Act 1
Scene 1

Gilbert: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of mein bruder, and Germania. I can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my battle scars to know they'll never ever give me what I want! I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by Germany while I live in his basement! I can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive.
I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September so I'm skipping this town. Hey it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now!
I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to school! I gotta get myself to Hogwarts! Where everybody knows I'm cool!
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! I'm going back!
I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry. Take my firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome! I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on! And do it all with my best friend Al 'cus together we're totally awesome!

Alfred: And it's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say U.S.A.? Woo!

Gilbert: What's up, buddy?

[They hug]

Alfred: Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to go get some floopowder. But we gotta get going, come on, get your trunk, let's go!

Gilbert: Where are we going?

Alfred: To Diagon Alley, of course!

Gilbert: Awesome!

Alfred: Come on!

Both: Floopowder power! Floopowder power! Floopowder power!

Alfred: It's been so long, but we're going back! Don't go for work, don't go there for class!

Gilbert: As long as we're together-

Alfred: Gonna kick some ass!
Both: And it's gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!

Arthur: Well let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!

Alfred: God, Arthur. Why do yo have to be such a party kill?

Arthur: Because, ALFRED. School's not all about having fun! We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards!
I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, they're A's, for a start! What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and well guys that is totally awesome!
This year I plan to study a lot!

Alfred: That would be cool if you were actually hot!

Gilbert: Hey Al, come on. We're the only friends that he's got.

Alfred: And that's cool.

Arthur: And that's totally awesome!

All: Yeah it's cool, and it's totally awesome!
We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how!
We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school! We gotta get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magic-cool!
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! We're going back!