"You see, the thing is I am always alone at my house, so if you ever want to come and chill, you're welcome."
"Yeah, I'm sure, that's what I'd do. Go to a stranger's house," Caroline snorted.
"I didn't mean it like that," the boy said shyly. "I just mean – I mean, I cannot take my exams because I got debarred for having low attendance so I am at home for an entire year and I haven't spoken to my best friend in two months because she hates the fact that I am a pothead but I just think, I mean, I'm just saying, if you ever want to hang out, you can home. Except on weekends because then my parents are home and they would not like people at home."
While April laughed, Caroline looked away from his glassy gaze. She could see quite clearly that the boy was lonely. She wanted to press him to her chest and be tender to him. She shook her head. No, you're done with wanting to save people, remember? You have your own self to take care of. You're not a hero. And he is not a victim. He can take care of himself. You're not here to mommy anyone in the hope that he would throw you love in loose change.
"And is it worth it?" She could hear April ask.
"Of course, it's not worth it, but I am way too in. My parents don't let me go anywhere because they once caught me with cocaine, I mean," the boy laughed, but it was not a prideful one, neither a spiteful one. It was amused but also straining. "I mean the thing is we'd bought it for a friend because it was his birthday – "
"What? Cocaine? How rich are you?" Caroline snorted.
" – Not rich at all, but the thing is we all pooled in so we could buy it. And my parents like caught me with it…"
"Well, I kinda see why your parents don't let you out."
April went down. The boy shifted closer to Caroline.
"What did you say your name was? I didn't catch it earlier."
Caroline sat up straight, wary of the boy. She knew him, of him. He was the boy her friend Lexi was talking about. She knew, she knew, I know you, she wanted to say. He was the one who did a lot of weed and lost a lot of weight. She knew because when Lexi and she were feeling self-conscious about their bodies, Lexi had told her about a friend who had lost a lot of weight because of weed. "Would you ever do it?" She had asked her at that time. Caroline had laughed. "No way, what if I got addicted? I don't trust myself." "Same." And here she sat, across from him. She knew him. He looked like Louis Garrel, which made it worse for her.
"I am not sure," he said. Caroline looked at him. She hadn't been listening. She wondered how they'd look to the others. Self-conscious at the thought, she looked to the doors. What would April think? He was leaning towards her like a lover. Pathetic Caroline putting moves on a wayward boy, She would think, April would. "Sometimes a few friends come over. You should come over. Whenever you're in the area and you want to smoke pot."
Caroline smiled. It was a sad smile. She didn't know what else to do. She wasn't ever going to meet him. She wasn't really going to go to his house. They were never going to meet. He was so very sad and melancholic. Caroline felt, if she would dip a finger into his person, her whole arm and body would get instantly swallowed. He was not trying to be cool, she understood, he was just trying not to be alone. And what are you trying to do? She asked herself. Caroline looked around herself. There was a swing-seat, and a two circular tables and the settee she was sitting on. There were tree vines running around the fence of the balcony and the white lights were not bright enough for Caroline to feel the atmosphere was not illicit. The wall to her right was painted in several kinds of art painted by a French artist. She wanted to meet someone new and exciting…Caroline sighed. April entered with a drink. "Hey, do you want to go dance?"
"Yes," Caroline said abruptly as she got up.
"Do you want to go on a walk, instead?" the boy asked. Caroline exchanged looks with April. April seemed like she was considering taking up the offer. Caroline suddenly felt irritated and just shrugged. "Actually, why don't you guys go out for a walk, I'll get a drink and join you later," Caroline offered, already making her way down to the basement where the party was going on.
"Hey," Stefan said, "why don't you have a drink in your hand?" He handed her a glass of what Caroline thought was beer.
"Because I want to stay sober tonight. I am not ready for another series of humiliating events making me cringe for the next year," she shuddered at the thought, handing him the drink back. "But I will have juice. Also, I left April with a guy I am not sure is trustworthy, I think I'll go out and join them."
"You want me to come?" Stefan asked. He didn't look like he wanted to come. Why does he even ask? Caroline thought, a bit annoyed. Ever the gentleman, Stefan. Sometimes she thought him fake. But she knew it cruel to think so. Stefan was a sweet person, she told herself.
"Nah, he's fine. It's just me, I think. Anyway, see you," Caroline said walking towards the staircase. When she came out of the house, she saw April and the boy, far away walking. Their silhouettes against the grey white light of the street lights with the trees bowed over them pained her. They looked picture perfect. She looked away to find someone standing next to her, smoking.
