The face in the mirror
Chapter 1
by RGoodfellow64
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Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, there'd be some Castle babies on the way.
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She'd been staring at the bottles for a few hours now. The expensive bottle of wine that Rick had left here a couple of months ago for a 'special occasion.' She'd completely forgotten about it this evening as she bought a bottle of cheap vodka on her way home.
She'd been staring at those two bottles while the tears kept falling. She never hurt this badly before. Even the loss of her mother didn't compare to the stabbing pain this caused.
'Why can't he understand?' she thought to herself once again. This was the opportunity of a lifetime for anyone in the law enforcement profession. She knew of a dozen detectives who would jump at the chance to just be considered, and she was hand selected. They wanted her over every other officer in New York. Her! Detective Kate Beckett, was hand selected for Homeland Security. A position that was a fast track for advancement. Where she could make a real difference in the lives of others.
Why couldn't he be happy for her? Why? Not only wasn't he happy to hear the news, he looked…she stopped for a moment as his face came back to mind…he looked devastated.
Devastated. As soon as she thought the word, she knew it fit perfectly. It was exactly how he looked. She didn't even remember the argument they had; she just knew his shoulders slumped as she angrily walked away.
She stared at the bottle of wine and thought, 'If this isn't a special occasion, I don't know what is,' but still didn't reach for it. She didn't know what to do and so she simply sat and cried. Filled with a pain she never thought she'd face.
She didn't bother to look at the screen when her phone rang; she just picked it up and said, "Beckett." Only it wasn't the steady, take-charge voice she'd cultivated over the years that came out, her voice was raw, and it sounded like she was crying.
"Det. Beckett?" a quiet voice asked.
"Alexis?"
"May I please speak to you, Det. Beckett?"
She answered as she always has when Alexis called her Det. Beckett, "Kate. Call me Kate, Alexis." Although why Alexis would even want to talk to her now was beyond her understanding.
However, for the first time since Kate and Rick became a couple, Alexis said, "Alright, Kate."
Although surprised Kate was grateful and softly said, "So…what…uh, why… um, can I help you, Alexis?"
"I want to know why, Kate. I just want to know why."
Kate took a deep breath, "Alexis…"
"Please don't tell me it's complicated or something I won't understand. I'm going to be nineteen soon, I think I'm adult enough to ask that question and receive an answer."
Kate sighed and ran her left hand through her hair, "I…Alexis it…" she sighed once again and said, "I thought…things have been…" she paused again and didn't know how to start.
"You decided to take a job with Homeland Security?" Alexis asked.
Thankful for something to grab onto, Kate replied, "Yes, Alexis. Yes I did."
"Then why did you do that?"
"Alexis, it's an amazing opportunity that anyone in law enforcement would jump at. I think I can do so much more there than here."
"Washington rather than New York?" Alexis asked in a small voice.
"No! Not at all Alexis!" Kate exclaimed. "I'm only going there for six months to a year for training."
"I understand that Kate. I do. That's why Dad is so upset, he kept saying, "I thought she meant always," and then shut himself in his office."
"I meant always, Alexis."
"You meant it? As in the past? You don't anymore?"
Kate was shaking her head, that wasn't what she was trying to say. "Alexis, I just think…I think we need some time apart."
"Time apart?"
"Yes," Kate said, gaining confidence now that it seemed Alexis understood. "Just some time apart, I don't want to break up."
"Time apart means goodbye Kate. It always has and it always will."
"Alexis…"
Kate heard Alexis sigh before she spoke, "Kate, if you go away that's the end; it means you're breaking up with Dad."
Kate was shaking her head, "No Alexis, no it doesn't. We'll talk to each other every night and he can visit every other weekend."
Alexis sighed again and said, "Kate, you said six months to a year of training. That isn't going to be easy and you won't be able to talk to Dad every day..."
"But we will!" Kate said, interrupting.
"You may want to now Kate, but once you're there and Dad is here, you're going to be busy learning so many new things, and most of them will probably be secret and not something you can share with Dad. You'll soon only be talking a few days a week and not be able to see each other on those weekends you've planned with all the work you're doing. Before long the visits will stop, the calls will be once a week, then twice a month and during that time you'll be interacting with other people, making other friends."
Kate shook her head and tried to interrupt, to deny what Alexis was saying, but she just kept on speaking. "Then one day you'll go out for a drink with a male colleague or friend, then it will coffee and lunch, more and more time together and then after a while you won't even think of Dad outside of reading one of his books." She paused and added, "Some time apart always means goodbye."
Kate was violently shaking her head, "No! No, Alexis, it won't be like that!"
"Kate, it's always like that. You'll be a Federal Agent and you won't have any time for anyone, just the job."
"Alexis, it's not like that at all!"
"Do remember my last week working with the Medical Examiner's office?"
"Yes…" Kate said, wondering where this was going.
"Do you recall Agent Connor? He was only a few years older than me and asked me out?"
"Oh yes," Kate replied, "He came by to get some information from Perlmutter."
"That's right. Do you remember what you told me then?"
Kate froze. Now she knew where Alexis was going with this. "Yes…" the word slowly coming out of her mouth.
"You said to think twice before I agree to go out with an agent. Then you told me about Agent Shaw, who missed so many days with her husband and daughter because of her job. How there were only phone calls when she was away on a case for who knows how long."
"Yes, but…"
"Then you told me about that guy you dated, I think his name was Will."
"Yes, that's his name."
"You said how you had a relationship that seemed to be going somewhere when he suddenly left for Boston."
"He left me for a job, Alexis," Kate said with some residual anger toward Will.
Her voice was very soft when Alexis said, "Have you looked in a mirror Kate?"
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AUTHORS NOTE: I'll cover this at the end of chapter 2.