One day, there was a fat guy named Macrepeh. He smelled like the meatballs you left in the fridge for a few days too long. Macrepeh was a short, funny looking thing that almost resembled a person. The difference was, as any observer could tell you, due to the fact that he had a watermelon for a body. Watermelons. With his gangly California Raisin legs, he only came up to a mere 2'6''. However, he still had a human face- in need of a shave, and in a bored expression, but a human face all the same. This strange amalgamation of life described himself as an "Infamous chimpanzee", though his actual relation to the primate is tenuous at best.
On this fine day, Macrepeh was waiting outside of his local McDonald's, in the state shaped like an oven mitt (guest starring a flash of lightning overhead). Despite McDonald's being his favorite eating establishment, poor Macrepeh had no money to partake in their goods. Despite this, he was still determined to eat a finely prepared hamburger. Macrepeh's name came from his talent in doing so- forcing other people to Macre"pay" for his Big Mac.
The first person to catch Macrepeh's attention while entering the restaurant was a ovaloid Italian man even shorter than Macrepeh that the hungry walking fruit recognized as Nico. Macrepeh already knew Nico for many years, and has been shot down every time he asked for Nico to pay. As Nico was walking down the side walk to the front door, he was ambushed by the Watermelon-bodied goon.
"Hey, Nico, old buddy, listen, you remember that time you made fun of me on Twitter?" asked Macrepeh. "Oh, yeah, that, uh, video, I made, with, uh, you know, that 90s cartoon, uh, well, I guess, uh, 2 of them...I think, like...what were we talking about?" replied the startled Carrot Worker. "Yeah, well, you owe me for it. You can pay me back now, if you go and buy me a Big Mac," said Macrepeh. "Well, sorry, uh, I can't, I, uh, spent all of my money on, uh, like, those little...chewy gelatin bear things with E inside. Yeah. But, uh, I'm here, to, you know, use that room with the pl-" "Shut up and just go in.", interrupted Macrepeh. "Harsh, dude," said Nico, who entered the food dispensary.
After Nico had walked out of Macrepeh's site, a man who Macrepeh didn't recognize was making his way down the same sidewalk. The man was visibly middle aged, overweight, and looked like a good contender to spend money. "Hey sir, I was just collecting money for needy children, and I couldn't help but donate all of my money. So, uh, can I ask you for the money to cover a Big Mac?" The man thought for a moment and said "Hello Watermelon charity man. I am Travis. I am 35 years old. I will pay for your Big Mac. But first I will tell you how I appreciate you. I love children. I especially love Children's feet. I am an assistant at the Synagogue where we perform circumcision. But I don't like criticism as much. Please come inside with me so I can buy you a Big Mac. Watermelon, where did you go?" During the strange man's speech, Macrepeh, not willing to be seen with such a man, quickly made his way to the other entrance.
Luckily for Macrepeh, another opportunity soon drew near- a short, pink-skinned man was trying to use the side entrance. At first glance, Macrepeh thought he was looking at an impostor- but as the man came closer, he realized it was Eddy, from the hit TV series "Ed, Edd, n Eddy!" A star like that had to be rich- at least in Quarters, if nothing else. Still, McDonald's food isn't expensive enough where that wouldn't cover it. Macrepeh quickly ran over to the man, and began to try and attract his attention.
"Sir Eddy! Sir Eddy! Can you spare a moment of your time?" asked Macremelon. "What is it, gourd boy?" asked the three-haired television star. "Can you spare a fan some quarters? I spent all my money on your merchandise and I can't afford a Big Mac!" Eddy stopped on the spot, and his face fell into a grimace. "You stupid nerdy bastard! You expect me to believe that? What would you buy from my show? You can't wear a regular shirt!" "Well, yes, but-" "But nothing! I heard you at the other entrance! Does ''I'm a charity worker and I need money'' sound familiar to you?" shouted the loud young man. "Please, sir, I understand, just stop calling me out like this."
"Oh, I'm not done with anything. You know what I do to fans like you?" Eddy reached into a sock holster and pulled out- shockingly- a firearm! While it was a very nice gun, Macrepeh knew that such a weapon could be dangerous. "This town isn't big enough for the two of us, Rind-boy!" yelled Eddy, while aiming at Macrepeh. "I disagree! I think the size is quite adequate!" bemoaned a frightened Macrepeh, who was fleeing the scene. Eddy opened fire, but luckily Macrepeh's short stature and irregular body shape allowed him to escape unharmed.
But despite all this, there were no Big Macs for Macrepeh that day. It would be another night of Big Mac-free shitposting for the unfortunate self-proclaimed primate.