So I'm trying at a Clintasha story once more. I deleted my other series because it sucked and had no direction. Sorry. So summary: 19, not exactly a teenager, 2 years. Not really a short relationship. In their life who say's they'll last long anyway. But Natasha Romanoff wasn't a mother, she was convinced she could never be one, that she would be a horrible one. Clint Barton didn't think he was the fatherly type, growing up with an abusive drunk he was convinced he couldn't raise a child. But by some twist of fate there they are. And even if they said they can't be parents doesn't mean they shouldn't try. Shit summary, family, action and some angst. Established Clintasha pre avengers. I don't own Marvel.
November 1st 1993
Natasha slid down the wall, she glared at the stick in her hand. She could tell herself it was a false positive, she knew that wasn't right. She had taken 4 tests and they all said the same thing. She gnawed on her lip. She knew she could try to be mad at Clint, but she is rational. It's not his fault, it could be her's. She was the pregnant one. She tossed the stick at the wall, she was still unable to make a sound. She pulled herself off the ground and looked in the mirror. She stared into her own emerald green eyes.
"Mother." She whispered.
The word was alien on her tongue, she didn't remember her own mother. That woman was dead, gone. Natasha didn't know and honestly didn't care. She pulled her long blood red curls into a bun and continued to look at herself in the mirror. She sighed, who even knew if she could carry a child. She knew the red room had messed with her body. Altered it for their own purposes. The extent of it she didn't know, but a pregnant assassin wasn't good for them so it never happened. Natasha was always smart about it, using protection. Avoiding having sex as often as possible, preferring to kill before her target even got that far. She never had a scare like this before. She looked down at her stomach, she thought back to every moment she had been, kicked, punched shot or stabbed in that area. She scoffed, how could she actually carry a child? She wondered. Even if she did how would she take care of it? The thought of her being a mother nearly made her laugh out loud. She was meant to kill, for one side or the other it was what she did. For the red room or SHIELD she was an assassin on of the best and knew it. Fighting alongside her partner, Clint Barton. She slammed her fist into the counter.
Clint.
How would he react to this? He was only 22.
She knew everything about him, he could read him like a book. After the three short years they'd known each other they'd gotten close, closer than either of them thought they could to another person. She knew his own childhood was far from perfect. An abusive alcoholic for a father, a mother who saw no other option other than to kill herself and an older brother who resorted to his father's ways once Mr. Barton finally overdosed. She knew Clint was convinced he couldn't be a parent. Natasha knew that if anyone deserved to be a father it was Clint Barton, not her. Not the Red Room's stolen gem, their perfect killer, and seductress extraordinaire.
Natasha sat back down on the floor, she glanced into the bedroom and at the clock.
9 am.
She growled, bored, angry and extremely confused and with unfortunately no one to talk to. Clint was on a 2 week mission in Beijing. He wouldn't be home for 4 days. She wanted to throw up, she wondered if it was the fact that she was pregnant or if she was anxious. She scowled, she was almost never anxious.
Natasha rubbed her eyes disgusted that she had barely done anything with herself. Normally by now she would have been training or gone to SHIELD out of boredom. She pushed herself up from the cold tile floor and decided she should take a bath. It seemed like the right thing to do in her situation. She grabbed a scented candle from under the sink. It had been gifted to her and Clint by an overly peppy SHIELD agent when they moved in here. The apartment was a bit of a "welcome to America" present from Fury. It was only supposed to be Natasha's but Clint being the only person she trusted lived there as well. He slept on the couch until one of them had a nightmare. That was their partnership for a year, sharing a bed when they wouldn't admit they were scared. Almost never seen without the other, everyone always assumed they were together. They didn't mind, both being incredibly introverted people didn't pay attention to the other Agents. The story about how they actually became romantically involved was speculated around SHILED but never confirmed. One night they kissed each other and just didn't stop.
Natasha hated how corny it sounded, and she hated how corny it sounded to say "I love you" but she did it anyway. She didn't like voicing how she felt, usually Clint just figured it out somehow. She frowned
"Idiot." She mumbled.
She rubbed her temples, then if her morning wasn't stressful enough another anxiety ridden thought struck her.
What if Clint didn't come back?
"Shit Natasha." She hit herself in the forehead.
Now she was forcing herself to make decisions, would she keep the baby? Raise it in his honor or something?
