Carz

By: Rackuhn

Summary: Call this a case of too much caffeine or maybe not enough, but this one came to me after watching the animated movie "Cars". That movie just cracks me up and I love Mater the tow truck (how could you not?). I couldn't help think what would happen if Mater showed up in Hazzard one day.

Disclaimer: Cars is owned by Disney/Pixar, and The Dukes of Hazzard by Warner Brothers. I mean no offense to either of these organizations and am only writing this for pleasure not profit. Please forgive me. P.S.: Wrote this one fairly quickly so any spelling or grammatical errors are all mine—those I will take credit for.

It's another beautiful spring day here in Hazzard, Georgia, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, the bees are a buzzin', and the General Lee is a flyin', flying over Dawson's Creek that is. Isn't that a purty sight? Now those two boys in the General are Bo and Luke Duke, and they're practicin' for the Fifth Annual Hogg Day Race, a cross-country race that has tested the nerves of every driver who's ever raced it, those two boys included. But as ya can tell, neither one of them is too worried about it 'cause they are known as the best drivers in Hazzard and the General is known as the fastest car. So ya see, ya put that combination together and you've got yourself one unbeatable team.

Now that man there that's drivin' that beat up old tow truck is Cooter Davenport, mechanical genius. He can fix just about any problem you throw at him and believe me he's had the practice too. Ya see, every time one of Hazzard's law enforcement officers, namely Sherrif Rosco P. Coltran or Deputy Enos Strate, chase them Duke boys, they usually end up in the water, in a ditch, or up a tree, yes, I said up a tree, car and all, and Cooter's the one that has ta fix the damages. Now ole Cooter there is not drivin' his usual tow truck today, in fact a friend of his owns that tow truck he's drivin', which is a good thing 'cause that truck is almost as old as Uncle Jesse, the Duke boy's uncle.

Now in any other part of the country you would normally just wave a greetin' and drive right on by each other but here in Hazzard, when ya see someone ya know, y'all stop ta say high, and that is exactly what those boys are doin'.

"Hey fellas, how's the General runnin'?" Cooter asked as the General skidded to a stop.

"Hey Cooter," Bo yelled back with a smile. "General is runnin' fine. Shouldn't be any problems come tomorrow."

"Well that's good ta hear," Cooter grinned back.

"Hey Cooter what's with that tow truck? Boss Hogg repossess your other one?"

"Nope. A buddy of mine was headed ta Hotlanta ta pick up an ole junker he found and asked if he could borrow mine."

"Well why didn't he use this one?" Bo asked as he looked at the old beat up truck. "Afraid it wouldn't make the trip?"

"Naw, he knows that I like this old thing so he's allowin' me ta use it for a few days."

"You actually like that truck?" Luke questioned with a surprised look on his face.

"Well sure," Cooter beamed. "Just look at it. This truck was built ta last and it has too. Runs like a champ and can haul anything ya hook up ta it. Heck, slap a new coat of paint on it and it would look practically new."

"Yeah, except for the missin' hood, beat up fenders, one headlight…" Luke said with a grin. "He'd look just like knew."

"You laugh but just remember what the General looked like before y'all fixed him up."

"Okay Cooter, ya made your point," Bo grinned back. "He really is something. Hey we've got a little more practicin' ta do, so we'll see ya later."

"Right, see ya. Call if ya need me for anything."

"Ya got it!"

And with that, the two vehicles sped off in opposite directions.

01 01 01 01 01

Now a lot of folks here around Hazzard sometimes wonder if the General isn't part human the way he drives along when either Bo or Luke are behind the wheel. Well let me tell ya folks, he may not be human but he's pretty dog gone close. Ya see, it was later that night when a strange looking truck pulled into the Duke's driveway while everyone was asleep and as quietly as possible, made it's way over ta where the General was sittin'. Now folks, normally a truck pullin' in like that would be a cause for alarm, but not here. Ya see, that truck's got no driver, yes that's what I said, no driver, so there's nobody around ta worry about. At this part of the story, I would say that things are getting a might strange, but remember, this is Hazzard after all.

