though you had none of the aforementioned affiliations, you still felt this tiny ember of happiness just watching people be happy. That was the sappiness in your heart that you couldn't get rid of, it seemed, and even your knee-jerk feeling of anger, bitterness, and maybe even jealousy couldn't quite smother it.
You smiled when a little girl giggled to her mother and when a young boy pointed to a train model from atop his father's shoulder. These were endearing images, faraway wishes that you could only observe and not experience.
Because after all, you have already made your wish.
Funnily, when the thought of your wish to become a mahou shoujo came, regret didn't quite take root. Instead, you only had this sardonic thought that you would rather watch and appreciate as much as you can rather than make another wish and suffer twice as much. It was not like you could make another wish anyway, since you were already a battery for the universe as it was. Kyuubey had already placed the magical electrodes on your body and soul, he wouldn't put any more.
You munched on the taiyaki that you had legally pilfered from a stand earlier. Legal because you actually bought it with real money for once, but pilfered because you just picked up the bill on the ground after someone had apparently lost it. Oh well, it was their loss and your gain, even though it was probably mere chump change for most people.
You bathed yourself in the sights, scents and sounds of Christmas Eve as your apathetic yet bouncy strides took you down the street. Although the sparkling lights and the orchestra of songs made you feel like you were in a demon's alluring shroud, you felt at ease and carefree. It was an inexplicable yet welcomed reprieve like a short vacation or a day off, and you prayed that no demon would show up tonight to tarnish your wonderful evening.
Leaving the vicinity of downtown Mitakihara, you made your way towards the open environment of the city park, where all the geometric designs and near-futuristic furnishings somewhat made the holiday seem to be from another world, a far older one where the hardships were more severe and the prizes from becoming the victor was more rewarding. But the world of your father and your father's father was no longer here, leaving you to live in a society that was both extremely intelligent and unsurprisingly shallow in terms of spiritual faith. You doubted the passers-by you strolled with ever went to church, or even better, if they were even part of the church in the first place. Truly, this festival of gods and messiahs was only celebrated more because it was on the calendar and less because of the meaning and roots of the day itself.
You were certain that Santa Claus was more well-known than Christ, the figure from which the name of the holiday was taken from.
However, that was the least of your worries. You have placed faith behind you because you have been exposed to something that was far more brutal and real than the words and stories from a bible so outdated that it longer made sense. Being a mahou shoujo had truly dampened your idealistic predisposition and turned you into this non-believer who hoped (barely) and (sometimes) prayed but never truly believed that your pleas were even heard by anyone in particular. You decided that it was more of a habit than an action of faith. After all, one of the most precious memories you had of your mother was her teaching you the moral value and importance of trusting in a higher being, a savior that would always be there so long as you believe that He existed. It had always been there, even if you had a hard time fully embracing it anymore.
And it was comforting, somewhat.
In the midst of your musing, you began to forget where you feet were taking you. It was not a big deal, you trusted them anyway and believed that they knew the place better than your mind sometimes. Besides, it was not as if anything could take you down. What took you off-guard, however, was the rare sight of a comrade-in-arms peacefully enjoying the holiday events from afar in that aloof and knowing demeanor she always wore about her. Akemi Homura was sitting on a park bench underneath a warmly lit lamppost sporting a diamond-shape lantern that glimmered softly in the city's blackness. Had it not been for the pink light within, the ornament would have looked like the black-haired girl's Soul Gem, but you supposed that purple was a bit too dull for a happy occasion so pink was oddly fitting for it.
Moreover, that particular hue of rose looked so familiar, like an omniscient presence similar to Homura's own.
The dark-haired archer looked anything but familiar though, for she wore her long tresses in two well-groomed pigtails instead of the usual way she simply let them flow down her back. They were held up by two red ribbons identical to those she wore like a makeshift headband all the time. In your opinion, the style actually made her look younger and more innocent, unlike the weary manner she usually carried herself. However, what made Homura look so different tonight was the fact that she had a softer expression on her face, an almost invisible smile that none of her comrades have seen before. Well, that was not completely true, you mused, since you and Mami had seen this kind glow on the black-haired girl's face every now and then.
Neither of you just didn't have the heart to call her out on it because it was so rare.
"Yo," you called out to the silent girl, who merely glanced up at you.
"Sakura Kyouko..."
"Ish, my full name again..." you shifted your weight from one foot to another and waved off the peculiar way Homura always called you. Did she not know that it was quite uncomfortable to hear your whole name when you were just saying hi? "You're not waiting for a date, are you?"
"I have none of that sort." As you expected, she retorted succinctly.
"Oh, good," you flopped down beside her without even bothering to ask for permission. "Or else Mami would freak. Though I'm kind of surprised," you snickered between bites of your snack, "you look like you spent a bit of time preening today. I've never seen you tie your hair like that before."
Instead of contorting her face in annoyance or brushing your opinion off, Homura simply shook her head and gazed down almost lovingly at the present on her lap. She said nothing though and only stroked the pink ribbon wrapped around the gift with her fingers for a while before she finally murmured, "it has been a long time since I have."
If this girl didn't look like the stoic archer you fought alongside with, you would have thought that she was a completely different person. But in spite of this drastic change in demeanor- she looked almost bashful with the way she avoided your gaze- you couldn't find it in yourself to poke and prod her more than you already have. It was Christmas Eve after all, the night when even the iciest of people had the right to let loose and enjoy the warmth of the season's celebrations.
