LOVE YOU UNTIL I DIE

Chapter 1 – Risky Little Missions

Logan Mitchell was reading in his new book when suddenly he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Kendall Knight's hand. And there it was – this feeling. Whenever his friend touched him, or looked at him, smiled at him or simply said his name, Logan's heart began to beat faster. Way faster. So fast as if it was running. Maybe it was scared. Maybe Logan was scared.

It was a few months ago that he realized that he had deeper feelings for his best friend. It was when they left Minnesota and moved to Los Angeles, to record some demos with Gustavo. Logan still remembered the moment when he first realized that he loved Kendall. That it wasn't simply friendship he felt. It was when they tried to get the set for the video into their own crib, so that it would look nice, because back then it sucked. He remembered him standing there, together with Carlos, James, Kendall and Camille when their phone rang. Kendall picked it up: 'Arthur Griffin's bureau. One moment please!', Kendall said and handed the phone to him, whispering: 'Do your Griffin expression! Now!' Logan was very confused. Everything happened so fast. Kendall touched his arm, to give him the phone and he looked him right into the eyes, with this excitement. Kendall always liked risky little missions.

Logan was so distracted that he couldn't even think when Kendall jumped on his foot, which got him back into the real world.

And it was when him and Kendall tried to make sure the swirly slide and everything would get installed right. They were hiding with their tree-hats when Logan said: 'I still think it's a bad idea…' And Kendall put his hand on his shoulder and said: 'A life without risk, is a life unlived my friend!' Logan kept on wondering if Kendall would also take a risk for him. If Kendall would take the risk and be in a relationship with him…

And it was this moment when the set designer asked if they could burst through the ceiling and Logan agreed, just because he knew Kendall wanted it that way. And when he jumped into Kendall's arms he wanted him to hold him like that forever.

So since that day Logan was sure that he was in love with his best friend. He might even have been before, he figured, but the day he realized it was the day they got their new crib, the day Logan learned to take a risk.

'Logan, can I talk to you?', Kendall's question made him shiver. 'Sure!', he replied and put his book down. Kendall probably was the only person Logan would interrupt his reading for. He looked at Kendall, expecting. 'No, I kinda meant… Alone?' Kendall pointed to Carlos and James, who were playing video games just a few meters away. Logan was confused and a bit worried, but still he nodded and stood up, following Kendall into his room.

When he shut the door behind him, Logan realized that he actually hadn't been in this room for a long while, at least two months, considering he shared a room with James.

Logan looked around. You could clearly tell which side of the room was Kendall's and which one was Carlos'.

'What's wrong, buddy?', Logan asked, while spotting Kendall's bed. How much he wanted to lay down there. How much he wanted to sleep there…

'Uh, nothing's wrong…', Kendall said in a low voice, sitting down on the exact same bed, Logan still was thinking about.

He hesitated a second before he sat down beside of Kendall. He shook his head when pictures of him and his friend came into his head, lying on this very bed, kissing each other passionately. 'So… What did you want to talk about then?', Logan asked, trying to keep himself from imagining these sex-fantasies.

'Well… I'm… I'm in love with someone…' Kendall hesitated while saying it, but Logan's head snapped up as soon as he finished his sentence.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Still Logan smiled. But he couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice as he spoke: 'Well… That's amazing! I'm so happy for you! But… What does this have to do with me?'

Kendall looked right into his eyes and continued: 'Well, you're my best friend and I wanted to ask you if you have any advice for me how I could tell this person how I feel…'

Logan sighed, his heart broken. He didn't want to help Kendall to get a girlfriend. He was happy when him and Jo had broken up, at least he figured, there was a little chance for him then. But when Kendall was all in love with a girl, how could a boy like him even have a chance… But still he kinda wanted to help Kendall - he loved him so much… He would do anything for him. Even if this meant he had to lose him… He would do anything to make him happy. Even if this meant he would be sad…

'Well, I… I would go to her and tell her that she is very beautiful and that I like her smile and that I like pretty much everything about her… And then I would take her hand, and whisper into her ear: 'You drive me crazy! All I want is to be with you 24/7, all I want is that you know that I like you A LOT, but most importantly, all I want, all I hope for, is that you feel the same about me… That's all I ever wanted, YOU are all I ever wanted… And I hope you're not mad at me for telling you this, but this is how I feel.. My heart keeps repeating your name every day, every night, all the time… I can't get you out of my head… But to be honest: I don't even want to!''. Logan hesitated a second before he continued:'Then I would wait how she reacts and maybe, if she smiles or something I would lean in and if she wouldn't stop me, kiss her…' Logan blushed. Did he just really say that? Did he just really do what he always imagined to do in his dreams? Telling Kendall that he loved him? Well of course, Kendall thought it was meant to be advice, not commitment… Logan just hoped that Kendall didn't realize how close he was getting towards speaking out his feelings and that it took him a lot not to kiss his best friend. He was thinking about all that, when suddenly he felt two hands taking his face and pulling it close, when suddenly Kendall kissed him.

It was a short and rough kiss, but Logan thought it was the best thing he ever experienced in his life.

'I… I'm sorry…', Kendall whispered, looking to the ground, 'I'm so sorry… I didn't plan to… I just couldn't resist….'

'Did you mean it?', Logan whispered, unconvinced.

Kendall looked up, hesitated, but then admitted: 'Yeah… I meant it…'

Logan pulled Kendall's face close and crashed their lips together once more. He still thought Kendall was joking, when suddenly he felt the boy's tongue licking his lower lip, when Kendall's tongue was begging for entrance. Of course Logan opened his mouth and their tongues greeted each other happily, embraced each other.

Logan pulled away after a few minutes, in case of lack of oxygen. Both of them were breathing heavily, when they placed their foreheads together and looked into each other's eyes, smiling.

'I always wanted to do this!', Kendall whispered. 'Me too!', Logan replied. 'Believe me, me too!'

'Too early to say that I love you?', Kendall asked shyly. 'We know each other since we're four, so no, I don't think it's too early!'

Kendall smiled. 'I love you!', he said. 'I love you too!', Logan whispered before their lips touched softly.

[A/N]

the first chapter of my Kogan story! Hope you liked it! :) Let me know what you think of it! :)