When the now seventh years had warned us about how hard the jump between a fifth year and the sixth year was, my friends and I had laughed, simply taking their words to be something they said to tease us. Or even to get back at us for the way our year had embarrassed them by setting up pranks simultaneously in the dorm rooms of the then sixth-year boys and girls dorm rooms.
Helga how I'd hoped that they had been joking but of course they weren't. The first full week of our sixth year had yet to finish and I could already feel the oncoming rise in my anxiety levels. Even now, as I walked between Wayne and Megan as we exited our Arithmancy class, I wanted to cry.
"Wasn't this year supposed to be easier?" Wayne rationalised, "Considering we're only doing the subjects that we want to?"
"Nothing in life is that straightforward," I murmured with a sigh, frowning at Mariyah when she swatted at my arm and gestured to something further down the corridor. "What? Use your words, Jones."
"Loverboy is waiting for you," she finally announced, pointing once again down the corridor. And this time knowing what, or rather who, I was supposed to be looking for, my search became much easier.
My eyes scanned the corridor, looking between the crowds of students who were making their way back to their common room after a day of lessons and found the tall Slytherin leaning against the wall. The idiot was so stubborn that he wouldn't move, even if he was in everyone's way; he would much rather make them have to walk around him. It didn't matter if he appeared rather prickly to the people who drifted past him when just the sight of the sixth year brought an instant smile to my face.
I liked to think that he reacted in a similar when he finally spied me but then again, he never really was one for outward displays of emotion. It had something to do with his father and that was a subject I knew to steer clear of. I had grown used to his taciturn nature, or rather I was trying to grow used to it, but the people I surrounded myself with, didn't seem to share my willingness to accept him as he was.
"Does he ever smile?" Wayne griped, looking him over with a Theodore with a slight frown. "I mean, a scowl is bound to be more taxing than a smile. Surely?"
"Lay off," I ordered gently, reaching out blindly to swat at Wayne's arm. "Not everyone is as smiley as you always are."
"I'd be surprised if he knows how to smile," Megan mumbled under her breath, watching as Theodore gestured for me to join him.
Biting my lip hesitantly, I looked between my friends and shook my head at Theodore's silent request. He furrowed his brows, gesturing more insistently now and I rolled my eyes; bloody Slytherins. With an apologetic smile, I said goodbye to Megan and Wayne before promising to meet them in the common room. Before they could protest, not as they would, I was making my way through the bustling crowds of the corridor, having to squeeze through some people until I was finally standing in front of Theodore.
"Did you really want to walk me back to the common room that desperately?" I asked with a slight scoff as he pushed away from the wall and started to lead me to the common room via a different, longer route. His only answer to my question was a smile that might not have even been noticed if I hadn't been keeping an eye out for it.
Like I knew he would, Theodore remained silent and didn't speak a single word until we managed to find our way into one of the smaller, lesser used corridors. The silence the hallway offered was a stark contrast to the one we had just left but, if complete silence was what it took for me to hear his voice then I welcomed it. Sure enough, once we were away from the hustle and bustle, Theo allowed the tension to bleed out of his shoulders as he straightened up to his full height, hands tucked deep into the pockets of his robes as he turned his gaze to my figure.
"How was Arithmancy?"
"Terrible," I admitted in a rush before proceeding to confess to him everything that had happened in the lesson. I even made the point of speaking of the most mundane things like Wayne struggling to find his quill because I knew and had experience, of how tiring it could be to hold a conversation with him. It was always very one-sided and the longer I spoke for, the less of an awkward silence there was that followed when I reached the end of my part of the conversation. "So, how was Herbology?"
He thought for a moment and at that moment, I allowed myself to get my hopes up of finally, finally getting some worthwhile answer from him. But clearly, I was insane for expecting that. "It was ok."
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I couldn't even sigh, knowing that this was his temperament. Any effort I made to try and get him to expand on his words would just be futile. He had said all he wanted to and I wasn't going to pry any more from his lips.
And so, I settled for the silence that surrounded us and trapped us in this tentative bubble of awkwardness for the rest of our journey to the common room. It was strange; whenever I wasn't with him, I wanted nothing more than to be in his presence but when I was with him, this silence that without fail, always settled over us just made me want to leave his side that much quicker. When the entrance to the common room appeared in view, I was grateful for the sight of that wall of barrels. It wouldn't be long now.
Stepping forward instantly to rap my knuckles against the correct barrel, I froze when he called out, "Macomber."
