I Need to Be Useful
Sam looked up at the flutter of wings. He felt his heart beat faster as he looked at the stern face of Castiel, Angel of the Lord standing in the middle of the small hotel room. Castiel only came to see Dean and Dean was out for several hours doing who knows what. Their case had hit a major dead end and even though Sam had been from one end of the internet to the other, there were no leads. He knew it was hopeless and evidently so did the angels. He looked down at the research he had been doing on his laptop and knew it was not enough. "I'm sorry. I'll do better. I can be useful."
Castiel said nothing, he just stood there watching the young man.
"I have to be useful. I have to or else," he closed his eyes and tears leaked down "I have to be useful or else I'm dead. I don't want to be dead, not again." Sam sighed and closed his laptop.
Castiel watched him blue eyes tracking the motions. The angel showed no reaction to the words. He merely intoned. "Sam."
The young man wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and stood. Two steps brought him in front of Castiel. Sam knelt in front of the angel. After a moment he found his voice. "Okay. Do it. I deserve it. I'm not useful. Maybe I never was. Just tell Dean I love him and that I am sorry I couldn't do more." He closed his eyes as more tears slid down his face.
Castiel watched with a darkening expression.
Sam's eyes suddenly shot open and he glanced up at Castiel. His breath caught for a moment and he looked into the hard eyes of the angel. "Dean. Tell him that Uriel did this. He is going to need someone after… um, after I'm dead. He can't take doing this alone, you're going to need to help him, and he won't let you anywhere close if he thinks you did this." Sam looked away and several emotions slid over his face. "I guess smiting takes care of the salt 'n' burn." He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. Then Sam Winchester closed his eyes and waited for death. He accepted his fate and knew Hell awaited someone who had done what he had done. Too many had died because of him. The gig was up and they'd finally found him. He only wished he had said goodbye to Dean.
Castiel looked down at the young man before him. He looked at Sam's soul, so bright yet shot through with tendrils of inky black. Sam was right, the research had proven unfruitful. He placed a hand on Sam's head and to his credit, the young hunter did not flinch, merely sobbed. Castiel could hear Sam's wish to say goodbye to his brother before a death that Sam felt would land him rightfully in Hell. Castiel shifted his hand to the young man's cheek, gently cupping his jaw, and felt a shudder run through the kneeling figure.
"Okay. I'm not even worth smiting, just snap my neck. Don't let Dean make any deals." Sam's voice was choked with emotion.
Castiel was struck with how even at the end Sam's concern was for Dean not for himself. This was a good man, despite the demon blood and the self-loathing. "Sam Winchester, I have been given the order to end your life."
Sam nodded slightly then leaned into Castiel's hand. "I understand. I'm glad it was you, not some random angel. Goodbye Castiel." A sad smile graced Sam's face knowing that he had tried and failed and the next sound he would hear would be his own snapping neck.
Castiel looked down at the kneeling man. So good but so broken. He was exactly the best and the worst of God's human children and Castiel felt something in him irrevocably shift. "However, I am not going to follow that order. You are a good man. I am not here to kill you; I am here to help you."
Sam sagged onto the floor before climbing back to his feet and hugging the angel. "Oh thank God. We could use it."
Castiel was surprised by the abrupt shift in emotion. He returned the hug. "I apologize for making you think that I was here to do you harm. I think that it would not matter to Dean who did it. He would hunt down all angels until one killed him. That would be counterproductive."
Dean chose that moment to return to the hotel room slightly drunk and grinning. "This town has three bars, all of them full of suckers." He stopped and looked at the fact that his brother had tears on his face and was hugging an angel in the middle of the room. "What the Hell happened here?"