Hi kids, my name is Olivier and I've more or less fallen violently in love with the cast of Attack on Titan which is why I've joined up with the military, started a gang, and started stalking everyone under the pretense of science.
XXX
"Hi there I'm Olivier and I'm going to be hanging around here from now on!"
"Whatever," said the incredibly short Captain Levi.
"Shake my hand," I said like a sociopath. He did so cautiously. He touched me! #lifeconplete!
"Shitty brat."
Translation in my head: hi my name is Levi, and this is my shirtless short body. Brush your teeth and I'll consider sucking your face.
Today is a good day
XXX
"The world is ending Olivier! We have to hurry!" Yelled titan boy Eren ready to bite into his hand.
"I know this is important and all but the lighting is so perfect right now Eren!"
"What?"
"I wish I had a camera!"
He stared at me for a minute... And I stared back as the golden light of the flames enveloped him, making one hell of a filter.
Ten minutes later…
Mikasa came running looking for Eren and stopped at the strange sight, "what are you doing?"
"Taking pictures," I said as eren posed, "I think we'll print it as a book."
She shook and trembled as her world was being destroyed around her and here we were taking pictures of Eren posing…
Ten more minutes later…
Armin came looking for Eren and Mikasa, "what are you guys doing?!"
"Taking pictures of Eren," she and I said together.
"Now pose like this," said Mikasa raising her arms above her head.
"You do realize the world is ending?"
"Yeah but check out this lighting!" I cried teas of joy.
"I see, you do have a point. But I think Eren should be facing that way and- no what am I saying!? There are titans in the walls guys!? We have to hurry!"
Suddenly a Titan smashed a house down. Everything was quiet... The Titan saw us and I shot up into the heavens with my gear and pulled out my blades.
"I WAS TAKING PICTURES!"
I sliced through its arms and face, "YOU KILLED THE LIGHTING YOU JACK HOLE!"
And I killed my first Titan.
XXX
"Dudes, look at what I scored," once again I was showing off my slight of hand.
"What? But how did you get meat," drooled Sasha as well as Jean.
Mikasa was injured in the last fight, and for a short time she won't be using her arms.
"Well Mikasa isn't feeling so hot so I'm just going to sneak some of this to her, you guys can partake when she's done yeah?"
Sasha had no complaints but Jean… Jean was being Jean.
"You could get in serious trouble for that! We all could, you'd be doing more harm than good for Mikasa."
"Shut up Jean, you're such a horse faced wet blanket."
"… My mom thinks I'm cool…"
I ignored his protests and went to go visit Mikasa, "Yo girl, check it. I scored this meat fo you. Hallah!"
I divided it out and handed a chunk to Sasha who gobbled it up and started crying and drooling. I offered some to Jean but he refused.
"Oh well, more for you and me, right Mikasa?"
She just nodded but then realized she couldn't move her arms. That was when my evil grin and plan came into action.
"I'll just feed you myself, is that okay Mikasa?"
She nodded and opened her mouth and I fed her. Which was not the creepy part for me, because my true plan was standing behind me like a jealous little horse face wet blanket.
"Oh, what time is it?"
Sasha gave me some random time and I smiled, "Oh well, I have somewhere to be. You know a test to run or something like that. Jean would you take over for me?"
"What!?"
He half agreed and shyly took a seat by Mikasa. I dragged Sasha out of the room with me and looked back in through a crack in the door way.
"I ship them, I ship them so hard! If paper wasn't so hard to come by I would ship them on paper!"
"Olivier you're creeping me out?"
"Aww yeah, Jean X Mikasa forever," I drooled, letting out a quiet hell scream of fangasm joy.
Sasha shook with fear, "I've heard that scream before… In the forest where I'm from it's the cry of an animal with nothing to lose. I was taught to exercise greater caution once a hunt drew to a close… Olivier snap out of it! They're only children!"
"Ship… Ship… OTP…"
"It's too late… she's gone…"
XXX
Levi was stomping around being pissy as usual. It's actually quite adorable, like a middle aged child who couldn't reach the cookie jar. Still, when he's out on the battle field don't fuck with him, as appealing as it sounds, just don't. That sexy runt has the power of a freaking army or something. Even so he has his tender moments, because underneath that scowl and cravat he truly is the most tender and caring of humans.
Which is what leads me to the next topic of discussion. He has a flair for kicking, especially the little titan boy, Eren; whose regenerative powers must give Levi some peace because he's beating the teeth (literally) out of a child.
It was just another day behind the walls when I saw Eren and Levi doing some training. How sweet, my OTP is getting along today. That it until he kicked the poor sap over and continued to kick him some more.
"STOP!" I cried out. This constant abuse can't be healthy for either of them.