The sound of my surname from his lips was so surprising that I actually stood with my hand half raised as I turned towards him. "Nott?"
Lowering my hand to my side, I watched as he took a calculated step towards me, bringing the front of our shoes into contact. Staring up at him in confusion, I felt my breath actually get stuck in my throat when he smiled properly at me. How could one person's smile be so beautiful?
"I'll see you later," he managed, leaning down abruptly to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. And I swore, not that I would ever admit it to him, that my eyes actually fluttered shut at the contact before opening wide in unconcealable shock.
He stepped back then, as if he hadn't done something so completely out of character and continued to watch me. Blinking slowly, I felt the colour rush to my cheeks the longer I held his gaze and cleared my throat quickly, focusing back onto the barrels. Knocking the right pattern onto the barrel, I didn't so much as a glance towards Theodore again on my way into the common room. What, in Merlin's name, had gotten into him?
My thoughts revolved so much on his unnatural action, that I almost missed the way Leanne called out my name as I drifted past my friends who were seated on a sofa together. Retreating back a couple of steps, I looked expectantly at her. "You called, Moon?"
"Wayne said you were with Nott," she confessed and her words were enough to have all my dormmates looking over me with a critical eye as if expecting to see some physical answer on me. Even before she said it, I knew what she was going to ask me. It was a question I'd been getting for a good while now, "What is going on with the pair of you?"
"Honestly?" I asked with a sigh, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. "I have no idea."
"Are you dating or not?" Megan asked abruptly, frowning at my hesitance to answer. "Well?"
"I really don't know."
"Bloody hell," she grumbled, "there's nothing worse than a boy who strings you along."
"I don't think that's what he's doing," I tried to protest.
"Don't be so sure."
Not so soon after, I once again found myself walking with Theodore on my way back to the common room. It seemed that he liked to finish his school day by walking me back to the safety of the Hufflepuff basement and I couldn't quite bring myself to ask him why because that all I would I in response would be complete silence. And I was growing so very sick of having my questions answered with silence. Although, to my surprise, Theodore had been the one to begin our conversation by asking me if I had any plans for what I wanted to do once I left Hogwarts. I found myself taking long, roundabout ways of answering his question because I knew that once my answer ended, the majority of our conversation would dry out as well. That was just the way things were between us.
"So really," I confessed with a sigh, reaching the end of my unnecessarily long answer, "I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do when I have to leave school. Do you have any advice?"
I turned expectantly towards Theodore, hoping that he would have something to say to me. It was an open-ended question, one that didn't need him to give me any sort of personal answer, he could be as devoid of emotion as he needed to be. Hell, he could spit out random facts and figures if that was all he wanted. But I just needed him to give me an answer. Any answer.
He shrugged and I felt my own shoulders collapse.
Drawing out a deep breath, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and prepared to walk quickly away from him before I wound up demanding an answer from him. Nott, likely able to read even the most minute of my expressions reached out grab the sleeve of my robes. He grasped it tight, holding me in place before I could contemplate moving far.
"You could let me take care of you for the rest of your life," he offered gently in that tone of voice that had proven time and time again to soothe my nerves whenever I grew annoyed at him. It was supposed to be a sweet statement but I had long since grown frustrated with his use of sweet talk.
Roughly pulling my sleeve out of his hand and putting some distance between the pair of us, I looked him over closely enough to catch the brief flicker of surprise that crossed his features. It was gone just as quickly as it had arrived.
Adjusting my bag again, I asked with a raised brow, "And how are you going to do that? You rarely ever talk about anything, let alone what you're going to do after Hogwarts, or what your life plans are. How do you expect me to trust my future to you?"
"I don't need to have any plans," he explained, shaking his head. "I'm my father's only son. I don't even need to work and I'll be set for life. I can just look after you."
"Merlin," I scoffed under my breath, unable to listen to him for a moment longer. Here he was claiming to be able to look after me but who the hell was I for him to look after? "I have an essay to finish so I'm just going to head to the library instead of the common room. You should head back toward your common room as well."
"You're mad at me," he realised, trailing after each of my steps when I started to walk quickly, trying to put some space between us. "Why are you mad at me?"
Distantly I realised that this was the most I had ever heard him speak to me, or to anyone for that matter but I couldn't stop my mind from remembering what my friends were saying. But they had a point; this thing between us – whatever it was – had been going on between us for months now, since last Easter really, and yet there was no name for it. Nothing.