And somehow, you felt your Soul Gem glow in rare mirth at the realization that such an occasion could affect mahou shoujos as well.
"Mind if I ask for whom that present is for?" As far as you were concerned, Homura was a loner, and since you were not knowledgeable about her family as well, your intrigue was justified.
"A precious friend."
You stopped chewing, shocked that the black-haired girl even answered your nosy question. You certainly didn't expect it at all, since Homura rarely responded to your inquiries about battle plans. Yet here she was, talking about a person she held in high regard, evident by the sheer amount of affection she had for the small box in her hand. You were suddenly tempted to ask who this dear friend was but you decided against it for you didn't want the quiet girl to clam up and end this conversation with awkwardness.
Surprisingly though, the dark archer spoke again, adding to her response.
"I am uncertain how to give this present though…"
When sadness glazed Homura's purple eyes, you instinctively knew who the gift was for but you couldn't quite keep it to yourself and curiously blurted out, "is it for that Madoka person you keep talking about?"
Of course, your words were dripping with disbelief, because in some ways, you believed that Madoka was simply your companion's imaginary friend. Neither you nor Mami have seen the black-haired girl with anyone except Kyuubey so it was quite difficult to perceive Homura having a special person. It didn't help that even the stone-faced Incubator haven't seen Madoka either.
Homura silently nodded at your question though, not at all affected by your incredulity.
"I never asked you this but does she live far away or something?" Maybe, just maybe, Madoka was simply a long-lost childhood friend of the black-haired girl. "If so, then that's nothing the postal service can't solve and—"
"She is… somewhere not here."
Those words made your insensitive tirade come to a halt.
There were clues before but the way Homura had spoken flipped a switch in your head.
"Was she… one of us?"
The sullen girl nodded.
"Oh… well that sucks…" you then bit your lip and tried to remedy what you just said, "err… I mean… I'm sorry."
Your fists clenched without your permission as you felt horribly low at saying such things. You, of all people, should know the pain of losing precious people for you have lost quite a few in your short life. Your family members were among the ones who were taken by demons and they were certainly the reason why you made a contract with Kyuubey. And just as your loneliness was being ebbed away by your friendship with Miki Sayaka, she had also vanished.
In some ways, you considered your resilience great but in others… well, it simply made you feel like a jerk.
"Do not apologize, Sakura Kyouko," Homura said fluidly, although you didn't know whether it was perfect acting or simply this profound acceptance that Madoka was truly out of reach. No, it couldn't be, right? Why else would the black-haired girl even get her missing friend a gift?
Why would she still have that hopeful look on her face?
She believed. That was everything Homura's eyes told you, and it mattered not if bringing back those who have vanished was impossible. She wholeheartedly believed.
But in what?
"You know," you stood up right after she did and plunged your hands in your hoodie's pockets, "it's scary when you don't look angry… or utterly blank."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, even more so when you look like that."
Homura merely responded with a small quirk of an eyebrow.
"It makes me feel like the world's ending, y'know? I remember you telling me and Mami about that Walpurgis-thing and crap. That's not about to happen, is it?" Not that you minded some serious demon ass-kicking, but you preferred to somewhat prepare for it should it happen. Homura once said that Walpurgisnacht was the strongest witch in the world, and witches were some sort of demons, right?
This was the time when you wished that you had listened more to the black-haired girl's almost prophetic speeches back then to spare yourself from sounding like an idiot right now.
"No," Homura shook her head, her pigtails swaying almost like a child's. "Demons do not behave that way."
"Oh, well… I'm just not used to you looking so… so... optimistic. It just doesn't look right."
"I see…" the black-haired girl snuggly held the small box in her arms and looked up at the pink diamond-shaped lantern above her head, "perhaps… it is because tonight is special."
"Special?"
Homura uttered no more words and turned towards a tall glowing figure peeking over some of the smaller buildings in the city. Had it not been for the obvious star on its peak, a mahou shoujo like you would have mistaken the giant Christmas tree for a demon ready to prey on people's negative emotions. Only when you regarded it well enough that you realize that it glowed differently, like a grand and benevolent scepter that called for souls who have nowhere else to go tonight, for lonely people like yourself and the dark-haired archer.
"Oi, wait up!"
As you two drew closer to the tree, less and less people seemed to be walking on the brightly lit streets of Mitakihara. Only a handful of shadows obstructed the view of sparkling lights, creating a surreal effect on the densely populated city. It was as if its residents here were mere spirits, holograms made by the luminescence's trickery. In truth, however, more and more people were simply going home to enjoy their warm living rooms with their loved ones, perhaps a hearty dinner as well even if they weren't subscribers to the faith that celebrated the occasion.
The idea of family and home felt foreign to you now, because you didn't have a place to call your own and there were definitely no loved ones waiting for you either. Perhaps, in reality, those who were still trekking these streets at this hour were the lost spirits, ceaselessly wandering and envious of those who belonged in a loving group of companions. Yet, the people you saw still had smiles on their faces even though they were alone. Was it because of the fairy-like lights that glittered jovially from their perches on the streets? Was it because of the music that still echoed through the thin glass doors of stores? Or was it simply because tonight was one that could truly be distinguished as holy and special in every way?
You wondered idly, knowing that deep inside, you preferred that no answer came to enlighten this inexplicable feeling associated with the season.
"Ara, I didn't expect to see you two here."
