Here it is, my very first fanfic to be posted on fan ! Enjoy!
Augustus's POV
Hazel Grace died that day. I wasn't such exactly how I was suppose to put these types of things into words. During those last couple of days, I had attempted on writing that ending to An Imperial Affliction for Hazel, as I had promised, in the bed of the hospital room, it was hard work. I'm a good person and all, but a pretty shitty writer.
After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I just walked in behind a nurse with a badge and got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too. IT was brutal: the incessant mechanized haranguing of intensive care. She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know what I was going through, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.
A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren't allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, "She's still taking on water." A desert blessing, an ocean curse. Okay, so maybe I'm not a shitty writer. But, I can't pull my ideas together. My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations.
The funeral came all too soon, and I had finally gotten to see her funeral dress. I had spoken, as I promised. And that was the last time I had seen her actual face. Afterwards, I had gone out on a drive alone, just to be alone. I won't lie, I did cry, and threw a bit of a fit. I didn't want to accept the fact that she was gone.
I went to the drugstore to get another pack of cigarettes, I had lost the old one… and I really needed and new one, and something else too. Something new.
"I'm going to die soon anyways right?" I thought to myself. Besides, a life without Hazel, was a life not worth living. I'm sorry if she hated the next acts I did, I thought she would. But I stayed in my selfish way, anyways, like how I wanted to be remembered. And so I pulled the cigarette out and stuck it in my mouth, then I pulled out a lighter, and lit it. I breathed in and out. But the thing is Hazel Grace, your love is like a drug as cliché as it sounds. You are worse than nicotine. I'm not okay. I'm sorry, Hazel Grace.