"Are you listening to me?" he asked abruptly, reaching out to grab me by the shoulder and forcing me to pay attention to him. "Macomber?"
"Of course I'm listening. You rarely ever say anything so I listen to every word you say!"
"That's what this is about?" He narrowed his eyes incredulously. "The fact that I don't like talking?"
"No." I closed my eyes, breathing out a deep sigh through my nose. "This is about your unwillingness – your inability to talk about what you're thinking about. Half of the time I'm having to think of the things I can and can't ask you about and the other half of the time I'm having to read your bloody mind."
"You want to know what's on my mind?" he asked slowly, giving me an assessing look and thinking that he was finally, finally opening up, I nodded. "Right now, I'm wondering why you're nagging me when you're not even my girlfriend."
His words had me looking at him for a long moment. He held my gaze and I would have thought that he was regretful of his words but I would only ever know that if I knew how regret showed itself on his features. I'd never once seen him regret something. My perception of any regret was simply wishful thinking.
Shaking my head again, I sighed in surrender, "I don't have the time for this. I have an essay I need to finish."
Turning on my heels again, I headed towards the library and this time there wasn't the sound of footsteps following after me. And Merlin, I was grateful for it because if he did follow after me, there was no guarantee that this argument – disagreement? – wouldn't spiral further out of control. I just needed time away from him. Helga, I didn't want to be anywhere near him for a good while and if he did want to be around me then he would need to be the one to approach me. I certainly wouldn't be approaching him.
Potions was hell. Not because I struggled with the subject – because I didn't. Or even because I was a favourite target for Snape's derision, which I was, but thankfully Snape wasn't teaching sixth-year potions. It was hell because, from the moment I had interested in the classroom, I could feel the weight of Nott's eyes on me. It was an unsettling weight, heavy and unwelcome as I sat a good few tables in front of his usual one right at the back of the classroom.
A large part of me wanted to turn around and glare at him until he averted his gaze but a greater part of me knew that refusing to acknowledge him was harming him much more than glaring at him would. Indifference was worse than anger.
Ernie and I, as the only two Hufflepuffs in our sixth-year Potions class, had instantly paired up to act as partners for the year. And although the pair of us had never really had the opportunity to get to know each other very well in all our other years at Hogwarts, we got along from the off. After sharing just a single conversation with him, I could see why he was unanimously thought of as being the most reliable of all the sixth-year boys in our house. He had this knack for knowing when something was wrong, he claimed he could tell just from the way you were sitting in your seat. Right now, I hated that particular gift of his more than I could say in words.
"You've been in a bad mood since last night," he started cautiously, not stopping in his diligent note-taking. "Anything you want to talk about?"
"Do you really want to listen to me complain?" I retorted. "Helga knows that I don't like listening to other people complain."
"Well, aren't you girls always the ones saying that talking things out can help share the burden? That it makes things more bearable?" He glanced up briefly from his parchment, arching an eyebrow.
"We do say that," I agreed with a sigh only to pause as I looked at Ernie, contemplating. He waited patiently, watching as I gnawed at my bottom lip. Releasing my lip with a sigh, I leaned in close to my housemate and admitted, "I got into an argument with Nott last night."
"What did the snake do?"
"He didn't do anything."
"Well, what did he say then?"
"That I wasn't his girlfriend," I admitted, shaking my head even as the words had Ernie furrowing his brows. "It's a stupid thing to get irritated over, I know –"
"No, it's not," he assured firmly. "You're understandably pissed off – rightfully so. The bastard doesn't want to date you but is so possessive when it comes to you being with other boys. Don't you remember the daggers he used to glare towards me for the first few weeks whenever we had Potions?"
"So, I'm not being too sensitive then?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course not!" Ernie, so angered by what I was saying, turned to glare at Nott from over his shoulder and I caught his arm quickly, stopping him and making him face the front again. It was enough for me to be angry at him, I didn't need this to all spiral out of control. "What a piece of shit."
Ernie's righteous anger brought a small smile to my face; he really was an amazing friend. But that smile was only short lasted until I remembered just why I had been in a bad mood in the first place. Sighing, I screwed on the lid of my inkwell as Slughorn suggested we pair up to work on a new potion. "At least I know the truth now. No point wasting any more time on him."
"It's still a dick move," Ernie grumbled, preparing to rise from his seat to gather the cauldron.