You cocked your head to the right and saw the distinctive hairstyle and affable presence of Tomoe Mami. She had just exited a grocery store that was usually open throughout the night, looking mildly puzzled although her smile remained impeccable. Hanging on her arm was a couple of shopping bags that contained what looked like foodstuffs, which immediately drew your attention.
"What are you still doing out and about?" You asked as the blonde joined your small group on the sidewalk. "Wasn't it your day off demon-hunting?"
"Yes, but whenever I am not hunting, I am working, and I just finished for tonight." Mami beamed happily at the two and fished a small red box from her plastic bag, "here, Sakura-san, pockies went on sale for the holidays and I thought you would want one."
You blinked at the offered box, surprised at the unexpected present, and grinned before exuberantly taking it from the blonde's hand. "Heh, thanks, Mami. Appreciate it."
It was her turn to send you a bewildered expression. You rarely showed gratefulness nowadays and thus this soft declaration probably came off as weird to your long-time friend, which in turn made you feel a tad bit embarrassed. You opened the box and fished a single pocky out before you placed the chocolate-covered biscuit between your teeth to munch.
"Here, Akemi-san, you can have one too." You watched Mami give the black-haired girl a red box of treats as well and noticed that the blonde seemed to be quite happy and at peace lately. You have known the mild-mannered girl for a long time now and you knew instinctively that there was a deeply rooted anxiety in her despite of how stable her personality might seem. That disquiet in her heart gradually settled when Sayaka had contracted and served as Mami's charge, a valuable kouhai the blonde simply adored. You knew that she was made to look after someone, that was a fact, and for the longest time, Sayaka's disappearance had rattled you not only because of its effect on you but also on the older girl.
It was quite relieving to see that the empty void was somehow being filled little by little so that the hole wasn't as big.
The alliance between you three and the other mahou shoujos in the province certainly took some of the load off Mami's shoulders, allowing her to regain even just a bit of a normal life, when not even a year ago she was responsible for the whole city. You recalled the blonde telling you stories about how demon-hunting took much of her time that she wasn't allowed to form bonds with other people, especially those who didn't know what was really going on behind the scenes. Nowadays, Mami had been able to spend some time for herself as a person, not just as a mahou shoujo. She had even taken a part-time job to reintegrate herself with the real world.
Of course, you didn't understand why such a powerful magical being would want to do something like that and you scoffed at the idea of living like a normal person when you were clearly more than just human.
"Your new hairstyle suits you, Akemi-san." Mami chuckled softly yet merrily at the black-haired girl's long flowing tresses, which made you snicker in spite of yourself. The blonde always had a soft spot when it came to twin tails so it wasn't at all surprising for her to fawn over Homura's style change.
The quiet archer merely looked down, not at all used to all this attention. And if you looked close enough, you could almost see the tiny hint of a smile on her face.
"Now where have I seen pigtails with red ribbons before..." the blonde crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her chin in thought. Now that she mentioned it, you could have sworn that such an ensemble looked familiar to you as well, as if you knew someone who always wore red hair ties. But neither a name nor a face came to your mind, befuddling you enough to make you scratch the back of your head.
I swear I've seen those ribbons before too...
If you weren't too busy trying to solve this curious yet unsolvable mystery, you would have noticed the sorrowful expression that flashed on Homura's face.
"But never mind that," Mami dismissed the musing away, "I was thinking that maybe you two should come over tonight."
"Eh? But aren't you tired?" You couldn't help but ask and then wonder where the older girl got her energy from. Didn't she say that she just got out of her late shift at work?
"Maa… I suppose I am but I've been meaning to invite you and Akemi-san for a special dinner anyway." She then showed the rest of the contents of her grocery bag, "and since we are all here, why don't we all enjoy a warm cup of tea and wait for tomorrow with a bowl of steaming soup?"
If Mami was talking about cooking for you and Homura, then you would totally accept the offer. Free food was free food, and with the blonde's cooking prowess, that just made the idea all the more scrumptious and appealing. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since you visited the older girl's abode, even longer since you have tasted her perfect dishes.
Heh, yeah the last time I was there… that bonkler was too.
"I appreciate the offer, Tomoe Mami," the black-haired girl bowed lightly at the kind invitation. "However, there is something I must do."
"What could that be, Akemi-san?" The concern in the blonde's amber irises genuinely exhibited just how much she cared for her fellow mahou shoujos, a quality that most people took for granted or never believed. You were one of those people because you couldn't fathom just how much a person could commit themselves to others when they received nothing in return. You once asked yourself how human nature could handle such selflessness when it was hardwired to be otherwise. Was Mami simply a fool?
Or was she truly a saint?
"There is a present I wish to deliver." Homura's grip on the boxed gift tightened enough for the older girl to notice. Then, in her serene and understanding way, Mami simply smiled and turned toward the Christmas tree in the town square, gesturing that you two follow her.
"Then we must deliver it at once, ne?" Her bright eyes glimmered much like the lights that coiled around the nearby trees and lampposts. "Is it for Madoka-san…?"
The black-haired girl nodded and smiled sadly in spite of herself, probably feeling silly about how you and Mami just seem to accept this entity called Madoka even though neither of you could possible knew who or what it was.
"You do not need to go." She told you so quietly that you both almost missed it. This made you chuckle audibly and drop an elbow on her shoulder, making her look at you with an inquisitive frown on her face.
"I might not be the most cheerful of people 'round here but," you nudged the solemn archer, "lay off the angst for once… even just for tonight."
