Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
You stand outside her window, the drizzle soaking into your skin.
Right back where you were three years ago.
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
That day, you hadn't had the courage, the guts to walk up to that door and knock. You knew that once you did, there would be no going back. And so, like the coward that you are, you turned and went home.
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
She looked so beautiful that day, sipping her tea in the warm yellow glow, surrounded by shadows. She looked like something so far out of your reach.
She looks beautiful even now, fast asleep on the sofa, piles of tissues heaped around her.
She moves a little and she looks so peaceful. You remember that face, the face you etched into your memory as you watched her sleep all those nights, and you feel your heart begin to crack.
"It's been two years, House. Do you really still not trust me?"
The disbelief, the hurt, the bitter anger in her voice cuts you through the memory.
"Maybe you're not even serious about this anymore."
Why couldn't you have told her?
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
You wonder how you ever could have been afraid of losing yourself, when losing her would be so much worse.
You wonder how you could ever have forgotten that even when you were angry with her, when you wanted to hate her, she still mattered a little more to you than anything else in the world.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
You were an idiot.
Like the coward that you are, you turn and try to walk away. There are blinding oceans of something in your eyes that you fear might be tears. You stumble, the last dregs of your dignity draining away.
They can't be tears.
As you limp towards the bike, parked haphazardly against the sidewalk, you wonder what will happen now, now that you have had a taste of the best thing that could ever happen to you, and then mindlessly threw it away.
You can't be alone anymore. Not now. Not now that you know what it's like to feel her heart beat with yours as you held her in your arms.
You hesitantly place a hand in your pocket, fingers wrapping around the familiar, smooth plastic. The pills rattle, like a death rattle, like the rattling breath that desperation breathes on the nape of your neck.
You don't want to be alone.
Oh take me back to the start