A/N: So I decided to start a little somethin' somethin' for myself. It's pretty parodical?, I think that's the word, so I hope it makes you laugh! I just felt like I should do it, even if its mildly offensive when looking into the actual meaning of the book. So….yeah.
"Katniss, you are the best thing that's happened to me since sliced bread."
-Peeta to Katnisss
Chapter One:
Katniss
Katniss skipped along the very merry roads of District Twelve. The sun was shining, babies were laughing, and—
She stopped to admire the bread on display. It taunted her, with its fluffy looking outside and what she could just imagine was a warm, tasty, jelly-filled—
"Damn you, Peeta!" She suddenly shouted with seemingly no reason at all. Even she was surprised with herself. The only boys she knew were Gale and a blonde he/she that Katniss always saw creeping in the shadows.
...
Somewhere getting an epic beatdown from his mom…
"A-choo!"
"Did I say you could sneeze?!"
Smack.
"Sorry, mother."
...
Now, as all of you have probably realized by now, the sun was not shining.
Babies weren't laughing, either.
Although Katniss did hear a warbled scream that may or may not have been apart of one of her hunger induced delusions.
And finally, instead of skipping, Katniss was not so happily crawling through the not so merry roads of District Twelve.
The poor girl.
All of a sudden, she had this weird feeling that the stalkerish he/she would miraculously see her dying and give her a loaf of bread. Not because he was a kind person, but because then who would he stalk? Gale?
Yeah….. no.
She didn't think he was his/her type, anyways.
After flopping around a bit, she resigned herself to her fate, sitting under a dead tree.
.Five minutes Later.
This is it, I'm really going to die. In front of a bakery. Oh, the irony, it kills. Literally.
While she went on with her internal rant/eulogy, she saw a rock. Or she thought it was a rock.
It kind of looked like bread.
She lifted it to her mouth...
Nope, not bread.
"Not bread, not bread!"
She held her swollen jaw. Katniss rubbed at it for a few seconds, thinking of ways she could just die already, because the rock was hard, and she was pretty sure she chipped a tooth.
But then she got an idea.
It was a rock.
A nice rock.
A pretty rock.
A large—
Crash!
Katniss walked away with an armful of bread.
Meanwhile:
Peeta felt like he had missed an important scene that would have had him forever labeled with the unfortunate moniker of the "Boy with the Bread."
/
/
/
End.
So, first chapter. Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? I'll take 'em all! Review~