var PUpage="76001089"; var PUprop="geocities"; var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001089"I've slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend
This story takes place half way through "Unchained Heart".
Staring outside the window he wondered when it had happened. When had they passed it, that place everyone called 'the point of no return'? But it was too late and behind him he could hear his name being called.
"Iolaus."
He pushed away from the window, threw a concerned look at Hercules and walked over to where a man waved at him frantically. "It's your turn!" he whispered and pushed him along a dark corridor. Iolaus took a deep breath and stepped past the man onto a stage. Hundred's of eyes looked at him and it this moment, he wondered, if he'd made a mistake. But it was too late. A tall, blond man smiled at him encouragingly and motioned at him to take a seat on a chair.
Jerry Springer:
Good evening and welcome to the show. Today we are talking to people who have betrayed their best friends by sleeping with their ex-girlfriends. Meet our first guest: Iolaus of Thebes. Iolaus says, his best friend slept with the woman who'd betrayed him. Iolaus, Welcome to the show!
Iolaus:
Thanks Jerry!
Jerry:
Now, Iolaus. You say that your best friend has betrayed you?
Iolaus:
Yes. Hercules and I have been friends since we were kids, Jerry. Then I met this woman, Xena. I fell in love with her and she betrayed me. Herc helped me get over her and shortly afterwards, I found them rolling around in the forest together!
Audience:
Uhhhhhhhh ...... Boooooohhhhhh!
Jerry:
Now that doesn't sound very nice to me.
Iolaus:
It wasn't, Jerry. It was terrible and I felt awful and I can't forgive him for that.
Jerry:
So today you want to tell him how you feel?
Iolaus:
That's right, Jerry.
Jerry:
Your friend Hercules is outside, so let's bring him in!
Jerry:
Hercules, welcome to the Show.
Hercules:
Thanks Jerry.
Jerry:
Now Hercules, Iolaus here is pretty upset. Do you have anything to say to him?
Hercules:
Yes, I do. Iolaus, I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings, but Xena and I - we love each other. She's changed and I'd hoped you'd understand and be happy. She's a different person now.
Iolaus:
But Hercules! She betrayed me and tried to kill you! How can you trust her?
Hercules:
It just feels … right.
Iolaus:
I can't believe you're so naive. She used me to try and kill you! And now you're falling for her just like I did. What makes you think it's different now?
Hercules:
Iolaus, a lot has happened since then. Xena … she's changed.
Iolaus:
And what about me? Don't you care about my feelings?
Hercules:
Iolaus, stop being so melodramatic. I do care about your feelings, but Xena's changed. Believe me.
Jerry:
Well, the object of desire is outside, so let's bring her in, too.
>
Iolaus:
You BLEEP! I'll BLEEP your BLEEP BLEEP!!!
Audience:
Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry!
Jerry:
Xena, welcome to the show.
Xena:
Hi Jerry.
Jerry:
Now, Xena, why don't you tell us your side of the story?
Iolaus:
Yeah, the truth for once would be nice.
Xena:
Hey, you keep out of this one, okay Iolaus? I had it with you!
Hercules:
C'mon guys, we're here to sort this out, okay?
Jerry:
Xena?
Xena:
Well, it's a pretty ordinary story really. Boy meets girl, they fall in love – end of story. There's nothing wrong with that – Iolaus here just can't take it.
Iolaus:
Oh, yeah! Why don't you tell him how you betrayed me, made me fall in love with you only so you can kill Hercules? And all of a sudden, you're madly in love with him ??? Yeah right!
Jerry:
Is that true?
Xena:
Well - yes.
Audience:
OOHHHH --- BOOOOOOH --- UHHHHH --- BOOOOOH !
Xena:
Okay, okay so that wasn't one of the most glorious things I've ever done, but for me at that time, it was what I had to do.
Iolaus:
So you're not feeling any sort of remorse for what you've done?
Xena:
Sure I do. Now. But you don't seem to care. You just won't forgive me and let me be happy with Hercules!
Jerry:
Yes, you have a question?
Woman in the Audience
: Yeah, this is for that black-haired woman?"
