THE DEATH OF RILEY STAVROS
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters or locations.
A/N:This story is set right after the Ziley break-up,actually it begins during the break up but you get the idea. By the by, don't worry about the title. It's designed to be catchy and it will relate to the story, but I have no intetions of killing off any of the Degrassi characters, least of all one of my favorites. I appologize for any typos/grammar/spelling errors that may have got by me.
"You know why, and just because you're in some sort of hurry doesn't change anything." Riley said.
The look on Zane Parks face was almost more than Riley Stavros could bear. Zane's brown eyes were full of confusion and pain, he sat there in stunned silence at the words that were coming from his boyfriend's mouth.
"I've made my decision." Riley continued "I'm sorry if you can't respect that."
Riley could hardly believe he was ending their relationship just a few months before their high school graduation but if the horror show that had been his eighteenth birthday party was any indication,there was no way he could continue to put Zane through the pain of hiding their relationship from his parents.
" So this...this is how it ends? " Zane asked,almost pleading for Riley to change his mind.
" It has to." Riley replied flatly.
Zane looked lost. His mouth opened as if he were about to say something else then suddenly he simply got up walked out of The Dot, leaving Riley sitting alone at the counter.
Riley sighed and buried his face in both his hands. He felt tired,exhausted really. No football practice or game had ever left him this spent or heartbroken. Breaking up with Zane had been the most difficult thing he had ever done but he had not been given much of a choice. His last few months at home before leaving for university in the fall would be unbearable if he forced his parents to confront the fact that he was gay. His mother had barely spoken to him since he had tried to tell her the first time. She had denied it at first, telling him it was just a phase. When he had tried to argue otherwise she brushed it off, when he had tried to tell her about his boyfriend Zane, she had shut down completely.
It had been a chilly few weeks in the Stavros' household after that. His father had picked up on the tension between mother and son, but had not asked either of them about its source. Riley had wanted to talk to his father,to come out to him as well but his mother had forbidden it. Based on her reaction, he had neither the confidence nor the desire to press the issue with his father.
Then there was Zane. Zane who had always been so strong and supportive,who had urged Riley to be open and honest with his parents like he was. Easier said than done though, Riley's mother was in deep denial and his father was clueless. Zane's parents on the other hand were thrilled when their son had finally brought Riley home to meet them. They had welcomed him with open arms and treated him like a member of family almost right away. He thought it might have been because Zane had told them about his difficulties at home. Mr. and Mrs. Park had went out of their way to make him feel accepted at their home and in their son's life.
Riley's mother however,had always treated Zane like a pariah. She barely acknowledged his existence.
She preferred he not come back to their house after she had caught Riley and Zane kissing in his bedroom. She would have never allowed Riley to invite him to his birthday party had Riley not been pretending to date girls at the time. That combined with the fact that Riley told his mother he had also invited Athena,the girl with whom Mrs. Stavros had been trying to set Riley up with. His mother had viewed this as sort of a mea culpa on Riley's part and it had convinced her it would be okay for Riley to bring Zane along as " just a friend".
As it turned out this had been a terrible mistake. Zane spent most of the time being ignored by Mrs. Stavros and feeling like a fool sitting there listening to Riley and his father talk about Riley's imaginary girlfriend. Athena played along of course,Riley had told her he was gay shortly after their first "date" that his mother had tricked him into going on with her. She was sympathetic because she also had very strict and conservative Greek parents,it was actually her idea that Riley make up a fictitious girlfriend to keep his parents off his back while he and Zane continued to date but Zane was miserable the entire time and when he had had enough and stormed off Riley chased after him. The argument that they had gotten into shortly after that had finally opened Riley's eyes.
It wasn't fair to Zane to be forced into being Riley's dirty little secret around his family, but his mother simply could not or would not accept the fact that her son was dating a boy instead of the nice Greek girl she had always envisioned Riley ending up with. Riley was placed in the impossible situation of choosing between his family and his boyfriend and ultimately he had chosen his family.
As he sat alone at The Dot he couldn't help but think he had just made the biggest mistake of his life but what else could he have done. Zane certainly deserved better than being a non-entity around his family but the alternative to that meant that he and his mother would go back to being virtual strangers to each other. There was no way she would accept Zane as part of his life,she would always blame and resent him for "ruining" her son.
