Hari-the Shinigami

Know this now, I have changed Yachiru's name into Momo because it's funny, and adorable, and I want Yachiru to die of embarrassment! HAhahahahahaha!

Oh, I was on something when I wrote this. So this is all crazy. And I do not own Bleach or Harry Potter!

Ichigo, Chad, Uryu, Orihime, and Kisuke heard yelling. Soon they saw Yoroichi arrive with someone over her shoulder.

The person seemed bound in some way, but that obviously didn't affect his voice. ''Let me go you piece of shit. Let me GO!'' he yelled.

Yoroichi put the person down on his feet in front of Kisuke. When he saw Kisuke, his eyes widened and there was death in his eyes.

''Now Hari, please…'' Kisuke started, raising his hands up.

''You fucking bastard!'' the person-Hari-yelled at him. ''what the hell do you think you're doing?'' he screamed. ''I thought I told you if I ever saw you again I was GONNA FUCKING RIP THEM OFF!'' he was shaking in his bindings. ''And you have the balls to get some bitch to kidnap me?'' he said, looking at Yoroichi.

He stopped and looked at Yoroichi with sharp eyes. ''Wait a minute, I know you.'' He began slowly.

''Hari, please!'' Kisuke said. He was sweating a river!

''You! You're the bitch he cheated on me with!'' he yelled angrily. Then he looked at Kisuke with an angry smile that had him trembling in fear. ''You sure have some balls Kisuke. Not only do you kidnap me, but you have the bitch I wanna kill do it for you. You must really wanna die.'' His voice had gotten low and dangerous.

''No. no, I need your help!'' Kisuke yelled panicked. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Hari attacked him.

Hari cocked his head. ''Oh, and why would I want to help a cheating fuck like you?'' he asked smoothly.

''Because the one who needs your help is someone you know!'' Kisuke said quickly, very aware that Hari was starting to slowly move. As he spoke, he nodded toward Ichigo.

Hari looked where Kisuke was looking, and when he saw Ichigo, his eyes lit up.

''Ichigo!'' he yelled happily. Then he was taking Ichigo in his arms. ''Oh my God! You've gotten so big and tall!'' he said smothering Ichigo to his chest. ''I haven't seen you in years. Oh my God I've missed you so much!'' Hari finally let Ichigo go and stepped away. He whistled and looked a dazed Ichigo up and down. ''You've gotten so hot!'' Hari leered playfully with a grin.

''Ichigo you know this person?'' Uryu asked, watching the small man who had made Kisuke so afraid.

Hari looked at him. ''Of course I know him. I am his brother after all.'' He said.

''Brother?'' shocked voices yelled.

Hari nodded. ''Well not really, it's just that I saw him and he was so cute that I decided to be his brother.'' He said with a smile. ''He was such a cute kid that of course I picked him up and went right up to his mom. And I told her then and there that her son was my new little brother. And of course she agreed. She and I were like sisters after that. She had wonderful fashion sense.'' He rambled. ''Oh yeah, I forgot something.'' And so saying, he disappeared only to reappear in front of Kisuke. He lifted a leg, and kicked Kisuke so hard that he flew and broke some bricks against the wall.

Hari walked toward him and put a foot on Kisuke's neck. He leaned on his foot and Kisuke choked. ''Don't worry Kisuke, if I kill you, your soul will still be alive. Oh wait, I can also kill your soul.'' He looked at Kisuke with an evil grin. ''Oh poor you, looks like you'll die today.'' He grinned wider as he pressed his foot down. He raised his head and Caught Yoroichi as she tried to kick him. He held her by the neck and reached into her chest. ''You know what; I like the cat more than you. And it's such a shame that he has to rest inside you.'' He said, pulling something black from her chest. When it was out, she fell down gasping. ''And now I'll kill you bo…'' he stopped when the black thing in his hands moved. He looked at it, and met the bright yellow eyes of a cat.

He looked at it for a moment. Then he squealed. ''Oh my God you are so cute so cute so cuuuute!'' he yelled, jumping up and down. ''You will be mine from now on you adorable little shadow!'' he screamed again and crushed the cat to his cheek. ''Oh God, you just keep getting cuter!'' he screamed.