He only stopped when Slughorn announced that he wanted us to get out of our comfort zones, to work with people that we weren't currently sharing a desk with. As the only two students wearing black and yellow ties, we shared a grimace and wondered what to do.
"If Nott approaches you now," he began hostilely before shaking his head. "Even as a fellow guy, I know that he's the worst type of guy you want your friend to be hanging around. He doesn't make anything clear and then you wound up hurt."
"Remind me never to discuss anything with you again," I said with a shake of my head, pushing Ernie away from our shared desk and towards Granger when she took an aborted step towards him. "Go and pair up with Gryffindor's princess and hopefully your crushg on her will mean that you don't lose yourself thinking about my problems."
"Macomber," he tried to protest, flushing red to the tip of his ears but begrudgingly approaching Granger when I silently pointed insistently towards her.
All that was left was for me to find someone to work with. It would be embarrassing to be everyone's last choice but what else could I expect if I never expanded my social circle to include more people?
"Macomber?" the call of my surname surprised me so much that I looked up to find Terry Boot standing a little awkwardly before me. And really, I should have been focusing on Boot and perhaps he would have had all of my attention if I hadn't spied Nott walking in my vague direction. Was he going to ask to work with me? If he did, would I let him? "Do you want to work together?"
Forcing myself to look back at Boot, I nodded and with a smile, I gestured towards the spare seat beside my own. "Just be warned, I can get very bossy."
"I'm good at following instructions," he assured with a relieved smile, setting his things on the desk and as he removed his textbook from his bag, I allowed my eyes to flicker towards Nott. The Slytherin remained rooted to his position, now looking at Terry with narrowed eyes before he was forced to partner up with someone just to continue with the lesson. Eventually, I turned my own focus back to my new desk mate and did my very best to shove all thoughts of Nott out of my mind.
Needless to say, it didn't work very well.
The rest of the lesson passed at a snail's pace but when it was finally, finally done with, I couldn't wait to get away from the Potion's lab and back to the safety of the common room. The sooner I left this blasted room, the sooner I could escape Nott's surveillance. All of this business was making me paranoid because I swore that Nott had recruited his housemates to bother me as well. It certainly seemed that way when, at the end of the lesson, I hurriedly grabbed Ernie and started to walk back to the common room only to run into a very Slytherin distraction.
Zabini, from far behind the pair of us, called my name and the sound of my first name was so foreign from his mouth that it actually brought me to a sudden halt. Looking over my shoulder at Zabini, I watched as he walked away from Malfoy and Nott.
"Zabini?" I called out curiously, thankful that Ernie had the sense to stay with me.
My relationship with Zabini was essentially non-existent. Sure, I had spent time with Nott and his friends, one of whom was Zabini but we'd never really spoken when he wasn't around. It was my understanding that we didn't have anything to talk about and he certainly had no reason to be approaching me to wrap an arm around my shoulder. Before I could shrug out of it, Zabini drew me away from Ernie and to his side.
The Slytherin didn't even look at me as he spoke to Ernie, "You can run ahead, Macmillan. I'll have her back safely."
Ernie, bless his souls, didn't budge an inch. Instead, he glanced away from Zabini and fixed his gaze onto mine. "Want me to stay with you?"
With a sigh, I looked to Zabini who had finally removed his arm from around me. "There's really no point Ernie. He'd just keep pestering you to get you to leave. I'll see you soon."
"If you're sure," he muttered uncertainly before slowly returning to his now solo journey to the common room.
Once Ernie was out of earshot, I looked contemplatively to the silent boy beside me. "Spill it Zabini, what do you want from me?"
"Nothing too serious," he assured me with a smirk as if it was supposed to reassure me. "Just to catch up."
"I don't think we have the sort of relationship where we have anything to be catching up about."
He simply batted away my protests. "Rumour has it that you and a certain friend of mine broke up."
"Oh please," I scoffed, barely concealing an eye roll. "To break up with someone, you have to have been dating them in the first place. I'm not his girlfriend."
"I already knew that," Zabini assured with a slight nod. "He told us himself."
Not bothering to ask who 'us' referred to, I simply eyed him for a moment. "He told you about our … disagreement?"
"Of course, Draco and I had to ply him with alcohol first before he spilt his guts," he saw the need to assure me. "Otherwise he would never have spoken a word of it to anyone."
"Look, I don't know why you decided to approach me," I said with a frown, "but I just want to get back to my common room. So, if you could get this – whatever this is over with – that would be wonderful."
