After much editing and slamming my head against my keyboard, the unfinished third installment in the Nintendo Heroes on Caffeine (or some other drug) Series. As for Maegan's request, we have tried to consume as much sugar and Fanta® as possible. My writing is in bold.
Note: Our writers do not endorse Pina Coladas in any way.
Yoshi was enjoying a Pina colada at Hyrule's milk bar. He had invited all the Nintendo stars over for one of their famous parties they have ever so often. Yoshi was the only one there so far. Not even Link was there and he lives very close! Yoshi was just hoping nothing went wrong like the last three parties (yeah, right!). "Well now I just have to wait for guests to show up and we can get this party started!" Yoshi said.
"Hey Yoshi! It seems like we're the only two here. It's been awhile since I've been one of the first here!" Zelda says to Yoshi as she walks in the door. She walks over to where Yoshi is sitting and asks how his Christmas was.
Kirby soon arrived with some of his friends. Hopping over to find a place to sit, he ordered some chocolate milk and thought about what had happened over the last few parties. He hoped that nothing crazy, catastrophic, or conspiratorial would happen this time. Then again, the people here were all famous video game characters who had to save the world every twelve and a half minutes. Of course this party would be insanely weird. Looking around, he didn't see Link anywhere. This also was to be expected.
Then, finally, Mario, Luigi, and Peach arrived along with all the other guests.
A red carpet rolled out and Darth Vader strutted along waving at his adoring fans... He walked into the party (of course, he thought of himself as the "party") and out of the corner of his eye he saw a walking piece of cheddar cheese, his mortal enemy. He pulled out his lightsaber and slashed it to pieces. Kirby then ran over and devoured the cheese like he would never see the light of day.
Darth then strolled over to the couch and chatted with Kirby on whether he thought fish sticks would taste better with twelve packs...
"I am back!" Link said, walking into the Milk Bar. Surprisingly, however, there was not a round of applause to greet the famous Hero of Time (and more recently winds), but stares. Link figured that they were all enjoying the view of his new body, which he received courtesy of the graphics team for Windwaker. Soon, several Nintendo stars, and Darth Vader, who should NOT BE HERE asked him where he had been. Of course, Link was in the future of Hyrule where the world was flooded, and had to come back to this time in the middle of his adventure! Oh well. Time for a well-deserved rest.
No rests for him, though Kirby, standing up and waddling over to Link.
"Poyo!" he cried.
"What?" replied Link.
"Piyoh poyo piyoh byo!"
"But-"
"Byo piyoh poyo suika poyo!"
"I-"
"Poyo piyoh piyoh poyo!"
"Fine, but-"
"Poyo piyoh!"
"Ugh, okay." Link dropped to the floor and did 50 pushups. Darth snickered in the corner. Kirby returned to his seat and sipped his milk, hoping that Jigglypuff would arrive soon and that they could get this party started.
Yoshi was talking to Mario and Peach in the chairs at the bar "And that's how I saved a bus of nuns and flew up to space and stopped the meteor from destroying Earth." Yoshi said " Mammamia! That's-a-uh... interesting story." Mario replied. Peach just stood there doing nothing. (I guess she finally snapped when they introduced her to the flying puffball and the newly refurnished link hero of time.)
Link, after happily doing fifty pushups, child's play for the muscular boy, went and took a sip of milk. Yoshi was telling a tall tale about a meteor to Mario, so Link though he should tell something real. A while later, Mario, Fox and Yoshi all stared in awe at Link. "Did you really unfreeze time and beat an army of Gannondorf's evil monsters?" Fox asked. "Yes", Link truthfully replied. Then Pikachu, slightly crazy from some of the sugary ice cream he'd eaten, asked, in a very fast voice "And did you really slay the super monkey princess after beating the mutant lima beans to the ground using the potato hammer of doom?" OK, so Link exaggerated a little.
Yoshi challenged link to a milk-drinking contest. Whoever loses has to wear a pink tutu and has to sing, "I'm a Little Teapot."