"Psst."

"Huh?"

"Psst."

"What? Who's there?"

"Psst."

"Dixie, is that you springin' a leak?"

"Not me, darlin'. I's feelin' just fine. I think it was our new friend over there."

"Who?"

"Me! She's talkin' about me!"

"Who's me?"

"My name is Mater, as in Tamater, without the Ta," Mater said in his distinct southern drawl, as some of his parts started clanking together.

"Well all be, it's the tow truck from earlier. Glad ta meet ya. Sorry I didn't get a chance ta say "Hey" earlier, but ya know how those human's can be."

"Oh yeah, I know. Glad ta meet ya though. What's your name?"

"My name is The General Lee, but ya can jist call me General, and that there is Dixie."

"Hey honey, nice ta meet ya. The General told me there was someone new in town."

"Golly Dixie, ya sure are purty."

"Well thanks, sugar. You're kinda cute yourself."

"Mater couldn't help but clank some more as he blushed from embarrassment.

"Hey keep it down, Mater, or the humans will hear ya."

"Oh oh, sorry. It's just that I don't ever really get a chance ta talk ta pretty girls like Dixie there."

"Ah shucks honey, there's no need ta be nervous and shy around me. I won't bite."

"No, she'll just drive off the road and leave ya there until ya cry "uncle"."

"Oh stop it General. I only ever did that ta ya one time and ya deserved it too. I pulled ya out afterwards."

"It's a good thing the boys didn't see that or they would have taken their bows and arrows and shot your tires out."

"No they wouldn't, cause Daisy would have takin' the fryin' pan ta 'em."

"True. So Mater, what brings ya out this way?"

"Well, I'm just visitin' Cooter while my human has gone ta Atlanta ta pick up another car ta work on. See he likes ta fix 'em up and sell 'em when he done."

"That's what my boys did for me," the General smiled with pride. "They fixed me up but instead of sellin' me they still drive me around. We've won a lot of races together."

"You're a race car?" Mater asked in awe.

"Sure am."

"You sure don't look like my friend Lightnin' McQueen. He's a race car but he's built a lot differn't than ya."

"You know Lighting McQueen?"

"Sure do. He's my best friend. Ya know he almost done won that there Piston Cup Championship, exceptin' he was knocked out of the race by Chick Hicks. He's one mean dude."

"Yeah, I heard about him," the General said with a grimace on his grill. Was glad ta hear that he was black balled out of the circuit."

"If you're a racin' car, how's come ya don't look like Lightnin'?"

"Well, I'm older than Lightnin' is, but I'm still considered a stock car," the General answered. "May not run in the big races but I do really well around here especially with one of my boys drivin' me. They were once on the NASCAR circuit, but came back 'cause they missed me."

"That's not why they came back," Dixie said with a snort. "They came back 'cause they missed Uncle Jesse and Daisy."

"Well they told me that they missed me too."

"I'm sure they did but you're not the main reason they came back."

"Says who?"

"Says me, Daisy, Jesse, Bo, Luke…"

"Okay, okay. I get the picture."

"Hee hee, ya two are fun-nie. Ya act just like Lightnin' and Sally, that's Lightnin's girl. She's a smart one, she is."

"She sounds nice. Like ta meet her some day," Dixie smiled. "So Mater, what is it we can do for y'all?"

"Oh, I was just lonely and I was lookin' for somethin' ta do while Cooter is busy sleepin'. Never been ta Hazzard before and was kinda hopin' for a tour."

"Well shoot, sugar, that won't be no problem, will it General?"

"Heck no. Come on, we'll show ya around."

Now those three vehicles took off done the road, with General and Dixie havin' a grand ole time showin' Mater the sights. It wasn't until Mater was no longer behind them that they stopped and backed up until the found him starin' into a field of hay.