"I just want to show you one more thing," Zabini promised. "One more thing and then you can run back to your common room."
Waiting expectantly, I wondered just what it was that he wanted to show me. Whatever I expected, it certainly wasn't for him to wrap an arm around my shoulder once again. Only this time he drew me firmly into his side and before I could elbow him roughly in his side, he leaned down to murmur in my ear. "I give it 30 seconds. Less than that, actually."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"In less than 30 seconds Theo will be here and ripping me away from you."
And sure enough, before I could tell him otherwise or to even ask why Theodore would come running, Theodore really did come running down the corridor. Or rather, as close to running as he could get without risking making a scene. He walked purposefully, making everyone else move out of his way and my eyes widened slightly at the look on his face. It was enough to have me worrying about the possibility of Zabini not making it through the night in one piece. But still, he didn't dare look at me even once.
Instead, his gaze was fixed firmly on his friend who, when he was close enough to, he grabbed by his robes and pulled harshly away from me. I remained standing still, watching as Zabini struggled a little in Theodore's hold.
Even still, he managed to throw a, "See you later Macomber," from over his shoulder. Theodore didn't receive that well either; choosing to hit Zabini over the head in retaliation. Merlin, I didn't understand boys.
To my utter irritation, it seemed that I would find myself being apprehended by Theodore's friends with an increasing regularity. Honest to Merlin, I had no idea why they couldn't seem to leave me alone, and it was beginning to irritate me to no end. Here I was trying to simply finish my essay when I finally noticed the surveillance that I was under. Malfoy and Zabini didn't have a subtle bone in their body.
Forcefully bringing my essay writing to a stop, I decided to complete the rest of it in the common room. Rolling the parchment up and rising to my feet as I packed my bag, I stilled instantly when a hand settled heavily onto my shoulder.
With a frown, I glanced over my shoulder only for my frown to deepen further when I realised that Malfoy was the one standing with his hand on my shoulder. I raised a pointed eyebrow, glancing between his hand and his face but he simply gestured, without a word, for me to retake my seat. Bloody dramatic Slytherins.
With a sigh, I sat down once again and waited to see what it was that he wanted. He didn't say anything, choosing instead to round the table so he could sit across from me. It was then that Zabini chose to emerge from where he had been observing me from behind the bookshelf and I honestly wasn't surprised. What did surprise me was that Theodore was by his side.
Crossing my arms defensively, I watched as the three Slytherins settled into their seats across from me and simply waited. They clearly had some reason for this, they wouldn't have approached me otherwise, but they refused to say a word.
Sighing deeply, I uncrossed my arms and straightened up in my seat, considering them critically. "Isn't this the point where you tell me why you've decided to barricade me at this table?"
"You're free to go at any time," Malfoy offered and I scoffed, reaching into my bag to retrieve my essay again. If they were going to keep me here, then it made perfect sense for me to use the opportunity to complete the work that I still had remaining.
"Oh, please Malfoy. No matter how much passionately you believe otherwise, Hufflepuff is not synonymous with stupid."
"Not in your case," the Slytherin agreed after a long moment's thought and I almost smiled.
Scanning the final paragraph of my essay, I tried to figure out where I had left it off as I murmured quietly, "And what's your answer Zabini? Why are you keeping me here?"
"I just thought we could catch up again," he suggested dryly.
"And here I was thinking that we'd already established that we didn't have anything to be catching up on." For a moment I considered asking the same question to Theodore, he was the only one of the three that I hadn't questioned. And, from the way he straightened up slightly in his seat, he was expecting to hear the question as well. But I decided against it and instead returned my full focus to my work.
Only, it was clearly too much to ask for a moment's peace. The trio of bloody annoying snakes couldn't even let me complete an essay on the first try. Rather Malfoy the irritating bastard waited, on purpose I was sure, until I had begun to write again before speaking up.
"Tell the truth," he started so insistently that I could nothing more than sigh and listen to him as I gave up on finishing my sentence, "Theo annoys you, doesn't he?"
I didn't even bother glancing towards the Slytherin in question before answering truthfully, "He does."
"Which is understandable," Zabini assured me and I glanced between the pair of them; was this scripted? "He rarely ever talks about what he wants and you have to get to know him so you can understand what he's not saying."
When the usually stoic Slytherin continued to watch me expectantly, I met his gaze and held my tongue. Whatever answer they were expecting to get from me, I certainly wasn't going to give it to them. And Malfoy, likely able to read the hidden meaning behind my silence, cleared his throat as if to get things back on track.
