The Camden Family plays a game of Taboo and it is then they come to realize the deep, dark secrets and vices that lurk within their own hearts.

Rated R for adult topics. I'm serious.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and the plot was inspired by the movie "Taboo" which I just watched last night and which is so incredibly horrible. I don't recommend it to anyone, even masochists.

"Here are the rules," Ruthie Camden said, leaning over a circle of candles that sat in the center of the coffee table. On the couch with her were her father and mother to her left and Simon, Lucy, Kevin and Matt to her right. On the floor across from her sat Martin, Sandy, Jane, T-Bone and whats-her-name??? The red-head? It doesn't matter so let's call her Reba. The twins were asleep. Mary was standing in the kitchen doorway, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Taboo," Mary interrupted. "Please.

"Oh, shut your piehole," said Lucy.

"Did someone say pie?" Reverend Camden asked, a rapturous look on his face.

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Go on, Ruthie."

"The rules are," and she began shuffling the cards she held in her hand, "I pass out these cards to each of you. On each card, there's a taboo question. For example, would you have sex for money? You have to answer with either a yes or no."

"Can you specify an amount?" Kevin asked.

"WTH," said Lucy, and she really said it just like that---W T H.

"Well it depends on how much money you're offered," Kevin explained. "I mean, thirty dollars is hardly worth going to hell for."

"Well, what if the girl who asked you to do it was really cute," Lucy speculated, making that little sarcastic face she loved to make.

"Well, that's a whole different other thing altogether…"

"Will you two shut up!!!" Ruthie slapped the cards face down on the table. "Let's get on with it, OK? Now does everyone else feel they understand the rules pretty well? Let's ignore Kevin since he probably doesn't even know the meaning of the word taboo in the first place."

"I don't know about that," Kevin said, settling back against the couch cushions. "I've been known to leave the seat up on occasions."

"Gross," said Mary from the door.

"Kevin, we'll talk about that later," Rev. Camden said. "I'll go over all the reasons why that is just a bad idea overall, but let's humor Ruthie for the moment. I think she's picked the wrong family to play this game with…" He batted his eyelashes up toward the ceiling. "But let's just humor her for now."

"Thank you." She began distributing the cards among the eleven people surrounding her. Mary came forward grudgingly and took a card. The last one was for Ruthie. "Turn them over," she instructed. They did so.

"Now this is just pathetic," Jane said. "This is a joke. Who wrote this crap?"

Simon just made a little frown at his question.

"OK, write your answer," Ruthie said. They all did this, some more joyously than others. Rev. Camden had a little smirk on his face the whole time.

They handed their cards back to Ruthie and she shuffled them again. "Now what we're going to do is I'm going to redistribute the cards and you're going to read the questions aloud and give the answers written on them. And then we'll see just how moral this family really is."

"Technically I'm not part of this family," Martin spoke up. "And neither is Jane, T-Bone or 'Reba'."

"Ha ha. Fool," Ruthie said. "Once you enter the doors of this house, you ARE family." She gave them each a new card.

Martin, for being such smart-aleck, was forced to read first.

"Would you sleep with a minor?" he read. "Answer…Yes."

"Who wrote that?" Kevin demanded. "That's not a taboo. That's illegal. And I'll haul whoever wrote that into jail for statutory rape."

"You're not a cop anymore, honey bunny," Lucy said.

"That's right. But still…"

"Calm down, Kev, really," Sandy said.

"Let's move on, shall we?" Ruthie spoke up. "Sandy, since that card was CLEARLY yours, I say it's fair that you go next."

"Hey, that was not mine. But OK. The question is, would you have sex for money. And the answer is…'Depends on the amount'. Kevin, was that you?"

He shrugged. "I was playing the devil's advocate. That doesn't mean the amount really makes any difference to me."

"Someone's framing him," Rev. Camden said. "God knows everything. You cannot escape his judgment."

"Your turn, Kevin," Ruthie said, cutting her father off.

"That wasn't my card, why do I have to go?"

"Oh your whining is so not attractive," Lucy whined. "I'll go. 'Would you cheat on your spouse?' Well that's not very nice!"

"What's the answer," Annie asked, practically busting with excitement.

" 'Already did'," Lucy read. She slapped the card down on the table. "Well, it looks like one of us here already did cheat on their spouse."

"Big shock," Mary replied.