She buried her face in her hands and groaned. Did she want a baby? She knew her answer, yes. She would want a child. But she knew how horrible of an idea it was for her. He didn't have a single maternal instinct. But then she told herself she had never been around young children and wouldn't know. She hit the water, she was having too many conflicting thoughts. For her everything was black or white. Yes or no, do this or do that. This was too complicated for her. She stepped out of the bath and dried herself off.
Eat. She told herself, eating for two now.
That thought made her shudder, she quickly pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and let her hair air dry while she made herself some oatmeal. She wasn't the biggest fan of oatmeal but it was healthy, she figured until she decided what to do she might as well try at being nurturing.
In truth she had no idea whether or not to eat oatmeal. Or what she was doing, she figured she shouldn't shoot a gun. She remembered hearing a pregnant agent talking about how the noises can damage a baby's hearing.
It was a shame, she really wanted to shoot something. Or spar, or drink. She knew she couldn't.
Quickly she brushed her teeth and did her makeup then grabbed her coat, wallet and a gun and stepped outside into the cool November air.
The apartment was part of a complex of town houses in New York. It was close to a SHIELD base which was convenient. The two story apartment was small but big enough for them. She guessed if they did have a child they would need to move. Maybe one of their safe houses or something. She shook herself from those thoughts, she was too distracted while outside. She needed to have her guard up just in case someone tried to attack her. She walked down her street her boots clicking on the street. She decided she was going to go to SHIELD, get info on Clint. Quickly she turned back around went into her apartment and got her car keys.
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The drive to the base was uneventful, everyone was already at work so the traffic wasn't exactly horrible. She waved her badge at the door and slid into the building. To her dismay she was approached by Agent Coulson.
"Agent Romanoff." Her name drew the attention of the people milling around. The Black Widow was legend at SHIELD even after only three years she was considered the top agent, Clint right behind her.
"Yes Coulson." She glanced at the file in his hand "But before you hand me that." She gestured to the file "You should know I came in for information on Clint and refuse to leave on a mission until he gets back."
Coulson nodded "Romanoff, this isn't a mission." Natasha didn't let her relief show but she had no intention of telling anyone about her pregnancy until speaking with Clint.
"Then what is it?" Coulson handed it to her
"Information on Clint." She nodded, before opening it she bored her eyes into Coulson
"He's alive?" he nodded
"We spoke with Ward at 3 am, they are both fine and have completed the mission and left the country. We have an early extraction scheduled for this evening. You will be able to see him tomorrow at 5 am."
Natasha nodded "Thank you." She said while she flipped through the folder, it was nothing interesting. A summary of what they did. She wasn't interested, she handed it back to Coulson as he left and wandered into the SHIELD cafeteria. Grabbed an apple and some tea and seated herself next to Agent Hill.
Maria Hill was at SHIELD when Natasha arrived, she was assistant to Fury and as introverted as Natasha and hated just about every other Agent other than Coulson, Clint and Natasha. Which made them unlikely friends. As Natasha sat down she didn't look up from the report she was looking over as she sipped her coffee.
"Clint's alive." Natasha nodded
"I know." Natasha knew better than to read of the other woman's shoulder instead she asked about it.
"Who's mission?" Maria looked up and stared at Agent May. Natasha nodded
"I like her." Maria chuckled
"You're one of the first. Ever really talked with her?" Natasha bit into her apple
"Spent 15 days with her in Istanbul." Hill nodded
"Something here isn't right. You have sought out a conversation with a person who isn't Clint."
Natasha shrugged and sipped her drink. "I've become increasingly bored over the past 10 days. Usually Clint has something amusing to do."
Maria flipped through her file "Like shooting rookies with paintballs."
Natasha stayed stoic "I take no responsibility for that." She finished off her apple
"However the masterminds behind it aren't getting the credit they deserve."
Hill smirked "I have to go. Have a nice day Romanoff." Natasha nodded
"As to you Hill."