"He doesn't tend to like to talk," Malfoy explained and it was then that I shot a glance towards the boy that still hadn't said a word. It appeared that even in this situation he was insistent on keeping his silence. He would rather have his friends talk for him, it seemed. "Listening is more of a habit of his. But you'll get used to it."
"I'd rather not get used to it," I said finally, deciding that sometimes silence couldn't just be held. Sometimes things needed to be said for people to actually understand.
It seemed that I had finally managed to crack Theodore's armour and all it had taken was a not so subtle pointed remark. His eyes, which hadn't left my face from the moment he'd taken a seat at the table, sharpened as if now refusing to be so easily dismissed.
"Not everything needs to be said with words," he disagreed, words slow. "It can be said through actions, or even through the eyes."
"You're right," I agreed for a moment, bringing my gaze to meet his. "Words aren't the only way things can be communicated but Helga, using words certainly does prevent all sorts of misunderstandings."
"And what sort of misunderstandings would those be?" he probed as if he didn't already know that answer.
"What would I know?" I evaded with a shrug. "It's not like I'm your girlfriend."
Theodore wasn't the sort of person to talk things out, Merlin I knew them before we began this thing between us. I knew it in the beginning and yet I hadn't expected this all to be so overwhelmingly irritating. Perhaps if Theodore hadn't been prompt to tell me that I wasn't his girlfriend, then this wouldn't have bugged me as much. I definitely wouldn't have felt so rejected and so … stupid. It was as if I had been the one to do this to myself because I had been the one to think that whatever was between us was something more than it really was. Merlin, I was an idiot.
Whenever I talked to my friends, they always well-meaningly told me to think of other things, as if that was possible. How was I supposed to do that when Theodore seemed to aggressively occupy each and every one of my thoughts?
Dropping my head into my hands with a sigh, I massaged some of the tension from my scalp and when I lifted it, I looked to the empty seat beside me. Just where in Merlin's name was Leanne? Had she gotten lost again? Helga, the girl was in her sixth year and yet she was always getting lost. I mean, I had offered to wait for her outside her last lesson so we could walk here together but she had been the one to refuse because –
"Is this seat taken?" That voice. It had continued to reverberate in my mind since the first time I'd ever heard him speak because of how little Theodore used it. I focused on it so often that I recognised it instantly. Taking a moment to gather whatever nerve I had, I raised my eyes to Theodore's waiting ones. Realising that I wasn't going to speak, he gestured towards the empty chair beside mine. "Well, is it?"
"What's wrong with your usual seat?"
For a moment, I swore that I saw the corner of his mouth tighten slightly at the unnecessary question. "I want to sit here, Macomber."
"Leanne normally sits here," I pointed out, secretly proud of myself for not caving the moment he showed interest in sitting beside me because even if he didn't say it, he clearly did want to sit near me. "She'll be here soon." If she ever finds her way, that is.
"Well she's not here," he pointed out, already coming around the table to take a seat and despite my protests, he started to remove his things from his bag. "I'm sure that she can sit somewhere else for today."
Biting my tongue to stop myself from responding, I simply opened my textbook and pretended that it held all of my attention. As if it was possible for me to focus on anything apart from the Slytherin sitting beside me. But I was insistent on not making a fool over myself again. Not for him.
Flicking between the pages of my Charms textbook, I finally found a section that caught my attention and started to read. I barely made a dent into the first paragraph before Theodore cleared his throat. Internally, I scowled; since when was he so chatty?
"What did you mean?" he asked quietly, voice lowered as if to make sure that no one else heard the words.
What the hell was he talking about now? Arching an eyebrow silently, I waited to see what he would say? If he expected me to understand what he meant from those words alone, then he either thought I was a skilled Legilimens or he didn't believe that his question was vague.
"When you said that you weren't my girlfriend," he explained, making me shuffle slightly in my seat when his eyes shifted probingly to my face. "What did you mean by that?"
"It's pretty self-explanatory; I meant that I'm not your girlfriend." He opened his mouth as if to protest, but I pointed out, "You said so yourself."
"If I knew things would turn out like this, I wouldn't have said that!" His sudden outburst, loud and unlike him, drew attention from the students sitting around us who, after Theo gave them a stink eye, shifted their gaze back to the front of the classroom as the lesson started. But I understood their surprise, it was unlike him. Helga, what did it say about our relationship if this was the most functional conversation we'd ever had? When he spoke next, his voice was lowered as he explained, "I was hoping you'd take the chance to tell me that I was wrong, to make things more certain."
