Esther
I made my body slowly and calmly walk up the stairs, while inwardly I wanted to pound up them, slamming my feet as I went.
Two reasons why that wouldn't be a good idea; one, because then I would really be in trouble. And two, because I am eighteen, not eight!
Two very good reasons, yet I wanted to toss them aside for a moment of fury. This had been happening a lot lately...me fighting with my mom. It doesn't seem to get any better, either.
Let me tell you about myself. I am an only child, by my parent's choosing, which I think was a mistake. My dad died last year in some sort of car accident, though I think there's more to it. They say his left lung was punctured, and he died almost instantly. Maybe I should cut my mom some slack on her stress level, seeing how hard she took his death, but it's hard to.
Maybe it's because she and him were so alike, the same personality, the same tendency to judge others just because of how they look, or how much money they have. I suppose I should feel some remorse at how little I mourned my father's death, but you'd understand if you knew how he treated me. Just take a look at my journal, and you'll see.
My dad worked at a company that deals with computers, while my mom works in the home estate business. I work at a Christian bookshop downtown, and that is something else my mom doesn't understand. Neither did my dad. I've told them I've become a Christian, and that I want to work somewhere where I can be with other Christians, and in that atmosphere. At least they let me; I was sure they were going to say no.
I think the only reason they let me is because they wanted me out of the house. Don't misunderstand me; I have no doubt they loved me at some point, but I have stopped trying to understand why that is. I think it's because they are so self-satisfied that they don't really care about anyone except themselves.
So now, it's just me and mom. Though I can hardly even say that. I still live at home, but that is bound to change soon, too.
I don't know what's stopping me from leaving home, but it's probably God. I don't know why though, because I don't think our relationship could ever heal.