Uryu knew for a certain fact, that he had never seen anything so dangerous in all of his life.

Hari had finally calmed down after giving the cat a red collar with a bell on it. And after hearing the story, he had said he would help. But he said that if Kisuke ever had him kidnapped again, he would skin him alive, roast him, and then eat his flesh. Then he had gone somewhere saying he was going to change.

While he was gone, Uryu asked Ichigo about him.

''Ichigo, is Hari trustworthy? And is he serious when he talks about killing Kisuke?'' he asked. Chad and Orihime were listening too.

Ichigo nodded. ''Yeah, you can trust Hari and yeah, he could probably kill Kisuke. Hari doesn't make pointless threats. If he says he'll do something, then he sure as hell will do it.'' His laugh at the end was a little crazy. He was remembering all the times he had not listened to Hari. The memories made him shudder.

''He seems, like he's looking for something.'' Chad said softly.

Ichigo wanted to ask what he meant, but before he could, Hari came back. Ichigo looked at him, and stared.

Hari wore a black dress with buckles all over and billowy sleeves. He wore heeled boots that reached to his knees and his hair was held back by a red clip that looked like a rose vine. He looked beautiful and dangerous. And on his head was the cat Yoroichi, looking smug.

''Okay, let's go all you sons and daughters of…oops.'' He grinned covering his mouth. ''Almost said a profanity in front of Shadow. Oh! May I introduce everyone to, drumroll please, Shadow!'' he said grandly, holding the cat up high.

He grinned. ''Now let's go rescue Rukia!'' and so saying, he jumped into the gate, laughing as the others hurried to follow him. He was so crazy!

The pig guy, the pig guy was in front of them, and as soon as he saw Ichigo, the two of them started fighting.

It looked like it would be a long fight, until Hari punched Ichigo into the ground and Kukaku punched Ganju into the ground.

''Now be good Idiots and SIT THE HELL DOWN!'' they both yelled at the same time.

As Ichigo and Ganju sat like good children, Kukaku and Hari looked at each other.

''Kukaku Shiba the idiot's older sister.'' Kukaku said.

''Hari, the idiot's older brother.'' Hari replied back.

The two smiled.

''This is the start of a beautiful friendship.'' They both said, before wrapping their arms around each other and laughing happily.

On the floor, Ichigo and Ganju were scared.

''That's some sister you've got.'' Ichigo whispered to Ganju.

''I know. Your brother's a real piece of work.'' Ganju whispered back.

''Quiet!'' their siblings yelled, and the two immediately became silent.

Everyone else had managed to create a sphere, so why was Ichigo having such a hard time?

He was concentrating hard, sweating and getting angrier when Hari got up and walked over to him. At the sight of Hari, Ichigo got scared.

The others in the room noticed how pale he got.

Hari stepped in front of Ichigo and scratched his ear. He was looking into space when he spoke. ''Listen Ichigo. If you don't make that sphere by the time I count to five, I will take you by the ear to the bright sun, pull your pants down, put you across my knee, and spank you in front of all your friends and all those passing by. And then I will take away all your clothes and force you to run through the Rukoun district butt-neked as I chase you with your own sword. Do you understand?'' he asked and Ichigo nodded, sweating bullets in fear. ''Good. One.'' Hari began counting, and Ichigo tried harder than he thought possible to make the sphere.

He was trying so hard, and panicking so much. But finally as Hari said five, his sphere went around him. He almost passed out with relief. Instead, he fell shaking to his knees.

Hari smiled at him. ''See, now was that so hard? You just needed the right motivation is all.'' He said, patting Ichigo's head. He did not know that everyone in that room was now afraid of him. If he could do that to Ichigo, then he had to be seriously strong.

Hari saw the pink haired girl, and he squealed. Then, before Zaraki knew what was happening, Momo was in the small man's arms. ''Oh my god! You're so adorable!'' Hari yelled, hugging Momo for all she was worth.

Momo seemed to be enjoying it. Hari held her. ''That is it!'' he said, looking at the girl in his arms. ''You are now my daughter.'' He stated, before going wild again.

''Oh lord, it's happening again.'' Zaraki heard Ichigo whisper.

''What do you mean? Why the hell is that man saying Momo is his daughter?'' he demanded, looking at Ichigo.