"And how was I supposed to know that?" I sighed incredulously; I could feel a headache coming on. "In my house, I'm known for being indecisive and for beating around the bush so how in Merlin's name am I the one that's straightforward out of the pair of us? How does that work?"
"You just are. You're straightforward with me because you know you can be – that you can state your opinion decisively in front of me and that I won't judge you for it."
"What does it matter if I'm straightforward if you never are. How can you expect me to understand everything without you explaining it to me?"
"I just thought you would – I thought you knew me well enough."
"And suddenly this is all my fault again," I grumbled under my breath. "It's not like I'm not trying Theo. I am trying but to have to keep trying and trying and trying and to never hear anything in return or to have you compromise. Forget compromising, to have you never even thinking of compromising, it's hard."
"And – and there's something more?" he prompted.
"What are we even doing?" I asked eventually, searching his eyes.
There were certain times of the year where the library became so overcrowded that I had to find other, quieter places to revise or even just to read my new book. I couldn't even stay in the common room, or my dorm because the loud chatter was soon to follow and shatter the peace that I had managed to find. It turned out that the best place to revise was under a tree in front of the Black Lake. Even if the ground was covered in snow and it was freezing outside, as long as I remained tucked away, wrapped in numerous layers of warming magic, then nothing would get in the way of me completing the book I was reading. Well, nothing apart from an annoying Slytherin.
I had the utter misfortune of glancing up from my book for less than a second as I turned the page of my book and instantly sighed when I spied Blaise bloody Zabini approaching me. He cut a handsome figure, walking through the falling snow with his Slytherin scarf wrapped around his neck, but I had never been so irritated by such a handsome man. When he got close enough to see me, I rolled my eyes and turned my focus back to my book.
"That's just rude," he chastised as he came to a stop in front of me.
"Well it's what you deserve," I shot back, placing my bookmark inside to mark my place. Something told me that he wasn't going to let me finish the last chapter in peace. "Why are you so interfering?"
"I'm usually not," he confessed, tucking his hands into his trouser pockets. "But unfortunately, having the friends I have, means that I have to interfere to ensure they get laid."
"Oh please," I scoffed, making a face and turning my attention back to the book I'd placed in my lap. If he was going to continue to talk rubbish then I would just ignore him.
"Ok, ok," he cut in quickly, raising his hands in surrender to placate me. "It's not to make sure they get laid – although that does tend to happen as a result – it's more often to make sure that they don't end up constantly broken hearted. If they do then I have to wind up making them feel better and no one has time for that."
"And why are you giving yourself so much importance Zabini? If you think you're so good at fixing the love lives of your friends, how does that explain yours?" I arched an eyebrow. "Your love life is a right mess."
"Now that's just uncalled for, Macomber." His words held no heat and I swore he was even smiling a little as he walked a little closer towards me. Crouching down in front of me and bringing his eyes level to mine, he spoke again. But this time his voice lacked any and all light-heartedness that it held previously. "Let's be serious now. I'm about to reveal a secret to you so you better listen carefully because I'll only say it once."
I considered him for a long moment. "Here I was thinking that Slytherins aren't good at revealing secrets."
"We're not," he agreed. "Especially when it's not our secret to reveal."
"Not your secret – Theodore's?"
Nodding a little grimly, he spoke slowly, "Theodore is very creative when it comes to hexes so I'm risking a lot by telling you anything. You'll owe me Macomber and I'll definitely call it in."
"Well I don't think I want to know then," I protested, even as I leaned curiously towards him. "Everyone knows that owing something to a Slytherin is dangerous."
"You're going to want to know because it'll explain a hell of a lot."
"A lot? How much?"
"Almost everything." He swallowed grimly, "Of course it won't justify him being a tosser towards you but it's something you should take into account."
"Which is?"
"Ever noticed how Theo doesn't talk about anything to do with his childhood? I'm about to tell you why."
The next time Theodore approached me, Zabini's words instantly popped into my mind even though I tried not to let what I had heard alter the way I saw him. But it did affect me because I could suddenly understand why he was behaving in the way he was, and why he had learned from a young age that it would be best for him to keep his feelings held close to his heart. Helga, did Theo even know what Zabini had told me? If he didn't, then I certainly wasn't going to say it to him. I would just need to wait until he opened up to me about it. Until then, I would feign ignorance.