"So, Link, do you accept the bet?" asked Yoshi
Zelda just decided to zone out and just sit there listening to the others gloat about there adventures and adding some things that had never happened, thinking the entire time, "They are so immature. You shouldn't gloat about what you have done. Well I guess I can completely zone out now and just try to think things out until they remember I'm here."
Kirby shook his head sadly at the milk-drinking idiots.
Darth just stood there and watched the idiots having a milk-drinking contest, and thought how could "Donkey Kong be on?" Darth then walked over and started doing the hokey pokey on the dance floor. After doing the hokey pokey he went and a got a drink at the bar, Pina coladas, his favorite.
Darth then fell asleep and dreamt of flying cheese... Link and the other idiots then started putting make-up and whip cream on Darth's face. He then suddenly woke up and pulled out his lightsaber and chased them like chickens. After two hours of chasing they fled into an unknown room and they franticly opened the door... and saw Princess Peach in her bikini, they whistled and ran out, running for dear life.
To be continued...
Anyways, since the milk-drinking contest was rudely interrupted, Link decided he should start getting revenge on Vader. He pulled out his ice arrows and froze Vader with a shot in the leg! (But it didn't hurt...much.)
Kirby backed away SLOWLY from all the commotion. He decided to do something more fun than watch all the chaos. He hopped outside to find a Scarfy to play tag with. Wait a sec, he thought. There aren't any Scarfys in Clock Town... Bummer. Time to find something else to do. Meandering back inside, fully alert for any flying glasses of milk, he went over and picked up the frozen Darth's lightsaber. Ooh, pretty!he thought, pressing the button on the handle. Now to have some REAL fun...
Darth then grabbed Link's hat and played keep away for four hours...
Zelda went up behind Darth Vader and grabbed Links hat out from his hand, then handed it back to Link. "Would ya'll stop acting like a bunch of little kids? We have more important stuff to do AND talk about! Now I'm going to go get Peach." She walked away and went to find where Peach is. "I probably should join her, maybe a nice swim will take my mind off things."
As the party continued, Darth and link continued the rampage against each other. Finally, Darth got tired and tried to take a breath around the corner...
Yoshi overheard Zelda and decided to join Peach and Zelda at the beach to swim.
"Ha ha, alright!"
"Hey! Zelda's mine!" said Link. Then he smashed Yoshi with his new Skull Hammer.
Yoshi then did an incredibly cool James Bond style flippy trick and eats Link's hammer. Then he made it into an egg and then smashed the egg into Link. Link got smashed into Bowser, then Bowser stomped on Toad, then toad flew into Mario, then Mario punched Luigi, then Luigi kicked Kirby. Then Kirby died... Just kidding. Then Kirby flew into Ness and then finally he flew into Fox and it knocked over DKs glass of milk. DK punched peach and knocked her into a ton of party guests.(lucky guys) Before anyone knew what was happening, a huge fight broke out. Everyone got in it except for Zelda, because she wanted peace and is a motivational speaker. That party pooper!) But just remember, LINK STARTED ALL OF THIS!!!!!
Kirby is doing a lot of sad head shaking. Watching Yoshi and Link fight over Zelda (who is one of the only people here with a BRAIN), he decided to flee from these nutcases and go home. Even Tokkori's chattering was better than this.
Yoshi and Link were still in a huge fight. Yoshi punched Link in the chin. Then link tried to kick him, but he was to fast. Yoshi jumped over him and ate his hat! The hat of time is now in Yoshis belly!!! Ha, Link!
Then Link used the grappling hook and fished out his hat, and after wiping off some of the strange things in Yoshi's belly, whichincluded ham,cheese, a cat, and the Lost City of Atlantis. He then used the Deku Leaf to make a wind and blow Yoshi into a barrel of milk. Everyone laughed.
Darth Vader just sat there trying to figure out what was going on and thought about Johnny Depp. (He he) He then went over and sniffed Link while Yoshi had him in the Heimlich maneuver, Link really did smell like cows, and Yoshi just smelled like cheese.
Darth then went down to the beach to work on his tan...