Natasha sipped her tea, she knew there was something about caffeine and pregnancy so she had avoided it. She rarely needed help waking up anyway. Natasha leaned back into the plastic chair and watched the Agents come and go as she finished her tea. Becoming more and more restless she decided she would pace around SHIELD and see how many people she could make nervous. Usually she did this with Clint as their silent presence is more than slightly ominous and disturbed the lower level agents who had only ever heard stories about them. Natasha smiled slightly as two Agents her age approached her, she hated this. She set down her cup and pulled out her gun, the two of them backed away. She smirked and left the cafeteria. She wondered if it would draw more attention to herself if she were in her suit or not. Not wanting to change she made a point to get into the rafters above the viewing area of the gym. It was her and Clint's spot, he being a sniper hated not being able to see everything around him. His code name suited him, sat cross legged on one of the many beams running through the building. No one ever noticed them up here, they would if they spoke. But they almost never did. Not around people, when they were by themselves they would mindlessly chat just because they could. No one was watching, they could pretend they were simple people. She watched the people below her, she wasn't early as observant as Clint. If he were watching he would be able to tell how they were feeling, how much sleep they had. Natasha didn't pay as much attention to emotions she wasn't compassionate, but she could read people then react in the right way. Yet so far in her life she almost never cared. What she could tell were weak points, she could see that the blonde agent below had a bad knee, that the man to her right had back issues and that the brunette across from him had several cracked ribs on her left side.
Once again a horrible thought struck the redhead.
What if she can't show any compassion towards her child?
She bit her lip, and told herself she wold learn that it would come naturally.
She huffed completely dissatisfied with what she was doing. She needed to do something useful with herself. Getting down from the rafters she left SHIELD bidding Coulson goodbye as she left the building and headed for the nearest drugstore. Quickly she picked up several magazines and pamphlets on early stages of pregnancy and left the store as soon as she could. She wasn't appreciating the looks she was getting from the people in the store. She had forgotten that she was 19 and people are quick to judge you if you are under 20 and pregnant.
Bastards. Was the one thought she had on them. She also realized she didn't wear anything similar to a wedding ring.
She hated people even more now.
She picked up a few groceries and got home as fast as she could. She glared at the items she put in her fridge. She always either made Clint or a random Agent go to the supermarket.
She hated being in public, she never had a real reason just that normal people were strange to her. She was more comfortable at SHIELD were everyone knew who and what she was and generally didn't need any sort of protection. Civilians were helpless, like children…
She shuddered, cursing herself for letting her brain go there.
A baby is helpless, needs constant attention and protection and anything could go wrong.
She slammed her fridge shut and sat down on the couch, picking up the TV remote she one of the crime shows that always seemed to be on just for a laugh. Clint somehow enjoyed these shows, she didn't get it. She wasn't a television person but needed a distraction that was mindless. With this she spent her day channel surfing and reading her pamphlets. She tidied up both floors of the apartment and made herself some soup for lunch and dinner. At 7 30 she was absolutely done with the day and set her alarm for 4 am, pulled on one of Clint's t-shirts and crawled into bed.
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Natasha woke up screaming clutching her stomach several times in the night, grimacing from pain she didn't remember. She had nightmares every night but these were different. Her nightmares almost always consisted of things that had already happened, now they clearly involved the baby she wasn't even sure she wanted and the life she was almost positive she could never have. At 4 when she woke from her hours of uneasy sleep she quickly showered, ate and put on civilian clothes. Once she got Clint she was getting off the base and simply spitting it out. She couldn't think of any other better way to break it to him. Once she was dressed she climbed into the car and made for SHIELD. The streets were surprisingly alive for 4 45 am she had to remind herself that this city never sleeps.
She stood completely still as Clint and Ward exited from the debriefing room followed by Director Fury. The Director nodded to Natasha, she return his curt nod and glanced at Agent Ward. She wasn't a fan of him and they haven't even spoken. Natasha grabbed Clint's arm and dragged him from the building and into the car.
"Injuries?" she inquired, he shrugged
"Bruises, scrapes. Ward got pushed down some stairs." Natasha quickly kissed him on the cheek. Then started the car. Clint didn't question her silence, he made sure his bow was properly put away and played music on the radio quietly. Natasha glanced at him
"Do you need sleep?" he shook his head
"Well, I do. But I need to get back on American time." She nodded
"Hungry? I went grocery shopping yesterday. I hated it."
Clint chuckled "Kinda." He paused "Are you okay? You seem off." She shrugged
"Tired, didn't sleep well."
He knew what that meant. "Ya, me neither. And it didn't help that Ward phoned SHIELD at 3 fucking am."