"Sakura-san is right, Akemi-san." Mami reached for Homura's hand and squeezed it encouragingly. "And if this is important to you, then we will gladly go with you. Though it is embarrassing to say this, I do see you and Sakura-san as my family now and… it only makes sense for us to be with one another tonight, yes?"
"Family, huh?"
"Hai… do you not think so as well?"
These two were really the only ones left, weren't they? Mami had long lost her real family and Homura was also quite silent about hers. All you three had left was each other and this sisterhood of magical fighters determined to survive in a world full of demons and despair.
You didn't show it, but you certainly felt this inexplicable warmth flowing through your body at the thought that you weren't truly alone.
Now if only that idiot didn't go and make herself vanish like that.
"Heh… I guess you're right, Mami." You let the black-haired girl go and pocketed your hands once more before marching towards the tower of sparkles in the near distance. "Let's go so we'll have some time to warm up in your place later. That's fine right, Homura?"
"Yes…"
A Christmas carol played as the three of you strolled down the street, and you listened to it with more zeal and awe that you normally would. Truth be told, you didn't think you had the ability to admire mundane things anymore but music had a way of immersing a person in its magic. And though you were not a stranger to supernatural phenomena, the pull music had on you was definitely different than how magical entities like demons would alarm your Soul Gem into high gear. Music always had a soothing quality to it, despite of how serene a classical piece was or how angry some rock songs were. It was simply a whole other world that brought you up or down depending on the situation.
Your train of thought ultimately returned to the blue-haired girl who had a profound impact on your life and realized that your heart hurt. Sayaka told you a lot about music and she revived the childish fantasies you lost after your family's demise. She had been so gung-ho, lively, and had this great dream of being a hero of justice.
She had been just like you.
And because of that, you flitted towards her like a moth would to a flame. She was this knight in shining armor, a benevolent and brave prince figure who stood by her ideals with such an adamant resolve that you just couldn't resist her idiotic charm. Again and again, you tried to slam her noble ideals to the ground, but just as tenaciously, she just kept standing back up and preaching her romantic righteousness. It pissed you off but, little by little, you found yourself wanting to believe and to be like her, to revive the ally of justice that once resided in your own heart.
Because after all, everything you ever wanted was to make people happy.
Deep inside, you also wanted to be a hero.
But the damn idiot just had to pull the heroic sacrifice card and have herself vanish in a fight. That dumbass, diving in headfirst without thinking of the consequences and then getting herself killed in the process. Didn't she understand that heroism didn't always mean martyrdom?
You sighed to yourself as you watched Mami and Homura a couple of paces away, thoughtfully nibbling on a stick of pocky. Miki Sayaka would always be one of your failures, a guilt you knew you would always carry for as long as you wore the red-gemmed ring on your finger.
"Gah! I'm literally wearing my soul on my sleeve!"
Your heart skipped when you heard the blunette's impish whine about her Soul Gem in your mind. God, that girl had a way of leaving an impression on people, and you both hated and loved her for it. That hard-headed yet soft-hearted idiot who shamelessly threw her future away for the sake of justice and the affection of a boy who would much rather play his violin than to look at her. She always knew how to push your buttons.
You sighed and tried to suppress the anger directed at Kamijou Kyousuke. It was hard but tonight wasn't the night to boil your blood over a boy who you never even knew, and truthfully, no matter how unworthy he was of Sayaka's affections, he was still the person she had sold her soul for.
He was still the person she cared about the most.
"I, Miki Sayaka, will protect the people of Mitakihara until the very end!"
"Eh? What are you, stupid?"
"Ha ha, just because you're not very creative and unable to be happy for being a fighter of evil doesn't mean I can't."
"Shut up, what's the point of declaring that when no one will even know what the heck you're actually doing for them? We're not superheroes or anything."
"Even so… even without anyone's recognition, I'll protect this town. I'll protect Kyousuke, you and all our friends."
"Pfft… protect me? You're getting out of your league there, newbie."
"What? Even you need someone to watch your back every now and then. And I've been training hard!"
"Hai hai, less talkin' more swingin'! We have a lot of demons to slay, oh Hero of Justice."
"R-right… Follow me my faithful sidekick!"
"What! I'm not your sidekick!"
"But you're so sidekick material. You're a Lancer and everything!"
"Watch me not save your heroic little rear when you get in trouble again, baka!"
She was such a bonkler, a gloriously naïve dumbass who wanted the best for the people dear to her, even at the cost of her own existence. You wondered if you could do the same thing one day, if you could selflessly give your life to preserve the people who didn't know you even existed or fought your very hardest to ensure their safety.
Well, I'll be happy just to die like her.
After all, mahou shoujos were like lit candles designed to burn quickly and sputter out of reality just as fast. A noble death would at least make your short and miserable life go out with a bang. Dying with a bit of honor would have given your life a meaning.
"Sakura-san? Are you okay over there?"
"A-ah… yeah, I'm fine," you jogged after the two and grinned sheepishly, "I was just letting my mind wander a bit."
Mami smiled as she looked at the well-decorated streets, her eyes losing themselves in those glitters as well. "I don't blame you… the atmosphere is almost surreal during this time of the year."
You sighed in relief. You didn't want the blonde to know that you still thought about Sayaka because you didn't want her to worry. Mami tended to fuss over you and Homura more than necessary, like a worrywart older sibling. It wasn't a secret that she was also heartbroken when the blunette disappeared, so the least you could do was not reopen the wounds.
