Something that wouldn't leave me alone until it was written. Definitely something I've never done before. Enjoy, and be sure to have plenty of Kleenex handy... You've been warned.
Disclaimer: Not mine!
SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU
This wasn't right.
Olivia Benson stared at the crowd in front of her, feeling lost and confused. This wasn't right. It was too soon. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself.
In front of her, friends hugged each other, murmuring soothing words and exchanging comforting touches. Others sobbed, while some stood off to the side, feeling uncertain of what to do.
She wanted to help, but her feet remained firmly planted on the ground, unwilling to obey the order to move toward the crowd. It was incredibly hard just to stand by and watch. She had never in her life been that kind of person. But for the life of her, she couldn't move. She was resigned to stand by helplessly and watch.
She saw Munch and Fin arrive, followed shortly by a bleary eyed Cragen. Briefly she wondered if he'd had a relapse. She hoped not.
She recognized many of the faces, but there was a surprising number of unfamiliar ones. Then there was Alex Cabot, and she was incredibly surprised when she saw Munch grab her and hold her tight. That was definitely something she hadn't seen coming.
Then she saw him.
He looked as though he had aged twenty years overnight, and his reddened eyes coupled with his unsteady gait had her desperate to go to his side and comfort him. But she still couldn't move, and she was forced to watch as he stumbled through the seas of saddened faces and grieving sobs.
She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, Elliot was all alone. Finally able to move, she slowly approached him. He was crouched down in the damp grass, and his shoulders heaved with each breath.
I can anticipate what he's thinking, what he's going to do.
She took another step, and suddenly she could hear his ragged, labored breathing. "Elliot..."
If you had to choose, what would you do?
I don't know.
He closed his eyes, bowing his head. "Why the hell did you do it?"
She knelt down in the soggy grass beneath them. "You know I had to do it, El."
He rubbed at his swollen eyes, nearly choking on his tears. "God damn it, Olivia, you weren't supposed to!"
She reached out to touch him, but hesitated. "But I needed to. I had to."
Did you really think I could? What about your kids? What about me?
He suddenly stood up and paced furiously, staring up at the dark gray sky. "It wasn't right. I had it under control."
She stared down at the dew covered grass. "No, you didn't. You didn't have it under control." And she had seen that immediately.
He pressed his fist against his tightly drawn mouth, shaking his head. "I had it under control," he muttered again in a weak voice, even though he didn't believe it himself. If she hadn't stepped in...
Half my genes are drunk and the other violent and cruel.
And look how great you turned out.
She sighed and pulled her knees up, hugging them tight. "My job... El, I'm supposed to be there to protect you. I had to step in."
Her gaze drifted down to the grass. If she hadn't stepped in... That was a scenario that she simply wasn't going to allow into her mind.
I'm sure Elliot appreciates you looking out for him.
It's my job to look after Elliot.
He suddenly fell to his knees, sobbing. "You weren't supposed to go in, Olivia!" he choked out. "Everything was under control! You weren't supposed to be in there!"
She felt a tear slide down her cheek as she turned toward him. She understood his anger and pain, but she simply couldn't risk him being hurt. It made for a good partner, but a lousy cop. She was willing to put his safety above all else, something that she had always been warned not to do. It was a thin line, and to walk it was to make sure she didn't cross it. And she had.
She inched closer to his huddled, shaking form. "Elliot..." She leaned closer, her breaths coming out in soft sighs. "El, it was a choice I had to make. And I made the right one." She knew that that much was true.
He hid his face in his trembling hands. This was all wrong. Ten years... He had all of that time... "Liv..."
You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that.
She looked up briefly. "What is it, Elliot?"
He wiped away the tears that had escaped his swollen, cerulean eyes. "I love you, Olivia." He sighed shakily. "I think I always have."
I'm sorry.
She studied him with sad eyes, shaking slightly. "I love you, too, Elliot. And I'll never stop loving you."
He looked up at the sky that threatened to drown him at any moment. "I'm sorry."
That surprised her. "Why are you sorry?"
"I'm sorry... that I didn't tell you sooner." He wiped at his mouth. "I'm sorry that I wasn't the friend you needed, or the man you deserved. I should have been, and I'm sorry."
"Elliot..." She never had it in her to tell him, but he was all of that to her. And more.
"You deserved better than me. I'm just a stupid, lucky bastard because you're in my life. I've never done a damn thing to deserve you."
She turned slightly, watching him. "I loved you anyway, El. None of that mattered to me, because you were there."
You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man.
"If I had been a better friend, or a better partner..." He started to cry again as his heart ripped into pieces.
"You're... everything to me, El. You always have been." She scooted closer to him, until she could reach out and touch him with her fingertips. "You were everything I needed. That's why... that's why I did what I did. I couldn't lose you."
"I... My heart stopped... I thought I was going to die," he managed through his tears. "When I saw the gun, and you walked in front of me..."
Yeah, but she didn't need me.
You didn't know that.
I wish I didn't...
Didn't what? Didn't care so much?
She nodded, understanding. "I had to do it..."
He lunged to his feet again, pacing frantically. "You... you took that bullet..."
"I did it to save your life."
He cried harder, shaking his head. "God, the blood..." He looked down at his hands, as though he could see the blood that still stained them.
"I did what I had to do to keep you safe." She ran her fingers through her hair.
He shook his head frantically. "I can't believe... Olivia, I wasn't worth it!"
"Yes, you are!" She got to her feet and stepped in front of him. "Elliot, you've always been worth it."
His gaze dropped down to the ground, and he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "It's... it's not fair," he whispered.
"Life isn't fair," she murmured. "But... you'll be okay. You're strong, and your kids..."
She's my partner.
He trembled noticeably. "I don't think... I can do this without you..."
"Sure you can." She smiled softly through her tears. "I know you can."
He's my best friend.
He took a step backward, rubbing his eyes. "I am so sorry, Olivia. I love you..."
"I know you do. I love you, too."
He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a soft breeze caress his face.
She smiled and reached up toward him. "You'll be okay, El," she promised. "I know you will." It broke her heart, but she finally turned around and took a step away from him.
When he could finally open his eyes, Elliot looked down at the shining marble bearing the name of his partner, his best friend, and the love of his life.
Olivia Benson.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Slowly he walked away from the headstone. "I'll come back tomorrow, Liv," he whispered, wiping away another tear.
She nodded. "I know you will, El."
And she would be waiting for him.
I'd give you a kidney.
Not if I gave you mine first.
The End
A/N: *sobs* I've never killed anyone on SVU before... Don't kill me! Everything italicized is an actual quote from the show (except the Greater Love quote), and I felt that I saved the most powerful one for last. Thanks for reading, and I hope that everyone isn't too sad... Please review!