"Hey Mater, what's the matter?" General asked as he looked to see what the old truck was looking at.

"Shhhh, keep quiet or it'll hear ya."

"What'll hear me?"

Mater never answered as he slowly made his way into the field, inching his way closer to the object in his sights. "What's he doin', General?"

"Heck if I know."

As the two watched on, Mater stopped in front of the old tractor that was in the middle of the field. Taking a deep breath and wiggling his back end, he honked his horn loudly and watched as the tractor woke with a start, front wheels lifting in the air, the poor machine "mooing" in displeasure as it fell back and landed on the ground. A loud "chug" let Mater know that his mission was accomplished. Laughing loudly, Mater headed back over to the General and Dixie, windshield wiper fluid streaming from his eyes from laughing so hard.

"Ha ha! I love tractor tippin'" he cried out. "Tractors are sooo dumb. Life don't get much better than this."

"I don't believe it," Dixie said in surprised awe.

"I didn't know ya could do that ta a tractor," General said with a gleam in his windshield.

"Oh yeah, we do it all the time in Radiator Springs. I don't care who ya are, that there is fun-nie!"

"I gotta try that," the General said as he took off down the road.

"General, ya can't do that," Dixie cried out as she burned rubber to catch up with her friend, Mater right behind her. The three of them stopped at the next field that had a tractor sitting on it. The General carefully crawled up to the sleeping tractor, and played the first twelve notes of "Dixie", causing the tractor to jump in surprise, front tires lifting of the ground, and falling onto it's back with a loud moo. A few seconds later, a loud "chug" rang out from the tractor telling the General that he too had succeeded. Racing back to the others he quickly skidded to a stop laughing loud and hard.

"Oh Mater, you are so right. That's was a lot of fun."

"Didn't I tell ya?" Mater smiled back. "Let's go find some more."

"NO!" Dixie shouted, causing the other two to stop in their tracks. "We cannot go around tippin' tractors."

"Well why not?"

"Do you know the kind of trouble we can get inta?" she asked, lookin' back and forth between the racecar and old truck. "'Sides, if we get caught, do ya know how much trouble Bo and Luke would get inta?"

"Oh yeah, never thought of that," the General said, pouting slightly.

"They won't get inta any trouble," Mater said, wanting to tip a few more.

"Around these here parts, Bo and Luke are notorious for getiing inta trouble even when they don't do anything wrong," Dixie explained. "Now come on, and we'll show ya more of Hazzard."

"Well all right then, let's git 'r done!"

The three of them continued on drivin' around, Mater simply fascinated by the sights of Hazzard. It wasn't until they came up to an old barn that the General realized that something wasn't right.

"Hey hang on gang."

"What's the matter?" Dixie asked as she looked around.

"That ole barn there. There's a light on inside."

"So."

"So, there shouldn't be one there. It's been abandoned for years."

"Oh yeah. Should we take a look?"

"I say let's," Mater spoke up, acting brave but feeling very scared.

The three of them slowly made their way to the barn and stopped by a broken side window. Mater, being the tallest of the three, took a peek inside and told the other two what he saw.

"Somebody's workin' on a ole blue car makin' him sound real mean too."

"What else do ya see?" Dixie asked.

"Another tall guy talkin' ta a short guy in a white suit."

"Boss Hogg," the General said as he realized who Mater was seeing.

"Shhh. Listen," Dixie said as she inched closer to the window.

"Now I want you boys ta make sure that those Duke boys don't make it to the finish line, understand me?"

"Yeah, we understand ya."

"Good, 'cause if they lose, we win," Boss smiled back. "With the bets I'm placin' against those two and their orange clunker car, we'll each make a small fortune."

"Sounds good ta us, Boss," one of the goons said, smiling as well.

"Now just remember, do it at Jenson's crossing. If ya take them out there, there is no way they can win the race."