The black-haired girl's stare caught your attention, however, making a chill crawl up your spine as if you were a deer caught in headlights. Homura had always been wise beyond her years and she looked as if she knew what you were thinking and feeling. You feared that she might say something cryptic like she always did and make the eldest of your triad fret, yet she only respectfully looked away. The gesture itself was like a message though, an inaudible and invisible note telling you that she knew the void in your chest for she had also lost a dear friend.
Suddenly, your scarlet eyes whipped towards the box in her arms and understood. Maybe that was what Madoka was to her as well, an irreplaceable treasure that had disappeared due to your cause.
Right… because no mahou shoujo could be made without a girl losing something important to her.
You breathed in deeply and sighed as you folded your arms behind your head. After resuming your march towards the Christmas tree, you chewed thoughtfully on a pocky stick and chuckled to yourself at the realization that in spite of your differences with the black-haired girl, you felt a certain kind of kinship with her that was more than just a bond of comrades.
Beyond the glimmering lampposts wrapped in red or green ribbons and the tree upon which tiny light bulbs were cradled, the extensive span of the town square unfolded in front of your eyes much like a pop-up book. Normally, it would have been minimally lighted by the park's garden lamps that illuminated the grand and modern structure of the fountain. But tonight, it was as if fireflies had decided to roost on the benches and the artificial shrubs that hid the crude and geometric designs of the man-made waterfalls.
The whole place was aglitter, so much so that it was almost blinding to your nocturnal eyes. But even this festival of glamour paled in comparison to the three-story Christmas tree that seemed to dwarf the skyscrapers in the background cityscape. Clothed in wide-arching trims and lit by different colored bulbs, it definitely took center stage atop its floating platform in the middle of the park's synthetic pond.
Homura looked at it in mild reverence, appreciating how pretty the mock redwood looked, and ascended the platform that led to the tree's base. You and Mami followed not far behind her, viewing how the reds, blues, yellows, and greens reflected on the water's surface. You then watched the black-haired girl kneel in front of the tree, where she gently deposited her gift to Madoka. And as you saw her usually edgy and weary eyes soften in a bit of hidden happiness that you wondered how the girl could have both hope and hopelessness inhabit her fragile-looking body.
It was painfully similar to ascetics who were so devoted of their paths despite not knowing where it would lead them.
You approached her when you felt that you were allowed to, and looked up as high as you could to inspect the star that rested on top of this great tree. You couldn't see it, of course, for it was blocked by the many other ornaments. Silently, you wondered if you should have gotten Sayaka a present too. Logically, you knew that there was no way for the blunette to actually get anything material from this world for she had already passed on to the next one, but it would have been nice, wouldn't it?
Yeah, right. She never took anything I offered.
"What would be different now...?" You whispered silently to yourself just before Homura stood up by your side. As you expected, the black-haired girl didn't say anything but her silence was more comforting than disappointing.
In spite of your inherent dislike of being seen as sappy, you found yourself kneeling down and placing your opened box of pocky beside Homura's present.
Your mind screamed that the food would only be wasted because it was impossible for Sayaka to get it, let alone eat it. Moreover, you could just see the swordswoman getting mad at you for giving her a half-eaten box of cookies.
But it was all you have and you really wanted to give her even the simplest of gifts.
Merry Christmas, Sayaka.
"Should we go?" You asked casually after you stood up and stretched away your embarrassment and sentimentality.
She nodded slowly and said, "yes, I am satisfied."
"Good." You bit into the last stick of pocky you pulled from the box. You were about to turn around to give Mami the signal that you two were ready to enjoy the warmth of the blonde's apartment and cooking.
But the sudden gasp you heard almost made you jump.
Instinctively, your gaze whipped around to look for the gigantic forms of your foes. You were sure that demons didn't take holidays so it was only logical that they could show up even in this hallowed night.
"What is it, Mami?" You immediately asked. Your Soul Gem was at the ready and tightly grasped in your right hand.
"Shh!" A frantic voice hissed.
"Sa-mmph!"
"Mami!" You immediately transformed into your mahou shoujo outfit and whisked around to attack whoever smothered your friend's voice.
But you didn't find anyone.
The blonde looked shocked, however, and you couldn't tell whether she was terrified or not just by the way her eyes widened. Mami wasn't the type to cry in front of enemies but she was shedding tears like a trickling faucet. She also had her hand on her mouth to keep sobs at bay, her grocery bags long forgotten by her feet.
Confused, you snarled viciously as you spun your spear, "who's there? Show yourself!"
"Really, Kyouko, you ate half of this already."
The voice froze the blood in your veins.
Sayaka...?
"And didn't Mami-san give you this? Geez..."
The blue-haired girl's voice was lively and loud behind you, yet you couldn't make yourself turn around to match the face with the sound. What if you were only imagining things and not find anything there aside from two abandoned containers that held offerings to friends you had lost? Your arms quivered and the grip you had on your spear was so tight that your knuckles were white. You knew your heart wouldn't be able to take that disenchantment. It wouldn't be able to carry the burden of another unfulfilled hope.
"Oh, no! Mami-san, don't cry! I didn't mean to!"
"M-Miki-san-!" the blonde cried and ran past your shaking form, probably to embrace the figure behind you, but you still couldn't make yourself turn around.
You disappeared, damnit! You vanished!
"H-How did you- how is this even possible? I-I don't understand."
Sayaka laughed rather smugly at Mami's intelligible queries and declared proudly.
"Miracles and magic exist, ne?"
