Here's an interesting fact: Just yesterday I rewatched "The other side of life", not that I'm a huge fan of this eppi, but it just so happened to be the first DVD I found. 2 persons have asked Alex the exact same question on the show. One was Ava in "The other side of life" and the other one was the faith healer in "Lay your hands on me", so who will be the 3rd one to try and will it be too late?

BTW for all my loyal readers: Chapter 9 of "Never gonna leave your side" and chapter 7 of "Help me forget" are currently in work!

Rating: Angst and mentioning of abuse, so be prepared.

This is a 3-chapter-story, there'll be two flashbacks into Alex's past. I've already started writing the other two, so it should be up soon!

Disclaimer: I would love to own grey's but unfortunately I still don't, so don't sue!

What happened to you?

"You're so good with me. Why can't you be this good with someone you have feelings for? What happened to you Alex?"

--

The first time he heard the dull, disturbing noise he was only 5 years old. He'd been playing happily in his room when it started.

First, he thought nothing of it, but when it wouldn't stop he started to get terrified, especially when it seemed to pick up the pace every once in a while.

His heart rate seemed to get faster simultaneously with the beating sound he could clearly hear coming from the other room until his heart beat so fast it made him start to cry. Even though he was scared to death by those sounds he stepped into the hallway, leaving the security of his own room behind. He took slow, tentative steps towards the upsetting noise. He was sure that it came from the living room. He'd brought Buddy, his cuddly toy dog with him for protection and his grip on the animals paw tightened with every step he got closer. His heart was still beating so fast it was starting to get difficult to breath and his chest felt like it was on fire.

"One two three one two three one two three one two three" He counted to distract him from what he feared he was going to find when he'd get to the source of the sound.

The beating wouldn't stop either and suddenly something else was audible, a moan followed by a short cry that sent shivers up and down his spine. It was the familiar voice of his mother, he'd recognize this voice immediately. He ran the last few steps when he found her lying on the floor, her nose bleeding and looking terribly odd, blood dripping from her nostrils.

The first thing he noticed was the empty scotch bottle next to her.

The next thing he saw was his father. He had crossed the room in hurry and squatted down right in front of him. He could smell the stink of alcohol seeping though his pores, clearly he was wasted. Alex's eyes however were fixed on the lifeless body of his mother. The little boy had instinctively crossed his arms in front of his chest, pressing Buddy as tightly to his heart as possible. When his dad touched his shoulders Alex started trembling and couldn't think straight anymore.

"That's what we do to sluts who cheat on their husbands son, you see that?" His dad pointed the finger in the direction of his mum. Alex didn't react until his dad started to shake him harshly.

"You see that son? That's what they deserve!" Alex couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He was scared out of his mind. Clearly the person in front of him wasn't his dad. "Dads don't scare their kids like that" He thought while two big tears made their way down his already flushed cheeks. That's when his dad got up again.

"You're already a wimp, but don't worry, I'm gonna teach you how to treat women" He muttered and left, letting Alex standing there in the doorway by himself. After he'd heard the door of the bedroom being slammed shut he moved forwards and kneeled down next to his mother. He didn't know what to do since he was only 5 years old. The only thing he could think of that would make her feel better was Buddy. So he placed his little dog next to her unconscious frame.

"Buddy's gonna protect you mum, don't worry, he's really strong!" He said and when her eyes fluttered open slightly he cuddled closer to her and his mum used the last bit of strength that was left in her to wrap her arm around his tiny body.

--

He was so glad and relieved that Ava wasn't facing him so he didn't have to look her in the eye when he lied: "Maybe I don't remember."