Summary: The arguement between Spike and Angel over who would win: cavemen or astronauts.
Author's Note: I just had a funny idea after re-watching season 5 of Angel that we should have seen the full arguement between Spike and Angel. I think it would have been hilarious television, don't you? Reviews are welcome.
'The bloody cavemen would win you ninny.' Spike spat.
'I disagree, Spike.' Angel shot back. They'd been at it for a little over five minutes, and had already forgotten how the arguement started. The arguement was losing its point, whatever that point actually was.
'They're primal, savage beasts Angel. Your bloody astronauts have no chance!' Across the table they argued, throwing fists and pointing fingers, raising their voices and pacing left and right.
'Spike, the human race has evolved. Get with the times.' Angel snapped.
'Get with the times? You're the 200 year-old vampire here mate.'
'Don't change the subject Spike.' Angel shot him a stern glance.
'Fine. Cavemen win. Case closed.' Spike concluded.
'No, they couldn't win against an evolved race. Astronauts have the advantage'
'How? Cavement have primal insticts to attack, so what do astronauts have?' Spike thought he presented a pretty good arguement.
'Astronauts are smarter than cavemen and therefore would have learnt to be better fighters, so it doesn't matter that cavemen act on primal instict. They'd lose anyway because astronauts are more advanced.'
'Bollocks!' Spike cried. 'You're warped idea of an astronaut is absolute bollocks! You think they'd be smarter'
'I do'
Spike thought for a moment. 'Okay, so maybe they would be smarter. But that can only be expected because they're much'
'...More advanced. That's what I've been saying for the past 10 minutes Spike.' Angel interupted.
'No! They may be smarter, but cavemen have a more savage nature. If they went up against an astronaut they'd surely win'
'You're missing my point here, Spike.' Angel said. 'It doesn't matter that they're savages, because astronauts are smarter and would find a way to beat them.'
'But your astronaut buddy doesn't have a weapon of any kind, so what does he use'
'Okay, fine. No weapon. So what does the caveman use?' Angel asked, challenging his rival.
'Fists you ninny! He's not a bloody ponce! He fights with his bare hands because he's a savage beast'
'...Yeah, so you keep saying.' Angel interupted again, rolling his eyes. 'The astronaut would be able to use his fists too. He's not some weak little baby Spike, he would have been fighting all his life. We have to now, to survive.'
'And how do you think the cavement did it back then?' Spike presssed his point. 'They had been fighting all their lives too. They had to fight for food to stay alive, while your astronaut just goes down to the shop and buys some meat'
'The human race has evolved Spike, live with it.' Angel said harshly, pressing his point again. 'Astronauts would win because they are simply smarter, better fighters and a more evolved race. Face the facts Spike, cavement can't win.'
'Bollocks Angel!' Spike cried. 'Cavemen are ferocious animals who would vicious in battle and wipe out your astronaut in a second'
'Spike, astronauts don't just die because something attacks them. They do what anything else does when it gets attacked, they fight back. Just because they're astronauts doesn't make them weak, and it doesn't mean that they would just die if they were set against something in battle. They're stronger than that'
'No they're not'
'See the big picture Spike, they don't just go down easy.' Angel snapped, suddenly bringing in a new arguement. The big picture.
'Angel, its not about the "big picture" its about a simple primal instict to fight and win'
'Spike, it isn't that simple. It's not just about instict its about who is the better race. Cavemen or astronauts? Seriously, is it that hard to decide?' Angel sat on the edge of the table. Spike got frustrated.
'It's bollocks, Angel! Your brand of bollocks, from first to last.'
'You can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture.' Angel got up and walked around the top of the table. He was just a frustrated as Spike.
'I am talking about someone primal, right? Savagery.Brutal, animal instict.' Spike shook his fist.
'That wins out every time with you. The human race has evolved, Spike!' Angel walked right up to Spike and practically apt the words out in his face.
'Oh right, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope...' Angel interupted, but Spike kept talking.
'They're bigger, they're smarter. There's a thing called teamwork. Not to mention the superstitious terror of your "aggressors"...' Spike interupted him.
'You want it to be...' Angel interupted again.
'It's not about what I want!' At that moment, they were right up in each other's faces and were annoying each other to the bone. Imagine the scene Wesley saw when he entered the room.
'Sorry.' Wesley said softly, but clear enough to hear and stop Spike and Angel's little arguement. They turned to face him. 'Is this something we should all be discussing'
'No.' Angel replied quickly, turning and reatreating to sit back on the edge of the table.
'It just sounds a little serious.' Wesley assumed.
'It was mostly theroetical. We...' Angel began, trying to explain "loosely" the idea of why they were squabbling for so long.
'We were just working out a...' Spike tried to finish Angel's sentence. They both looked away for a moment, unsure of what to say. Suddenly, Spike popped the question to Wes. 'Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win'
'Uh...' Wesley paused for a moment. 'You've been yelling at each other for 40 minutes about this.' Silence filled the room for a few moments as the Angel looked away, out the window. Spike kept his eyes on Wesley, waiting for his answer. Wesley finally spoke, after thinking. 'Do the astronauts have weapons'
'No.' A unanimous decision between Spike and Angel. Considerations were made about the arguement and Spike wached Wesley, waiting for his opinion on the situation. Wesley sighed.
'I don't know. Give me time to think about it.' He tried to back out, and managed to escape before hearing Angel shoot a comment at Spike sparking a new arguement.
'An astronaut would be able to beat you, Spike.'
Author's Note: Did you like it? I know, it's kind of weird and kind doesn't flow as well as I'd like it to, but it's all good. Please review and tell me what you think!