That was when you felt hot tears stream down your cheeks. Those words, you were certain that only she could ever utter them with confidence. You gritted your teeth to prevent a pathetic sob from escaping. You even masked it with an enraged growl.
"Oi, Kyouko! Hello~ Kyouko~"
No, this was just your imagination. There was no way...
"Did you time-stop her, Homura?"
"N-no, I did not." Even the time-manipulator sounded astonished.
"Then why is she frozen like that?"
The stupid jokes were almost enough to uproot you from where you stood but stubbornness and the unwillingness to show weakness kept you in place. It was only when the sight of flowing white fabric came into view that you dared to look up and straight into Sayaka's azure irises.
"Hey, you really don't want to see me?"
There she was, standing in front of you with her white cape flaring making her look like some sort of celestial heroine. She even wore that playfully confident smile, an expression that had proven endearing many times when you had worked with her while slaying demons. She had her hands on her hips, waiting for you to croak out a word. And when you only stood there and gawked, she raised her hands to look at them, perhaps wondering if she was visible at all.
"You can see me right?" She asked, her blue eyes blinking inquisitively.
"I-is that... really you?" Your throat was too dry and your tone definitely sounded nasally from the tears.
"Yep, the one and only Sayaka-chan," she saluted and grinned impishly. "Who else would it be?"
Growling, you responded as you raised your spear, "oh, I don't know...maybe some horribly stupid joke because I know for a fact that you disappeared, baka!" Confused and emotional, you thrust your spear towards the blue-haired girl in order to intimidate her, but unlike your first encounter, Sayaka easily dodged the lunge by jumping away with a speed you were sure she never had before.
"Do you always have to attack me when we see each other?" The sword-wielder shouted as she landed not too far away on the platform, "healing powers or not, that would hurt! And I'm only here to see everyone!"
"How are you even here?" You cried out before embedding your weapon into the wooden flooring of the stage. You were happy to see her but all the feelings brimming in your chest were too much that it brought you down on your knees.
"Y-you're not supposed to be h-here…" you gritted your teeth but this time it couldn't impede a painful sob.
Seeing your reddened face and distraught expression, Sayaka's smile softened. She tentatively approached you and lowered a gloved hand to raise you back up again.
"Don't you want me here?" She asked when you didn't take her hand.
You wiped your tears with your forearm and dared to fix your eyes on your long lost friend.
"This doesn't even make sense."
"It's difficult to explain but..." she looked up at huge Christmas tree said, "I think... you will understand in a few moments."
You followed her gaze and found a galaxy's worth of stars circling the very top of the tree. They were tiny embers surrounding their own miniature sun, and they grew brighter and brighter before they dispersed in every direction. Most of them disappeared beyond the horizon, far away from Mitakihara, while the lone core of the spiral remained. It descended slowly on the platform, stopping just in front of the two boxes placed under the tree.
Then, ethereal hands formed from the light and picked up the box just has long flowing pink locks materialized in front of your very eyes.
"Were you able to send them off safely, Madoka?" Sayaka asked the glowing being as if she had been acquainted with it for a long time.
The pink-haired existence turned around and smiled brightly, giggling in childish amusement, "wehihi~ of course, Sayaka-chan. I was worried because you went off in front of everyone, but you made it here alright so..."
"M-Madoka?" It was Homura's turn to be speechless.
"Arigatou, Homura-chan," the winged girl hugged the present in her arms. "I will cherish this gift."
Without wasting another breath, the black-haired mahou shoujo ran towards the girl wearing a long white dress. She dove into the latter's arms, shedding tears of joy and calling her name over and over again. The pink-haired girl cuddled her without reservation, chuckling sheepishly as she tried to calm down her friend's frantic cries.
"So…that's Madoka?"
"Yeah," Sayaka answered you evenly, "c'mon, can't you recognize her—oh, that's right."
"It's alright, Sayaka-chan," the deity-like entity smiled at you understandingly before she kissed the crown of Homura's head. "I didn't expect them to remember me. I'm glad you haven't forgotten me though, Homura-chan."
"I would never forget you, Madoka." The black-haired girl pulled away and gripped the other's hand tightly as if making sure that she was real. It seemed that there were many words that she wanted to utter but this miracle had rendered her speechless and in awe. Madoka didn't seem to mind, however, and looked like she understood Homura even without spoken words.
"It's nice to meet you again, Kyouko-chan."
"Uh…" you blinked in confusion because you were certain you have never seen this person before. "S-same to you, I-I guess."
The winged girl then turned towards the blonde who was still trying to take in all events, "and you too, Mami-san."
"K-Kaname-san…" Mami shakily gripped her chest as if her heart hurt because of the name she uttered.
Madoka hurriedly flew towards the older girl and held her hand with worry etched on her cheerful face. "Mami-san, it's okay, don't force yourself—"
"I know you…" the blonde cried before she gathered the pinkette in her arms and hugged her tightly. "I know you, I-I know you… you once s-saved me a-and…"
"Shh…" the winged girl returned the embrace and stroked Mami's back. "It's alright…" She then giggled in spite of all the tears being shed, "It makes me very happy that you do, Mami-san."
"Don't worry if you can't recall her, Kyouko," Sayaka patted your shoulder to ease your confusion. "Truth be told, we shouldn't even be here… but Hope can be a wonderful thing."
"Hai," Madoka seconded the blunette's words, "there are brief instances when hope outbalances despair. It's very rare but the chances are much better during this time of year when most of the world celebrates happiness. And tonight, hope is especially powerful."