"What the-"
"AS HOT AS THAT IS I CANT LET YOU RELEASE SEXUAL ANGST OUT ON POOR EREN! SOMETIMES ITS OKAY BUT YOURE NOT IN BED MAKING HIM BEG FOR IT SO NOW IT IS NOT OKAY!"
He cut me off by kicking the ever living hell out of me.
"He's so hot but so crazy," he kicked me in the face, "which makes him even hotter!"
And then he stopped and knelt down to my face, "So you think I'm attractive?"
"Duh."
"Well," he stood up tall (within reason) and kicked me in the face again, "You have excellent taste."
XXX
"Hey Erwin!"
"Oh hello Olivier, what can I do for you today?"
"There are lots of things you can do for me big boy."
"Haha like what?"
I turned away. HIS INNOCENCE IS BLINDING!?
"Oh never mind," I said sitting down all too casually, "what cha doing?"
"I was just doing some paper work but I was thinking of taking a break, care to join me?"
"Is this is date," I asked sarcastically.
"Yes," he answered back in the same sarcastic manner.
"You win this round."
Ten minutes later…
We were sitting around drinking tea when Levi came in, saw me, kicked me in the face, talked to Erwin, and then left after kicking me again.
"How long have you know shorty?" I asked.
"Haha, well it's been a while I guess."
"So how old are you?"
"Oh haha you know it's not polite to ask a man about his age."
"You sound like my mother."
"Oh?"
"But yeah how old are you?"
He paused, "... ... ... 35-"
"YOU HESITATED!" I shouted leaning over the table.
"Age does not define a person," he simply smiled.
"Seriously you must be older than the walls!?"
XXX
"Guys I have to confess something," I said to the group, "sometimes I drop food on the floor on purpose to see how fast Sasha can appear to eat it."
And that's how it started, we all would drop small amounts of food to see how much it took I get her to show up. It started with a breadcrumb, nothing happened. We moved on to a flake of crust, still nothing. It was then, when Sasha walked by, we'd tear off a small piece of bread; mouse sized, and drop it on the floor. She paused, and smirked at us, internally laughing at our struggled.
"She's really controlling herself today," sighed Connie.
I tor less than a quarter of bread and dropped it onto the floor. She stood by it, watching it, at war with herself over this measly morsel of bread, hell, it was even burned a little. She took a deep breath and continued on her way.
We were close.
This time we tor the bread in half and watched it as it dropped. Out of the corner of our eyes we saw he charging in like a missile, her jaw opening and closing like pac man. Wait… how do I know what a pac man is? How do I know what a missile is? Finally she leapt off of her feet and flew toward the bread that fell in slow motion only to have her face hit the ground because something else beat her to it. It was very dark, very powerful, and had a cloth covering most of its face.
It was Captain Levi, holy hell, the clean freak has been released!?
"Don't waste food and worse don't make a mess."
"You need to straighten out your priorities," said Sasha trying to score the bread half in his hand.
"DONT TURN HIM STRAIGHT," I cried out, earning a swift kick to the face.
XXX
"OH MY GOD OLIVIER'S BEEN SWALLOWED!?"
"Good," said Levi cutting rug- I mean a titan.
Suddenly a titan started trying to catch it's breath, until it sneezed, releasing me!
"FREEDOM!"
"Shit…"
It tried to eat me again but I killed that mofo.
"Woah, Olivier, how did you escape," asked Armin in awe.
"Well it was pretty simple. The composition of a human and titan are pretty similar right? So I built a fire inside of his stomach and boom. Pop goes the weasel."
Suddenly I was eaten again. How irritating, just when I was getting some respect as a student of the school of Hange science. I sighed to myself as the titan tried to swallow me. I used my gear to hook into his esophagus and then shot myself up, slicing through the inside of the back of his neck.
"Jeez, these titans are getting annoying. But yeah I'm lucky they all pill pop me instead of chewing me up, I think next time I'll stack the bodies and climb out."
I flew around some more and did some of that sweet titan slaying action.
"It's all a game to her..." sighed the coconut head.
XXX
"Erwin you're old as balls right?" I said cleaning my gear.
"I told you I'm 32," he calmly stated.
"You said 35 last time-"
"What do you want?" he said cutting me off.
"Well, I was just wondering why a studmuffin like you is still single. With all the crazy garbage going on I'd imagine the idea of getting a girlfriend, at least, would be of interest to you."
"That sort of thing can wait until after humanity rises again."
"What if you die?"
"Don't worry about it, I'm not going to die."
"How can you be sure?"
He pointed to his eyebrows and suddenly everything made sense.
XXX
"Well that should cover today's notes," I said closing my book, "I was right to join the science division with my lord and savior Hange."
I put the book away and into my desk, "I wonder what kind of weird stuff I'll experience tomorrow?"