Natasha smirked "Ya, why?" he yawned
"Something about being considerate towards the Agents here." Natasha scoffed
"Ok, or pissing you off. How old is he anyway? What level?" Clint thought for a moment
"20? Around there, he's level 3." Natasha turned into their driveway
"On a level 7 mission?" Clint nodded grabbing his bag
"He didn't know the details. Just came along for the ride." Natasha nodded.
Once inside Natasha warmed up some soup,
"Here. Eat it." He smiled "Alright." Natasha made him some coffee. He watched her
"You're being strangely nice. What going on?" she frowned
"Eat." He put down his spoon
"Tasha." He pressed on, she sat down across form him at the table. He raised his eyebrows, she bit her lip. She realized just spitting it out would be harder than she thought.
"Well, what I'm about to say you can do whatever you want with the information I'm about to give you."
He narrowed his eyes "Nat.-" she cut him off
"Still talking Barton."
He didn't want to let it show but he was nervous. His mind had a tendency to jump to the worst. Especially when it came to Natasha, he trusted her with everything he had and that worried him. She took a deep breath, she was trying to calm herself down. Clint noticed now she was scared, anxious.
"Tasha whatever it is you can tell me." She stared at him
"I'm pregnant."
He tilted his head "What?" she stared him dead in the eye
"I am pregnant. I believe I am speaking English. If not you speak all my languages."
He nodded "It's English, you're using English…are you sure?"
Natasha nodded "I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't. I took 4 tests."
Clint nodded, standing up "Right, ok. I'm gonna get changed then I'm gonna take a walk and when I get back we're gonna talk. Ok?"
She nodded, smiling slightly. That was Clint, always calm, steady even with what she just threw at him. Clint pulled on his jacket and kissed her forehead
"I just need to take a walk." She held out a gun, and watched him live. She locked the door behind him and cleaned up the soup. After that she wasn't sure what to do with herself, she hated this. She almost always had something to occupy herself with. Natasha quickly grabbed a book off the shelf, finding it to be the Fellowship of The Ring. The Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit were Clint's favorite and Natasha refused to admit how much she had grown to love them as well. She remembered one of her first day's in the States, Clint knowing she read, wrote and spoke perfect English handed her the Hobbit and the trilogy. He simply said they were good then walked away. Her curiosity got the best of her and she didn't stop reading until she needed to do something important like eat, sleep or use the bathroom. Only afterwards did Clint tell her they were his absolute favorite. She had barely known him then, but since the books were so important to him she engaged in long conversations with him about them. She hated saying that in some weird way it made them closer.
After about half an hour Clint walked back in and sat down next to Natasha on the sofa. He wrapped his arm around her.
"Tasha, this isn't my decision. Whatever you do I am fine with."
Natasha frowned "That's not how it works. Because I can go either way, I need to know what you want."
Clint rubbed her arm "I want you to be happy."
Natasha faceplamed "It doesn't work that way either." Clint nodded
"So how do we decide this this?" Natasha shrugged
"Like we decide everything, way the pros and cons." Clint cringed
"With our lives and inexperience everything seems like cons." Natasha sighed
"Then we'll do this practically. Do we want a baby?" Clint stared at the wall
"I've always wanted kids." Natasha nodded
"I never thought about it, I never thought I'd live to be 17 let alone be in a position where I would be thinking about this." She paused
"I'm going to be honest Clint, I don't picture myself as a mother but I've never been around one."
Clint twirled a strand of her hair "If you had a baby would you love it? Unconditionally no matter what?"
Natasha stared at her hands "Yes, I would. I think, I'm sure. How could I not, I mean I didn't think I could love but here I am in this stupid situation with you."
Clint smirked "I'll let that one go." Natasha didn't respond to that.
"So we're doing this? Child thing?" Clint smiled
"I guess so."
Natasha nodded still staring at her hands on her lap. Clint looked away from the wall and to her, his story blue eyes studying her. Trying to read her like he always did and he knew there was something wrong.
"Nat, there's something else." She looked up at him
"When it comes to this I don't know my limits. And it's irritating."
Clint began tracing patterns on her hand
"Tasha what do you mean?" she pursed her lips
"I've been altered to kill, genetically engineered to be the perfect assassin. I don't know how deep that programming went. Part of it is psychological, rooted deep in my mind. I know this, it happened I remember fighting it and giving in then hating myself. But I don't know what they did to me physically, and that worries me."
