A/N: I've been reading ya'll's wonderful stories here for almost two years now, I figure it's about time I publish one of my own!
Explosion
"Ouch!"
"Oh, quit being a baby and sit still."
"I don't think I'll be sitting anywhere soon."
"Yeah, probably not."
"Ow! Dammit Tony!"
"Well, hold still Feather Head! This is all your fault, you know."
"My fault? How the hell is it my fault?"
"If you hadn't snuck up behind me the experiment wouldn't have exploded."
"I didn't sneak up behind you!"
"Yes, you did. You always sneak around. You and Natasha. I'm buying little collars with bells for you two. Of course, I'm going to let you put hers on; I'm not going anywhere near her with it. I'm sure you two have practice with that, putting collars on I mean. She probably makes you wear it, though."
"I'm going to tell her you said that."
"No you won't."
"Yes I will."
"No, you won't."
"Yes, I wi- OW! God dammit Tony!"
"If you tell her, I'm going to have JARVIS show everyone the footage of me picking metal splinters out of your ass."
"You wouldn't. No, wait, you would. Wait-why are you recording this?"
"JARVIS records everything in my lab."
"Um, why?"
"Because every moment of my brilliance should be documented for future generations."
"Uh huh."
"No, really. They're going to make movies about me, name grade schools after me, erect statues in my honor."
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say 'erect' while poking at my bare ass with tweezers."
"Oh, yeah, sorry."
"OW!"
"Oops."
"Are you done yet?"
"Almost, just one more . . . got it. You can pull up your pants now, I'm finished. Was it good for you? 'Cause it was great for me!"
"Ha ha, very funny."
"Thank you."
"What the-how long have they been standing there!"
"Oh, I don't know, probably the whole time. I had JARVIS call them all as soon as the smoke cleared and I saw where the shrapnel got you."
"TONY! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
"Whoops! Gotta catch me first, Bird Brain!"