Hello everyone!
This is my first fic here (and probably my first "serious" fic ever). I usually write about my own characters and stories, so this is kind of new to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy anyway ^^ English is not my mother tongue, so I hope there won't be many mistakes, but if they are, feel free to tell me!
About this short one-shot... Well, I just finished reading "Revan" and I loved the book to pieces, but missed a bit of Exile's background. This is the only reason behind this fic. For those who haven't read the book, played KOTOR II or SW-TOR... please don't read this story if you don't want spoilers about KOTOR 2, "Revan" or the Old Republic MMORPG!
I went for the canon: LSM!Revan x Bastila (Revastila, as I like to call them), LSF!Exile "Meetra Surik". I don't know if the female Exile romance will be canon someday, but I assumed the game leaves little space to wonder, so this is my taking on it.
DISCLAIMER: All characters featured here belong to their respective owners. This is a fanfic and it's not made for profit. I'm only asking for R&R, not money ;p
Her conscience was fading slowly.
Unlike before, she was not afraid anymore. There had been a time when slipping away had not been an option. When it had meant many things that were not important now. At the time, she just couldn't abandon Revan. She could not let him alone in his battle against the Emperor. She had promised Bastila that she would send him back to his wife and son. She had promised him that she would fight by his side, just like old times. She had promised herself that she would bring down the Sith Empire, too. And she had also promised herself that she would be back after that, back to the Galaxy she knew, to those who were waiting for her.
"Please, don't go, Master. We need you here.", Mical pleaded.
"There's no other way. I must find Revan. If there is a menace for the Galaxy, I must…"
"Haven't you done enough for the Galaxy already?", Mira asked. Despite her angry tone, Meetra knew she was worried on her behalf, too.
She tried to explain, but someone else came with the words before she was done searching for them.
"You still need to feel you've been redeemed", Visas spoke with her soft voice. "But you already are. You're not the Exile anymore. You defeated Traya, and Sion, and… my Master, too."
"These deeds don't atone for what I did at Malachor Five.", Meetra whispered.
"It was war, General", Bao-Dur spoke slowly.
"That war is already over!", Mira exclaimed.
"No, it's never", Bao-Dur replied. "But there is no need to compensate for it anymore."
"It is… difficult to explain", Meetra tried to make them understand, to make them see. "I just… I cannot come back. Not yet. There is no peace for me in returning to the Galaxy. I still struggle against my past, I am still the Exile inside."
She looked at each of them, carefully avoiding to look at him, the only one who had not spoken his mind yet. Still she knew he was standing casually near the corner, with his back against the wall and his arms folded across his chest. She could imagine his mocking expression, too. But, as always, she just wouldn't be able to know what he was thinking, even after she had questioned Traya about his feelings. Did he really care? And, if so, did it matter at that point…? No, it didn't, because she was leaving anyway, and she would travel alone.
"And there is an old friend that could be in danger out there.", Meetra continued, trying to convince her crew. "I owe him."
"Then allow us to come", Visas said. Mical nodded.
"I cannot. In this quest, I cannot take with me anyone I care about."
"Then what about me, Angel?", Atton finally spoke, with a bitter smile. "Does it qualify me for coming?"
A shiver ran down Meetra's spine at the sound of his voice. There was no need for his irony, but that had always been his way of hiding. Was he implying that she didn't care about him? He should know better. But Meetra guessed that she was as unreadable for him as he was for her.
"It doesn't", she said, daring to look him in the eye. "It doesn't", she repeated, knowing her voice was about to crack. But she could not tell him.
"Damn.", Atton said, fighting to keep his smile in place. "I was looking forward to see my old boss again".
The Exile smiled softly in her mind. How long had it been? Three hundred years? Her friends should be one with the Force now, as she should have been. Her life had been taken from her so abruptly that she couldn't even remember feeling pain. When Scourge's blade had emerged from her chest, she was already gone.
She wasn't surprised about his betrayal. He was Sith. And Meetra had been betrayed before. But she couldn't help thinking about Darth Traya's words, reflecting on them for all those years of empty existance. The Galaxy needed betrayal. For what, Meetra didn't know. It might make sense someday, in the future she would not see. But it was Revan's destiny, not hers. Now he was free, at last. And she was free, too. Her task had ended. Her time had come to fade away.
Her mind was starting to drift away. She had been afraid of dying before, but not now. She had haunted the Sith prison for many years, but she was tired. She had endured Revan's pain outside his cell – that was the least she could do, knowing she had failed him in their battle against the Emperor.
"I'm so sorry, Bastila", she thought. "I couldn't bring him back".
Would she forgive her? She needed to know, but she probably never would.
As her conscience melted, Meetra felt the Force around her, everywhere. At first, it was a faint sensation. It felt strange, yet familiar – it made her think about Peragus, when the Force had come back to her after many years of oblivion. Then the feeling became stronger. There were many lives, many presences, the existence itself, reaching to touch her.
She felt welcomed. She belonged there, a part of the endless river of life that washed over her. She was stripped off her guilt and suffering, until only peace remained. Yet she could feel something more. The longing – that silent longing for something, for someone. Could it be washed away, too?
Then she felt it, she felt him, the answer to her silent question.
"Hey there, Meet. You have taken your time, haven't you?"
She smiled softly, feeling suddently complete.
It definitely could.