DEATH NOTE THE MUSICAL!
(Themesong begins to play. Imagine a scarily cheerful tune.)
Light: It's Death Note, the musical! We'll kill you with a smile!
Matsuda: (spoken) Brush your teeth, children.
Light: Making the world a better place, just look at all the bodies and flames! We kill the bad guys, the good guys too, the dogs! The cats! The Mary Sues!
Fangirls in the background: Hooray!
Light: Heck, we'll even kill you too! Just tell us your name, and we'll do it- With a smile!
'Cause...
It's Death Note, the musical! We'll kill you with a smile!
We've all got our eyes, on the ultimate prize,
TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!
Killing is fun! Fun as it gets! When I'm ruler, we can throw bets,
ON WHO CAN KILL THE MOST PEOPLE! WHOOOT! WHOOOOOOT! (Light laughs his Kira laugh)
L: Ah! Kira! Get over here so I can arrest you and torture you!
Light: I'm not Kira, I'm your Light-kun!
L: Don't give me that crap, Light-kun! (runs at Light holding a sharp marshmallow knife)
Light: I'm not Kira!
L: OH WHATEVER! (is about to chop off Light's head)
Director of the musical: Oh no, this will never do! We must censor this. You are hereby no longer the actors in this pitiful story.
L: Hey, watch it, old man. I'm not an actor, I AM L!! And the so-called story is my LIFE.
Director: Oh no, you L wanna-be! ZAC EFRON! MILEY CYRUS! DAKOTA FANNING! Get over here!
(Zac appears in a TUXEDO, Miley appears in a CINDERELLA COSTUME, and Dakota appears in a GANGSTA OUTFIT.)
Director: Oh no, this will never do!
L: Why do you keep saying that?? And I'm not a wanna-be, I'm the real L!
Director: (ignoring L, he claps his hands) Bibbity! Bobbity! Booooo!
(Zac is now wearing a shirt and tie, Miley is wearing a white shirt and jeans, and Dakota is wearing lots of stuff.)
Director: Good job, children! Let's start the show!
(Zac is walking down the street, singing a song.)
Zac: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS- oh, those aren't my lines! Oopsie, oopsie, Zacky went tootsie! My real lines are, (takes a deep breath)
I'm Light Yagami, and I'm bored, just waiting, just waiting, for you to make a move. I'm in love, but I can't show it... (forgetting lines, beginning to sing random stuff)
Um... I'm Light Yagami, backwards my name is I'm a gay-- OMFG! Director, can we change my last name?
Director: Ok! Now your last name is Beer!
Zac: Ok! I'm Light Beer, Light Beer, hum da dum, OUCH! (a DEATH NOTE has fallen upon Zac's head.)
Director: Cut! Cut! Zac isn't supposed to get hurt! Idiot fans will complain!
(Scene cuts to Zac rubbing his head angrily and picking up the DEATH NOTE)
Zac: Ooh, a notebook! I'd better write my name in it so I remember whose it is...
Stupid-I-mean-um-(insert complimentary adjective)-fangirls-of-Zac: Nooooo! DON'T DO IT!
Zac: Ah, it's the voices again. Instead, I'll write my girlfriend's name! Let's see, Va...ness... ah... and I'll leave her a note. "Do not get in a car accident-" Oh, I spelled "Do not" wrong. I'll cross that part out. Hum de dum, all done.
(Somewhere far, far away, in a suite of rooms on the 17th floor of a building)
Vanessa: LA-dee-LA! I feel so great! (dancing idiotically in circles, while putting on makeup.)
(A CAR -it's a Mustang, to those who wonder- breaks through the glass, this part is in slow motion.)
Vanessa: OMFG it's HERBIE! HERBIE! I want your babies! WHOOT! You learned to fly!
"Herbie": ... (silently crushes Vanessa.)
(back to the set)
Zac: Let's skip to the part where more good stuff happens.
Ryuuk: No! You'll miss my dramatic entrance- (dragged away by Director) Nooo! NOOOO! (is replaced by OROCHIMARU, who is deeply confused and decides to take a nap until something happens.)