"Hello," the person said when he felt Caroline's gaze on him. "Would you like a smoke?"
Caroline shook her head. "No, I'm good, thank you."
"I'm Nik," the man said, extending his arm. Caroline shook it. "I'm Caroline."
"How do you know Lexi?" Caroline asked. He was rather good looking, Caroline noticed, but then so was everyone at this party. She felt self-conscious suddenly. Don't do this to yourself Caroline, she admonished herself, not right now.
"Oh, I don't really. I'm a friend of Stefan's," the man – Nik – said, blowing a puff of smoke in the air, "we met at college in London."
Caroline nodded, looking away. "That's nice." And explains the accent, Caroline thought.
"Would you like to go on a walk?" Caroline asked, impulsively. She could see April and the guy approaching and she felt she could not stand their presence, their chemistry or whatever it was. The man, Nik, seemed surprised but he nodded his acquiescence. Caroline suddenly felt awkward for having invited him so. What if he thought she wanted to have sex with him? What if he thought she was weird? What would he tell Stefan of her? Would Stefan think her uncool and regret inviting her? It was all too much. She had half a mind to leave. But then the man said, "So how do you know Lexi?" and Caroline thought it was going to be okay after all.
"We all went to school together."
"Ah," Nik nodded. He had nice sandy blonde curls, Caroline noticed. "That's nice, to keep in touch even through college."
"Yeah," Caroline smiled. It was nice. She wasn't sure she was ever going to have friends apart from Elena and Bonnie who would want to voluntarily spend time with her. She felt a jab of pain go through her at the memory of Elena and Bonnie. They were away for the weekend, on a camping trip. Caroline had had her classes on the weekends she could not skip, but it seemed to her that her presence or absence did not seem much of a deal changer for them. She sighed.
But this, here, was also something to be cherished, wasn't it? She had never been outside of this part of the town, at three in the morning looking up at the stars. Wasn't this something she was able to experience apart from the benefit of not missing her classes? Something told her the night was something she was never going to have again. It just seemed so clear cut, the night which was already becoming memories.
"I have never been outside like this," she said suddenly. Nik looked at her with a curious frown. "Really? Why is that?"
"Mother is a policewoman. She is paranoid. And so am I. Who is out at three in the morning?" She asked quickly. She wondered if he thought her weird. All the cool people did go out at night all the time.
"Well, I never really went out that late. It is…strange. To see the sky at this time," she said. "I just didn't ever see it like this. It's everything I thought it would be at night. I would often go to the park that is at the end of the lane, and wonder who lived in these big mansions and how their lives were..."
"And now that you know?"
"It is no different from anyone else's at all."
"Do you know? Who lives here?" Nik asked.
"Yeah, I met the owner. She seems a nice lady. A bit stiff though, and scary. She's an artist. A renowned one, apparently. I haven't heard of her ... But you should've seen how one of her sons was speaking about her. It wasn't nice…but well, it was nice to know all families are alike."
Nik remained silent. "So, what do you do?" She asked him.
"I'm an artist too, actually. A painter," Nik said, smiling a little, though it seemed strained.
"Oh, that's nice. So many artists here," Caroline muttered. "I don't have one artistic bone in my body."
Nik stubbed the cigarette into the ground. "Do you want to go to the park you were talking about?"
"Oh," said Caroline, surprised at the abruptness of the suggestion. "Sure," she said. Though she wasn't really sure. She didn't really know him. But, he was a friend of Stefan and how bad could he be. Also, she was armed with pepper-spray so she considered herself well-protected. This is where I shout at the screen asking the girl to run in the opposite direction, she softly snickered at the irony.
"Hm?" Nik said. He seemed to have heard her.
"Oh, nothing, I just remembered something." He must think she was so weird! She bit the inside of her cheek self-consciously.
"What do you do, Caroline?" He asked, as they resumed walking.
"I am a student…at Whitmore. Majoring in Event management."
"That sounds…"
"Boring, I know. But I enjoy it," Caroline shrugged her shoulders. "I hope the gate isn't locked," She glanced in the direction of the park which had just come into view. They walked towards the entrance. Caroline could see the swings she, Elena and Bonnie had swung on as kids. She felt a jab at the memory. Where were they now? So far away from her…and happy, most probably.
"I never knew it was here," she heard Nik murmur. She turned to him.
"Been here often?" She asked.
"Huh?" he seemed taken aback at her inquiry. He must've thought she wasn't listening. Well, technically, she hadn't been..