And because it was no one's business to know what had caused my sudden understanding of Theo's taciturn nature, I hadn't spoken a word of anything to my friends. But, I never needed to speak a word to them for them to know and honestly, just the sight of Theodore approaching me was enough to have Hannah and Susan squaring up defensively on either side of me. They claimed that they weren't going to let me make a dumb decision again until he grovelled and begged. Well, as close a Slytherin could come to grovelling and begging.
As Theo drew closer towards the three of us, I swore that I saw the corners of his mouth flicker upwards for a second in vague amusement at the very ineffective defensive posture of my friends. When he finally came to a stop in front of us, his face was a picture of indifference.
"Abbott, Bones," he greeted and my poor friends, so surprised at actually hearing his voice and having him speak to them, made them drop their stance. They shuffled slightly on their feet, shooting a glance at me as if to ask how they were supposed to react. "Can I borrow your friend for a moment?"
Hannah was the first to recover her nerve, straightening her spine and clearing her throat pointedly. "Are you really asking or are you just going to take her away regardless of what we answer?"
"Maybe I was just being polite," Theodore agreed, "but I didn't think you'd be very impressed if I just stole her away without saying anything."
Merlin, I coughed to hide a smile; it looked like Susan was going to collapse. She certainly had never heard Theodore talk so much, I almost believed that she thought he didn't know enough words to string more than two sentences together.
"Do you even care what we think?" Hannah shot back. Good old Hannah; it took more to ruffle her feathers.
"You're Macomber's friends, aren't you?"
And that would do it. Hannah, unable to answer with anything more than a few nods, took a faltering step back. Now that he sort of had permission, Theo finally turned his gaze to me and I couldn't help but smile slightly at the amusement dancing in his eyes.
"Can we talk?" he asked quietly, extending a hand hesitantly towards me.
With only a moment's reluctance, I put my hand in his and didn't protest when he linked our fingers together. We walked down the corridor together in a silence that was more characteristic of our earlier encounters; it was on the wrong side of awkward and far too hesitant. But I didn't say anything to breach the silence, knowing that he would speak when he was ready to. I simply followed him step for step as he walked me down one of the hidden corridors of the castle and towards a part that was rarely ever used.
The small alcove, tucked away in an unused part of the castle was far quieter than any other part of the school and only then did Theodore drop my hand. Crossing my arms, a little defensively across my chest, I propped my back against the wall and waited, watching as Theodore shuffled for a moment on his feet. I almost wanted to intercede, if only to save him from wracking his mind for something to say. He probably had no experience with starting this sort of conversation but it wasn't as if I could speak for him. Theodore would need to be the one to speak his mind, I certainly couldn't be the one to do that.
"I know I'm on the quieter side," he started slowly, holding my gaze. "And I know it's something that I need to work on but it's only because I feel so comfortable around you that I didn't think it would be that big of a deal if I didn't speak."
"Theodore –"
He shook his head, stopping me from speaking. "I thought that you'd be able to understand everything without my needing to speak a word, but maybe I do need to."
"Maybe I need to be more understanding," I said just as hesitantly, "I can't force you to become something that you're not. Not for my sake."
Theo took a slight step towards me, dropping his arms and reaching a hand slowly out towards me to grasp my own. "It's just that I would rather hear about your day then have to tell you about mine."
"Sometimes I would rather hear about yours."
"I'll try," he promised, glancing away uncertainly when I continued to hold his gaze.
It was odd to see Theodore behave so tentatively as he had been doing from the moment, he approached me. Even when he was quiet, even when he rarely ever spoke, Theodore was never uncertain. He was confident, overly so, self-assured and arrogant to boot. But he was never this cautious in anything he did. Well, whenever he became uncertain of himself, I would just have to be the one that was confident for him.
Dropping his hand, I grasped his tie and tugged him towards me. Theodore remained rooted to his spot, eyeing me curiously but relenting when I tugged on his tie again. He continued to watch me for a curious moment before I was rising toes to kiss him. And I swore he released a relieved breath against my lips before lowering his head towards me to ease the strain on my neck.
When he drew back, Theodore was grinning in a way I'd never seen before. Merlin, it stole my breath away.
"Just so we're clear," he started quietly, searching my eyes, "you are my girlfriend."
I couldn't help the incredulous laugh that left my lips as I smacked at his chest. "Don't bring that up again."