The RENT Gang at Band Camp
Disclaimer: Ethan: All characters in this fic, aside from Mr. Sir, belong to the estate of Jonathan Larson. Mr. Sir belongs to Louis Sachar. We do, however own E&K Earplugs presents Middle of Nowhere Camp for Learning Music.
Kiara Yay! pauses to look around at camp Crap!
A/N: We apologize for the weird craziness in this fic. Neither co-author has ever been to band camp, so if this is terribly off, just think of it as a really screwy camp. Oh and we no nothing about drugs, so excuse us if our description of what happens to The Boy makes no sense. Oh, and there not all there the same year. Benny and The Boy are the same year, and Mark, Roger, and Angel are the next.
Camper one: Collins
"What do you want to play?" Mr. Sir asked a young Tom Collins.
"Chess," the young genius responded.
Ignoring the boy's comment Mr. Sir asked "How about guitar?" Collins shrugged. Because Mr. Sir knew almost nothing about music, he handed Collins a cello, complete with bow. Collins sat down attempting to play the "guitar" with the music book Mr. Sir gave him. Collins couldn't remember the guitar sounding that terrible and quickly gave up.
He went back to his cabin, and got out his chess set. He thought, maybe, next year he would overthrow the camp, but decided to simply never return. Soon, another boy was coming back to the cabin, "Since when do harps have reeds?" he asked Collins.
"Since when do guitars have bows? I think might possibly the worst camp in history."
The other boy laughed and looked at the chess set. "Can I play?" Collins nodded, and moved over, making room on his bed for the other thirteen-year-old boy.
Collins, to this day, remembers his first kiss vividly.
Camper two: Joanne
Joanne sat attempting to play her "cello", but was having no luck. Of course, this was because she held a trumpet (Mr. Sir still knew nothing about music). She put down the trumpet and headed to her cabin, thinking about the sad fact that an earplug company sponsored a music camp. On the way, she met up with some weird kids playing mock trial and decided to join in. She won her case, and had a great time. In fact, she never really stopped playing lawyer.
Camper three: The Man (The Boy)
The Boy sat, like the good little Boy he was, trying to play the violin. Sadly, the clarinet in his hands made no sound with the bow. He decided to wander into the forest, where he found a seven-pointed leaf. He picked it up, to examine it, unfortunately, it was dark in the forest, and he had not brought a flashlight so he could not see it very well. He was, however, a pyromaniac, and like any good pyromaniac, he carried around a lighter wherever he went.
As he examined the leaf, it became dried out. Suddenly, it caught fire. He breathed in the funny-smelling smoke, and suddenly felt very relaxed, like he had not a care in the world. All his worries were gone. then his hand started burning and he dropped the pot leaf and stamped it out. He was suddenly very hungry. He looked around the forest floor and found some mushrooms. "Yum!" he thought. The thirteen-year-old loved portabellos. These tasted differently, somehow. After a few minutes, he felt... shiny. Suddenly, he saw fairies, and a stampede of pigs was chasing him back to camp. As he ran, he noticed that the trees were all smiling at him. It was a very good feeling, even with the pigs chasing him. He wondered if he could make any money off of this somehow.
The next day, he went back into the forest and gathered up as many of the funny leaves and the weird mushrooms as he could, and sold them to unsuspecting campers. He kept selling them to
Camper four: Angel
Angel knew what he wanted to play. It was the drums he was after. He asked Mr. Sir for a drum set. Unfortunately Mr. Sir, led him to a piano. Angel got very bored, very fast. He decided to check up on his twin sister (A/N: we know it's been done before). She too was bored with her "triangle" which was really a bassoon, somehow hitting it didn't seem to derive the desired sound.
"Angel, I need your help."
"With what?"
"That guy in your cabin, the tall one, with blue eyes." Angel smiled, he was cute. "We have a date, but I need to borrow some clothes of yours, so I can sneak onto the boys side of camp. Angel smiled again.
"Sure thing." Angel went into the nearest bathroom and handed his sister his clothes through the window. She went into the girls bathroom and changed, and handed her clothes through the window to Angel. Angel found that he didn't at all mind wearing his sister's skirt.
Angel wanted to go back to his cabin to get his playing cards, or a book, or something, but couldn't. Not dressed like that. So, out of boredom, he took the ten-gallon pickle tub from next to the mess hall and started drumming his fingers on it. After a while he got really good, and drew an audience of bored, under supervised middle schoolers. Wow, they all seemed to love him, uh her. He even got asked out by a cute, nerdy blond kid with a camera, who thought he really was a chick. Nice.
Camper five: Benny
Benny sat in the girls shower room, waiting for somebody to come in and not notice him. While he waited he thought he'd practice his saxophone, which was really a flute. Unfortunately, he was sitting under a leaky faucet and the flute was of very poor quality, and was beginning to rust. He stopped playing and continued to sit and wait.