The sword-wielder took over, "And since Madoka is the personification of Hope, she was able to take that excess and makes us temporarily corporeal."
"Temporary…?" You choked out as your greatest fears reared its ugly head in your conscience once more. Sayaka's subdued smile didn't help your galloping heart either.
"Yeah, we can't stay on this plane for very long. But that's okay since we're all able to see and speak to the important people we have left here. And that is… the best gift we could ever receive. It just means that we aren't easily forgotten, you know?"
"B-baka, how can I forget you?"
"You're the last person I want to forget me, Kyouko." Sayaka said those words so quickly that you nearly missed it. "So even if this just turns out to be a dream, remember me okay? It doesn't matter if you only see my old idiot self… that's more than enough, ne?"
"Heh, after all the crap you put me and Mami through, forgetting you will be an impossible feat." You tried to look unaffected even though you knew, deep down, that her words have wrapped themselves around your heart and squeezed it hard enough that you were finding it hard to breathe.
"That's good to hear."
The blunette beamed brightly before she suddenly turned away from you to face Homura. She held the black-haired girl's shoulders and inhaled deeply, "I've always doubted you. In almost every instance that we've met, I always distrusted you without knowing why. I realize now that all of those have been mistakes."
Sayaka took the time-manipulator's hand in her own, "maybe it's too late to ask for forgiveness but I want to let you know that I'm sorry… and that I'm very thankful."
"Miki Sayaka…"
"I'm very thankful to know that, once upon a time, we were friends too, ne?"
The exchange threw you in a loop. You have never seen those two close to one another yet there seemed to be a deeper bond between them as they spoke. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders, like old grievances that have been forgiven or deep feelings that have been buried for so long.
"Mami-san…" the blue-haired girl acknowledged the eldest of the group next. "Do you… remember everything?"
The blonde wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded as she sniffed, "hai…"
Sayaka glanced at the winged girl briefly before saying, "I guess this goes for Madoka as well, but I just want to tell you that you're the best senpai any mahou shoujo could have. You taught us that it was still okay to believe in justice and how to be brave even though we know we are shaking. Many things… wouldn't have happened without you, Mami-san."
The blunette reached up to wipe the older girl's cheek free of tears before she looked up the Christmas tree and sighed in resignation. Above them, the multitude of lights, or what you now believed to be other girls who have recently vanished, encircled the large star ornament as if they were beckoning the last of their kind to come.
"Well, I guess that's our signal, right, Madoka?"
"Yes, it is."
"W-wait!" You stepped forward out of impulse, "already?"
The pink-haired girl nodded to you as she held Homura's hand one last time. "We mustn't upset the balance and the universe has just reached equilibrium again. Homura-chan, I have to leave but please…"
"Madoka," the time-manipulator held the white-gloved hand to her cheek, "don't worry. I will keep my promise. I will continue to protect your world."
"Arigatou. I'm sure… someday we'll see each other again."
Homura nodded and didn't let go of the winged girl's hand even though she was already floating up towards the collection of other magical spirits that looked to her for guidance. And despite the tears on her face, the one who was left behind had a smile on hers, a renewed resolve to continue the fight.
"Hehe, I guess I should go now as well."
You saw Sayaka's white cape flutter as she turned away from you to follow Madoka up to join the others.
"Oi, baka!" You gripped her pristine cloak to keep her on the ground, "you can come back right? If so when? Tell me!"
"I don't know, Kyouko." She didn't turn around to look at you and her voice sounded so sullen that you felt that you might never see her again. "I… I don't even know if you'll remember this night when you wake tomorrow morning. But…"
You suddenly found yourself wrapped in a pair of strong arms that squeezed you for all you were worth.
"Thank you for the half-eaten pocky," the blunette told you as she hid her face from your view. That didn't matter though, for you could feel warm droplets trickling down your neck. With them, bits and pieces of memories flashed through your mind.
"I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble."
"Eh? That doesn't sound like you at all."
"I guess I just don't care anymore. I don't even know what's important and what's worth protecting, you know?"
Your eyes widened as pain wrung tears from your eyes. What were these images, these voices? Why did they hurt so much?
"The balance of hope and despair is always zero, right? That's what you said. I think I understand that now."
"Sayaka, your Soul Gem…"
"When you wish happiness for someone, you get cursed with equal misery. That's how it is for us… that is what happened to me."
"O-oi, Sayaka!"
"I'm such an idiot…"
A soundless scream contorted your face as you clenched Sayaka's cape. A chaotic collage of distorted images was unlocked in your soul. There was a dark train station, abandoned by all light. Rail tracks that entangled in each other formed a web around a terrifying creature seated on a pedestal-like throne. It carried a tainted sword in one hand, a blemished honor that chained it in despair.
You tried to breathe but the terror kept you from taking air.
"Kyouko…"
The long iridescent tail of a mermaid reflected what was left of the light in the dark and gruesome labyrinth while a fearsome symphony played a ruined ballad crying for its host's failures and anger.
"Sayaka-chan! It's me Madoka!"
"Keep calling out to her!"
"Kyouko-chan, look out!"
"Don't worry about me, keep calling her!"
Powerful wheels collided with your body, bruising you yet you kept going. You wanted to reach her. You wanted to bring her back.
You wanted her to know she wasn't alone.
"You're angry right? You can't forgive, can you? I get it. Go ahead and let it all out…but once you're satisfied, wake up, okay?"