Breaking up with Zane had seemed like the only solution. It spared Zane the pain and humiliation he endured when they were around his family and let Riley maintain his own relationship with his mother,as well as spare her the pain and humiliation of having a gay son. Everyone wins, except Riley who was still gay and still in love with Zane and was now faced with prospect of pretending that neither of those things were true.
Now that he and his mother were speaking again she would certainly notice how miserable he was,what was he supposed to tell her?That he and his non-existent girlfriend broke up?Wouldn't she just try and set him up with Athena again or some other nice, Greek girl? Should he try to do that,date some nice girl that she picks for him until it's time to leave for university? Maybe he could use that as an excuse,that he doesn't want to start a relationship since he'll be heading to the states so soon. Would she buy that? What about when he came home for holiday? Wouldn't she be pestering him about who he was seeing?
"I could always lie and say I'm too busy with school,work and football to date, just like I used to say before..." before he met Zane, before they had kissed for the first time,before Zane had looked into his eyes and said "I love you Riley".
Being with Zane had given him the courage to finally be honest with himself and his friends and say "I'm gay" without being ashamed, being with Zane had given him the courage to walk down the halls of Degrassi holding Zane's hand without caring about what anyone else thought.
How could he have given that up so easily?
Because of his mother, that's how, because of how happy she had been these last few days. Since he had agreed to go out with Athena things between him and his mother had been so good, like it used to be. Was it truly so wrong to want to spend these last few months not fighting or being ignored, or feeling like a disappointment to his parents. Was that being too selfish? Wasn't having a relationship with his mother worth the heartache and the loneliness of losing Zane?
But did that mean it was also worth causing Zane that same pain and heartache? Before today Riley would have said "no". He loved Zane and would have never done anything to hurt him. He would have went out of his way to protect him and make him safe and cared for. Isn't that what it means to love some one? That you go out of your way to take care of that person,make them feel better when they're hurt,cheer them up when they're down,that you make their happiness and well-being a priority. If that's what it means to love some one then what does that say about his relationship with his mother? She loves him,of that much Riley is sure but...
"Well I guess that "but" sorta says it all. Ma loves me but only a certain vision of me. Isn't that just a type of conditional love?What about Zane doesn't his love also come with the condition that we be open about our relationship?Is that fair? Is it fair to ask Ma to accept us? Is it fair that she doesn't?
Suddenly Riley felt even more unsure about things than he usually did. It had all seemed so simple at first,on his way to The Dot to meet Zane everything had seemed so clear. Now faced with the possibility of losing Zane forever he suddenly wasn't so convinced.
"Oh Zane." Riley said aloud,thinking about the hurt look in his eyes as he stupidly sat there telling him how things needed to be. How could he have been so selfish and shortsighted? Why didn't he talk things over with him first?He needed to see Zane right now so he could explain what he was feeling and... and what? Even if Zane was willing to listen to what he had to say, and by some miracle forgive him, what about his mother? She still refuses to accept the fact that he's gay and there's no way she would accept he and Zane as a couple. Doesn't that leave him exactly where all this began?
Zane or his family because it's obvious he can't have both. No matter what he decides he will lose one or the other. With that realization Riley does the only thing he can do, he begins to cry.
Small streaks of tears leak from his eyes and down his cheeks,it's actually happening before he is fully aware of it because at first he feels the moisture on his face and is puzzled by how it got there. Then with the dawning knowledge that he is in fact crying, the reasons why slowly begin to sink in. He's overwhelmed by how hopeless the whole thing is and again before he quite knows it's him he hears a wretched sobbing escape his lips as the tears intensify. His vision blurred with tears, sobbing like a child,he can't help but feel completely pathetic. Eighteen years old,about to graduate high school and attend university on a football scholarship,yet here he sits alone at The Dot sobbing uncontrollably.
A/N: So that's the first chapter of my first fan fiction. Remeber I'm a noob when you Read and Review. This story will most likely be AU because I have no idea what the writers have planned for Ziley so this will be my take on their story and I hope you like it. One final thing,the title is a play on the whole two Rileys concept.I think it's high time we get rid of one of those Rileys so that the other one can live a full life because as the saying goes,"A house divided can not stand."