"What's so special about Jenson's crossing?"

"There's ditches along both sides of the road that are deep enough ta swallow their car whole. Once they go in, they're not comin' out until Cooter goes and get 'em." The cackle that came from Boss made the General cringe.

"General, did ya hear that?" Dixie asked her old friend.

"I sure did," the General answered.

"What are we gonna do?"

"Well, since we know their plan and where they're plannin' on takinin' me out, I guess I'll just have ta show them a thing or two."

The three quickly turned when they heard the roar of an engine coming from inside the barn. "Oh General honey, that car has one mean engine in it. It sounds as strong as yours. Do ya think ya can handle it?"

"I'll have ta be able ta. Bo and Luke's lives depend on me not being thrown in one of those ditches."

"Bo and Luke?" Dixie asked in confusion.

"Like Boss said, one of those ditches is big enough to swallow me up. If I go in at the speeds we'll be drivin' at, one or both of them might get hurt or worse."

"Not ta mention what will happen ta you," Dixie answered, concern clearly tingeing her voice.

"Golly, that Boss Hogg fella isn't very nice is he?" Mater asked, already not liking the chubby man.

"No he's not, but it's not the first time we had ta put him in his place. Come on. Dixie, you and I better head back ta the farm and Mater, ya better head back ta Cooter's. We'll meet ya at the race tomorra."

"Right."

The three cars quickly made their way back to their respective owners before anyone noticed them missing.

01 01 01 01 01

Now the next day was race day and Bo and Luke jumped into the General ready ta roll. Bo took one look at the instrument panel and groaned.

"I swear the General is takin' himself for rides at night."

"What do ya mean?" Luke asked, not sure what his cousin was getting at.

"We need ta get some gas before the race."

"Again? I just put some in a few days ago."

"I know, but General is readin' close ta empty. Can't win a race without it."

"Okay, let's go. We don't have much time before the race begins."

Bo started up the General and quickly took off down the road.

An hour later, Bo, Luke, and the General were sitting at the starting line, impatiently waiting for the race ta begin. Now the General not being able ta say anything, did notice that that old blue car was revvin' his engine and soundin' pretty mean ta boot. Shootin' a quick glance at Dixie and Mater, the General took off down the road when he felt Bo slam his foot down on his accelerator. With all the humans' attention focused on the race, Dixie and Mater quietly backed away from the crowded parking lot and behind the Boar's Nest so that they could talk.

"Mater, we gotta help the General. He and the boys could be in real trouble."

"But how? What kin we do?"

"Well the first thing we need ta do is get ta Jenson's Crossing and wait for the cars ta get there. We'll just have ta make sure that that blue bomb doesn't get a chance ta hurt the General and the others."

"Can we git there before they do?"

"If we go the way I'm plannin' on goin'. Do ya think ya can handle some bumpy terrain?"

"Oh sure, I was meant for drivin' anywhere ya needed ta go," Mater smiled back. Dixie wasn't quite sure she believed him but they had no choice and had to get going.

Now ole General Lee was doin' fine at the moment bein' in first place and all. Both Bo and Luke were enjoyin' the ride as they raced along the marked course. It wasn't until the blue car rammed into their back bumper that they decided ta be a little concerned.

"What's that dang fool doin'?" Bo asked as he sped up some more to avoid another hit.

"Blamed if I know, but if he keeps this up, he might just knock us out of the race," Luke replied as he held on tightly when they were hit again.

"Not if I can help it," Bo answered, pressing his foot down and swerving just enough to cause the other car to miss.

Now Dixie and Mater got ta Jenson's Crossing just in time. As they sat there, they heard the sounds of engines roarin' towards them. Lookin' down the road, Dixie noticed that the blue car kept hittin' the General's back end, causing Bo ta do some fancy drivin' ta stay on the course.

"Here they come, Mater," Dixie cried out.