Clint looked over Natasha, sometimes he was surprised how composed she was. Even in the toughest situations she always had it together. Clint may seem calm from the outside but he didn't always keep a rational mind. She did, and he admired her for it. Natasha raised an eyebrow
"Well? Any sort of response to that?"
Clint shook himself from his thoughts
"Ya, sorry… We'll get a good doctor and run all sorts of tests that you'll hate but put up with anyway."
Natasha supressed a smirk, she was almost certain Clint was trying to be funny.
"Dr. Williams. She was in charge of me when you brought me from Russia."
Clint nodded, he tried not to think about how sick Natasha had been. Struggling to overcome the drugs used in mind control, no one that they were somehow addicting. That being free and controlling yourself was an incredibly hard decision for Natasha. It was a topic never discussed, they put it behind them. Memories that only resurfaced in nightmares when all they could do was cling to each other and know that it's over and they would do everything in their power to stop it from ever happening again. Staying out of Russia, keeping tabs on the Red Room. Waiting for the perfect time to attack.
So far there wasn't an opening, Natasha had little hope that there ever would be.
She stood up "We have to tell Fury before I'm assigned a mission."
Clint nodded "Now?" he whined, Natasha nodded
"You're back and safe, he'll have something lined up for me likely within a few hours."
He sighed and stood up, wincing she eyed him.
"Clint?" she question, he shrugged
"I scraped up my back." She narrowed her eyes
"Has it been properly cleaned?" he looked away from her, she huffed and grabbed the first aid kit from the pantry.
"Take off your shirt."
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Fury growled at the knock on his office
"Who is it?"
"Agents Barton and Romanoff." Fury slammed his paper back down on the desk
"Let them in."
The two agents stepped into the room and took seats across from him. The showed no sign of affection towards each other. Relationships among agents weren't uncommon, there were many couples in the agency. Director Fury knew about Clint and Natasha's relationship but they saw no reason to flaunt it especially not before they told them Natasha was going to try and have her child. He stared at them
"What?" Clint gulped
"Well sir-" Natasha waved her hand, Clint stopped talking. She had decided this was hers to tell the Director.
"Director Fury, I found out this morning that I am pregnant. Agent Barton is the father."
Fury's scowl intensified
"Damnit." Clint bit his lip
"We weren't trying but-" "Shut up Barton."
Clint nodded, Fury continued
"And you intend to keep and raised this child?" Natasha nodded, Fury leaned back in his chair
"I see, well you better have thought it through." They nodded.
"We also talked about how the pregnancy could be strange." Clint added, Natasha rolled her eyes
"He means dangerous for me and or the baby. Because of my conditioning and former injuries."
Fury nodded "I'll see to it that you get the best doctors." Natasha opened her mouth to speak but Fury silenced her.
"Agent Romanoff I will have you immediately placed at a desk job." She snarled, Fury continued
"When the child is born each of you can chose when to return to work." He threw a paper weight at the door, Coulson walked in
"You can yell for me sir." Fury frowned
"It's stress relief. Have Agent May takeover Romanoff's missions until I say otherwise. If May is unavailable for some have either Hill or Morse assigned to them."
Coulson nodded and left. Natasha knew Agent Morse she and Clint had been dating when Natasha had been brought to the US, their relationship was ended by Clint because Bobbi hated how close he and Natasha were. Despite this she was a good Agent. Fury's attention returned to Clint and Natasha
"Is Dr. Williams good?" they nodded, Fury began filling out a form and handed it to them.
"She is free today at 4 unless she is desperately needed for something. You'll have an appointment then. I supposed your living arrangement will need to be adjusted?"
Clint nodded, Natasha shook her head
"Our safe house outside the city is sufficient. It's listed under our residences."
Clint nodded "Ok, yeah that definitely works."
Fury pointed to the door
"Barton your missions will continue until Romanoff reached her 8th month of pregnancy. Romanoff I'll send you the details of your temporary job this evening. Dismissed."
They quickly skirted out of the room. Coulson re-entered the room.
"They'll make interesting parents." Fury nodded
"Motherfuckers." He mumbled
So this will be a series of stories. Next chapter will be the doctor's appointment. Hope no one is OOC, please Favorite/Follow and Reviews are greatly appreciated.