"You said, right now, that you never knew that the park was here. Have you been here often to be surprised to have missed it so?" She asked, entering the park. The moon was shining brightly. Caroline sat down on the grass and looked up at Nik wondering if it was too awkward for him to sit cross-legged on the grass with a stranger. He surprised her by lying down comfortably. That made her a little uncomfortable but she didn't say anything. She didn't want to seem…prudish.
"No, I haven't," he said and immediately followed it up with, "Tell me about your childhood. I want to listen," he lay down on the grass, his hands tucked under his head. Caroline wondered if he was dodging her question, or if he was genuinely curious about her childhood. Maybe she was being too suspicious, she thought.
"Well, it was nothing special. Mother worked too late and I would spend the evenings at my friends'. We would often come here. But never this late. I never came out here this late. I didn't know this is how it looked, in the night."
Caroline looked at the swings and the trees sprinkled lightly with moonlight. There were too many stars out tonight. It seemed to be a cacophony of light being threaded throughout the night sky. "I didn't know it could be this quiet… and this beautiful."
She wanted to lay down on the grass and stare at the sky but she wasn't sure if it would be the right move. What if Nik got a strange idea into his head? Caroline hated the conventions that bound her sex, they did not allow her to pursue what she might with liberty for fear of misunderstandings being communicated. She sighed, wringing her hands. It was getting awkward. She did not want to look at him. He was rather good looking. She was sure he was looking at her. Which made her adamantly stare somewhere else. She did not want him to see her looking at him. He would know how much she was admiring his form and she could not bear the thought. She did not want him to think she wanted him that way. The past flashed by and Caroline winced at the thought of being thought as easy.
"She's my mother," Nik said quietly, a lazy smile stretched across his face morphing into a smirk. Caroline thought it was malicious, when her eyes finally snapped to his' from where they were previously affixed on the swings.
"Who?" Caroline asked, her forehead wrinkling.
"The scary artist lady of the mansion," Nik said, rolling to lie on his back. Caroline felt her stomach lurch in horror.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for that –," She began but Nik cut her off with a chuckle, "it's not the first time that someone has said that. I think she's quite scary too," he said, glancing in her direction.
"Well, I'm sorry nevertheless," Caroline said, pressing her knees to her chest. Nik only smiled in response. "Bygones," he said, pulling his hands under his head. They sat in silence for a while.
"Would you like to lie down? The stars are…can be seen better this way," he said softly. Caroline's head snapped up from where she had been looking at the grass to look at him. She wanted to see if he harbored any other intentions…but he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the sky.
"Sure," Caroline muttered, moving to lie down on her back. She could feel the heat from his body warm her side. She turned her attention to the sky. "This is…beautiful. I've never done this before," she admitted.
"We do it in London all the time. But never…sober," Nik chuckled. Caroline also let out a snort.
"How did we not know each other? Living so nearby… in a town as small as this?" Caroline asked, after a while.
"Oh, I was never really home. Ever. Just came back every five years or so, barely. I met Stefan only in college. We didn't even know we were from the same town. Our parents didn't want us interacting with anyone…they were very...protective. And elitist. They didn't believe in…mixing."
Caroline shot him an offended look which Nik didn't miss. He only chuckled at her response. "I am not proud of it either," he said in his defense. "My mother lost three children in during miscarriages and two others to accidents. Fin and Freya," Nik said quietly. "My parents were just…are afraid."
Caroline nodded. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't say he understood his parents' grief for the children they lost, or the childhood that Nik lost.
"Enough of this though. Tell me about yourself. How is college? Getting away from this town to London was the best thing I ever did," Nik said suddenly, his voice light again. Caroline decided to humor his effort at changing the melancholic mood.
"College is …different. So different. Everybody looks at me finally like how I looked at everybody else back home – a sad small town girl. That changed things for me. I didn't want to be categorized, I didn't want to be the things they believed me to be. And I've also come to realize neither do the people I categorize….want to be…you know, categorized," Caroline felt lame saying it, but continued courageously, "College was a thing that had to happen to me for me to change. You wouldn't have liked me if you had met me earlier," she giggled nervously. She hated that she did it. She hated that she was so transparent at times.
"I'm not sure that's entirely true. I would've liked you either way," Nik's eyes held a sincerity that Caroline couldn't argue against, so she just shook her head.
"My mom was really worried if I'd survive there. I was…spoilt, you could say," Caroline snorted, she was perhaps the most spoilt person in town, "and then going away to college is… not only independence it's also you know, dependence, of another kind? Dependence on stranger, for their kindness and understanding, their help…and I didn't know that. But it's been good to learn of these things."