"Well what do we do?" Mater asked as he watched his friend coming down the road.

"Just how strong are ya, Mater?" Dixie asked.

"Purty strong. I can help haul an ole semi rig without too much of a struggle."

"Are ya any good at fishin'?"

"Huh?"

"Mater, I need ya ta string your cable across the road. As soon as the General drives over it, I want ya ta yank in back in and hook that blue car's undercarriage."

"What fer?"

"With any luck, you'll be able ta tear it up enough ta put them outta the race and give the General a chance ta win this thing."

"Ooh, I like it, I like it," Mater cried out as he turned around to cast his cable and hook across the road.

Now Bo and Luke were too busy tryin' ta focus at keepin' the General on the road, but the orange car noticed the cable that was snaked across. Playing his "Dixie" horn, he let both of them know that he saw them and kept right on goin' knowin' that Dixie and Mater had a plan.

"Why'd ya hit the horn, Bo?" Luke asked as he looked over at his cousin.

"I didn't. Must have a short somewhere."

"Well, we'll check him out later…after we win this race."

"Ya got it cousin," Bo smiled back as they continued on.

After the General ran over the cable, the dust that his tires made hid the line from the view of the blue car. It was then that Mater pulled the cable back ta himself, causing the hook ta catch the back axle of the car. As the line tightened, Mater set his brakes so that he wouldn't be able ta go anywhere, which in turn, snapped the blue car's axle in half, forcing the car ta stop before it landed in one of the ditches. That ole blue car sat there dazed and confused at ta what just happened.

"All right Mater!" Dixie yelled out, bouncing up and down on her tires.

"Woo hoo," Mater shouted, grinning at being able to help his new friends.

"Let's get out of there before anyone sees us," Dixie said, before tearing up the road to head back to the Boar's Nest.

Bo and Luke both shouted for joy when they saw that the blue car was dead in its tracks, laughing at the fact that they were now way ahead of the rest of the drivers. A half hour later, the General crossed the finish line, the crowd eruptin' in cheers for the victors, and Boss Hogg cryin' at the loss of all the money he could have made if the Dukes had lost, and let's not forget the money he has ta pay out against the bets he made too.

The victory celebration happily progressed ta the Boar's Nest where Boss grudgingly gave Bo and Luke the five hundred dollars for coming in first place. Boss then found the two men he hired ta take care of the Duke boys and had Rosco arrest them for purposely tryin' ta cause an accident during the race. Meanwhile outside, three cars closely huddled together, out of sight from any human bystander.

"You did great, General!" Dixie congratulated her friend. "You had me pretty worried there for a few moments."

"I'll admit, I was worried myself 'til I saw you and Mater down at Jenson's Crossing."

"I can't take credit for it, it was Mater that managed ta break that old blue car," Dixie smiled.

"Aw shucks, it twernt nothing," Mater blushed. "I's just tryin' ta help out my friends."

"And a good job ya did too," the General grinned at the old truck. "If it wasn't for you, you'd probably be pullin' me out of one of those ditches. Thanks Mater!"

Mater grinned and blushed again and Dixie couldn't help but laugh. "He kinda reminds me of Enos."

"He sure does," the General laughed back.

"Ya know, I'm sure gonna miss ya," Mater said, suddenly sad.

"Miss us?"

"Yeah, I'll be leavin' tomorra ta head back home ta Radiator Springs."

"We're gonna miss ya too, sugar, but you're welcomed back any time."

"Aw gee, thanks, guys."

"You say your not leavin' until tomorroa?" the General asked, a wicked gleam on his windshield.

"Yup."

"What say you and me go do a little tractor tippin' tonight?"

"Yee haw. Ya bet partner!" Mater cried out happily.

Well folks that there's the story of how one old beat up tow truck managed ta save not only the General, but also Bo and Luke as well, and it also explains the mystery of why so many tractors were found tipped onto their backs the day after the big race.

The End