"There's only six out of thirteen of us here who are, or ever were, married," Kevin said, looking at Lucy. "Excluding Jane, her marriage was evil. No offense."

"None taken," she said.

"Five, leaving out me. Three leaving out your saintly parents. That's not very many possible suspects. If my math is correct here…"

"Oh come on, you guys know it's me," Mary said. "Cut the charade. Let me go now." She lifted her card to her face and came closer to the candles to read it. "Would you get a tattoo?"

"Please, we already went over this one," Lucy said. "That's all of us. Next card."

"Would you sleep with someone of the same sex," Kevin read.

"Well that's just disgusting," Simon said. "Who would do such a thing?"

"The answer is…yes," said Kevin. He looked over at Simon. "Still feel like protesting a little too much?"

"No, I'll shut up now," he said and sat back. "Oh right, I guess I should go next." He read, "Would you skip Church on a Sunday. The answer is 'No, let me explain why…' Dad!"

"What?" Rev. Camden said, a glassy smile on his face.

"Never mind," Ruthie said. "Dad, it's your turn."

The game went on. Rev. Camden made up some BS question to read to get out of reading the real one but they all caught on and forced him to read, "Would you ever drink a caffeinated beverage?' "At least the answer is no," he said.

And the game continued until Matt went last. His question was, "Would you sleep with a relative?"

"Well?" Mary took a step forward. "You and I kissed once, didn't we?"

"We didn't kiss," Matt said. "I wouldn't let you kiss me."

"Well what does it say?" Martin asked. "Not that I care. I mean, it's not like I was having sex with my aunt all those months I was living with her down the street from you and only said I was a virgin to distract attention from it…"

"You had sex with your aunt?" Sandy asked, incredulous.

"No! That's my point. I didn't. I…I was only 16!" he cried.

"Yeah, and she was like 17," Lucy said. "Great excuse, pervert."

"She forced me." He pointed to Sandy. "Just like she forced me."

"Oh please. You liked it. I didn't have to encourage you at all." Sandy was livid.

"Lucy, are you going to tell me you NEVER slept with your aunt?" Martin demanded.

"No! My aunt was a drunk. Completely off-putting. You can't sleep with someone like that."

The family agreed.

"I bet you're the kind of person who stones gays in the street," Martin accused.

"Of course we do," Simon says. "Why do you think there are never any gays in this town?"

Kevin cleared his throat. "Um, Simon. I thought you were going to give that up."

"Your aunt was pretty hot, though" Rev. Camden said, thinking back to what Martin had said about Betsy. "I really liked her socks."

"Eric," Annie admonished. "You're right, of course. I'm not arguing with you but…"

"She was really hot," Lucy agreed.

"Oh, so it was you who said you would sleep with the same sex then," Kevin accused. "It wasn't your brother."

"No, no! What, I can't say another girl is hot and that I'd go for her in a second without you getting suspicious of me?"

"Maybe you, Betsy and I could…you know," Martin suggested. "Do what was on that card that Jane read just a minute ago?"

"Gross," Lucy said. "You really are a perverted little boy, you know that?"

"I thought you liked little boys," Kevin said to Lucy. "I thought you wrote down on your card that you'd sleep with them."

"OMG," Lucy said. "You want to know the truth, the Church one was mine, OK? I'm the only decent one here. I'm willing to bet Jane's card was Dad's, if you really want to know the truth."

"I wouldn't know what you're talking about," Rev. Camden said, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Come on guys, stop it," Ruthie cried. "Matt, what's the answer? Can you just give us the answer already please?"

"The answer…."

"Mommy, Daddy, I'm hungry," Sam said from the stairway, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm hungry too," David said, nodding his head vigorously beside his disheveled brother.

"Well, the twins are here," Rev. Camden said, gathering up the cards from everyone's hands. "I guess that ends our fun. That was a really nice game, Ruthie. Very enlightening. And you know what…" He cocked his head to the side. "It's interesting but I don't think Reba spoke once the whole time we were playing. I wonder why that is."

"That's very interesting," T-Bone agreed. "Usually she can't keep her mouth shut."

"My name's Margaret," she said. "Not Reba." And she went on a tirade for the next fifteen minutes."

"I had to ask," Rev. Camden said, with a little grin on his face and a flash of his white teeth. He winked up at the ceiling. "I had to ask."