A.N: I wrote this a couple of months ago, right after I discovered Kuro/Fai, but I'd been hesitant about sharing it here until I reread it and thought 'why not?'
Disclaimer: Obviously they're not mine. Otherwise there would be more smexing. :3
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Tonight I Trip Without You.
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And all Kurogane can see when he looks at him is the blood trickling out of that tightly shut eyelid and the way his pain is transluscent and ohsotangible, all at the same time. He wants to both touch and heal, knowing he can do neither.
The eyelashes are full of blood, trickling, teasing its way down down Fai's soft cheek. He cradles the gentle head in his hand and has to quell every instinct in him that wants to scream "I don't know how to fix this!". Instead he picks Fai up and lets the smaller man fall against his much broader frame. This is not so unlike carrying Sakura in his arms. Except that Sakura's breath against his skin never tickled or burnt, all at the same time, quite like Fai's does. Kurogane doesn't want to think about it; the feeling rattles his senses. He lets fury fill him instead, the cold, hard sensation feels like an old friend, nestling deep within his heart. It tastes (and feels and smells) like wood and fire and memories of another life and another man and he thinks (fiercely, hotly), 'someone has to pay'.
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Fai feels the bandana wrap around his head (softly, gently) and as he slips into unconsciousness, he thinks, 'so this is what it means to be saved' and his breath leaves his body in a sigh.
And across the universe, the witch of dimensions wonders if (perhaps) this is love after all.
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He should be overjoyed, ecstatic, finally his real name slips through those ridiculously pouty lips; finally Fai recognizes him as a person, rather than as a make-believe father or a big dog. But it's not right, he doesn't feel recognized - he feels betrayed. And the only thing he can think as that eye (was it always so cold?) stares at him in makeshift joy is that 'this isn't right'. This isn't right!
It's like something very soft slips through his fingers and regret (regret!) pools, like tears, around his feet.
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It's a good thing this is Fai, Kurogane mutters, half to himself, half to someone who never listens, or this would be frighteningly erotic. But then teeth and tongue scrape against his bruised skin (gently, only ever gently), almost like a lover's caress and he realizes that this is Fai and goddamnittohell - his whole arm is burning, tingling. And something far too similar to desire spreads through his body. He looks everywhere but at the man who never smiles when he means it and curses himself for not thinking before making stupid decisions about becoming the bait for this friend-turned-vampire whose hair and skin are far too soft, far too soft for it to make sense.
But then Fai licks a stray drop of blood off his palm and the feeling far too similar to desire tingles everywhere in his body, and goddamnittohell he doesn't want it to stop.
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Why the FUCK he has this pressing need to know everything the magician is thinking, worrying, laughing, crying, screaming, getting pissed off about, Kurogane will never know. But when he sees that smile, he wants to tear the smaller man apart for keeping all his secrets so far inside himself that Kurogane can never ever figure them out unless...unless...he tore the smaller man apart.
But just the thought of harming Fai in any way betrays that small secret Kurogane keeps far, far, far inside himself which he won't reveal as love, desire or even affection, but rather as the absence of hate. Because that's all it is. That's all it could ever be.
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A.N: Sorry about my abuse of brackets, orz. Anyway, constructive criticism is very much appreciated! It's been a while since I wrote anything...