Jerry:
Xena?
Woman:
Right! How could you have done this to Iolaus? Have you no heart?
Xena:
When I betrayed Iolaus, I had a hidden agenda. I wasn't the same person I'm today. But now I've changed. I'm very much in love with Hercules and I hope Iolaus can forgive me and accept that.
Man in the Audience
: Well, you've betrayed Iolaus and tried to kill Hercules. How can you believe that Iolaus can forgive you for that?
Xena:
In love and war, hearts get broken. He's strong. He'll get over it. Hercules and I – it's something special. He's the other half of my soul. I'm sorry what I did to Iolaus and I told him that, but he just won't forgive me.
Man in the Audience:
Yeah, Jerry, I have a question for the tall guy?
Jerry:
Hercules.
Man in the Audience:
Yeah. Hey man, how can you go out with her? I mean, she betrayed your best friend and tried to kill you, man!
Hercules:
I know, but you have to trust me. She's changed. I've seen it and I wish Iolaus could see that, too.
Jerry:
Next... meet Ares, God of War and Hercules' half-brother. He says he loves Xena, but she's too straight-laced for him now. He admits he's cheating on her with Callisto. Ares says he's taken Xena back before, but he won't do it again.
Jerry:
Ares, welcome to the show.
Ares:
Good to be here. I've always admired your show. All that tension and hatred. It's invigorating. I love it.
Jerry:
Thank you. Now Ares, you've been going out with Xena?
Ares:
Sure. Who hasn't?
Xena:
You BLEEP BLEEP son of a BLEEP!
Ares:
Yeah, nice to see you too, Baby!
Jerry:
Tell us about it.
Ares:
Well, not much to tell really unless you want the juicy details. I'm the God of War and she's one of my most devoted disciples. So ...
Xena:
I *WAS* Ares. Live in the now!
Ares:
Yeah, you might want to believe that after your little escapade with my goodie-good brother, but I know you better. You'll soon get bored. I've seen you in action.
Iolaus:
Yeah. So have I.
Hercules:
That was the past. Now why can't you all accept that Xena's changed?
Iolaus:
Isn't it a bit strange that you're the only one to think that, Herc?
Hercules:
Iolaus, you're not going to listen to Ares, are you? I mean you know him as well as I do. He manipulates people and all he cares for is himself.
Iolaus:
Yes, that's exactly the way I see Xena.
Hercules:
Xena has changed.
Ares:
Sure whatever you want to believe, little brother. But trust me, she'll come back to me at some point. They always do. I'm dark, handsome and I can stay up all night!
Audience:
UUUUUHHHHHHHHH!
Hercules:
Ares, I'm sick and tired of you interfering in my life. Why can't you just leave me alone?
Ares:
Because I hate your guts and it amuses me when I can make your life miserable.
Hercules:
Oh I give up!
Jerry:
Yes, you have a question?
Man:
Yeah, this is for the God of War-guy. Ahem - why don't you leave your brother alone?
Ares:
Hey! Hercules started it!
Hercules:
Oh c'mon, Ares. You killed Serena!
Ares:
That wasn't me, that was Strife!
Hercules:
Oh yeah, as if that weasel does anything without you! Jerry, he hates me and he's been chasing after me since I was a kid. He makes my life a living nightmare. Killing my family, my second wife ...
Ares:
Ahh thanks, Bro. I do my best.
Iolaus:
Ares, you make me sick. All you know is how to stir trouble, wage wars and cause unnecessary bloodshed.
Ares:
Hey, I'm the God of War. It's my job - so sue me!
Xena:
Oh c'mon Ares. Don't tell us you're not enjoying this!
Ares:
So what if I do? But this isn't about me, Darling. It's about you.
Jerry:
Join us after the break when we meet Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Hercules' half-sister. She says that love is most certainly in the air, but she won't be there to watch it!
AD BREAK
Jerry:
Welcome back. We are still talking to people who believe that their best friends have betrayed them by sleeping with their ex-girlfriends. Now with us today is Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Hercules' half-sister. Aphrodite, welcome to the show.