''Hari likes cute things, and if he thinks it's cute, he'll make it his. When I met him, he said I was his brother since I was so cute. Then he went to my mom and said that I was his brother. Trust me when I say this. You cannot stand in Hari's way when he takes a liking to someone.''

Zaraki heard the words, but he didn't listen.

''Hey you! Momo is not your daughter! Now let her go before I take her back!'' he yelled, drawing his sword.

Hari looked at him and put Momo down. ''You stay right here Momo. I have to talk with your papa. Okay?'' he asked sweetly.

Momo nodded, and watched Hari walk to Ken-chi

Hari stood in front of Zaraki, and the next thing Kenpachi knew, he was hitting a wall. He struggled to sit up, but a boot on his chest kept him down. He looked up into the smiling face of evil.

''Now listen carefully. If you say Momo isn't my daughter one more time, then I will take you sword and PUSH IT UP YOUR ASS!'' he yelled, grabbing Kenpachi's neck and picking him up. ''And then I will bind you in so many seals that you won't be able to move at all. Then I will take you to a dark dimension and let a horde of demons fuck you until you die! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME kENPACHI!'' he demanded.

Everyone who heard him was stunned with fear. Kenpachi was afraid for the first time in his life. He nodded because he knew Hari would do exactly as he had said. So he nodded, and watched in fear as Hari took Momo in his arms and giggled with her.

He knew for certain, that Hari was a person not even he wanted to mess with.

''that is the ugliest woman I have ever seen!'' Renji yelled, pointing at the black haired boy.

Hari froze, and Ichigo and Ganju sweat dropped.

''Did he just call me ugly?'' Hari asked, with a strange smile on his face. Ichigo nodded.

Hari stepped forward. ''Ichigo, give me your sword.'' He said.

''But, Hari…you can't…'' he stopped when Hari looked at him. Without a single hesitation, he gave Hari his zanpactou and shuddered.

Hari looked at the sword, for a moment, and then he gave it back to Ichigo. Ichigo caught it, then watched as Hari smirked.

''I don't need a sword to beat you.'' He said before walking forward. He cracked his knuckles, and his eyes promised pain. ''Now, it's time to punish naughty children.'' He had an evil smirk.

It only took two minutes, but those were the longest two minutes of Ichigo's life. Because they showed him why he never went against Hari. And why he never back-talked.

Renji had been beaten, and then he had been humiliated, and then he had been spanked. Now he was sitting like a good child, looking at his lap and trembling. He would never insult Hari again. Not unless he wanted to die.

So when Hari told him to get up and help them save Rukia, he got up. He had already told them about his childhood with Rukia. They knew he wanted to save her too.

They had all met up again, and they were too late. Rukia was at the execution ground. And they had no way of getting there. At least, they thought so.

''You know what? Fuck this!'' Hari yelled, looking angrily at the execution ground. ''There is no way in any hell that I am going to run there!'' he yelled.

Then he looked at them and they all felt their hearts skip a beat. Hari sighed and put his hand over his eyes. ''I am gonna have a headache like a mother after this.'' He mumbled, taking his hand away.

He looked back at them. ''Orihime, Uryu, Ichigo, Renji, Hanato, Chad, and you Shadow, give me your weapons. Now!'' he said, and without hesitation, they gave him their weapons. But for Chad and Shadow, he put his hands on them and took a glowing blue light.

When he had all the weapons, he sighed. ''Okay, get this straight, no one talks about what's about to happen. Got that?'' he glared. They all nodded.

They watched Hari seemed to absorb the weapons. Then a light flooded through him, a light that destroyed his clothes until he was butt naked, covered only in his long hair.

They felt their jaws drop, but they became speechless when the light left him and became a large wolf with five tails and blood-red eyes.

It looked at them. It was huge!

''What are you waiting for? Get the hell on!'' Hari yelled at them, jumping onto the wolf's back. The others soon joined him, and Renji had a hard time figuring out where to put his hands.

''Just put them on my waist!'' Hari snapped. Renji did, and he felt himself blush.

As soon as they were all on, the wolf jumped and ran on the air toward the execution ground. They were on their way to save Rukia.