A girl walked in and Benny did his best impression of a wall. Unfortunately for him, it was terrible, and she screamed. She was still fully clothed, Benny frowned. "Get out!" She screamed. He smiled.
"No!" he said defiantly.
"What can I do to get you out?" She was determined to wash the scent of The Boy's special smoke out of her hair.
"Pay the rent." He said smugly, thinking she'd give up and take a shower in front of him.
"Okay," she handed him a twenty.
"Nice," he thought, "People will pay me to stop being an asshole." He walked out and waited for her to exit. To pass the time he played the flute, but he never got any good at it. When she walked out, he walked back in, waiting for his next victim.
Campers six and seven: Mark and Roger
Mark and Roger where excited. They both dreamed of becoming rock stars, and this was going to be their first shot at performing (the talent show at the end of camp). The two best friends even had a band name: Spleen. Okay, so it was a terrible name, they didn't care. Mark asked Mr. Sir for a guitar, and was handed bag pipes. "Lovely," he thought, "He must have misheard me."
Roger asked for a keyboard and was handed a guitar. "O... kay." He sat down and immediately threw away the music book and began playing beautifully. Maybe he would play the guitar in the band. Mark on the other hand had no such luck. He blew, and nothing happened. He blew again, this time harder, and nothing happened. He blew again, and all that seemed to be happening was the bag seemed to be inflating.
"So they gave me a beach ball with stick stuck to it. Great." He put down the bagpipes and listened to Roger. "Hmmm," he thought, "I'm gonna go get my tape recorder and camera. I might not be able to make music, but I can record Roger doing it. I'm glad I packed all that extra film." From that moment, until he went home, his Nikon never left his side. As Roger played, and Mark recorded, a small crowd formed. Then, the crowd depleted as some girl playing the drums stole the scene. Roger didn't mind, or even notice. He was lost in the music, trying to find lyrics to go with the chords that he strummed so effortlessly.
Eventually, Roger moved over to play next to the girl. Mark recorded the whole event. Everyone was mesmerized. Everyone except Mr. Sir. This wasn't supposed to happen. He hoped he wouldn't get fired. As the performance went on, Mark noticed he was taking more pictures of the girl than of Roger. She was pretty. He decided to ask her out. "Well, you're nice and all, but umm, I'm a guy." Angel had no problem with going out with another guy, in fact he thought Mark was kind of cute, but he knew that Mark would figure out sooner or later, and he decided sooner was better. Mark blushed and apologized. He never let the camera leave his face, somebody might see his embarrassment.
Camper eight: Maureen
"What instrument do you want to play, Ms. Johnson?" Mr. Sir asked a young Maureen.
"I wanna ride a pony." she responded smilingly.
"No, this is a music camp. We're supposed to get your parents to buy earplu- I mean, we're supposed to teach you to play music. Plus, wouldn't you be a little big for a pony?"
"I wanna ride a pony!" She said more forcefully.
"Here," he said, handing her a cowbell, "It's a cowbell." That was the only one he knew.
"Okay," she said as she took it. "Moo," She said "Moo," every time she hit it. "Moo." She hit it very fast many times. "Moooooooooooooooo, mooo, moo, mooo, moooooooooooo." she loved that cowbell.
Camper nine: Mimi
"Mr. Sir," an adolescent Mimi asked, "Can I have an oboe?"
"Sure," he said, handing he a hobo. She briefly wondered why they kept homeless people in their store room, but looking around, decided it had to be to fill the empty space where the now-ruined instruments once sat. She had no idea how she was supposed to make music with a homeless person, but she decided to do the one thing that came to mind. She danced. After a little while, the homeless person began to beat-box to her dancing. Success. She was having so much fun, she kept dancing. Long after her hobo was put away back in the store room. This was good. She got the numbers of five different guys, and one girl who asked for lessons. She decided that she had to keep dancing, she couldn't stop.
Epilogue:
It's funny how one crappie camp changed the lives of those nine forever. Collins kept smarting, and kissing guys. Joanne kept lawyering. The Boy became The Man, and kept selling drugs. Angel kept playing the ten- gallon, plastic pickle tub, and dressing in women's clothing. Benny kept being an asshole until he got paid (and even after, sometimes). Mark kept recording, and hiding. Roger kept playing. Maureen kept mooing. And Mimi kept dancing.
Anyway, enough cheesiness for now. A week after Mimi left the camp, Mr. Sir was fired and the camp closed. During the time the camp ran, though, E&K earplug sales went up 700%. Jobless, Mr. Sir went to work at a camp called camp Greenlake. It's amazing how one terrible summer camp changed ten lives forever. We wish the camps we used to go to did that!