"Once, a month into the first semester, I got terrible –" cramps, she was going to say, but instead went with, "terribly sick and I realized I had to depend on my roommate, whom I had not only never interacted with, but didn't even remember the name of, to help me. I spent the entire night crying. And she – she held me hand the entire night. Even though she had a test the next morning that counted towards her final grade," Caroline's chest filled up with warmth at the memory of the friendship she had experienced that night; so what if Elena and Bonnie ditched her? She had Reia, didn't she? "That – that was, is, friendship. I think. I never experienced something like that, before. Never expected it…from a stranger. But people surprise you, and you surprise yourself. I always thought she was kind of ..emo, or whatever, ugh I'm so stupid but yeah, that's what I thought. Anyway, we're really good friends now. She's coming over to spend thanksgiving next month," Caroline grinned at Nik, who was lying on his side, facing her. He seemed to be engrossed in her story. She giggled nervously. "Well, that's that. Sorry, for going on for so long."
"No. I wanted to hear," Nik only said. And moved to lie on his back again.
"I've never really spoken to anyone like this. Sober," Caroline said, looking at the sky now.
She heard Nik laugh. "Neither have I."
"This is why I like parties. I do the things I'm not sure I would do otherwise. It's like a carnival, the rules are suspended. This dude called Mikhail Bakhtin said that."
"I thought you were doing event management," Nik argued, playfully.
"Well, I took a semester of Shakespeare, optional," Caroline admitted sheepishly. She could see mirth in Nik's eyes. They looked at each other, smiling, and Caroline could something was being conceived in that moment. The moonlight was soft and comforting. A cool breeze was flowing, and the rustle of leaves was the only sound around them. Until Caroline's phone buzzed loudly, making her jump. She took out her phone from her jeans pocket to see who it was.
"It's Stefan," She said, looking at Nik. He had already looked away and nodded lightly at her. She felt a stab of disappointment at Nik's behavior.
"Hello?" she spoke into the phone.
"Caroline, where did you go? I couldn't find you anywhere," She could hear the murmur of music behind Stefan's voice.
"I'm at the park, Stefan. It's half a block down from the house you're at," She explained, sitting up on her knees.
"What are you doing there? I was worried…I thought," Stefan's voice turned quiet. Caroline laughed quietly.
"Don't worry, Dad. I've become responsible," she teased him. Stefan always worried over her. She found it endearing at times…but damn annoying mostly. Hadn't she proved that she could take care of herself more than one time? Well, Stefan just had big brother instincts that could never be argued against.
"Are you there with April?"
"No, I'm – I'm here with Nik," Caroline paused, hesitant at what Stefan would say. Would he judge her? Would he think she was trying to flirt with his friend and that was not allowed? Ugh, she shouldn't have told him. He said , instead, something that surprised her.
"Who's that?"
Caroline frowned. "Your friend? Nik?" She turned to Nik who was looking at her with a smirk. She scowled at him. Was he playing some game with her? Was all of it a lie?
"I …have no idea who you're talking about, Care. Where – where did you say you were?" She could hear the worry in Stefan's voice and glanced at Nik. He was lounging comfortably on the grass, smirking at her.
"I'm at the park, Stefan. Where we once went with Elena? On her birthday?" Caroline's voice was edging on panic. Was she with some creep? Oh God, trust these things to happen only with her.
"Tell him you're with Klaus," Nik suddenly piped in. Caroline looked at him distrustfully. He had given her a false name? "Niklaus," he offered, as a matter of explanation, "before he has a panic attack," Nik chuckled. Caroline only glared at him. There was nothing funny about Stefan's panic attacks.
"I'm with – with Klaus, Stefan. Niklaus," Caroline added for good measure, eyeing Nik distastefully. So much for that anxiety. She heard Stefan sigh. "Okay, okay, good. I see you guys," Caroline looked up to see a dark silhouette at the other end of the park. "Wait, you're with Klaus?" she heard Stefan exclaim before she could tell him she could see him too. She waved at him anyway.
"Yes, why?" she asked, carefully.
"It's just – well, nevermind. I'll see you in a bit," Stefan hung up before she could ask him anything more. She could see his silhouette becoming bigger by the second.
"He's fast," Caroline heard Nik mutter. She turned to him. "So, your name is Niklaus?" Caroline asked, a bit cross with him.
"Yes," he sat up.