Aphrodite:
Thanks, Jerry. Nice outfit!
Jerry:
Thanks. Now as Goddess of Love, don't you have a personal interest in this?
Aphrodite:
Sure I do, Jerry. And it's tragic. I mean look at the two! They are like - so in love, but it's just not meant to be.
Jerry:
And why is that?
Aphrodite:
Well see, they're both like – heroes, you know? They go around the country and help mortals against – well, whatever. There's not much time for love and hugs in all this, I'm afraid.
Xena
: Oh yeah? And what makes you such an expert, hum?
Aphrodite:
Excuse me? Like, I'm the Goddess of Love here? What do you think?
Xena:
I think you don't know anything about love. We love each other and we'll make it work.
Iolaus:
Aphrodite is right, Xena. You and Herc have to be realistic. Unless one of you is gonna give up their life, it's not gonna work out ... and I'm sorry for that.
Hercules:
You are?
Iolaus:
Yes, I guess I am. I mean if she means so much to you, then I'll accept that. You're my best friend. If that's what you want, then what right do I have to interfere?
Xena:
Iolaus ... I ... don't ... I ...
Iolaus:
It's okay, Xena. I trust Hercules and I'll support him anyway I can, so you better not break his heart, or I'll be coming after you. And you better get used to me hanging around, too!
Xena:
(hugs him) Thanks Iolaus! I'd be honoured to call you a friend. And I hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for what I did to you.
Iolaus:
One day ... maybe ...
Ares:
By the Gods, I'm gonna be sick!
Aphrodite:
What's your problem, Bro?
Ares:
What's wrong with me? Look at this! They're gonna make me puke in a minute. All this love and forgiveness! Yiach! Xena, I ask you now to come back to me! I know you want it.
Hercules
: Get stuffed, Ares!
Ares:
I wasn't talking to you, Big Boy!
Xena:
Well, my answer is the same: Get stuffed!
Aphrodite:
See, Ares? No chance for you in there! The relationship's got too many people in it already.
Ares:
Why I'll BLEEP and BLEEP this BLEEP BLEEP!
Aphrodite:
Now now, Ares! Behave! You're on national TV!
Jerry:
Yes, you have a question?
Man in the audience:
Yeah, Ares – why don't you accept that Xena doesn't care for you anymore and move on with your life?
Ares
(fuming) Ahhhh – she'll come crawling back to me! I know it! They always do!
Xena:
Don't count on it!
Man in the audience:
It doesn't look like it to me, Buddy! Just give it up and move on!
Ares:
You measly little BLEEP! What do you BLEEP now about BLEEP?
Man in the audience:
Well, at least I've got a wife and two children! What have you got?
Ares:
I don't have to listen to this BLEEP!
(Ares vanishes)
Aphrodite:
Uhu – nobody likes a sore looser!
Jerry:
Well, Iolaus? How do you feel now?
Iolaus:
Well, I don't know yet. I think I need a little more time on this one. I mean it still kinda hurts, but then I can see why Herc and Xena love each other. They have a lot on common and I might have been a little selfish there …
Hercules:
You weren't selfish, Iolaus, you were worried and protective. We are best of friends and you wanted to protect me. Brothers, Iolaus!
Iolaus:
yeah, brothers, Herc!
Xena:
I promise you, Iolaus, I won't hurt Hercules. And I try and make everything up to you as best as I can.
Iolaus:
Thanks, Xena. I appreciate that.
Jerry's Final Thought
Jerry:
Well, all of us have been in love at one time or another and sometimes it does happen that it's our best friend's ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. But we have to realize that we had our chances and that the time has come to move on. There is no use in forcing a relationship to last or not to last as it will only make the involved parties feel miserable and caged in. But we do have to be aware of our friend's feelings as well and that is not always easy. Telling our best friend the truth can hurt, even if it's mean for the good.
Until next time, take care of yourselves - and each other!
The End
DISCLAIMER:
Nobody was hurt in the production of this "thing".However several audience members fainted at the appearance of Iolaus, Hercules and Ares, but paramedics were ready at the scene to revive them quickly.