They were in time to see the flame head toward Rukia.

''Shit!'' Hari said. ''All of you get down, your weapons will go back to you as soon as the wolf disappears.'' He yelled, and then he jumped-still naked- in front of the flame. He let it hit him, and he seemed to absorb it. He then turned around, and cut Rukia from her binds.

Ichigo and the others had landed and had their weapons back when Hari jumped toward them with Rukia in his arms. He set her down and stepped away with a groan. ''God I hate that. Ugh, so many souls and what the hell was that freakin flame? I feel like Shaed slapped my ass!'' he complained, rubbing his butt.

''Ichigo, who?'' Rukia began.

''That's Hari, my adoptive older brother.'' Ichigo answered.

As he spoke, he realized how quiet it was. He looked up, and found all the Shinigami looking at them. He took out his sword and felt the others get their weapons; they would fight if they had to. The Shinigami did the same. They were about to attack, until Hari stopped them.

''All of you, put your weapons DOWN!'' he yelled. His voice had such power that everyone looked at him. He was glaring back with his arms crossed. ''Now someone give me some fuckin CLOTHES because I do not like standing butt neked in front of you all. No matter how much you may enjoy it!'' he ordered. When no one moved, his hair began to blow as if there was a wind. ''I said, GIVE ME SOME CLOTHES RIGHT NOW. OR BY THE VERY AIR YOU BREATHE, I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF HELL BITCHES!'' his voice, was one that caused almost everyone to take off their unneeded clothes.

Before anyone could give him clothes though, Aizen attacked Rukia and took the Hojoku from inside her. And Hari still had no clothes!

Aizen had the Hojoku, and he was about to leave with it, until Hari took it from him.

Everyone watched Hari look at the Hojoku. ''Give me clothes.'' He ordered, speaking to the blue orb. He seemed to get a reply he didn't like. ''Oh, so you're an all-powerful stone huh? And you won't give me some clothes? Fine, then I'll make you realize how scary I can be.'' He hissed dangerously. Then he put the stone against his forehead. In an instant, there was a soul piercing scream.

Hari smiled as he took the Hojoku from his head. The orb was trembling! He looked at it. ''Now give me clothes.'' He ordered. Instantly, blue streams came from the orb and went to Hari. The streams became clothes, and Hari smiled. ''See, now that wasn't so hard was it?'' he said.

Hari turned back to the stunned Shinigami. He looked at Aizen. ''Yo, hot stuff. You might wanna leave now, and try to find other ways to get your goals. And since you're so hot, call my name anytime and I'll come to help. But remember, I'll only come once.'' He said with a wink.

Aizen took the warning and disappeared through a gate. He was going to need to think about the boy called Hari.

Aizen was gone, and it was about time for Hari to leave as well. But before he did, he would give the Shinigami a piece of his mind.

The confusion had been resolved and Ichigo and the others weren't in trouble. Ichigo felt glad. Rukia would recover, and she had finally talked to her brother.

He was happy, until he saw Hari walking toward the leader of all Shinigami.

His friends saw too, and every heart stopped. The other Shinigami saw too, and some almost passed out. Zaraki was openly trying to move away.

Hari stood in front of the old man wearing all white. He pursed his lips and put his hands on his hips. ''you have put me through a whole lot of shit I didn't need you decrepit old bastard!'' he said, glaring at the Shinigami. ''now I am going and I swear by all that exists, if you make me come back here, I will personally spank your ass before I kill you!'' he said hotly. Then, without another look, he walked away.

He went to Zaraki and took Momo from him. Then he walked toward a portal. ''I'm going now, and I'm taking the Hojoku and Momo.'' He said. Before he stepped into the portal, he looked at Ichigo. ''Ichigo, tell Kisuke that if I ever see him again, I will strip him down naked and force him to pull my carriage through Karakura town, and I will whip his ass on the ride. Then I will kill that bitch Yoroichi in front of him. Oh yeah, I'm keeping the cat'' He said, then he stepped into the portal. He looked back at Zaraki. ''Don't worry; I'll bring Momo back after I take her around for a while. Oh yeah, if any of you Shinigami mess with my friends, I'll kill you myself.'' With those cold words, Hari left. Leaving behind the Shinigami.