"Why didn't you –," Caroline began but Nik cut her off with a, "I've been told it sounds strange. My sister Rebekah tells me if I wish for someone to like me I must introduce myself as Nik. Klaus just scares people, and Niklaus frightens one to the core, apparently," Nik chuckled. Caroline snorted at his explanation. It was a heavy name. A mouthful, to be precise. Caroline giggled at the innuendo. When Nik looked at her questioningly, she just shrugged in response.
"You wanted me to like you?" Caroline asked, raising an eyebrow.
Nik only smirked. Before he could say anything Stefan's voice interrupted him. "Guys, let's go, they're cutting the cake!"
Nik didn't look away, and neither did Caroline.
Caroline had to look away first when she felt someone tug at her hand. It was Stefan. When had he covered the distance between them?
"Let's go, Lexi is already mad ," Stefan sighed. Caroline shot him an apologetic look. "Don't worry, I blamed Klaus."
"Well, I'm glad to be taking the fall," Klaus muttered. Caroline giggled. When they finally made it to Lexi's cake-cutting, Stefan pulled Caroline aside and aside, "what were you doing with him?"
Caroline felt there was a hint of an accusation in his tone. But she decided to be patient. Maybe she was overreacting. "I was just …talking," Stefan's frown left his face. "Why?" Caroline asked. Why did he look so upset? Was he worried she had embarrassed him or something?
"He's – never – well, I've never seen him like that. It's just strange. Sorry for…being intrusive," Stefan said, removing his hand from where it had been clenched around her elbow. Caroline only seemed more confused. She glanced at Nik, who was standing at the other end of the room, talking to a beautiful girl with long brown hair. He seemed distant. And so far away. Like what they had was nothing. Of course, it was nothing. What could it even have been? It was nice, whatever it was though. And Caroline would never allow Stefan or anyone else to denounce it.
"He's nice," she said quietly. Stefan sighed. Caroline hated it when Stefan acted like this. Like her guardian. Who had to make sure the little pup who falls in love with everyone was safe. She had accidentally fallen in love with him once and worse, had told him – which led to him breaking her heart, for which he not only felt guilty but also some sick sense of responsibility which Caroline felt he always tried to impose on her by taking her out for stuff and looking out for her. She hated it. This token friendship. This...insult.
Stefan was going to say something when Caroline decided not to humor him. "Whatever, I need to get a drink." Fuck being sober, she thought tiredly. She wanted to go back to Rheia and her other college friends. She felt a tug at her elbow and she shrugged it. "Leave me alone, Stefan," she called out loudly over the music and walked over to the drinks table. She didn't want to deal with his shit.
Her phone buzzed. It was a text message from Rheia. How's the party? Are you having fun? It asked.
It's shit. I feel like shit, she texted back.
Why?
Stefan being weepy again,she sent back, but immediately felt guilty for saying that about Stefan. Even if it was true.
"Caroline," Someone not Stefan, someone who was Nik, said. Caroline looked up from where she was pouring herself a drink. "Nik? Hi," Caroline said, busying herself with making a drink. She didn't want him to see how surprised she was that he would find her. Of course, he would, Caroline, don't underestimate yourself, she told herself.
Caroline's phone buzzed again. Fuck him. You do your thing, it read and Caroline felt her spirits lift. Of course, she should do whatever she wanted. She believed in herself. Rheia believed in her. Caroline looked up at Nik, smiling.
"Sorry for that, I was feeling – nevermind that," Caroline smiled at him, "I'm just getting myself a drink. Do you want one?" She asked, not looking up from where she was mixing brandy with soda.
"No, I'm good, thanks."
Caroline hummed in response.
"How long are you in town for?" Nik asked, causing Caroline to look up.
"I leave tomorrow night, why?"
"Well, that's a pity. Any chance, you might extend your stay?"
Caroline eyed him curiously. "Why?"
"Well, I was hoping to ask you to have dinner with me. But if you must leave," Nik said, rather nervously – which Caroline found endearing –, "would breakfast or lunch perhaps if you wouldn't be entirely worn out by then…because," he glanced at his wrist watch, "it's five in the morning right now."
Caroline could only laugh. "I think we can meet tomorrow," she said. She felt…warmed by the relief on Nik's face. "Give me your phone number," she said, and for once she wasn't worried if she was going to embarrass Stefan or Lexi. She wanted to do what she wanted. Not what people wanted.
"Well, what do you want to do until our date tomorrow?" she asked. Nik only smiled. "I could show you around the house?" he offered. "All the best hiding places."
Caroline smiled. "That's be great," she said, and let Nik lead the way.
Thanks. Love you, see you on Monday, she texted Rheia.