I knew it! All the scientists called me crazy, but I knew it was true all along! Atlantis IS in Yoshi's stomach!
Anyway, so it's Yoshi's turn to make a comeback in the fight while Link sits around and drinks milk.
Yoshi tips links milk all over him(it looks like he peed himself!).
Then Zelda walks in and sees them fighting. She starts yelling at them and gets in between them. "Stop this fighting NOW! And what are ya'll fighting about anyways!?! Ya'll are being stupid fighting with each other! So more fighting with each other, got it?!?"
Darth just sits and looks at the beautiful ocean or lake whatever it is. He then strolls over to the shop and purchases a polka-dot bikini...
As he walks out of the shop, he then spotted a beached whale. He ran over and decided to name him Caren even though he was a boy.
He then sees that the whale isn't breathing. He beats on its stomach, looks toward the sky, and yelled "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! CCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAARRRRREEEEEEEEEENNN!!
He falls to his knees and starts to cry...
Will Darth ever stop crying? Only on the next episode of "My Beached Whale".
To be continued...
Then Link, after drying himself off using the Deku Leaf, made a truce with Yoshi using the sacred spit handshake. Then they both started fighting again. Just Kidding. But (dum dum dum) as everyone in the Milk Bar became friends again, a certain Gerudo man who recently escaped from the Sacred Realm was spying on them with an army of shadows. "Have fun while you can, little Hero of Time," he said, "Because now you've given me the idea of how I can get rid of you and take over Hyrule." Then a shadow said "Hey boss, your Poptarts are ready."
"Way to kill a mood! " said the Gerudo man...
Then he ate his Poptarts.
Ooohh, things are getting scary here in Termina, but what's going on at the seashore? Now, here's an episode of "M Beached Whale."
Now that they had stopped and called a truce, things calmed down at the Milk Bar. But even though it had calmed down, it still felt as if someone was watching them.
Darth had the feeling that someone was watching him near the beach so he walked in and got another Pina colada...
Also, in Hyrule they were celebrating the New Year as well for a few minutes. How convenient that Hyrule was created on the same day that we celebrate the New Year! Everyone toasted with milk and Pina coladas.
Yoshi noticed what seemed to be a night cloud outside. It sure was dark... Hey that cloud looks like him...and that one looks like Link..."Wow, the clouds sure are taking a particular shape today!...or maybe the…the Pina coladas are getting to me?
Then Link looked outside with his telescope and saw several dozens ink-colored figures in the sky and in the air. He looked at Yoshi and said "Could it be..." Other Nintendo stars rushed outside to see the familiar dark doubles of them surrounding everyone. But, despite attempts to knock out the shadows via long-range weapons by many heroes, the shadows dropped some canisters, which then released some type of gas. All the heroes were knocked unconscious. "We're knocked unconscious!" said Link, despite the fact that he had been knocked unconscious. When they woke up, all the heroes were in a different world...
Well, it sure is getting exciting! Of course, there was one person they left on the beach.
When Zelda comes to, she looks around in the new world they are at.
Yoshi began searching the new world. (I feel like Christopher Colombus!) He saw only his own shadow... "That's odd, there is no sunlight in this room." Then without warning his "shadow" attacked him. He saw all the other heroes start to struggle with their shadows as well..."Wait a minute... this whole place is shadows!!!!!"
Oh no, how terrible. Like he did in his recent game, Kirby just kicked his shadow clone and a piece of meat came out. Yay! He kicked his shadow clone again. This time onigiri (not a sandwich, not a rice ball, not cake, not a cookie, not candy, ONIGIRI) popped out. Kirby ate them both. The shadow clone, which had just remembered that he was GOOD, went to help Yoshi out with his shadow clone, because it looked like he was having some trouble. Darth isn't the only one who isn't here. Has anyone seen Jigglypuff?
Ooh, that ends on a dramatic note. I don't think we ever finished this one, but hopefully there's more to come. As soon as I yell at the guys (and Alex) to write a new one with me, anyway. Like that'll ever happen.