The very end.
Disclaimer: Ethan: All characters in this fic, aside from Mr. Sir, belong to the estate of Jonathan Larson. Mr. Sir belongs to Louis Sachar. We do, however own E&K Earplugs presents Middle of Nowhere Camp for Learning Music.
Kiara Yay! pauses to look around at camp Crap!
A/N: We apologize for the weird craziness in this fic. Neither co-author has ever been to band camp, so if this is terribly off, just think of it as a really screwy camp. Oh and we no nothing about drugs, so excuse us if our description of what happens to The Boy makes no sense. Oh, and there not all there the same year. Benny and The Boy are the same year, and Mark, Roger, and Angel are the next.
Camper one: Collins
"What do you want to play?" Mr. Sir asked a young Tom Collins.
"Chess," the young genius responded.
Ignoring the boy's comment Mr. Sir asked "How about guitar?" Collins shrugged. Because Mr. Sir knew almost nothing about music, he handed Collins a cello, complete with bow. Collins sat down attempting to play the "guitar" with the music book Mr. Sir gave him. Collins couldn't remember the guitar sounding that terrible and quickly gave up.
He went back to his cabin, and got out his chess set. He thought, maybe, next year he would overthrow the camp, but decided to simply never return. Soon, another boy was coming back to the cabin, "Since when do harps have reeds?" he asked Collins.
"Since when do guitars have bows? I think might possibly the worst camp in history."
The other boy laughed and looked at the chess set. "Can I play?" Collins nodded, and moved over, making room on his bed for the other thirteen-year-old boy.
Collins, to this day, remembers his first kiss vividly.
Camper two: Joanne
Joanne sat attempting to play her "cello", but was having no luck. Of course, this was because she held a trumpet (Mr. Sir still knew nothing about music). She put down the trumpet and headed to her cabin, thinking about the sad fact that an earplug company sponsored a music camp. On the way, she met up with some weird kids playing mock trial and decided to join in. She won her case, and had a great time. In fact, she never really stopped playing lawyer.
Camper three: The Man (The Boy)
The Boy sat, like the good little Boy he was, trying to play the violin. Sadly, the clarinet in his hands made no sound with the bow. He decided to wander into the forest, where he found a seven-pointed leaf. He picked it up, to examine it, unfortunately, it was dark in the forest, and he had not brought a flashlight so he could not see it very well. He was, however, a pyromaniac, and like any good pyromaniac, he carried around a lighter wherever he went.
As he examined the leaf, it became dried out. Suddenly, it caught fire. He breathed in the funny-smelling smoke, and suddenly felt very relaxed, like he had not a care in the world. All his worries were gone. then his hand started burning and he dropped the pot leaf and stamped it out. He was suddenly very hungry. He looked around the forest floor and found some mushrooms. "Yum!" he thought. The thirteen-year-old loved portabellos. These tasted differently, somehow. After a few minutes, he felt... shiny. Suddenly, he saw fairies, and a stampede of pigs was chasing him back to camp. As he ran, he noticed that the trees were all smiling at him. It was a very good feeling, even with the pigs chasing him. He wondered if he could make any money off of this somehow.
The next day, he went back into the forest and gathered up as many of the funny leaves and the weird mushrooms as he could, and sold them to unsuspecting campers. He kept selling them to
Camper four: Angel
Angel knew what he wanted to play. It was the drums he was after. He asked Mr. Sir for a drum set. Unfortunately Mr. Sir, led him to a piano. Angel got very bored, very fast. He decided to check up on his twin sister (A/N: we know it's been done before). She too was bored with her "triangle" which was really a bassoon, somehow hitting it didn't seem to derive the desired sound.
"Angel, I need your help."
"With what?"
"That guy in your cabin, the tall one, with blue eyes." Angel smiled, he was cute. "We have a date, but I need to borrow some clothes of yours, so I can sneak onto the boys side of camp. Angel smiled again.
"Sure thing." Angel went into the nearest bathroom and handed his sister his clothes through the window. She went into the girls bathroom and changed, and handed her clothes through the window to Angel. Angel found that he didn't at all mind wearing his sister's skirt.
Angel wanted to go back to his cabin to get his playing cards, or a book, or something, but couldn't. Not dressed like that. So, out of boredom, he took the ten-gallon pickle tub from next to the mess hall and started drumming his fingers on it. After a while he got really good, and drew an audience of bored, under supervised middle schoolers. Wow, they all seemed to love him, uh her. He even got asked out by a cute, nerdy blond kid with a camera, who thought he really was a chick. Nice.
Camper five: Benny
Benny sat in the girls shower room, waiting for somebody to come in and not notice him. While he waited he thought he'd practice his saxophone, which was really a flute. Unfortunately, he was sitting under a leaky faucet and the flute was of very poor quality, and was beginning to rust. He stopped playing and continued to sit and wait.