"I…I…" You could barely find the strength to speak.
"I heard you," Sayaka whispered into your ear, "I heard you back then but I couldn't… Gomen."
You felt more tears stream down your neck.
"You were always there, Kyouko. Even though I gave you nothing in return, you always came for me."
"Don't worry, Sayaka. I'm not going to leave you all alone."
"And even now," the blunette's hold on you tightened, "I still can't find the right words to tell you…"
"If this is my life, I beg you God, just this once, show me a happy dream."
"…except thank you."
"S-Sayaka…"
"Thank you for all the gifts you have given me."
"W-wait!"
"Goodbye… Live out this dream as long as you can. We'll meet again someday."
You tried to hold her, to keep her from disappearing but all your arms felt was weightless air. You pleaded, even screamed, but it seemed like nothing would allow those who have vanished to remain in this world. You frantically looked at Homura, the one who knew the most, but even she was solemn, her eyes gazing up at the heavens while she clutched the two red ribbons in her hand.
You watched Sayaka's form join Madoka's and fell on your knees once more, joining Mami in weeping for precious people that were saying farewell.
How cruel… they were only making you suffer again with this sense of loss.
But you couldn't feel any anger or sadness for that matter. There was only a quiet sense of somberness that calmed the turbulent tides of emotions within. The pain in your heart ebbed, soothed by the fact that you have seen them again, and that they have finally said goodbye properly. They weren't robbed from you anymore, and somehow you could find peace with that, especially knowing that you would see each other again in the future.
Brilliant sunlight assaulted your closed eyes, teasing your consciousness into awareness.
Where were you, you asked yourself. What had happened? Why did that dream feel so real?
Those questions jolted you awake, making you jerk up from the bench where you had fallen asleep on. Looking around, you discovered that you were still in the town square and that the Christmas tree still stood tall in the middle of its floating platform. You searched for your companions and found them in the vicinity still looking how they had been the night before.
However, Mami was clutching a pink notebook as if it was her most precious belonging and Homura was standing by the Christmas tree's base where she deposited a gift-wrapped present for someone named Madoka.
"O-oi… Mami, why are you crying?" You tentatively asked the blonde, unsure of this unsettling feeling in your gut.
"I'm not sure…" she told you, "I just feel like I found something I had lost."
She stroked the notebook and traced the childish doodles on the front cover with her fingertips. You were sure that this was the first time you have seen it though so the blonde's behavior bewildered you.
You left her to gain your bearings and join the quiet black-haired girl near the tree. As usual, Homura was silent as a rock but her eyes were trained on the spot where you have placed your box of pocky beside her present.
You found that both items were gone.
"What the—"
"They were received," Homura interjected your unintelligible complaint. "I'm glad…"
But how?
You found your head hurting and decided to ask questions later after you have sated your growling stomach. With Mami and Homura acting weirdly, you were certain that you wouldn't get any decent answers for your absurd questions.
"I don't understand what happened last night and how I ended up asleep on the bench but if I find out that you time-stopped me and clubbed my head without my permission, rest assured that I'll get my revenge." You spat out as you folded your arms behind your head and turned to walk off the platform. "But for now… Merry Christmas to you two."
The black-haired girl followed behind you and said, "yes, Merry Christmas."
"Hey, Mami! Is that holiday feast you told us last night still up for grabs?"
The blonde snapped out her reverie and stammered, "H-hai."
"Great! Because I'm hungry."
"R-right… let's get going at once. Akemi-san, will you still join us?"
Homura nodded, her expression belying a hint of a smile. "Yes, of course."
"Heh, there will be cake right?"
Mami beamed serenely, "certainly."
You stretched and inserted your hand in your hoodie's pockets. "I don't know about you two, but I had the weirdest dream…"
"Me too," the eldest of the trio murmured more to herself than you and Homura.
"I saw this girl with bubblegum hair and—"your story was cut short when you felt something smooth and thin in your pocket. It seemed to be made of flexible metal and its shape was unfamiliar to your hands. So you pulled it out to learn what it was.
Your eyes widened and your heart stopped for a moment when you gazed on the item.
There, on your hand, was a pair of yellow hairclips that once belonged to Miki Sayaka.
Thank you for being there for me…
In the dream she saw,
There was cheer celebrated by the masses,
A light that shone in the darkness.
In the dream she saw,
There were princes and knights,
Valiant and majestic,
Who smiled upon her and gave her a prayer.
In the dream she saw,
All that she ever wished for was granted,
Without fear, without consequence.
In the dream she saw,
There was Hope
Brought forth by the star that patiently and lovingly glimmered,
Endlessly beyond the blackness.
Fin.
Prompt: Possessing and cherishing the ability to hope
AN: Happy Birthday Adrena Veris. Seems like MSMM fanfics are going to become our birthday gift currency.
Religion was touched upon in this story and I hope that my interpretation of Kyouko's view on her faith (which I assume is a form of Christianity) didn't offend people. I know religion is always a sore subject to some individuals, but it is also part of Kyouko's character. It is something that cannot be left out in a story has a basis in self-reflection.
There may also be questions regarding some inconsistencies in background information. I have stated in the beginning of the story that I have taken liberties in this "New World" that Madoka had created. In this world, Kyouko, Mami and Sayaka supposedly grew up in a place that never knew witches and had demons in their stead. I imagine that it had some effect on the reasons why and how Kyouko had contracted, since she was brought up in a religious household.