Director: Ok, let's go to where Zac-I-mean-Light and Miley-I-mean-L are chained together. TIME FOR SMUT! (receives odd looks) I mean, conflict.
(scene changes)
Miley: Ooh, I like, totally, really, like, heard, that like, um, yeah, Vanessa died! So, Zac, can I be like, your, like, girlfriend?
Zac: Why of course, Miley! (they kiss passionately, forgetting that Miley is playing L, and Zac is supposed to be Light. Yaoi fangirls scream in delight.)
(offstage, tied up in chains)
L: They don't do it as well as we do.
Light: (blushing) Shut up!
L: Sorry, Light-kun. (attempts to bow, chains make this difficult. He falls over, still in his Trademark Sitting Posistion.)
Light: It's ok, L. As soon as we get out of here, you can bring that subject up again. (still blushing) Let's watch them butcher our story some more, shall we?
L: Like we have a choice.
(back to the stage)
Dakota: WHY DON'T YOU MAKE OUT WITH ME?!
Zac: Because you're underage.
Miley: Hey, watch it! We're all underage here... (giggles suggestively)
Dakota: How about... a threesome?
Everyone: O.o no thank you.
Dakota: (weeping) Why do you all hate me so much?! (picks up random object, which happens to be the DEATH NOTE, and throws it at Zac. It goes backwards away from her and hits Light in the face.)
Light: Ow! Oh- YES! YES YES YES! It's MIIIIINNNNEEEE! My... precious... (salivating, he strokes the cover, and giggles.)
L: Light-kun, this leads me to believe you may be Kira after all...
Light: ...Wouldn't it be funny, if the guy watching the Kira suspects fell asleep, and Kira wrote the names of these idiots in his DEATH NOTE?
L: (glances around shiftily) Yes, it really would be funny... (looks the other way and fakes sleep)
Light: (Rapidly writes the names of Zac, Dakota, Miley, and Director.)
Dakota: (catching on fire, she screams) Oh noes! MY MISA COSTUME IS BURNING! I SPENT SO MUCH CASH ON IT!
((Note-- Dakota spent no money on it whatsoever.))
Zac: (his spleen explodes) Oh noes! MY FAME! MY STARDOM! MY... (trails off into a moanish scream, blood comes out of his mouth and nose. Zac collapses in a pitiful bloody heap.)
Miley: (melting, wicked witch style) Whee! This is fun! Well, kids, looks like I'm dying! Don't forget to buy Hannah Montana CD's! (dies painfully)
Director: (falls over, but does not die) BWA HA HA! YOU CAN'T KILL ME UNLESS YOU WRITE "4KIDS" NEXT TO MY NAME! Oshit. I told.
Light: (scribbles in his DEATH NOTE rapidly) BWA HA HA!
Director: (dies of a meteor) Noooo!
(L and Light have their chains fall off miraculously. They smile evilly at the wreckage.)
L: Light-kun, on the subject you told me to speak of at this time?
Light: (blush) Yes, L. I'll meet you at home.
(they exit, without a hitch, except for when Light trips over the sleeping OROCHIMARU.)
Oro: Oi, where am I?
L: My good friend, here, take these ruby slippers, and I believe a middle aged woman in a disgustingly pink dress shall come and guide you through the steps of getting home.
(L and Light leave, humming the DEATH NOTE MUSICAL THEMESONG! Orochimaru looks confused. )
END.
AN: This is what I predict the american Death Note movie will be like. My personal favorite moment is when... I can't pick! Probably where Zac finds the Death Note and Vanessa is run over by Not-Herbie.
I might write a continuation. MIGHT. :P Depends on how people like this one.
Oh, one more thing: I LOVE ALL REVIEWS! I like spam. I like random comments that have nothing to do with my story. Flames are loved too. I've not gotten a flame yet, and this makes me feel very neglected. :(
'Cause fire is pretty.
But still, a nice, constructive review will be rewarded. :D
REVIEW!!