A girl walked in and Benny did his best impression of a wall. Unfortunately for him, it was terrible, and she screamed. She was still fully clothed, Benny frowned. "Get out!" She screamed. He smiled.
"No!" he said defiantly.
"What can I do to get you out?" She was determined to wash the scent of The Boy's special smoke out of her hair.
"Pay the rent." He said smugly, thinking she'd give up and take a shower in front of him.
"Okay," she handed him a twenty.
"Nice," he thought, "People will pay me to stop being an asshole." He walked out and waited for her to exit. To pass the time he played the flute, but he never got any good at it. When she walked out, he walked back in, waiting for his next victim.
Campers six and seven: Mark and Roger
Mark and Roger where excited. They both dreamed of becoming rock stars, and this was going to be their first shot at performing (the talent show at the end of camp). The two best friends even had a band name: Spleen. Okay, so it was a terrible name, they didn't care. Mark asked Mr. Sir for a guitar, and was handed bag pipes. "Lovely," he thought, "He must have misheard me."
Roger asked for a keyboard and was handed a guitar. "O... kay." He sat down and immediately threw away the music book and began playing beautifully. Maybe he would play the guitar in the band. Mark on the other hand had no such luck. He blew, and nothing happened. He blew again, this time harder, and nothing happened. He blew again, and all that seemed to be happening was the bag seemed to be inflating.
"So they gave me a beach ball with stick stuck to it. Great." He put down the bagpipes and listened to Roger. "Hmmm," he thought, "I'm gonna go get my tape recorder and camera. I might not be able to make music, but I can record Roger doing it. I'm glad I packed all that extra film." From that moment, until he went home, his Nikon never left his side. As Roger played, and Mark recorded, a small crowd formed. Then, the crowd depleted as some girl playing the drums stole the scene. Roger didn't mind, or even notice. He was lost in the music, trying to find lyrics to go with the chords that he strummed so effortlessly.
Eventually, Roger moved over to play next to the girl. Mark recorded the whole event. Everyone was mesmerized. Everyone except Mr. Sir. This wasn't supposed to happen. He hoped he wouldn't get fired. As the performance went on, Mark noticed he was taking more pictures of the girl than of Roger. She was pretty. He decided to ask her out. "Well, you're nice and all, but umm, I'm a guy." Angel had no problem with going out with another guy, in fact he thought Mark was kind of cute, but he knew that Mark would figure out sooner or later, and he decided sooner was better. Mark blushed and apologized. He never let the camera leave his face, somebody might see his embarrassment.
Camper eight: Maureen
"What instrument do you want to play, Ms. Johnson?" Mr. Sir asked a young Maureen.
"I wanna ride a pony." she responded smilingly.
"No, this is a music camp. We're supposed to get your parents to buy earplu- I mean, we're supposed to teach you to play music. Plus, wouldn't you be a little big for a pony?"
"I wanna ride a pony!" She said more forcefully.
"Here," he said, handing her a cowbell, "It's a cowbell." That was the only one he knew.
"Okay," she said as she took it. "Moo," She said "Moo," every time she hit it. "Moo." She hit it very fast many times. "Moooooooooooooooo, mooo, moo, mooo, moooooooooooo." she loved that cowbell.
Camper nine: Mimi
"Mr. Sir," an adolescent Mimi asked, "Can I have an oboe?"
"Sure," he said, handing he a hobo. She briefly wondered why they kept homeless people in their store room, but looking around, decided it had to be to fill the empty space where the now-ruined instruments once sat. She had no idea how she was supposed to make music with a homeless person, but she decided to do the one thing that came to mind. She danced. After a little while, the homeless person began to beat-box to her dancing. Success. She was having so much fun, she kept dancing. Long after her hobo was put away back in the store room. This was good. She got the numbers of five different guys, and one girl who asked for lessons. She decided that she had to keep dancing, she couldn't stop.
Epilogue:
It's funny how one crappie camp changed the lives of those nine forever. Collins kept smarting, and kissing guys. Joanne kept lawyering. The Boy became The Man, and kept selling drugs. Angel kept playing the ten- gallon, plastic pickle tub, and dressing in women's clothing. Benny kept being an asshole until he got paid (and even after, sometimes). Mark kept recording, and hiding. Roger kept playing. Maureen kept mooing. And Mimi kept dancing.
Anyway, enough cheesiness for now. A week after Mimi left the camp, Mr. Sir was fired and the camp closed. During the time the camp ran, though, E&K earplug sales went up 700%. Jobless, Mr. Sir went to work at a camp called camp Greenlake. It's amazing how one terrible summer camp changed ten lives forever. We wish the camps we used to go to did that!
The very end.