Everything Will Be Alright by the Killers. The inspiration behind this (along with a few other of their songs, but that was the main one). This came out of nowhere for I have not written in a while, but hey, I'll take it (: Enjoy.
And then, suddenly, everything hurts. The air can't make it to your lungs, your vision goes out of sync, and the pull of gravity makes you dizzy. Your heart finds no reason to keep beating. Even tears at this point seem worthless, so you just stand there as they stare, waiting for your reaction. But you can't accept it. You won't. It's not real.
If this dream haunts you, not only at night, but also throughout the day, is it still a dream? It has to be, you repeat to yourself. It's not real.
You go through the motions, as they say. They're sad for you, which makes no sense since you're supposedly the one who's still alive-whatever it means to be "alive" nowadays. Your heart numbly beats because your brain told it to, but you wish it would just give it up. Who's it kidding?
You came to class because the sadness of your room became suffocating. Suffocating not to you, but to the helpless visitors. Or are you the helpless one? Or, better yet, wasn't he more helpless than all of you combined? The strength of his spirit keeps its place in his empty seat across the classroom from you. It stares at you too, but without the melancholy of the people around you, his chair mocks you. It mocks the figure you place in it, the smiling face you still see.
You don't want to close your eyes for fear it'll emphasize the lack of his presence each time you reopen them. But the threatening tears are too much, so you blink them away. Despite the deep hope you hold each time, he's still not there when you're eyes refocus. He won't ever be again.
Before the silence of the room stabs you to death, you concentrate on the slight voice singing in your head. You can't make out the words but you immediately recognize his voice. Freddie.
"Sam?"
You had stopped writing, slowly swaying to the voice in your head. As far as you were concerned you had stopped existing, you were with him again, that's where your life was. It's where you needed to stay.
"Sam, you alright?" Chris says again. You blankly look at him. You always thought Chris kind of looked like him; in a they-could-be-siblings kind of way. They had the same eyes. Although there was that one slight difference, you couldn't pinpoint it in words but it was there.
You shrug yet nod. Your answer to everything had become noncommittal. "Song… stuck in my head. Kind of irritating, I don't know the words."
"Hum it, maybe I can help." Help. You had never asked for it yet everyone kept offering. Like your life, you didn't want it anymore but it kept going.
You hum in such monotone, you can't hide your slight surprise when Chris starts singing, amplifying the voice in your head. "I'm coming to find you / If it takes me all night / Wrong until you make it right / And I won't forget you / At least I'll try / And run, and run tonight / Everything will be alright, everything will be alright, everything will be alriiiiiight…?" He sang quietly but in comparison to the previous silence of the class, he echoed.
You look away from Chris and close your eyes, but only to find Freddie singing to you again. Smiling as he overdid the song, you glared at him and he winked at you. That was the difference. Same brown eyes, but unlike Chris', you found an incomparable amount of love every time you looked into Freddie's.
The lack of air, the blurry vision, the dizziness it was all coming back. You were dreaming again as you had been for the last week. You wonder if you'll ever stop.
"Everything Will Be Alright, the Killers? I love that song."
Shrug and nod. Followed by a little shake as you battle your haunting dream.
"Oh… I'm sorry I didn't know it reminded you—"
You curve your lips slightly, "I played it for him in his car. He attempted to sing it to me- badly. It was the last one… I think." You realized you're not even sure. Your last song could have been something much less dramatic, and yet you hold on to this memory like none had been formed afterwards. But you didn't mind altering the past a bit; this song fit your situation. Everything will be alright? How could it?
You return to staring at the ghostly chair across the class. Your stare momentarily adverts to catch Carly looking back but you can't hold it, you can't hold on to each other Carly hadn't known what to say. No one knew what to say really, but Carly hadn't even offered. When Principal Franklin had separated you from the class that dreadful day a week ago to tell you the news, you hadn't cried with Carly. You had glanced at each other once to acknowledge the sudden hole between you, but Carly knew that you had lost more than a best friend. Carly knew what Freddie meant to you, because he was the only that had ever meant that much. Even you barely understood it sometimes. But you had never bothered to try to understand it, it was just always there. He was always there. But not anymore.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
No matter how many times you said it…. His voice in your head; it was alive therefore, somewhere, he too had to still be alive.
Your body falls on the table in defeat and you let your breath stagger, lamely allowed your eyes to fill up, and pity your lonely beating heart; this essay or whatever it was Ms. Briggs had handed out wasn't happening. This… all of it, it wasn't happening.
Everything will be alright, everything will be alright, everything will be alriiiiight, he sang.
No Freddie, it won't, it just won't. Not without you.
I've wanted to write something like this for the longest time but couldn't quite get there. I think this is almost there, it's just an emotion I like to work with... the Seddie /canon/ relationship is still new so it makes the emotion even more... raw? Let me know how you felt. Review! xoxCamy
